Need help Re:14 year old boy

[busymama7]

He is my oldest of 7. He is supposed to be doing a combined 8th/9th grade this year. It was in anticipation of him graduating a year early(and with the possibility of going to PS HS next year). This is not going well. Maybe he is just not ready.

 

He is putting up a major fuss over school. Claims to hate it. Sees no point in any of it and doesnt see how/if/when he will ever care about it. He wants to go to a selective private university(BYU) and I keep trying to tell him that he must actually work hard in HS to get there, sigh. He is often in tears over school work.

 

He does fine in math(MUS pre-A, almost done) but melted down today over being required to do some word problems from the first chapter in Challenge Math. I said it counted for math so it wasnt as if he was having to do both today. He is fine with math that is do this, then that and is very rules based. The word problems are hard for him(HATES the honors pages in MUS of which I have made him do every single one, but have had to help too) He is a very concrete thinker and loves rules etc.(maybe would be good at accounting?)

 

He has no idea what he wants to do when he grows up. Not a clue. Loves to read, hates writing and science. Tolerates math(and it comes pretty easy to him) as long as it is straight forward. Seems to like history too(always been living books based)

 

Here are his daily requirements:

 

Math(4-5 days a week, 1 hr or less)

LA: Spelling and Grammar Review(done with whole family at the board, 15 min tops, 4 days a week)

Personal Spelling list(15 min a day, 3-4 days a week, this is to finish up SWR, he's not a great speller and I feel this is very essential to master this)

IEW: Finishing up SWI-B, (2 days a week, 20-30 min)

Copywork(to perfect cursive as his printing looks like a Kindergartner and someone told me the essay portions of SAT get better scores if written in cursive) (2 times a week, 5 min)

Painless Grammar (3 days a week, 1 lesson/written excercise, 20 min?)

Reading response Journal(2 days a week, he doesnt even do a good job on these, so I could see dropping it and focusing on other writing, 20 min?)

Literature (3 days a week, reading off a chart Ive assigned based on AO lists, 1 hr)

 

Spanish: 4 days a week, about 30 min a day, tops

 

Health: 4 days a week, 30 mins maybe(this is needed as it is a HS 1/2 credit we are requiring in case he goes to PS HS next year, he WONT take it there as it does not conicide with our family values)

 

Computers: he spends about 15 min typing a day. This needs to be fleshed out to be a 1/2 credit also, still working on that

 

P.E. We require him to run 1-2 miles a day. He ran a competitive race(the Ragnar) last fall. He LOVES running and plans to go out for the HS cross country team even if remaining at home for academics

 

Music: practice Piano and Trumpet everyday

 

We do a co-op once a week where he does logic(his favorite) and a bit of science and history, spanish and orchestra. There is no outside homework. He also attends a TJed class once a week(key of liberty, missed first semester) and completes the homework for it(3 hrs a week average) I am not requiring any other science or history(except through lit and casual with family discussions at this point, oh wait not true, one of his readings is US history and goes along well with the class)

 

We are done with co-op in 3 weeks and the TJed class soon after. We school year round.

 

Okay so total hours per week:

Math 5

LA 7.75 hrs a week(could I cut this down?)

Spanish 2

Computers 1

Health 2

TJed Class and Homework 5

PE 2

Co-op 5

Music 5(week day only)

 

34.75 hrs or 6.95 hrs a day Hmmm... This was a good excercise for me. Is this too much? I mean it includes music practice and running, both of which he loves. Also, I am ok taking more than 36 weeks or 180 school days to rack up the hours needed for credits, but if he spends much less per day then he wont be able to get enough hours in(looking to next year especially)

 

I planned to award him 1/2 health, 1/2 Computers, 1 English 9, 1 US history, 1 Spanish, 1 music performance, 1/2 P.E.and 1/2-1 Logic. I also had high hopes of him moving faster and finishing Algebra 1 by the end of summer so he would have that credit as well. He has not done all the required work for these classes yet, but i can see how he could by the end of summer if he would just apply himself even a tiny bit.

 

When he told me today that he didnt know when he would ever care about school work, I told him that I would then continue to require it as the alternative(not getting an education and being able to support a family) was not acceptable. I just wish he would be even somewhat driven by himself.

 

What is happening with him was a big reason I wanted to HS to begin with(BTW this child went to PS K only). I feel as if the same educational model that is failing boys is PS is failing my son at home(his 12 year old sister is nothing like this) and I have talked to many many HS moms who also struggle with their boys, but not the girls.

 

There has to be a better way, what is it???

 

I searched and read some threads about not overwhelming them in early HS in fear of trying to catch them up if you feel there are gaps. And about simplifying the schedule/subjects so as to not have them flitting about doing too many different things. I can see how I am guilty of that and need to fix some things. But I really dont feel like he has THAT much to do.

 

Help?!?! Thanks!

[regentrude]

A couple of thoughts, and a lot of questions since I don't know your son.

 

It does seem as if he is doing a lot of different things and flitting from topic to topic, activity to activity. What is his opinion on this fragmented schedule? Can he stay focused through all the changes? (Some students thrive on variety, some lose focus and get less done)

What is he interested in? Could he benefit from a bit more focus?

 

I do not think the amount of time per se is too bad if music and PE are included. But it seems to me rather light content-wise and very skills focused. I could imagine a 14 y/o boy not being very motivated by this -my kids would probably hate writing too if they had to spend this much time on grammar, copywork, spelling lists and prescribed things at this age.

 

Is there anything he WOULD like to write about? At high school age, a lot of the skills work can be tied to content... maybe, if he likes to read, he would be more motivated to do some creative writing? Or more self selected writing assignments?

How much input does he have into the choice of subjects he studies?

Is there any subject he is excited about? Many boys that age are interested in computers - so instead of just typing (which can easily be learned by typing up the writing assignments), maybe he would be more interested in programming, or web design?

There must be SOMETHING that interests him. Even if it does not fit into the box of a school subject. Can you focus on that and group the school work around this center, relate the skills work to content he cares about?

 

Do you set a strict schedule for every day? Do you think he might be more motivated if he could set his own schedule, work on each subject when he wants to - while you make sure that times average out over the course of a few weeks?

 

Just a few suggestions - not sure if any of this helps. It's what works in our family- focus, integrated skills, and freedom of choice.

[dcurry]

There's nothing wrong with graduating at 18- especially if he has no interest and isn't self motivated, AND has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Let him enjoy high school, take an easier pace, and find his interests. Find something he can get involved with (a group of kids that have similar interests). My son was ahead, and I actually had him do an 8th/9th year after his 8th grade year because he just wasn't ready (emotionally & socially) to tackle high school. Our adviser told us that it's better to keep a kid back and then if they are ready to finish high school in 3 years, than to push them ahead and end up with 5 years of high school. So we kept him back.

 

He still has no idea of what he wants to do, and isn't self-motivated. He took only about half a years worth of credits this year, and is trying to figure out what he wants. We're also working on his being more self-directed. He is my oldest as well, but I'm thinking an extra year at home certainly won't hurt him. While he is very capable, I don't think he'd do well in college if he can't do his assignments at home w/o dragging his feet.

[In The Great White North]

I suspect it may be time to cut him loose from the littles (ie. not having him do the elementary stuff: grammar review with the littles, reading journals, copywork and spelling lists) and let him move onto high school work. He has quite possibly moved on to the rhetoric stage without anyone noticing it. That would help explain the serious lack of interest.

 

If your are considering counting this as 9th grade, reading response journals need to morph into essays (try Format Writing to get over the hump.) Grammar, spelling and handwriting can be tied into essays. Include timed essays that are handwritten as well as longer essays that are typed to cover both modes.

 

Pre-algebra is generally not considered a high school class. Does the high school you are considering have 10th graders in algebra? What happens if he doesn't get motivated to finish algebra this summer? Has he done pre-algebra before in another program? Or finish an 8th grade math program that would allow him to start algebra now?

 

Are there other highschoolers at the co-op?

 

A high school computer credit includes more than typing. At the very least, it needs to include Word, Powerpoint and Excel. Programming would up the interest level dramatically.

 

What is he doing for Spanish? Is it with older kids or is he the oldest? Is it covering the entire Spanish I material?

 

It would probably help to look through some of the high school curriculi on-line and see how they compare.

 

Hope this helps.

[tex-mex]

I suspect it may be time to cut him loose from the littles (ie. not having him do the elementary stuff: grammar review with the littles, reading journals, copywork and spelling lists) and let him move onto high school work.

 

 

If your are considering counting this as 9th grade, reading response journals need to morph into essays (try Format Writing to get over the hump.) Grammar, spelling and handwriting can be tied into essays.

 

 

:iagree: I was thinking the same thing. End the "littles" and begin training him for lies ahead with SAT or college? Academic essays, literature anaylsis, or research papers. I was wondering if something like Lightning Lit course would help? If the OP's son's handwriting at this point is not ideal, I honestly do not think it would count against him on the SAT. (I'm a former schoolteacher.) I've seen worse penmanship in teens -- now that computers have taken over. ;)

 

ETA: It almost sounds like there may be a legit LD -- the OP son's dislike of word problems, poor spelling, bad handwriting? Has he ever been evaluated? If he is found to have an LD, I'd still skip the "little" stuff as he really can use technology like Dragon software to dictate essays. And there is a spell check on all word processing. He just needs to learn the writing process and learn to edit. No more spelling tests, tho. Move on to the bigger skills.

Edited April 13, 2011 by tex-mex

[In The Great White North]

RE: the SAT. I think it is a statistical correlation, that the better essay writers have better cursive, not that they lose points for printing.

 

Dc have told me there are always plenty of kids taking the SAT who have to be taught at the SAT how to write the "this really is my own work" paragraph at the beginning of the instructions.

[elegantlion]

He is my oldest of 7. He is supposed to be doing a combined 8th/9th grade this year. It was in anticipation of him graduating a year early(and with the possibility of going to PS HS next year). This is not going well. Maybe he is just not ready.

 

 

Have you discussed the above with him?

 

We started this year with the possibility of this being ds's 7th/8th grade year (he's an older 7th grade at age 13). Because of life we opted to make the decision next year, and leave it as a possible 8th/9th grade year.

 

Just this week ds and I discussed this. While he was gung-ho last year about skipping a grade, this week he said he'd rather not. I was surprised, but agreed.

 

IMO, I wouldn't be concerned that he doesn't know what he wants to do, that seems fairly normal.

 

You said logic was his favorite co-op subject. What is about the class that appeals to him? Is there discussion? I'm finding my teen needs lots of discussion time, it's a great way to peer inside their heads.

 

My ds is not a big fan of school itself. In our conversations I usually sneak in how this skill/subject might be beneficial outside the classroom. I also tie back how this might relate to something he knows. For instance, many of teachings get tied back to Star Wars or Star Trek. It gives him a point of reference and makes whatever we're doing more relevant to his life.

[EKS]

I find things go better for my own 14yo son if I streamline my expectations. So in looking at your list, I would say to drop:

 

spelling

grammar

copywork

reading response journal

IEW

 

and replace it with quality writing assignments about his reading.

 

I would also drop the keyboarding and simply require him to type his papers.

 

In addition, I would require him to write about the science and history he is learning.

[busymama7]

First, thanks for all of your help!

 

To answer some questions, yes he was gung ho about graduating early. Now, not so much. He wants to, but is not really keen and doing the work to accomplish that. And I didnt intend on him getting a full years of HS credits this year. Sorry that wasnt clear. We were just picking up a few to get a jump start.

 

I realise that the english really isnt HS english. Im ok with not giving that credit this year, I dont really think he was ready for it. I do feel the spelling is necessary at this point because he really does need to brush up and solidify HS level words. If cursive doesnt count that much on the SAT, surely spelling will?? He can work on it during lighter school over the summer and be done by the end of the summer. I still struggle with spelling as an adult and I feel it is still a relevant and needed skill, despite having spell check.(sometimes I cant even get close enough for spell check and have to change the word I want to use)

 

On the cursive/copywork would you compromise and require school work to be done in cursive? Oh, how I am kicking myself for not doing this in 4th grade. He has GOOD printing. It is clear and neat. Better than many of my other kids. But it looks childish. His cursive is great, but he doesnt want to use it. Hence requiring just a little bit 2x a week.

 

Spanish, the co-op class is mostly review/reinforment. He is using a course at home. He knows what he has to accomplish for it to be spanish 1.

 

I am ok with doing really 9th grade next year and keeping him home another year. Getting college credits in HS and graduating early was a big reason for me to homeschool. I can let that go though. My boys will be going on 2 year missions in the middle of college and then likely marrying early and needing to support a family. While my husband and I made it(he graduated when we had 2 kids) I had hopes of helping my boys get a jump start on college, hence the gradutating early.

 

Computers really is the only thing he wants to learn about. He is asking for an online course or something. I told him if he spends 3 concentrated hours in the am on academics he can have reserved computer time in the afternoon(we only have 1, trying to fix that, but we have a small house and not really room for another anyways) after read aloud and silent reading(lit and history)

 

I appreciate the suggestion of a possible LD. I have never considered it for him. He has been easy to teach and picks things up quickly. I want him to have better spelling skills, but he is certainly ahead of what is coming out of our local schools(I've observed from kids at church and not text language. I mean when they are really writing something)

 

My plan was to "graduate" them from family school and put them solidly in HS when they finished a few things. He can be done this summer and released from that time to hit HS learning hard next fall.

 

On the schedule, I have tried to give him more reign over that. He begged for a daily checklist so he can mark it off and know he is done. I have contiuned to do it this year with the warning that it really will be over next year. I gave him more freedom in the fall and come to find out he didnt really accomplish much in several subjects. He asked me to spell it out and require bits everyday so he would stay on top of it.

 

It is that lack of self drive/motivation that has me so frusterated. I thought at some point they would take over and I wouldnt have to be standing over them all the time. It overwhelms me. I still have 4 more students and 2 toddlers/babies.

 

Thanks again for all the help.

[Mandy in TN]

It was in anticipation of him graduating a year early(and with the possibility of going to PS HS next year). This is not going well. Maybe he is just not ready.

Let him stay in high school another year. I have never heard a mom of a male child say that he was so mature (talking about maturity here not intellect) and handled peer pressure so well that she wishes he could have moved out sooner. I have heard plenty of mothers of boys say that their son was so smart, but that they wished that he had had an extra year before going away to college to gain some more maturity. Maturity not intellect seems to be the primary concern I hear from moms of boys.

 

He is putting up a major fuss over school. Claims to hate it. Sees no point in any of it and doesnt see how/if/when he will ever care about it. He wants to go to a selective private university(BYU) and I keep trying to tell him that he must actually work hard in HS to get there, sigh. He is often in tears over school work.

Sounds like teenage brain-fog. Is he growing right now? Maybe, he needs a vitamin and some extra sleep. This too will pass. However, now that you have said BYU, I definitely suggest not graduating early. Use that extra time for more involvement in church leadership positions that will up his chances of acceptance.

 

He has no idea what he wants to do when he grows up. Not a clue. This is very common at 14!

 

I vote to give him another year, because

1. Muturity. An extra year may mean the difference between an immature follower and a mature leader. Many boys just need time to mature and this has absolutely nothing to do with how smart they are.

2. It will give time for him to come out of his pubescent brain fog so that he can focus.

3. He wants to go to BYU and needs to spend some time outside of schoolwork in church leadership positions in order to up his odds of acceptance.

4. It may give you breathing room to relax, spread those credits out over another year, and enjoy spending these last few years with your baby.

 

HTH-

Mandy

Edited April 13, 2011 by Mandy in TN

[In The Great White North]

If cursive doesnt count that much on the SAT, surely spelling will??

 

Just asked dd - no spelling on the SAT. What there may be are some grammar/spelling questions of frequently confused words (of lay/lie type) but no spelling of "SAT" words.

 

I realise that the english really isnt HS english. Im ok with not giving that credit this year, I dont really think he was ready for it. I do feel the spelling is necessary at this point because he really does need to brush up and solidify HS level words.

 

DS did not really produce in the area of grammar/spelling/handwriting until he started writing essays. To be specific, college application essays.

 

Ds loved computers too. He got a job at 15 lifeguarding and the first thing he bought was a computer. I bought him a few books at Border's and off he went. I never specifically set aside time for computers but he managed to learn an awful lot about them. (pursuing your interests is one of the bennies of homeschooling. :001_smile:)

[April in CA]

While spelling is not tested on the SAT as a separate sub-test, students need to be able to spell reasonably well to score well on the essay portion of the exam. I would not give spelling up as a lost cause, but I might suggest trying to accomplish it differently.

Blessings,

April

[busymama7]

While spelling is not tested on the SAT as a separate sub-test, students need to be able to spell reasonably well to score well on the essay portion of the exam. I would not give spelling up as a lost cause, but I might suggest trying to accomplish it differently.

Blessings,

April

 

 

Im not sure how you could suggest that when I havent even said how we are doing it. Nor have I ever said it was a lost cause! He spells fine, for now, but I dont want him to be handicapped later(like on the sat) because of not being very comfortable with higher level words. I was justifying to others why were were still working on it. He can be done with where I want him to be by the end of summer(college level) and is not something he evens fusses(much) over. Quick and painless. However, I was concerned that lots of little things was adding up to being too overwhelming.

 

I do not like the "well there is spell check" or "they will spell if they can read/as well as they can read" excuses I hear from HS moms all the time. My children will not leave my house(or gradutate to high school LA) untill they can demonstrate a profficiency in spelling.

 

It is funny how threads take on a life of their own. Really I just wanted to know what to do with a boy who hates school and doesnt want to do any of it.

[busymama7]

Thank you to all who have given the suggestion to give him another year and not push the graduating early. We will definetly give it some more consideration. Just to be clear, we were not planning to SEND him away to college a year early. We just wanted him to be done with HS level work early and begin aquiring college credits(distance, local U, CELP/AP etc). It really was a reason I wanted to homeschool. I dont think it needs to take 4 years to accomplish HS and then 4 years for a bachelors degree. I think it can be streamlined. And my son sees that vision and wants it. Hes just not on board in the day to day part of it. And that is where I am really having to drag him along. I was hoping there was a magic pill :D to make him want to study and work hard and not just get by with the bare minimum. It is a boy thing, I think, and I want to know how to do better by my boys(I have 4 so far)

 

I appreciate all you have given me to mull over.

[elegantlion]

Here's a couple of computer sites that he might find interesting.

 

http://alice.org/

 

http://inventwithpython.com/

 

My ds has recently expressed an interest in programming. I plan to let him explore these sites.

[distancia]

Wow, a lot of good suggestions here, many of which I am going to reiterate.

 

I'm with the parents who were talking about eliminating all the elementary school courses. When my dd was 13/14 in 8th grade public school, she was taking high school Spanish for 55 minutes a day; high school Algebra 55 minutes a day; English 55 minutes a day, Social Studies 55 minutes per day, and Science 55 minutes per day. All of these were gifted classes. Some days were lectures combined with a short, explanatory video; other days would be silent reading which culminated in a discussion and an assigned (2 page) response paper due the following week. The last period was a rotational period: one day it was art, the next, computers (Excel, PowerPoint, etc), the next was home ec, the next music, and back to art again. BTW, they don't even teach cursive in p/s here anymore. No such animal.

 

What you really want to do is start prepping your son for college, and that means fewer classes, but more challenging material and longer time periods. It's not really about quantity of work but reasoning and application.

 

There were many "bad" things about public high school, but the good things my dd learned were: how to take quizzes and tests under pressure; how to write lengthy (10 to 15 page) papers formatted in APA form, how to work quickly in a real lab environment, and how to do research in a library with real books, NOT using wiki.

 

On the SAT, spelling does NOT count. Nor does handwriting. My dd prints everything (except her signature) and both times she scored a 10 on her SAT essays. Also, cursive is antiquated, which is sad, as I know it greatly increases writing speed, but nowadays students tend to take notes on their computers (netbooks) or have professors/instructors provide internet links to lectures on their notes. This is not to say notetaking is unimportant! But teach your son how to take good notes, how to reason, how to extract the essence of what he is seeing/hearing/learning, and he'll do fine printing his words.

 

Good luck. Take the advice of other parents who have streamlined their dc's curriculum.

 

EDITED TO ADD: My dd talked about graduating school early since she was 13, but she didn't really buckle down and take her schoolwork seriously until the summer after her junior year. Then she made up for lost time and earned 2 CLEP credits and 9 credit hours all in the space of 12 weeks.

Edited April 13, 2011 by distancia

[April in CA]

Im not sure how you could suggest that when I havent even said how we are doing it. Nor have I ever said it was a lost cause! He spells fine, for now, but I dont want him to be handicapped later(like on the sat) because of not being very comfortable with higher level words. I was justifying to others why were were still working on it. He can be done with where I want him to be by the end of summer(college level) and is not something he evens fusses(much) over. Quick and painless. However, I was concerned that lots of little things was adding up to being too overwhelming.

 

I do not like the "well there is spell check" or "they will spell if they can read/as well as they can read" excuses I hear from HS moms all the time. My children will not leave my house(or gradutate to high school LA) untill they can demonstrate a profficiency in spelling.

 

It is funny how threads take on a life of their own. Really I just wanted to know what to do with a boy who hates school and doesnt want to do any of it.

Hi Busymama! I certainly did not mean to cause offense - I was merely trying to clarify that spelling is important when taking the SAT, even though it is not tested, per se. I should have quoted the post directly above mine. Sorry about that! What are you using for spelling? A friend of mine has high schoolers who struggle with spelling, and is always interested in learning about new ideas to help them. I agree with you that proficiency in spelling is very important. Have you looked into Sequential Spelling? My guys inherited the good spelling gene from somewhere, but I think SS looks like something that would have helped me as a young student. Hope you find the answers you need!

Blessings,

April

[Lori A. Davis]

My son was in Key of Liberty as well, so if it was LEA they were in the same class. That was a lot of work on its own, and it sounds like your son is doing a lot on top of that. No problem if he can handle it, but it sounds like he is stressed. Also, consider it might be simply a puberty issue. We have known boys to go through similar behavior as puberty really gets going, so time might fix this.

 

Maybe you need to sit down with him and discuss each step of goals so he can think in bites rather than one big chunk of high school. My son doesn't handle that well, but he does much better with smaller, more manageable goals.

 

We like TJEd, but we're going to implement it more on our own pace so we can make the most of the process. LEA had a lot of good points, but at times it did feel a bit conveyer belt, but that was mostly because of my son's ability to keep up. We were taking 3 LEA classes and it took over a lot of time.

[Susan C.]

I would make this 8th grade, and give him the summer off. He probably needs the mental break. Then make a new 9th grade. Has he grown yet? Ds grew 6 inches in one year and literally forgot what he did. He is in college now, and I showed him what he did and he has no memory of it! The boy's brains rewire when they have the growth spurt and that is why. Most men will tell you they forgot their 8th or 9th grades.

 

It will be better to have him older when he graduates. More brain development, more maturity, more ready to go away to a private university.

[at the beach]

He's 14. Really, he's still young. Since he's asking you for a checklist, he doesn't sound unmotivated to me. Maybe have him write himself a weekly checklist based off of yours? My 14 yo still needs me to closely monitor her and she is a very academically oriented kid. Homeschooling isn't the same as being in school. It's too easy at home to procrastinate. It requires more supervision IMO. My daughter handles online courses fine. She's got no issues whatsoever. If she had all online courses, I know she'd get it all done no matter what. She wants to stay on track with everything but the reality is not getting it done for me in a timely manner is really not the same to her. I totally get that and can't really fault her for it. It's a natural reaction I think.

 

You've come up with a great idea. Three hours of academics in the morning and the afternoon on learning computers. There are online classes out there for programming. I know AoPS has one now.

 

I agree with those who suggest streamlining. Less is more. I'd be looking for a way to efficiently cover the basics. Math, science, history/English, foreign language. I would choose basic programs in areas where he just does not have an interest. Efficiency. If he isn't into reading literature, maybe the AO book lists aren't for him?

 

My oldest was in school all the way through. Her handwriting is terrible. She only prints, and it is tiny not to mention barely legible. She got an 11 and 12 on her SAT essays, though I am pretty sure on those she tried to be legible. She had almost no formal grammar in school, either. Wasn't assigned all that many real books in school regardless of the fact that she was in AP classes. She had no clue what she wanted to do as a career for almost all of high school. For several years she talked of being an English teacher. In 12th grade, early fall, she came home and announced she wanted to be a pharmacist. Well, she's in her fourth year of pharmacy school now. She was very lackadaisical about things while she was growing up. As a little girl, she used to pop the wire on the braces in her mouth at school so she could come home when she got bored there--never told me that until recently. LOL. As a teen, she practically missed several college application deadlines--I got them in for her at the last minute, all the while freaking out over how she was going to get through life if she couldn't remember a deadline. I paid for an online SAT review course, which she really invested very little time in. She always took all the AP classes and honors track courses but she had a habit of avoiding the homework if she could get away with it. She would calculate how much she could miss and still get an A. :001_huh: She's always been a good girl, compassionate, a great friend, sister, daughter. She won the largest scholarship at the competition day at her college. She interviewed very well apparently. I'm no longer checking deadlines for her, nor have I since she went off to school. She is managing fine. So, I guess I'm just wanting to say to you, this too shall pass. Your son will grow up. He is already expressing interests in things--computers. That's GREAT. Enjoy him now because he will grow up too fast. Figure out a way to accomplish what needs to be done with as little pain as possible and enlist his help in figuring out how to approach things.

 

And I agree with Susan C.--I'd definitely give him the summer off. Also, even though getting high school done early may sound like a good plan, the reality of doing that may just be too much for him.

 

Best wishes!

Edited April 13, 2011 by Violet

[Stillwood]

I prefer my son graduate later. He needs that additional year to mature. He'll be able to handle college better.

 

He hates school, but gets straight A's and also doesn't know what he wants to do when he grows up, neither do I.

 

PS: Might your son be stalling to stay out of public school?

[tex-mex]

I would make this 8th grade, and give him the summer off. He probably needs the mental break. Then make a new 9th grade. Has he grown yet? Ds grew 6 inches in one year and literally forgot what he did. He is in college now, and I showed him what he did and he has no memory of it! The boy's brains rewire when they have the growth spurt and that is why. Most men will tell you they forgot their 8th or 9th grades.

 

It will be better to have him older when he graduates. More brain development, more maturity, more ready to go away to a private university.

:iagree: A fellow hsing mom and I were discussing this same thing. Her oldest was homeschooled up 'til the 10th grade and then enrolled in a public school. He has Asperger's Syndrome and his transition into the public school was rough on him. He was brilliant (Duke TIP in the 7th grade with high SAT scores) but very immature. She deliberately held him back a grade.

 

Now he is 24 and soon out of college with a double degree in Comp. Sci and Math. He has been headhunted by the CIA and video game companies to work for them. He is choosing to work for a video game company as a programmer. He is a delightful young man -- but his mom said she was glad to hold him back. And making him wait to do the Algebra I, II and Geometry in high school. His brain may have been ready in junior high -- but while in college, he confessed that forgot most of his 7th-9th grade studies.

 

He flunked a Calculus class as a senior. So, over Christmas break, he taught himself the AP Calculus study guide -- took the AP Calculus exam and passed. He did the same for another AP exam without studying in his senior year. ;) Let him relax -- no pressure.

[Lori A. Davis]

I think this is an excellent idea. We are homeschooling so we can break out of the system and allow our student to develop in a progression that fits him right? My DS might shock me and transform into a very mature guy and be ready to go off to college at 17, but I'm not counting on it. His dad and I both are going to encourage him to spend an extra year at home doing distance learning, maybe taking some classes at the local junior college and doing CLEP tests as a transition from homeschool to university. Getting some practical leadership experience through church or something similar will be good as well. I remember far too many "chldren" at college and I was one my first year. Having a little extra time to grow up would have helped me.

[Danestress]

I think when you have a few children, you think the oldest is maybe more grown than he is. And then on the other hand, he's having to be in a climate that might irritate him a little because the other kids are younger. It's hard to get the right balance.

 

14 is still young. It's young and it's old. It's a hard age, I think, for them and for us. We see the emerging man, but we still have, in many ways, a child.

 

It's not at all unusual for a 14 year old boy to have no idea what he wants to study or do professionally. I think my oldest was still playing with legos at that age and wondering whether he could be a professional fort builder. He was not motivated, and I was frustrated with that. But now, I look back and see that he was still a kid in some ways, and that was okay. He did mature. Boys grow up a lot in high school!

 

Does your high school start with 9th grade or 10th? If it's 9th grade, and you are resolved to send him, I would have him start 9th next year. Between now and the fall, I would really focus on those "ready for high school skills" like writing a proper report, constructing an essay, finishing Algebra.

 

If your high school starts in 10th, I would keep him home next year and try to get him into a couple of classes where someone else is evaluating his work and requiring things of him. My boys (a year younger than yours) have a local Latin class and finance class. It's been good for me to see how they respond to a class setting and to hear feed back from another teacher. My boys really work harder when they feel like they are competing with other students. It's harder for them when they are working hard to meet just my expectations. In the classes they do with others, I totally stay out of it. I don't even check their grades. But they have applied themselves because they are differently motivated by the setting with other students and teachers.

 

It doesn't sound like he is necessarily a good candidate to move ahead at a faster than normal pace. On the other hand, if you sense that he is unmotivated because he is not challenged enough, you might want to move him ahead, but I would really want him to get out of the "family lesson" business.

[busymama7]

Several people had brought this up so I wanted to clarify.

 

"I" did not wish to send him. He was on the fence about wanting to go possibly. Dad was insisting.

 

I talked to many people, some of whom had sent previously hs students to our high school. ALL of them said that the best possible situation for him was to enroll with some credits and not be considered a true freshman. Apparently, they stick new freshman in some academy thing and it was better if he could be ahead of that and able to have more freedom in class choices(one of my friends just got elected to the school board, she has always been super involved, this was coming from her! she has her kids skip the freshman academy by coming into HS with some credits. they have never been homeschooled:))

 

Our compromise was to get him some credits, including health(that was the kicker for me) and help him get through the local HS in 3 years instead of 4, by getting a jump start and taking some correspondance courses along the way.

 

Since last summer when these plans were made, my husband has had a change of heart. He is willing to continue to hsing through HS. My son is still a little on the fence, but is leaning towards staying home. It WILL have to be his decision because I am not going to fight him. While I would prefer he stay home, I am ok with him going and trying it also. Im fairly certain though that he will still be home, so that is why I am moving ahead with our OWN HS plans and not feeling so locked in to making sure he can get credits(was going to accredit them through NARHS)

[busymama7]

I am really mulling everything over. I still think HS can be done in less time. He may just need some more guidance from me.

 

We school year round because I have a big family, babies every other year, my husband is very busy with church responsibilities(LDS bishop) and I am a homebirth midwife. It sounds nice to give him the summer off, but it wont happen. We will take a good month off and the other 2 will be essentials only(3 r's). And we often drop school to go to the pool and such. But, we can't stop all together.

 

It really is true that he is still young and without true deadlines to meet it is harder to get stuff done. I cant fault him for that. Needing the checklist of what to do each day really is ok still. He will do it as long as it is written down and he can plan on it. He doesnt like last minute additions or asking him to do more. This is the part I dont get. My husband lovingly calls me Hermione. I would have risen to the challenge(and did) of finishing a math book early and moving on. My son is not like that and I was taking it as lack of motivation.

 

He does great in his outside classes. Gets everything done on time and does really well. Its just at home when things come up, like a baby being sick and me unable to do what I needed to with him for a few days or whatever. I know this is part of hsing, Ive been at this a long time. But with them getting older, I just feel so much more pressure to make sure they dont get behind our goals and that they actually put in the needed time etc.

 

I have always loved hsing and I still do. But it is HARD having babies and teens and so many in between. That is why I wish he was more motivated to just do it himself and not need me so much. Many of you have confirmed that Im just not out of a job yet!:) I get it.

 

Yesterday he completed all his work in a timely manner with the promise of getting to play around on inventwithpython.com. He has already done stuff on alice. He really is good about doing what I ask him to, as long as it is planned ahead of time and he knows what the expectations are.

 

So anyways, I was gone for a bit and came home and he had gone through 4 or 5 chapters at the above website and was super excited to show me the 3 programs(simple!) he had done. We will keep feeding this interest and see how it goes. I would love to have suggestions of other websites and courses for computers.

 

Thank you all!