When do you let your DC decide their own bedtime?

[Samiam]

How old where your children when you let them decide what time to go to bed?

 

We always been from the school of thought that children go to bed early, ie in the 7p-ish range. Frankly, not only do I think their behaviour is better but I need a break and night time is my break. DS7 and DS4 are usually in bed no later than 730p. DS12 has gradually gotten his bedtime later and later each birthday. Now we have his rule as must be in bedroom by 1030, and just in the past few weeks, since he's been reading his Christmas books, let him read until 11p.m. Every night he asks to be allowed to stay up later to read. Usually my answer is no. If you want to read longer, go to your room earlier than 1030 to start reading.

 

When do you start letting your child handle their own bed time and sleep habits?

[Ellie]

Not for a long time.

 

I think my dds were 9 and 12 before we started letting them stay up past 8 on a regular basis. Even then, they had to be in their bedrooms by 9.

 

As a sahm and later a homeschooler, the hours between when they went to bed and when I went to bed was my only alone/adult time. I enjoyed being with my dc, but I still needed some alone/adult time.

 

Actually, I was surprised that after I started hsing dc's bedtime became less important. I had thought it would be the other way around, that I'd want them in bed by 5, lol, but it was just the opposite. And also, they didn't need as much sleep because I wasn't getting them up at the crack of dawn to go to school. Anyway, we did become more relaxed about bedtimes (but not too relaxed).

[Peela]

My 16 and 15 yos both have to be off all electronics by 10pm- its summer holidays here- but we are not stipulating a bedtime for them. They often stay up later. They both like staying up late. I am an early bird.

 

Once they are at school/college I will return them both to a 9pm off electronics and 10pm lights out. I cant really control the lights out...but I can control the electronics.

[SonshineLearner]

My 16 and 15 yos both have to be off all electronics by 10pm- its summer holidays here- but we are not stipulating a bedtime for them. They often stay up later. They both like staying up late. I am an early bird.

 

Once they are at school/college I will return them both to a 9pm off electronics and 10pm lights out. I cant really control the lights out...but I can control the electronics.

 

Hey Peela,

 

Your 16 year old is going to college this coming year? From home? Is that the "normal" age? Just curious!! :)

[SonshineLearner]

Oh... our 16 and 12 year old... pretty much go to bed when they want... and our 7 year old... around 9 or 10..... That's because my husband puts him to sleep... and he doesn't get around to it till then...

[Unicorn.]

When do you start letting your child handle their own bed time and sleep habits?

 

When they move out! :lol: Seriously, I need an hour, to an hour and a half of quiet, alone, down time in order for me to relax and get any sleep. My ds will be in high school next year, but this year he is choosing to go to bed earlier than the rest of us. I do let him stay up as long as he wants when he has a friend sleep over, but they still usually go to his room before the rest of us go to bed. As long as they stay quiet- I don't worry about it.

[HeidiKC]

My 16 and 15 yos both have to be off all electronics by 10pm- its summer holidays here- but we are not stipulating a bedtime for them. They often stay up later. They both like staying up late. I am an early bird.

 

Once they are at school/college I will return them both to a 9pm off electronics and 10pm lights out. I cant really control the lights out...but I can control the electronics.

 

I like this idea!

[Peela]

Hey Peela,

 

Your 16 year old is going to college this coming year? From home? Is that the "normal" age? Just curious!! :)

 

No, not normal. We have 2 systems here- TAFE (Technical and Further Education) and then the University system. She is going to TAFE to do a 1 year diploma in Mass Communications- in her equivalent of y12 here. That course feeds into 2nd year university though. We are just lucky as homeschoolers to have found it, and she got in (they like homeschoolers). Schooled kids just wouldn't know they could also do it. She is ready to move into the world and the class is small and all paid students (not govt assisted) so they want to be there. She's very excited.

[elfgivas]

we're all about intentional choices here, so from early on, we start talking through our day. it goes something like...

 

"so history starts at 8am. you need to call in at 7:50. you need to already have eaten breakfast and cared for the animals, so that means you need to be up at? 7am. really? yes. great.

 

how many hours of sleep do you need so that by 7am you will already be awake without anyone waking you? the answer is 10 for one child and 9 for the other. however, the 10 hr child doesn't have history until 8:45, so we saw off the difference at about 9:30pm.

 

so do you want to be able to read before bed? okay, so in bed at 9pm.

what do you need to do before bed?

list of items. so when do you need to start? 8:30pm. great.

 

if folks aren't ready to go to bed because they aren't really tired, then i up the outdoor/exercise time until everyone is tired enough to go to really want to go to bed when its the time that will make their lives work well.

 

so if our 12 year old was ever begging to stay up to read, then i'd ask her what dance class she'd like to add to that day.... because for sure on the days she dances 4+ hours, she is coming to me to ask me to tuck her in.... its already happened tonight, early

 

so are they in charge of their bedtimes? mostly, with some guidance, but as in most things, i have a veto if i need to use it.

 

we also let them stay up for sleepovers a few times, but they still had to get up and function the next day. it only took once for each child to decide that they had more fun if they actually slept a bit ;)

 

hth,

ann

[catalinakel]

My two are now 12 and 14 and I am pretty lenient with letting them determine the exact time they go to bed. The 12 year does fine with less sleep, so I let him stay up till near ten some nights if he hasn't been too busy or cranky. The 14 year old needs more sleep, and needs a regular sleep schedule, but it is closer to 9:30 than 9 most nights.

[AngieW in Texas]

Pretty much all the time.

 

I wanted my kids in bed before me when they were small enough that I was worried about what they might get up to while I was asleep. Since I went to bed around midnight, that wasn't a problem.

 

All my kids went to bed around 10pm from the time they were tiny up until puberty hit. They started staying up later with puberty.

 

My oldest was staying up until midnight by 13yo and much later than that by 15yo (often up until 2am now at 17.5yo).

 

My middle was staying up until 11pm by 13yo and generally goes to bed by 11:30pm now at 15.5yo.

 

My youngest still tries to be in bed by 10:30pm every night. She is the one with sleep issues. Last night it took her an hour to get to sleep even though she was completely exhausted and then she woke up at 6am and couldn't get back to sleep. That was 6.5hour of sleep, but she really needs 9-10 hours/night.

 

I am trying to shift my clock back. I got into the habit of staying up until 1:30-2am over Christmas break, but I really need to be in bed by 12:30am, especially on M/W nights so I can get up by 8am on Tu/Th mornings.

[Cedarmom]

At 12 I think I'd give him a shot-with requirements. He can read as long as he wants, but has to get up at the time needed, be pleasant, and not be too tired to do chores and school.

 

I did this off and on for my son when he was 12 and up. Usually he ended up losing the privilige of staying up late after a bit because he din't meet the requirements. But he became better at it the older he was.

[justamouse]

When they hit the pre teens I let them be. Sometimes they CAN'T sleep because their hormones are changing their clock. We go with the flow. As long as schoolwork is getting done, I could care less when it gets done.

[IsabelC]

At this stage, with a 7yo, a 5yo and a 2yo, they all go to bed at about the same time, which can be any time from 6-9pm depending on what we've been up to and how tired they are that day. The younger ones have lights out immediately, while the 7yo is aloud to read quietly on his bed for as long as he wants to. At some point we'll progress to letting them do whatever they like as long as it doesn't disturb anyone else, but I'm not sure at what age this will be.