cindergretta Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Dh doesn't want more dc. I do but I don't want him to "acquiesce" so I think he should have a "V." I don't like the limbo of living in hope there will be an accident while he lives in dread of an accident. So, I have a lot of baby clothing, cloth dipes, a swing, a bouncy seat, a play saucer, a couple of pack - n - plays, etc. So, should I sell them and use the money for something for me to try to help me get over this? Or should I give the stuff away, to help mamas who are facing a baby they aren't prepared for? I never sell anything. We are a lower income family who has been blessed by others. In turn, we try to return the blessings by donating items that are in vey good condition instead of selling them. My heart says to donate. My head (selfish) says to sell it. At the end of the day, I'd settle for not crying anymore. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I would probably give things away to someone who you know is struggling to get ready for a baby. As far as the V, I wouldn't recommend it unless you are BOTH 100% sure you don't want another. If you want a foolproof solution that is reversible try an IUD. It would be miserable to have dh change his mind in a few years and not be able to have another child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Ditto the IUD. And I would TOTALLY sell that stuff and splurge on something for me. You deserve it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 He isn't 100% sure, but we have 6 dc and the last time he was excited about a bfp was #3. I have health issues that make pg a total Hollywood production and I am going to be 38 next month. Age isn't going to help matters. Even if he does change his mind, do I really want to be 40, going through a complicated pg followed by having a newborn when my next youngest is in Kindy? While my heart is aching and I am going between bawling and calm, I need him to do this or I can't move on. Having the possibility lingering around when I know it isn't really there is just too hard. If it were impossible than maybe I could start to move on to the next phase of my life, the non - child - bearing phase. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Ah. I understand. Sell the stuff. Get something for YOU. Something that has NOTHING to do with the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Aww, thank you. I wonder how long it takes to start hurting? (And I feel so guilty about selling this stuff but I also feel kind of bitter about not having more babies and want something out of it. ::bagoverhead:: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I would probably give things away to someone who you know is struggling to get ready for a baby. As far as the V, I wouldn't recommend it unless you are BOTH 100% sure you don't want another. If you want a foolproof solution that is reversible try an IUD. It would be miserable to have dh change his mind in a few years and not be able to have another child. Not foolproof. I know 3 babies, off the top of my head, conceived with them. :grouphug::grouphug: for the tears. I'm so glad I didn't have to face that hurdle (menopause struck before I was tempted). I'd sell the "nicer" stuff and give most of it away. How is that for a compromise. You may find it is all worth less than you think. P.S. Not that I'm a believer in Karma, but it would be NOT UNHEARD of that once you get rid of everything, hubby has a change of heart.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 It's all really nice and in good condition. I'll bet I could get $30-50 for the lot! LOL But I could put that on a Starbucks card, right? That is another reason we need to just do this. I think I am in peri-menopause; irregular as h*ll, mini - hot flashes, other hormone - related issues up the ying - yang... <sigh> (The more I post in this thread, the more I think I really want to sell it because I am bitter, not for any financial gain. Why would I give lovely baby things away to someone who is getting to have what I so desperately want? Horrid. :( Maybe I better donate it. Clearly my heart is being quite evil.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 It's all really nice and in good condition. I'll bet I could get $30-50 for the lot! LOL But I could put that on a Starbucks card, right? (The more I post in this thread, the more I think I really want to sell it because I am bitter, not for any financial gain. Why would I give lovely baby things away to someone who is getting to have what I so desperately want? Horrid. :( Maybe I better donate it. Clearly my heart is being quite evil.) No one will roast in eternity for 30-50 bucks....sell and have a 30-50 dollar YEEE-Haw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I just parted with all of our baby gear. My heart felt so sad but I donated them to a Mission that has a day program for homeless families. It breaks my heart that some Mama with a young baby has nowhere to go to feel...home. I felt much better knowing that my swings, seats, crib, etc. were going to be used in a place where they were really needed. Peace of mind trumped the few dollars that I would have earned. I gifted my cotton diapers to a family adopting a baby from Ethiopia. Their "baby funds" were stretched thin and they were thrilled with the new stash of diapers, liners and covers. My heard doesn't feel "finished" (we have 5 daughters) but I think our family is complete until we add husbands and grandchildren. IF NOT, I am going to have SO MUCH FUN shopping!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 FWIW, I was in exactly your shoes a year ago when dh got his V. Exactly your shoes emotionally & my rationale was precisely the same. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Although I felt very torn up about it for several months afterwards, in retrospect I do think the permanent decision was the thing that has helped me move on and be (mostly) at peace with the decision. I really felt that leaving it out there & open for debate was tearing at our relationship in a very bad way. It was just a raw wound that needed time to heal, and w/o closure, it could not heal. Pre-V, I used to tear up nearly weekly (for many months) and get hysterical at least once a month (for many months). . . but the hysteria is gone now (by maybe 6 mos post-V) and the tearing up is a very rare (once or twice in the last 6 mos) occasion. So, IME, it does get better. That said, the first 4-6 mos post-V were *very* traumatic and I second guessed myself 1000 times. (I am now 40, so that matters. . . If I were in that position but 30, I wouldn't have gone along with the V as easily.) Give the stuff to someone if you have someone you know & want to bless. Otherwise, feel free to sell it. No *things* are going to make you feel happier, however. If you want to treat yourself, I'd suggest something like a yoga class, a babysitter so you can go to a book club, or some other activity that is more lasting than an object. In fact, if you buy *things*, I can pretty much guarantee you'll start tearing up about babies every time you put on your new boots or click on the new laptop. You don't want any more concrete reminders of what you are giving up. You want to treat yourself with some enriching activity that you are able to do since you are baby-less. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momofeat Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 We sell baby stuff in yard sales. I figure most of it will still go to someone with a financial need. Whatever is left over we donate. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm in my early thirties, but I'm dealing with some of these emotions. Dh always said he only wanted 4, and my fourth baby turns 1 tomorrow. I'm still hoping he'll change his mind, so I am "kind of" giving the stuff away. Everything goes to my sister who will use it for her kids. If I ever need it back, I can go get it. There's nothing wrong with selling the things, but I'd probably give them away - just because I would, not because I think you should. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarrieF Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I agree with those who said do not do anything permanent until you are both 100% sure. My husband and I are in a somewhat similar situation, so I feel for you. Maybe a compromise is in order: sell the "nicer" things or things that you can get decent money for and then donate the rest. That way you'll be moving forward, can splurge on something for yourself, and still feel good about giving things to others in need. Hang in there! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbeee Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 First of all even at a rummage sale you would do better than 30 to 50 bucks! I had a rummage sale last summer. The baby gear and kids items that didn't go I split donated between the womens shelter and to the foster families in my community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherLinda Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I gave a bunch of baby things to a foster mom one time. She was so thankful that it helped ease my pain about not having any more babies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 We haven't done anything permanent, but I think we are done. I'm mostly at peace with that now, but it has been a slow peace that has come over time as my baby has grown up. Just within the last year I've been comfortable giving away (to select people) some of our baby items. I seem to do better parting with them when I know they are going to a good home. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with you selling the items, either. Maybe use the money to buy something to celebrate the new phase of your life? I always used my diaper bag as a purse (I bought black backpack or messenger styles), so it was kind of nice when I realized I only needed a purse large enough to carry a sippy cup, in addition to myself. Or maybe use the money to get a fun family portrait taken? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thank you all for sharing. :grouphug: I'm glad I am not alone in yearning for more dc, especially among "larger" families. I always tend to feel like I don't have a "right" to feel sad about no more babies because I have so many. I will be giving my cloth dipes away. They are very nice and gently used and cared for, so to randomly donate them would surely mean the bin. So I am going to give them to a crunchy mum I know will use them. Dh and I talked again last night and he is on board with giving away/selling baby stuff, but still a no on the "V." He was amazingly open and honest about his feelings about another baby. He doesn't want to close the door. He thinks our youngest has been so much fun. (Not that they aren't all fun, but some littles are just more hilarious than others, kwim?) He is afraid to get the "V" and in 2 years yearn for another one. He sees that as a high probability. He actually walked me through his process. After our 3rd, he was done. After our 5th, he was done due to blinding fear. (He never told me about not wanting more after our 3rd... I knew about it after #5, but there was an oops that ended in m/c and I was just devastated. He felt like we should have another one at that point.) Anyway, he has also said through the years that he doesn't want to have littles when we are in our late 40s, early 50s. He told me last night that that thought doesn't bother him or scare him. He thinks it actually sounds just fine and then he went on to list several families we know who had dc into their late 40s and early 50s! That shocked me!! So it sounds like a "V" at this time isn't a good idea, but more b/c of him than me! Who knew?! He was so open that I fell a little more in love with him, seeing him so vulnerable with his thoughts and hopes and plans. (I didn't think it was possible to fall any more in love with him! He already floats my boat and rocks my world!! LOL) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.