MSNative Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 The college-aged son of the director of my son's preschool just died. She is a darling woman. She greets every single mom and child as they come into preschool. She is loving and kind to everyone. An absolute joy. We've had some schedule and other issues with my ds and she has been fantastic. I cannot imagine what she is going through right now. However, I am terrible at figuring out what to say/do in these situations. I want to do something for her to show her some support but I have no clue. Just a card seems kinda empty. There is only one week left of preschool and I don't know if she will be back for it, so I don't want to bring a plant or any sort of food. Any ideas? I was thinking about making a donation in her son's honor at a local charity or perhaps at the church where the preschool is located. What do y'all think? I welcome any and all ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I would do a donation of some sort. When my Dad died, I got a letter in the mail indicating that my best friend from college and her mother had sent a donation to Shriner's Hospitals (a cause near and dear to me) in memory of my Dad. I was so touched. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Have you seen the obituary? Sometimes there is a specific charity or organization listed that they want donations to go to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I would give a donation. I usually try to pick a charity the family requests or one that had something to do with the cause of death. For example, a dear friend's dad died of lung cancer so I donated to American Lung Association. I send a card expressing my sympathy and letting them know that a donation has been made to XYZ. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILhsMOM Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 (edited) I like the idea of a donation, if there is something the family is connected to. You could also donate to a zoo or museum if they have that special interest or to something like Focus on the Family. You might also send a gift to her like a wind chime or something to remind her of her son (if he planyed music) or plant a tree in his honor (something she could visit, water, and look at. It helps at times to have a visual reminder of the person you've lost. Sorry for the loss; hope this helps. Edited May 13, 2011 by ILhsMOM spelling error--played Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Did you know the son? If you knew him at all, even in passing, you might write down any memory or anecdote you have of him in a letter and send that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MSNative Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 Thanks for the help. I've only seen a newspaper article about it - no obituary yet, but I will def. check into that. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 (edited) A card is not an empty gesture. I used to think so until my brother died and I started receiving sympathy cards. They meant a great deal and give me something to go back to when I need to. They're an excellent reminder that yes, you DO have something to be sad about and no, you are not bad for "indulging" in grief when you think you ought to be getting over it. All you have to say if you see her is, "I'm so sorry for your loss," and couple it with a hug. Its the hug that she'll need more than anything else. Edited May 13, 2011 by WishboneDawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 "Oh, I'm so sorry. It must be so hard." Then wait for a response. Sometimes people say "thank you, yes it is" and move on to business. Some people want to tell you about how they died. Some people want to tell you how worried they are about their spouse's grief. Give a concerned opening, and let the person's need guide the conversation. It is their day. A man at work's beloved 30 something daughter died suddenly. I heard the story of his wife finding her, and of meeting a friend he'd never met before, and I asked the next few times how his wife was, and now (this is a man I see about once a week) I ask once a month how things are. As I recall, I just let my natural response come out the first time I saw him when he came back: "Oh, X!" I said as I gave him a quick hug. "We were all so sorry to hear." It was a true statement, and I'm sure my sincerity was perceived and appreciated. Also, anniversaries are important. I send "thinking of you" cards on the anniversary. They are actually sort of hard to find. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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