lionfamily1999 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 I have asked people that have qualities dh and I lack to step in for us. Older ds has quite a temper. I don't deal well with other people's lack of self-control when it's extreme and dh's own temper has made it difficult for him to help. I know a few men that were already involved in ds's life and they've all taken the time to help him learn patience and self-control. Of course, these men were already in mentoring roles (one is dh's riding instructor, one was his Cub Scout leader, the others are leaders in our church). So, yes, I do :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 My sister is a single 21 year old mom with an almost four year old. Her son is very difficult. He's speech delayed, potty training resistant, stubborn and demanding. Not the type of child for a young single mom. And yes, my husband and I parent him. He's at my house multiple times a week. She goes to school full time and works as much as she can. She comes home exhausted at the end of the day and the last thing she wants to do is fight a battle with a non verbal child. I'm glad he has other parental figures in his life. So is my sister for that matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Interesting question. No, I personally don't. For the most part, I don't trust the "villagers" in the "village" in which I live to influence my kids, to be honest. But many of those "villagers" would rather someone else take the reigns for them much of the time. However, my kids are reaching an age where it is occasionally helpful for them to check my values with others just to be sure I'm right (or wrong :glare:). I guess I kind of think the gathering of other opinions is helpful to create independence of thought for them, but at the end of the day, while we will discuss those opinions, I'm still pretty possessive of my right as their one and only mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 My bumper sticker says it all... "I've seen the village and I don't want it raising my child. " :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 24, 2011 Author Share Posted April 24, 2011 My bumper sticker says it all..."I've seen the village and I don't want it raising my child. " :D I just KNEW you would be difficult, Lizzie! :toetap05: :biggrinjester: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 My bumper sticker says it all..."I've seen the village and I don't want it raising my child. " :D :lol::lol: I'm not a bumper sticker kind of gal, but that's one for which I think I could make an exception! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 My husband's family practices this. My mother-in-law helps take care of her grandchildren during the day, for example. Other people may take nephews and nieces under the wing and help them find a job or study in school. I think it's a wonderful idea. (However, I don't live near them, so I'm on my own.) They have a very strong belief in the value of extended family, and it's not about pawning off your kids on someone else (much less a stranger), it's about helping one another. Including keeping your eye on your neighbor's house when they're out of town or watching other people's kids when they are outside. However, many Americans are fairly obsessed with being self-reliant. Sometimes it's not the best thing for a kid. It can be wonderful to spend time with a loving aunt, uncle, or grandparent, for example. I think they have much to impart. I do think sometimes it's helpful to have a non-parent who loves you and whom you respect, give you advice. It can seem less about control in those cases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Not as a "standard procedure", but in exceptional circumstances yes, there were more than a few instances of that that I know of, and in some of them I was involved.I would do it too if my kids "clicked" well with a particular adult in their life and if I thought they could help them regarding a particular problem. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I can't say as I have yet asked for that sort of help, but I also can't say that it would never happen. Sometimes another trusted, but non-parental, adult might be just the one to get through to a kid. My parents were definitely not the "it takes a village" sort (and neither am I), but they also know that we got a lot of influence from having good relationships with a few trusted adults from church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I just KNEW you would be difficult, Lizzie! :toetap05: :biggrinjester: Just saw this, you know you love that about me Jean! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunD Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 My DH's family expects to parent my kids, and no, I don't like it. But in their case I haven't requested help, so that's different than your examples. I think I dislike it so much because 1) I didn't ask for and don't want their help and 2) I disagree with a whole lot of their parenting and perspectives. No thanks, you may not tell my DD that she's too old to nurse or mock her for liking trucks. Someone like my best friend would be a different story. She and her husband live far away, but we met up on vacation DH and I were still definitely THE mom and THE dad, but her DH carried my baby around the mall and that was fine. Normally I don't let anyone hold my babies. DD had a huge tantrum at the end of a super-stressful day because it was time to leave the pool, and after I dragged her upstairs, I just couldn't deal anymore. My friend took her into their adjoining hotel room and read books while she calmed down, then had a little conversation about how to behave when you're angry. That was great. So ... it depends on the village! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I didn't vote because I do not know how you'd count this. I have one very stubborn dd (to be fair, she got it from her ma!). When we are at the office of an authority figure - her physician, orthodontist, dentist, physical therapist - I will ask that person to reiterate instructions and the importance thereof. DD seems to believe things more readily from, ahem, the "professionals." However, I cannot think of any other adult that I would use as a sort of a surrogate parent. That just seems odd to me. And I don't really know anyone else personally who does as you describe above. When I saw your title, I thought you might be going to refer to moms who always seem to have some or all of their children parceled out to others for child care (and I don't really mean while working, but just much of the time). I do know someone like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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