CaneKev Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I am probably a rarity here, as a homeschool Dad (my wife is actually the leader of the day to day, I do the legwork to prepare), so maybe my outlook is a bit off. Hopefully the moms here with years behind can help. We just finished our first year with 7th grade twins. They finished all the books, ahead of time, with flying colors, and based on this success we were planning to bring home their brother for fifth grade next year (his current school is trying to say the least). This is where it goes south. The fifth grader does not want to leave the charter school he is at because of his friends. He had a fairly good year grade wise (we worked most nights right until he was shoved into bed at 9 or 10 PM), and I was looking forward to offering him something better (I was looking at the Trail Guide series). The twins are on the fence, quite ho-hum either way (I think that they would rather waste most of their day at a public school with friends - no long term goals here), and... as I find the most exciting curriculum, my wife is asking how this will match up with what the Florida school system teaches. This is what despair feels like, I would imagine. I probably need to take myself out of the mix for awhile, but I feel that time is slipping by... I know that I'll get some good encouragement here, I really need some about now. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Adults should make the educational decisions, in my opinion, with some input from older children. Congratulations on what sounds like was a great year! With such good academic results, I would add in some kind of social opportunities for your kids - a co-op, sports, drama, scouts. . . Something(s) of that nature to give them opportunities to pursue friendships. If your wife is doing the day to day homeschooling having her on the same page is a bigger issue. Perhaps others will have more advice on that issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Adults should make the educational decisions, in my opinion, with some input from older children. Congratulations on what sounds like was a great year! With such good academic results, I would add in some kind of social opportunities for your kids - a co-op, sports, drama, scouts. . . Something(s) of that nature to give them opportunities to pursue friendships. :iagree: My son kept saying he wanted to go to a "real" school. That's not his decision, it's mine and my DH. Turns out all he wanted was friends. When you say you're doing the planning, does that mean you pick the curriculum and she follows it? Or do you gather and organize everything (like items for science experiments and workbook pages, etc) so that she can have everything ready for her to teach? Why exactly are you doing it this way? Are you getting input from your wife about which curricula you're choosing? Now that she's done it for a year, can she think of another way you can be supportive and help ease her burden? Because I can read WTM and look online and find thousands of wonderful things to use, but actually implementing all those things is the hard part. So it might be better if your wife could find things more suited to her tastes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Congratulations on what sounds like a very successful year! The fifth grader does not want to leave the charter school he is at because of his friends. He had a fairly good year grade wise (we worked most nights right until he was shoved into bed at 9 or 10 PM), and I was looking forward to offering him something better (I was looking at the Trail Guide series). The twins are on the fence, quite ho-hum either way (I think that they would rather waste most of their day at a public school with friends - no long term goals here)... The way your dc are educated is up to you and your wife. If they were older, I would agree that their input would probably help, but mostly in terms of what programs are chosen. As PPs have said, if it's friends they're looking for, there are usually homeschool co-ops or groups, or friends to be found in extra-curriculars (which is where my dds met their now best friends). as I find the most exciting curriculum, my wife is asking how this will match up with what the Florida school system teaches. I don't understand this. Could you elaborate? This is what despair feels like, I would imagine. I probably need to take myself out of the mix for awhile, but I feel that time is slipping by... I know that I'll get some good encouragement here, I really need some about now. Thanks Don't despair :001_smile: most of us feel like taking a break at times, that's quite normal! And yes, I understand the feeling of time slipping by, but by having your dc at home with you, you are making the most of the time you have with them, even if it doesn't go quite as you planned. Believe me, I know all about that. But I still believe HSing is best for our family. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Well, you have some options. I think it would be wise to take a couple of days to *breathe.* First order of business is to chat with the wife. A serious chat. Find out what her concerns are. Gaps? Content-based standardized testing? If she is serious, you could research the educational standards for your state and compare it with the scope and sequence of your desired curriculum. But she needs to understand that it will most likely be apples and oranges. Homeschool curricula are VERY likely to handle content subjects in a very different way from the public schools. Here is a general scope and sequence from WorldBook that might bring some objectivity to the evaluation. You could compare both the Florida standards and your curriculum's standards to that. You could also align your homeschool with an overall approach so that you are not leaving any major gaps. The Well-Trained Mind is a good place to start. :D Depending on which option you homeschool under in Florida, you will be required to perform annual testing. Such testing will be skills, not content-based, so no worries about what order they get content in. The tests will help you identify any major gaps in skills (which, IMO, are the most important to identify). This information might help your wife, who MAY be concerned that a random curriculum might not be comprehensive enough. As for your 5th grader, you are the parent. You and your wife need to make the decision that is best for your child. He doesn't know what's best for him--that's why he has parents in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Congratulations on what sounds like a very successful year! (...) The way your dc are educated is up to you and your wife. If they were older, I would agree that their input would probably help, but mostly in terms of what programs are chosen. As PPs have said, if it's friends they're looking for, there are usually homeschool co-ops or groups, or friends to be found in extra-curriculars (which is where my dds met their now best friends). :iagree: We have many outlets for social interaction, and I would encourage you along these lines, but we as the parents make these choices for our children. They are made in their best interests. I do not believe a 5th grader knows what is in his best interest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaneKev Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thank you. It's nice to be remonded that we are the parents. I think that we are afraid that a reluctant homeschooler would make life difficult, but when I look at the way things are now (homework until 10 PM), it doesn't seem so good now. In clarification of the curriculum choosing, I work full time, and my wife is at home with the children (and a few more - we have a toddler and she takes care of two more), so I try to do everything that I can for her. Basically, I try to weed through the million options and work with her to arrive at a choice that she can work with. Believe me, her enthusiasm is my goal, and we did a good job this year. Her fear is that we will have a hard time explaining our choices on a high school transcript, even though we know that my kids are learning far more than they ever did in the charter school. I agree, friends is the problem - I think that my crew belives that their old friends somehow have life better than they do. We have a plan in place for that, both my wife and I were overwhelmed this year due to taking on too much and we are going to back down and spend some time getting th kids out plenty this year. I knew that I would get sound advice from this board. Thank you - I'll be putting down the curriculum books and schoolwork now and watching a movie or swimming with the kids for a bit now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Year Round Mom Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 The first thing that popped into my head regarding the wife thing is best explained, perhaps, on this video: What I mean is maybe there is something she's trying to express under her concern about meeting state standards. Is that really the extent of her concern? Or is it that she feels she doesn't "own" the curric/method? Or feels insecure about how she taught this year? Like the video expresses, women don't tend to come out and tell their DHs how they feel (sorry, guys!), so don't try to ask point-blank. Instead, ask her what went well about this past year and what didn't. Ask her what her favorite part of teaching this year was and what was her least favorite. Ask how you both could make next year even better. That'll probably get her sharing what's really going on! Then again, maybe she is just worried about meeting state standards. 7th grade would be a hard place to start homeschooling. Concern about standards is completely understandable! And also, in that case, you are one blessed man, to have a wife who always says what she means! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Year Round Mom Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Ha, you replied before I could hit submit! It sounds like you know the deeper issues, too. Good for you! You'll have a great next year! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thank you. It's nice to be remonded that we are the parents. I think that we are afraid that a reluctant homeschooler would make life difficult, but when I look at the way things are now (homework until 10 PM), it doesn't seem so good now. In clarification of the curriculum choosing, I work full time, and my wife is at home with the children (and a few more - we have a toddler and she takes care of two more), so I try to do everything that I can for her. Basically, I try to weed through the million options and work with her to arrive at a choice that she can work with. Believe me, her enthusiasm is my goal, and we did a good job this year. Her fear is that we will have a hard time explaining our choices on a high school transcript, even though we know that my kids are learning far more than they ever did in the charter school. I agree, friends is the problem - I think that my crew belives that their old friends somehow have life better than they do. We have a plan in place for that, both my wife and I were overwhelmed this year due to taking on too much and we are going to back down and spend some time getting th kids out plenty this year. I knew that I would get sound advice from this board. Thank you - I'll be putting down the curriculum books and schoolwork now and watching a movie or swimming with the kids for a bit now... I think a couple things would help. 1) Take a few days to unwind and recharge here at the end of the year. 2) After the days to decompress, you and dw might want to hang out at the high school board a bit. There are some fantastic parents over there who have graduated their first couple of kids into some great colleges and other situations.* 3) Talk to real life homeschoolers you know who have high schoolers or graduates. I know that as my oldest two are hitting the stage where I feel like what we're doing "counts" is "for real" or otherwise has to be demonstrated to someone else's approval that a certain amount of panic sets in. It helps to be reminded that what I'm trying to do is in fact possible. That others have done it and so can I. Then I do think that your dw and you get to decide what happens (especially with the 5th grader). I might solicit input, especially on high school interests and college goals. But I wouldn't give my kids veto power. And it wouldn't be an all in discussion. The parents take input, go away and discuss and then present what is going to happen. (At least at my house.) *When you find a poster that strikes a chord, you can go to the advanced search, select posts by that member, select a board and use that search as a filter for posts that you might find useful or encouraging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2att Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Regarding high school transcript worries, here are a couple of resources that may help ease your wife's mind: This one is directed specifically to Florida homeschoolers and this one has info on a more general scale Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Does she read these boards? There is some great advice on the high school board about transcripts etc. However, that sounds like a tangent type issue. I would sit and have one of those heartfelt conversations. Just listen and take notes. I don't know you, so please no offense to this comment, but don't try to fix the situation during this conversation, just listen. :D Does she feel ownership of the curriculum choices? Does she enjoy homeschooling? Is she over burdened with resistance, dealing with the younger kids? I would define the reasons and goals you have for homeschooling. Then I would take a couple of days to regroup. I hope some Floridians will chime in on some of the options specific to Florida. It sounds like you had a good year. It also sounds like everyone involved wants to go in a different direction. Get on the same page with your wife and then present your case to the dc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 No advice, except to say welcome and you'll get advice here.....opinions that run the spectrum. Also, while most of us are women on this board there are a few dads!! :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MtnTeaching Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I was hesitant to reply to this one because I hate to step into what sounds like a bit of a family disconnect on this. But, since you asked...:D It sounds as if you may want to take the advice of the earlier poster who recommended that you take a "breather" and have some chats. Homeschooling can be very difficult if there isn't a clear game plan and when all the players aren't playing with the same end goal in mind. It sounds like you need to get into a huddle (first with your wife) and discuss the reasons you want to homeschool, what your ultimate goals are for your children, and the best way to get there. Then it might be a good idea to get the family together and look at the pros and cons. My kids have always enjoyed homeschooling. :glare: OK, almost always enjoyed homeschooling. The cons that I hear coming from their perspective were "Am I going to be sitting in front of a book all day long? Or will I never be able to see friends or kids my own age?" We addressed this by finding a program that meets one day a week for all of those classes I find hard to teach or that needs group participation (i.e. Musical Drama, art, PE, Speech & Debate, French, etc.). Another big goal our family had in homeschooling was for it to be something a lot better than public school. There are so many engaging curriculums out there! Having said that, I didn't want to be sitting in front of books all day, every day, either. Lots of field trips break up the book stress and allow kids to experience life rather than just read about it. Also, volunteer time allows the child to grow so much larger than just his/herself. It sounds as if you need to slow down and get everyone on the same page. We have always looked at homeschooling as an adventure our family is taking together. The "road less traveled"... but what a ride!!! Good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyinMD Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 My oldest 2 are 5th and 7th grade this year and both wanted to go to school but in the end only my 7th grader went. My 5th grader decided to she didn't want to go to the grade school for just one year and she'd go next year for 6th. Both are homeschooling next year. So much of it was they didn't feel like they had any friends last year. This year for my 5th grader she became really good friends with a homeschooled 6th grader. They have become just wonderful friends and do a lot of things together. My dd was also able to be in a play at a private school (part of her push for ps was to be in a play). She stopped asking to go to school a few months ago and I think it is because she has plenty of social activities and a few good friends to hang out with. My 7th grader has had just a terrible year at PS in some ways I regret sending her. She was so excited to go because she had always been homeschooled. The kids behavior is just horrible and I haven't been very impressed at the level of work the kids are doing. I always felt like I wasn't doing enough at home but my dyslexic 13 yo has As in everything but Math which a subject she has always struggled with. She hasn't made any really great friends either. The one girl she considered her best friend starting making fun of her and started ignoring her. At least she is now hanging out with my younger dd's friends but I'm really trying hard for next year to get her connected with other homeschooled teens. I have her signed up for CC Challenge Program and she is going to participate at our Co-ops teen program. I'm really hoping she'll find a good friend or two one of these places. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 but wanted to add one other thing. I've heard other posters say time and time again that having some children in school and some homeschooled is a fairly difficult proposition b/c of juggling the schedules and demands of both worlds. I think it would be fair to expect that in that one area alone, you will find that having everyone at home will be much easier. I hope that will be an encouragement to you as you two comtemplate and sort through all the core considerations. I also wanted to encourage you to look at the college board if you are wondering about the success homeschooled students are having when it gets to time to apply to colleges. The class of 2010 had a handful of kids from Florida, so those moms could probably address specific questions you have pertaining to Florida public schools and scholarship opportunities there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I agree with others that you need to tease out your dw's reasons for being concerned about state standards. FL homeschooling law does not require you to adhere to any particular standard other than "adequate yearly progress". My 5th grader asked me the other day if she could go back to school in order to make new friends. I understand how heart-wrenching that can be. But the kind of friends she had in school weren't very nice girls, and she isn't in charge of her educational decisions. I try to listen to her concerns and offer sympathy and understanding, but I'm not sending her back to school. Instead, I'm stepping up to organize play groups and maybe a small co-op so that she can depend on getting together with other kids on a regular basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaneKev Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks again. I think that there is something worth exploring here. I am going to make (she tends to let me make decisions and either agrees or disagrees) my wife take a crack at lining up the year, if she had her perfect scenario. Since I am (overly) familiar with the curriculums, I can use what she tells me to make some suggestions and have her take more ownership in the final decisions. For anyone that thought they were overstepping or being rude, thank you for your honesty. I feel that my wife and I have a really good relationship, this is just new ground and neither of us are above looking for advice (one of the secrets to our success). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Perhaps you could watch the kiddos while your wife gets on to this forum and explores all of the possibilities! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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