selective mutism?

[jallison25]

Is anyone homeschooling a kiddo with selective mutism? My bff has a 6 year old with sm and is debating homeschooling her this year. she would be going into 2nd grade. My friend is looking for others who are in the same boat as it were. thanks for any advice!

Jamie

[Guest]

Dd was selectively mute in preschool; I homeschooled her from kindergarten on. One of the reasons I did so was to lessen the clear anxiety and inhibition that was governing her in public places like school.

 

She's now fifteen, and while she is still somewhat inhibited and doesn't initiate a lot of conversation, she is very ready to participate and to respond to anyone.

 

Feel free to pass on any specific questions or to have your friend PM me.

[nansk]

I have seen one blog where the homeschooling mother shared about her son's selective mutism. PMing you.

[Tiramisu]

Dd was in ps kindergarten with a girl with selective mutism. She must have been 5 or 6. Three years later, dd was on the same soccer team with her and there were no issues at all that I could see. In fact, she seemed to have more than average self-confidence. And, she was a powerhouse on the field.

 

To get back to your question, I don't know anyone who is dealing with this as a hser. I just wanted to share a positive story. :)

[pdalley]

I am. My youngest has Autism and selective mutism. The mutism is how his anxiety manifests itself. So far we haven't found a medicinal to help him with the anxiety and I can't imagine putting him in a school enviroment where it would only get worse.

 

We give him different ways to answer questions - he can write them - on paper or a white board - point - circle -etc. It isn't really that different than my other two. I just have to be creative to find ways where he can answer and indicate what he knows that don't involve talking or him feeling he has to talk because that makes the mutism worse.

 

Hope this helps.

[jallison25]

thank you so much! i am going to direct my friend here. I think she is worried about bringing her home and then not getting the daily social interaction (although she is a twin) i think she has gotten some negative and some neutral feedback, and is feeling a little uncertain. her daughter is not talking at school at all. She was selectively mute before school started but did talk to a few children at the begining of first grade. there was a bullying incident and then she didn't talk to any children at all for the rest of the year, so not a good situation. It took many months for her to begin speaking to her mom outloud again also.

[pdalley]

thank you so much! i am going to direct my friend here. I think she is worried about bringing her home and then not getting the daily social interaction (although she is a twin) i think she has gotten some negative and some neutral feedback, and is feeling a little uncertain. her daughter is not talking at school at all. She was selectively mute before school started but did talk to a few children at the begining of first grade. there was a bullying incident and then she didn't talk to any children at all for the rest of the year, so not a good situation. It took many months for her to begin speaking to her mom outloud again also.

 

It is very frightening when your child can't even talk to you when they were quite verbal to start with.

 

Socially it would probably be better for her to be homeschooled because she could let her 'wade' in so to speak. I always thought socializing my Aspie boys in public school was sort of like throwing them in the deep end of the pool and getting mad because they didn't learn to swim immediately.

[ChristusG]

DD7 has been diagnosed with selective mutism and is going into 2nd grade. She's always been homeschooled. We're not homeschooling *due* to the selective mutism, we've just always said we'd homeschool our children.

 

DD attends church on Wednesday evenings, Sunday mornings, and also attends a weekly 4 hour homeschool group. She also wants to sign up for dance class. She has no issues participating in the group activities and has a fun time. She just won't speak a word to a soul.

 

Our whole family is quite shy and reserved though. I'm not worried about her. She clearly participates in group activities and has no issues with being away from me (she used to though....but what young child doesn't?)....so what's a little quietness? I used to take her to therapy but we quickly dropped that after a few months.

[LoveMy2Kids]

My daughter suffered from SM, and I took her out of ps when she was 6. I have been home schooling her since then, and it has been one of the best decisions our family has ever made. I never, ever thought I would have the patience to stay home and teach my child. My daughter is now 11, and doing wonderfully. She is active in the community, involved in extra-curricular activities and has many close friends. She will never be the loudest one in the group; however, she is not afraid to initiate conversations or speak her mind.

 

Have your friend PM me if she'd like to discuss further.

[Guest Mami]

I have 5 year old twin girls who have been SM since diagnosed in Preschool. I'm going around with the school trying to get them to live up to the IEP and the Kindergarten teacher is not really familiar w/SM. I've done quite a lot of research into homeschooling and I think I've been called to, but I'm so apprehensive since they do have SM. They are seeing a MD who specializes in treating SM. I know she's not going to agree with me, but they're not her children, they're mine. There have been a couple of incidents at school that's leading me to consider hmschooling them. I would love to hear others personal experiences. Thanks in advance.

[dsmith]

My ds is SM along with Aspergers. He would barely talk at all in school. After 5 years at home he is doing much better, except for initiating conversations with those in his actual age group. He is currently working on that in a Saturday play group for kids with Aspergers, ADHD, etc. who have social issues.

[lisabees]

A relative's son has SM. They have always homeschooled, except for a little bit here and there - two years at a church school; 1 year at a charter school. They've never gotten him outside help except for the initial eval. He is now almost 12 years old and still won't talk to anyone, except for immediate family. I'm sure it makes his anxiety worse because he is so obviously different than other middle schoolers. Younger kids are more forgiving.

 

Our local school has a 3rd grade girl who is SM. She has always had a full time shadow and will talk to her and a few others. Very quiet, but will say a word here and there now.

 

It is such a personal decision for each family. Hugs to you as you make yours. No doubt it will be made out of love. The decision does not need to be a permanent one, remember. But, I would avoid constantly making changes. I think these kids need the safety of a structured routine and support system.

Edited October 24, 2011 by lisabees

[Rosie_0801]

I have 5 year old twin girls who have been SM since diagnosed in Preschool. I'm going around with the school trying to get them to live up to the IEP and the Kindergarten teacher is not really familiar w/SM. I've done quite a lot of research into homeschooling and I think I've been called to, but I'm so apprehensive since they do have SM. They are seeing a MD who specializes in treating SM. I know she's not going to agree with me, but they're not her children, they're mine. There have been a couple of incidents at school that's leading me to consider hmschooling them. I would love to hear others personal experiences. Thanks in advance.

 

My daughter spend quite a while selectively mute. Now she isn't school age yet, as your girls are, but all it has required of me as far as "preschooling" goes has been to avoid prepackaged curriculum. Being pretty much non-verbal meant she is developing in a different way to most kids, so the suggested activities for her age group are either too verbal for her, or insulting to her little girl intelligence. :glare::rolleyes: (Yeah, attitude runs in the family.)

 

You might find your girls progress faster if they are at home. Dd is growing out of it now, but if she isn't going to perform for me, she certainly isn't going to for anyone else, not even her dad.

 

Rosie

Edited October 24, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[IsabelC]

My son had selective mutism when he was small, but it wasn't a problem as far as teaching him was concerned because he almost always spoke to me, as long as nobody else was around (he just didn't speak in public and didn't speak to anyone outside the family).

[DandelionMom]

I have a slightly different perspective as I was a child with selective mutism from ages 4 through 11. I went to public school and did not know until I was in my late 20's that I had Asperger's. Public school made me so overwhelmed that I simply could not speak most of the time. Although I was the child who finished my work first in class and received all "E's", everything scared me or confused me socially to the point where I couldn't talk. I obviously homeschool my children now, and I no longer suffer from SM unless under extreme stress. I highly recommend homeschooling. I don't know if that is helpful or not ;)

[Mommyof4ks]

My youngest son had selective mutism with doctors for 2 years. He never.said.a.word to them no matter what they said to him, bribed him with or what was going on. He saw those doctors daily at some points, and it was thought to be an anxiety issue or possibly a contol issue. It was only an issue with docs, and with him being 19 months to nearly 4 it was not necessary that he talk to them. We communicated for him until he decided it was safe to talk to them around age 4. He was never quiet at home, and at 3 his neuropsychologist said his vocabulary and understanding of sentence structure and such was well above average for his age. Whether he was controlling his words in order to have some control over something through his treatment or it was anxiety induced he did overcome it without therapy (he was going through cancer treatment, and putting him through therapy for something that did not affect his life seemed silly at the time). We encouraged him to talk to them, but we did not push hard.

[Guest Mami]

Thank you all for your responses. I'm just going to wait and pray. I really think it will happen, but like someone else stated, whatever decision I make I shouldn't change things around too much or too often. I believe too that they don't take well to any change. They're very much creatures of habit and thank goodness I found out early things run much better around here on a schedule.

They're doctor didn't discourage the idea of homeschooling however she strongly encouraged me to make sure they're socialized on a daily basis.

I'm trying to make supporting connections in the local homeschool groups around my area and connect with some other homeschoolers at my church. I want a very strong base there first before I start.

I especially appreciate the lady who was a SM/Aspie child and now homeschools her children. What an encouraging story. I wish you well and God's blessings.

 

Kindest Regards to you all.

[gracyomalley]

One more mom who homeschools a child who WAS SM, but no longer is. My oldest went to preschool for 3 years, with the same teacher and cohert of kids, and didn't speak there. He played little league and didn't speak. He never spoke to his violin teacher for his first year....he was quiet and reserved with relatives, but a chatter box with me and his siblings....

 

fastforward 5 years of homeschooling..... and small group activities with kids and teachers who were willing to work with Ds, even though he was the kid who "doesn't talk"....

 

He is confident enough to play with an adult orchestra, audition for and gain enterance into music groups for high school kids, even when required to speak, go to violin class by himself and ask questions when he needs to....even laughing about his dyslexia with his teacher...He is on a gymnastics team and although mostly the quiet one who laughs at others jokes, he has friends there. He will speak up in Sunday school, and is able to discuss history with his grandfather, even disagreeing at times.

 

He is still very quiet, and gets anxious easily. He is a slow thinker, and fantastic observer. If things move fast, especially people talking, he will clam up completely. I am sure that he would speak much less if he hadn't had the chance to work with teachers (violin, science, and tutoring for his LD) who understood, got to know him, and slowly required he answer....

 

I am VERY glad that his academic and social learning hasn't been "tied" to his speaking....as there is so much more in that child than he can "get out" at times....homeschooling has been fantastic in this instance, but I think the few "outsiders" who he has grown to know and trust have been key too...

 

Erin

[Violet Crown]

I'm sorry not to have noticed this thread until now. I have a 4-year-old girl with selective mutism. One thing that's working fairly well for her is a once-a-week homeschool choir class for preschoolers. She's willing to sing, and once she gets going singing, she's willing to speak to the teacher, though only as one-word answers to questions directed specifically at her. Our main approach right now is to keep her anxiety levels down. Which means continuing to homeschool, and respecting her requests not to do things or go places that make her anxious, even if these are situations or people she's seemed comfortable with in the past.

[Guest myry724]

I noticed all these posts are from 2011 and here it is 2013..anyway I have a 7 year old who is SM. She started saying words clearly at 4 months old and two words in a row by 9 months, talked to anyone, then around age 2 she stopped. My daughter now really only talks to me, her mother, she is a chatter box. To others though she stays silent or whispers to me in front of them or gives me this look like she wants to tell me something but cant. When others try to talk to her she gets a stare and sways. Her first year of Kindergarten she didn't talk to anyone but she was very social, she was so popular the kids loved her. The one main thing that stood out during that year was that she cried for me to meet her for lunch, after I went to her cafeteria for lunch numerous times and didn't get it I talked to her teacher about it, she said it could be that it is loud, busy, and unorganized so she suggested my daughter pick a friend daily to eat in the nurses office...problem solved! From that day on she enjoyed going to school. The teacher also said my daughter would raise her hand to answer questions but then when she was called on she just sat there, the teacher would give her a chance to answer then ask if any friends wanted to help her out. The school my daughter when to was so great with her.

 

We had to move and the schools in our area were terrible so I chose to home school. My daughter is in her second year homeschooling and although we receive alot of criticism for this (mainly because she is SM and others think it is in her best interest to force socialization in a school setting) I completely disagree. I am not an expert but I think my daughter does best when she is comfortable and at this age school should be about learning and not focused on being scared. There are plenty of ways to socialize in a comfortable environment doing something she enjoys such a dance and art. I read somewhere that SM children do very well in arts. It allows a positive way to express themselves without being forced to speak. We are also part of a homeschool group where the kids get together throughout the week for various activities.

 

Anyway, if anyone has experience homeschooling a SM child please feel free to comment. I truly believe that providing a comfortable learning environment, opportunities to hang out with peers in a stress free environment and letting my child know that I am here supporting her will help her grow and succeed. I believe that she will learn on her own time to speak to others. I was always a shy child and as an adult I am still very shy and I see nothing wrong with that. Our society expects the same from everyone when everyone is different. There are those that become public speakers, great for them but would not be for me and there are those that are shy but shine through their art or a sport, everyone is different so let them be different. I think if my daughter is doing great in school, loves learning, has friends and can at least talk at home where she is comfortable then there isn't a problem.