s/o Toddlers in Church thread: What's wrong with children's church?

[Margaret in GA]

I don't like children's church at our church. For one thing, it separates families. I like to sit with all my children and my husband, but even if you don't have kids in children's church, you are expected to volunteer. I don't mind doing the things for our church that need to be done, but I really don't like missing the sermon to entertain a bunch of sugared-up kids that are already stir crazy from having been in Sunday school earlier in the morning, in school all week, and now are expected to sit and watch me 'perform' a puppet show.

Margaret

[Old Dominion Heather]

I think you are reading a tone into my answer that isn't there. :) There is no judgment for me on this one, except on the dogmatic extremes.

 

I was simply offering the truth in terms of the responses *will* come along those lines for the question asked. "We worship together as a family" is the core of the answer for most people who don't "do" children's church".

 

I didn't "do" children's church for years. ;)

 

Gottcha! Mea Culpa! :001_smile:

[justamouse]

We go to Mass every Sunday evening after a big linner (what we call a huge midday meal and that service is *extremely* relaxed-as in jeans and sweatshirts). It's an hour. My kids-all of them, even the 5 year old, love it. The 5 yo asks all kinds of questions about the architecture, the stained glass, what the priest is doing. She loves reading along with the liturgy, and I also let her bring some stuff to do if she gets really bored. One night she fell asleep. :-) The others read along with the liturgy (readings are scripture-so that's a lot of it) and the prayers, they sing the hymns. As we walk home they tell me how they love it. *shrug* It's very family oriented.

 

My kids may be anomalies, though, they have been known to sit quietly in a Dentist's office for 4 hours while we all got our teeth cleaned and I think nothing of going into an exam room by myself because I know they'll be excellent. So an hour of patience isn't much for them.

 

They see and hear the richness of the Mass. I wouldn't choose to put them in children's church if I could.

[Old Dominion Heather]

:001_smile:Thanks! He is ridiculously awesome, IMO!

[Old Dominion Heather]

.

 

They see and hear the richness of the Mass. I wouldn't choose to put them in children's church if I could.

 

This is it, exactly, except we aren't Catholic. Our service is that cool. Really. They do choose to stay, even at 4 and 5.

[UnsinkableKristen]

My kids may be anomalies, though, they have been known to sit quietly in a Dentist's office for 4 hours while we all got our teeth cleaned and I think nothing of going into an exam room by myself because I know they'll be excellent. So an hour of patience isn't much for them.

 

 

 

If my kids could do this I wouldn't hesitate to keep them in the entire service with me, either. I find myself incredibly jealous of you :D. We have friends who have kids like this and I am constantly amazed at the polar opposite personalities and capabilities our children have.

[Prairie~Phlox]

If there is one *one* thing that I do with my child all week, it ought to be worship God when we're among our Christian brothers and sisters. That is by far the most important family thing we can do.

 

My 6 year old loves church and cries when we don't go because he "wants to go learn about God". You are selling children short if you think they can't understand sermons. If they are exposed to them, they understand them. (just like learning adult talk vs baby talk)

 

 

My children love it too, I could not imagine being separated from them, our church does not have a children's church and we've kept it that way for a reason. Do we cater to those that want it no, but we just offer something different.

[mytwomonkeys]

we love our children's church (we attend a UMC church). nursery -2nd grade is learning through crafts, stories, etc ...fairly typical (i assume) of many churches. beginning in the 3rd grade though, each child is presented a bible in front of the congregation & they begin to learn how to study it. they also stay for worship music & are then dismissed to their classes. 4th and 5th grade build upon bible study & application (also in the service for music). then in 6th grade they are expected to attend church & youth group is on sunday evening (however, they can also be junior helpers that volunteer 1x month, like adults). confirmation also begins in 6th grade. growing up in a church where i had to sit with my parents each week was awful. i didn't pay attention & i remember disliking it. i'm grateful to have the option for my kids to not be with me. however, our church has several families that keep their kids in the sanctuary, and that option is fine and isn't discouraged in anyway.

[HS Mom in NC]

I think it's good to have options. I think each family should be free to choose either way. Here's our take on avoiding children's church:

 

We believe that worship a family event. Children don't get as much out of "adult" services as the adults do, but they get more than they would in a child-centered environment. It's very similar to immersion as a method of learning a language. In the end they get more faster than a child-centered environment.

 

My children have been sitting in church since they were 3 or 4 with no problems. (Before then it's a cry room with the service piped in.) These are the same children that can sit in front of a movie for an hour and a half without moving a muscle or making a peep so the 30-45 minutes of a sermon isn't a very long time. The rest of the time they are up and down with the rest of us for music, greetings, and prayer.

 

They are allowed as small notebook and pencil to doodle while listening when they're under 7 years old. (When we do literature read alouds, which is usually about 1-2 hours per day at home, they are allowed to color, play with quiet toys, etc. while they listen and then they discuss what we read.)

 

They have been included in discussions about the sermon, so they engage in it more at an earlier age. My oldest was 7 when we were looking for churches. She said after one service, "You know what was weird about that church? The preacher only quoted one Bible verse. Most quote a lot more than that. Then he didn't even talk about what the Bible meant, he just talked about some people he knew." They're paying attention.

[Parrothead]

Catholics have an obligation to be in church participating in the mass (praying, singing, paying attention to the best of their ability) every Sunday. There is no beginning age. The obligation ends when on reaches the age of 70(I think).

 

Since there is no beginning age, Catholic children are pretty much expected to be at mass for the entire mass every Sunday. You may find the odd church that allows for a children's entertainment time during Father's homily.

 

And there is a lot of leeway given young children at mass. Every once in a while one might come across an older priest who would prefer small children in the cry room, but there are a lot of churches that don't even have one. There are kids who babble, crawl, climb and eat Cheerios or grapes during mass. For my own she got fruit snacks because the gooiness helped solder her jaws together.

 

Most priests require two years of church attendance prior to First Holy Communion. That means about age 5.

[justamouse]

Catholics have an obligation to be in church participating in the mass (praying, singing, paying attention to the best of their ability) every Sunday. There is no beginning age. The obligation ends when on reaches the age of 70(I think).

 

Since there is no beginning age, Catholic children are pretty much expected to be at mass for the entire mass every Sunday. You may find the odd church that allows for a children's entertainment time during Father's homily.

 

And there is a lot of leeway given young children at mass. Every once in a while one might come across an older priest who would prefer small children in the cry room, but there are a lot of churches that don't even have one. There are kids who babble, crawl, climb and eat Cheerios or grapes during mass. For my own she got fruit snacks because the gooiness helped solder her jaws together.

 

Most priests require two years of church attendance prior to First Holy Communion. That means about age 5.

 

Ohh this. It was such a joy to see the children embraced in church! Not shooed away (I understand that's not how it is everywhere). There's a little one that normally sits behind us that I get to play with, poke my finger in her knee fat and give her some toys we bring to get her through. Children in church, being children, is embraced.

[Parrothead]

Ohh this. It was such a joy to see the children embraced in church! Not shooed away (I understand that's not how it is everywhere). There's a little one that normally sits behind us that I get to play with, poke my finger in her knee fat and give her some toys we bring to get her through. Children in church, being children, is embraced.

I had a little friend in the last town we lived in that liked to throw his grapes like grenades. Kid had an arm. Of course, mom only brought the grapes once... :lol:

[justamouse]

I had a little friend in the last town we lived in that liked to throw his grapes like grenades. Kid had an arm. Of course, mom only brought the grapes once... :lol:

 

Too bad, they could have seen how many pews he cleared and if he got any better with practice! :D:D

[ScoutTN]

I think that children learn how to worship by being in worship and participating. Worship is a family thing. Worship is formative, mysterious and ineffable. This is the most important thing we do all week. God is meeting with his people on his day. Why would we exclude our children?

 

Parenting in the Pew by Robbie Castleman is an easy intro read on this.

 

While I do think that cc can be done well, imo it usually is not.

 

I think a split-service format children's church format, where very young children leave after a portion of the service, can be good for some churches and some families.

 

I was on staff at a church where the sermon was 45 minutes to an hour long and so we did children's worship for the 4-6 yos (nursery was available, if desired, for younger ones) where we explained the sermon text in a more kid-friendly, wiggling-and-talking-okay way. No purchased curriculum, no snacks, just a lesson, prayer time and some songs.

 

Church planting situations with many unchurched or new Christian parents may also find children's church very helpful, at least for a season.

[stripe]

I consider religious education and worship to be two separate and important aspects of religious life, for both children and adults.

[TravelingChris]

My viewpoint- I don't have little ones anymore. When we did, about half of the churches had a special children's service where the children left for the sermon part and about half didn;t. I personally found it somewhat easier to have the kids in children's church and thought they got more out of worship.

 

Now I just want children to be quiet. Actually, not only children but everyone but it is usually only little ones who are making noise.