If your 12yob absolutely refused to obey...

[Murphy101]

I completely disagree. Diva is 12, Tazzie is 6, Princess is 4. Diva does not have the right to order her sibs around, and its a constant correction issue around here. I'm the parent, not her. She's not in charge, I am.

 

I agree. We don't tolerate third parents here either.

 

But if I'm not there, then it stands to reason the younger should be expected to listen to the more experienced.

[Leav97]

 

 

For this week I am going to change it up and if they start it up, I'll say, "Oh, goodness, if you have time to take charge of Christopher and tell him what he can and cannot do (or whatever the case may be) you must need something to do..." and I'll give him a chore.

 

 

I think I'm going to steal this idea.

[amey311]

So, effectively this is an Uncle telling his nephews what to do? One might argue that this IS a position of authority :)

 

That said, I don't necessarily consider the examples you gave as "bossing" in isolation. I think they could be SAID in a tone that is bossy. Pointing out common house rules is something said by children to peers in our house: "Drinks have to stay in the kitchen, food stays in the kitchen, we have to leave muddy shoes outside" etc.

 

Often the problem with these reminders/instructions is the tone that's used. I've told my children that they could remind someone else politely ONCE and then to get an adult if that's not working.

 

My 10 year old is FAR more patient with other people's toddlers and preschoolers than he is with his own 7 year old brother. At a birthday party recently he patiently escorted toddlers around to different things, helped them eat and tidy up, and was all-around useful. And then he'd bark at his brother "GET OFF THAT!"

 

Would it help to explain to Older Boy that Young Boy is still learning and that if Older Boy wants to gently explain "we push our chairs in slowly" with a demonstration and a "now can you do it? Oh good! You did it great that time!" with the Younger Boy, that THAT'S okay. You might have to calmly model that for him. Otherwise, if he doesn't have anything kind to say, he needs to just zip up.

[Trish]

I baby sit my grandson who is 3 and his baby sister who is 9 months. I watch them every Monday through Wednesday, year round for the time being and I really enjoy it, it blesses the family and most of the year my sons are in school.

 

My older boys were driving me crazy with the bossing. I was correcting them several times a day and they just weren't stopping.

 

How does anyone "boss" a 3-year-old and a 9-month-old? And the 3-year-old got to pick a punishment? Good thing he didn't say "jump off a cliff!" What is your son doing, telling him to play certain games, or to not touch the knick-knacks? At those ages I might picture your sons helping with the supervision, as needed, but not getting in trouble for "bossing."

 

What IS this trouble?

[Dustybug]

I think you are wise to nip this habit/sin now, but I don't think that having the younger child set the punishment is a way to engender warmer feelings between the children.

 

I think that I would go to my son and admit that you'd had a bad idea and ask his forgiveness. Then, explain what you will do when he acts bossy again. Give him some examples of when he as acted bossy. Let him know that this conversation is all of the warning he will receive ever. Hug him and tell him you love him and are committee to helping him adjust his attitude toward others since it is not healthy for you home and not good for his future friendships.

 

If, in the future, he refuses to obey you, then you must outlast him. I don't think that withholding food for a meal with a 12yo is unreasonable. Frankly, for growing boys, it will be highly motivating. But, electronics is probably a better choice and easier to enforce.

 

Hugs for standing strong in the discipline department.....

 

:iagree:

 

I agree. We don't tolerate third parents here either.

 

But if I'm not there, then it stands to reason the younger should be expected to listen to the more experienced.

 

:iagree:

[Anne in CA]

I have been amused with the tac (sp?) this thread is taking. I don't think it is wrong to make the 12yo do what the 3yo says to show him that he doesn't want to be bossed himself. I just don't get what upsets people so much about this, the 12yo knew what would happen and kept it up. The 12yo "parenting" when the parent is right there and doesn't get a chance to make corrections before the 12yo jumps in is clearly making a power play and needs to be put in his place. A 12yo boy who gets away with too much is a REALLY BIG PROBLEM. He is not the Alpha Male of the family, he needs to back off.

 

My step dd used to do this too, and it was not about parenting, it was about trying up usurp me. We had several showdowns over this but I couldn't let her run the family. Which was her intent. She also used to make little "announcements" to the family and she also pulled some of the lying to manipulate at the age of 12 too. Her mother's mother called and yelled at me nonstop because she was angry at a "story" she had told. It was a lie, and I was able to prove it was a lie, the mother's mother then yelled at step dd for the same amount of time and the story telling stopped. If you have not had a 12yo making a power grab you do not get the issue at stake.

 

Clearly the posters who sympathize with the 12yo are assuming that Grammie is letting the grandkids behave like little monsters and the 12yo is standing up for himself. I doubt this is the case, BMW has been posting for years and I have never known her to be unreasonable.

[butterflymommy]

I'm not crazy about the pushups,

 

A funny aside... I have a friend who lived overseas for a period. The nanny they hired used push ups as punishment, but the kids got so strong and buff from the push ups that it stopped being a punishment! :lol: