Give me a report card and constructive advise

[Penny_P]

I scheduled up to 17 weeks intentionally planning to eval how the year has progressed. Yesterday I drove by the public school I would take them to if I sent them back. Although some days are ok, for the most part hs-ing has been a lot of work and not much fun. :( My kids don't listen well, and complain and fight. The baby cries because he doesn't get enough attention, even though I try to do school while he naps. The house is messy and I don't get enough exercise, which I know is contributing to the... yelling and frustration. DH does nothing around the house, expecting a hot meal and a clean house when he gets home. His contribution, he says, is going to a job he hates and providing financially. (Yes, it's been a marital struggle for 11 years.) He doesn't really approve of my taking two weeks off of school for Christmas. Also, I work nights about 3x a month, and this messes me up the next day.

 

I sat down with the kids just now, wanting them to come up with three things that they like about Kingsley Academy and three things to improve. Now, ds likes home school, and I've seen improvement with him. It's a very good fit over-all with his dyslexia. He wants to focus more on history, with extra reading and projects. And, he likes being challenged with science. I need to slow-down with math. I'm not sure how to do this with saxon. One lesson over two days, maybe? He needs to really memorize the multiplication tables, which is holding up his progress.

 

The only thing dd8 likes about school is "when it is over." :( Unfortunately, I think she would feel that way at ps, too. She wants to do more arts and crafts. She is creative, but sloppy with a low frustration threshold. I haven't incorporated fun stuff much, since they spend so much time fighting with me and each other.

 

I belong to a co-op that does science, math, choir, PE, history, and public speaking. The kids don't like it since they haven't made friends, but I feel commited for the year. It's a long day, since I'm across town and my class is right in the middle of the day, so the rest of the day, I just wander Walmart and deal with cranky non-nap-in-the-car baby. It meets every other week, so it's a supplement and not a whole curriculum.

 

We agreed to a new chart system of rewards for their behavior, so I'll keep my fingers crossed with that.

 

I've trimmed some of my lessons- Spanish is gone. Art history is gone. Story time is gone.

 

Any words of encouragement after reading my ramblings?

[Kim in Appalachia]

First, :grouphug:

 

Second, your homeschool sounds normal. My kids (especially the younger ones) complain about school. They do not view it as fun. School does not have to be fun, even home school. :001_smile: When I had babies, they also cried because I was trying to do school with the older ones. My poor oldest child usually got instruction while a baby/toddler cried in my arms. That is all par for course. Every 8 year old wants more hands on stuff. That is very normal. My 8 year old son would rather spend his day playing Playmobile or running around outside. If your son is making good progress and enjoys being homeschooled then I would not send him back to ps. Your dd is too young to worry about (really, she is :001_smile:).

 

As for your dh not helping, what do you want him to do? Some men do not help around the house. If that is causing stress then you may need to find a way to organize your day to work on that. Plan meals so you know you can have one ready at the end of the day. Make 4:00 (or 5:00) pick up time. I tried to take 15 minutes and have the kids pick up toys and stuff. They then could watch a video (now it's play video games).

 

Homeschooling is hard. There are hard days, hard weeks, and sometimes hard months. It can be enjoyable, but it's not the party everyday kind of enjoyable. It comes more from seeing your dyslexic son make progress and enjoy books instead of being frustrated by endless busy work that is hard for him to do (my 8 year old is dyslexic).

 

You work an outside job. That is hard! Make the next day an easy day for the kids. Plan educational movies or a hands on day (Lego's are very educational!).

 

You mentioned wanting to exercise. It is so hard to find the time when you have babies. When mine were still little I found lunch time to be a good time to run on my treadmill. We would work hard on school in the morning, then I would feed them and let them have some free time. You could also make it quiet time in their rooms. Or you could have the 8 year old "babysit" the younger one, and pay him for it with some sort of extra treat.

 

Hang in there. :grouphug: You've been working hard, and it seems like with some success. You just need to work on tweaking what you are doing.

 

HTH

[Karen in CO]

The first year of hs is hard. It is a new way to relate to your kids. It is more than just school.

 

My best advice for new homeschoolers is to picture in your mind the school that you want for your kids then create it. It sound easy before you begin homeschooling, but it is a continual struggle.

 

I wouldn't drop story time; it can be a very productive time. You may want to move it to a time that is less stressful. Bedtime can be a terrific time for stories.

 

Also, I would change the schedule for the days after you work nights. Make it a hands-on day. Art projects, science kits, stories, building, free exploration, reading - things that are easy to implement and low stress for you, but fun for the kids.

 

It is also okay to add in some pick-up time in your day. Scheduled cleanup times during the day will help to get clear up some of the clutter and will improve your school outlook.

 

Audio books are good - there are several sites online with free ones.

Quiet time for everyone is good.

Outside playtime is important. I couldn't get through my day with the kids getting fresh air everyday.

 

If you are commited to teach a co-op class, but the rest of the co-op isn't working for you, just stay for that part of the day. Don't let it take your day away from you if you aren't getting a ROI (return on investment) from it.

 

Keep up the good work.

[Alice]

This is my third year homeschooling (if you count kindergarten). My kids never went to public school so we never had to deal with the transition. I can imagine that in itself is hard. It's a good lifestyle and one I love, but not necessarily easy.

 

I have a daughter who is 15 months and last year I got the advice from many people that this would be our hardest year. Last year she was easy, I could put her in a sling and she would be happy. This year not so much. It's been a tough year, but I remind myself that it should only get easier from here.

 

One thing that has helped me with her is to make a list of things to do with her during school. The more intentional I am about providing activities for her and the 4 yr old, the better our day goes. Sometimes it's just tiring to do but it does help. Things we've done: tape paper to a table and give her washable markers and let her go crazy, put the baby bathtub in the kitchen and let her sit in it and play with some cups and practice pouring, give her a box of little items to pull out and discover (different textures). I keep certain toys like wooden puzzles, shape sorters, building items, etc for school time and pull them out then. We do a lot of school outside when it's at all nice out. She also loves math manipulatives. :) I also plan hard subjects for her snack time. Sometimes I've even left a trail of Cheerios around the kitchen to keep her busy.

 

I also find it very frustrating when my 7 yr old says he doesn't like school or is negative about what we are doing. We put so much energy and time and love into it it's hard not to take it personally.I really try and evaluate if there is something I should change or if it's just him being a kid. It sounds like you've done a great job of seeing if you are meeting your kids needs and it sounds like you are.

 

Hang in there!

[HomesteadMommy]

:grouphug:

Even after 3 to 5 years of schooling (5 if you count prk/k lol) we still have some bad days. It's normal. Most of the time if we are having a real grumpy day here, I put everything away. We curl up on the couch and read together. Seems to put things right around here. Although some days it doesn't work. lol

 

If your co-op is causing a big stress in your life and the kids hate it. I would drop it.

 

Do your kids do their work together? Would separating their lesson time help? One could go work on reading or copy work while you work at the table with the other. Might cut back on the fussing if they aren't side by side.

 

Maybe taking some "light" schooling days would help. Do some "fun" stuff first and ease back into a full load slowly. Math games, card games, trivia, family reading time, make some cookies. They all are "fun" but have a lot of learning in them.

 

It is hard, but will get better. :grouphug:

[debbielong]

Hugs from here, too. Homeschooling is hard.

 

Drop the co-op. Just. Drop. It. If the kids don't like it (and it isn't necessary for their souls), drop it. "Feeling committed" is not the same thing as a signed contract:). If the benefits do not outweigh the disadvantages, drop, drop, drop.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I have homeschooled for 7 years. This is the first year, past Kindergarten, that I have homeschooled with a toddler. It has been my most difficult year. I purposefully limit things, like co-op, that will interfere with naptime. Next Fall, he will be two and I will consider our co-op again then, but I knew that it would be a nightmare this year. This is the first year I have every day dreamed about sending the kids to PS. It is just difficult with a toddler, but it is simply a stage and it will pass.

 

Have you sat down and had a heart to heart with your DH about the workload involved in HS'ing? It it is like working a full time job and he can't really look at you as stay at home mom anymore. Definitely have the kids help in any way they can.

 

Mostly, hugs :grouphug: and understanding. HS'ing is tough.

[Penny_P]

Aaahhh... thanks so much for all of the encouragement. I didn't think it would be easy, but the bickering and laziness took me by surprise.

 

I'll have to think about dropping the co-op. Frankly, I dread those days, but it does have value for the kids- exposure to music, art, and public speaking. The ladies in charge have really put their heart and soul into it. I had already tentatively decided not to do it next year.

 

The WTM forum has been such a support, even if I'm just silently lurking most of the time.

[Penny_P]

The absolute hardest time to homeschool with a little one is about 15 mo - 30 mo.

 

Egads- he just turned a year!

 

I'll have to add story time back into the schedule...maybe before bed.

 

It's not that dh isn't supportive- he just doesn't want anything to effect him. He loves the idea of homeschooling, but he's not at all involved and is "too tired" to do much of anything when he gets home from work, including help with ds1....for hours. :glare:

[Dana]

 

 

As for grammar, well I love grammar and I think it is really important, but I think you can put it off until next year if necessary. This year teach them them some basic parts of speech. Noun, verb, pronoun and the difference between common and proper nouns is plenty. Teach the definitions and then as you come across examples in real life ("let's run to the fence, run is a verb!") or in story time ( "Lucy went into the wardrobe. Lucy is a girl, she is a noun. Her proper special name is Lucy so it is capitalized") point them out, say the rule, or let one of them say the rule/definition and that is plenty..

 

Schoolhouse Rock works well :)

[NanceXToo]

I'm sorry it's so hard for you right now :(

 

Maybe you can try to make it a priority to MAKE homeschooling more "fun." Maybe that would make it more enjoyable for YOU to do it with them. And maybe it will make it more engaging for them- and if they are more interested and engaged, perhaps they will bicker and fight less and so on.

 

Don't take away story time. Try to make things more kind of hands on where possible. It's okay to lighten your load. You can learn from books, movies, games, websites, conversations, outings and field trips, hands on activities- it doesn't need to be all worksheets and textbooks and so on.

 

Your husband needs to just get over himself in my opinion (no offense). Either he needs to man up and help some more (YOU take care of kids, a house, education, AND work part time for crying out loud, I'm sure YOU are tired too, and when does YOUR day ever get to end so YOU can relax? Sorry, that just makes me nuts!), OR he needs to stop "expecting" a hot meal and a clean house when he gets home. You're not the maid. He can sometimes eat a cold meal or fix his own. He can deal with a house that isn't immaculate. Your kids are old enough to help at least keep things straightened up.

 

On a more positive note- it's great that you are seeing improvement with your son! Saxon from what I've seen has ridiculously long lessons with a LOT of problems to do- so yes I think it's fine to do a lesson over more than one day. Or do fewer lessons per week. Or find a math curriculum he enjoys more (Teaching Textbooks is a hit over here; Life of Fred sounds really interesting though I haven't yet seen it first hand)...

 

I've heard a lot of people have luck using Times Tales for multiplication table memorization... and playing games like Timez Attack... my daughter is 10 and still struggles with some of them... but then, I always did, too.

 

I'm sorry your daughter didn't have anything positive to say about school. Like someone else said, it can be hard not to take it personally when the kids are negative about homeschooling, because we do put so much time and effort and energy and love into it. But I do think you should try to cater to what her interests and talents are- give her more arts and crafts! Give her an arts and crafts bin, sign her up for a class, get her how to draw books from the library, see if you can add more crafts into her schedule- when you're learning about something can you incorporate a craft into it?

 

The co-op? Drop it. Seriously. You dread it, the kids don't like it, it's not convenient for you, or the baby.... you seriously do NOT need to feel obligated to continue with it.

 

Use that time to have fun with your kids at home instead. Use it for arts and crafts and story time.

 

Try to do things while the baby naps or plays in the same room (work doesn't always have to be done at a kitchen table, my daughter's been known to do a good amount of hers on the couch or flopped on the living room floor or out in the backyard during nice weather)... it's really hard to occupy a toddler sometimes... but it will get easier, I think, as the kids get more used to routine, and you drop the demands that are making things more stressful for you, and you guys work together on making things more fun and enjoyable for all...

 

...while not every moment has been perfect for us by any means, I DO think that our homeschool has been more fun than not all along, and it makes me sad when I hear that this isn't the case for everyone and that there are people feeling discouraged or depressed about it... so I hope that you guys can work things out.

 

Good luck! :grouphug:

[Dolphin]

This is my first year homeschooling. My son is in third grade. I am having to get used to having him around all day. As he was in a school before that did not use a single curriculum that we are using, he and I have both needed time to get used to it. The language and the way things are taught are entirely new to him.

 

I had a chat with a veteran Homeschool mom early on. She told me that instead of worrying about finishing 3rd grade on time, to focus on ds having all the skills he should have down by the end of 4th grade. Take this first year easy. Take breaks while you are re-evaluating instead of trying to teach through them. You have just taken on a new full time job, you have to train yourself, keep yourself on track while managing a family.

 

We are so far behind it is funny, but I am taking heart from the fact that I have not quit. That I have learnt a lot with what we have already done, and we will find a way that works for us. You will to. Keep at it!

 

Oh, and drop the co-op, I also added in way to much at the beginning. You can always re join at a later date, but drop it for this year.

 

Nicole

[Tracy]

I'll have to think about dropping the co-op. Frankly, I dread those days, but it does have value for the kids- exposure to music, art, and public speaking. The ladies in charge have really put their heart and soul into it. I had already tentatively decided not to do it next year.

 

This is only my second year, but I think the most important lesson I learned the first year is to drop what is not working and not wait until the end of the year. If you are feeling overwhelmed, and it is affecting your relationship with your children, no amount of cultural exposure will compensate for it. I agree that you should seriously consider dropping the co-op.

 

BTW, I just discovered a book called Art through Literature. You read a Caldecott book with your child and then focus on a particular art technique used in that book. You could do storytime and art all in one! And your dd8 might really like the hands on.

[TXMary2]

Our first year was the hardest year, but we still have our bad days.

 

School doesn't have to be fun, but it is nice when it is. I think asking them what they want is a great start. If your dd is creative maybe she would like Lapbooks? Perhaps you could set most of the textbooks aside for awhile and do more library visits, reading aloud, DVD watching or History Channel/Nat Geo etc type stuff. Field trips, nature walks etc.

 

Regarding math, if dc doesn't know the facts enough to move forward, set the text aside and do flash card drills until they are memorized. Try to make a game with it or just get some actual math games to do in lieu of the Saxon once a week.

 

Mix it up a little, relax and take a mental health day when needed. Regarding your husband, I wouldn't tell you how to handle your marriage or encourage you to do things that would make him mad. It sounds like he isn't changing anytime soon. Knowing that, plan accordingly. The crock pot can be your best friend!! My husband isn't all that interested in our schooling except for wanting a twice a year report card and he likes to see our pictures now and then. He doesn't do any teaching with the kids formally, but they do "life skills" and sports. He isn't a big chore guy around the house, but he does the yard. He has a physically demanding job and the top three things he wants from me to be happy are food, sports without interruption and well.....you know....but not necessarily in that order. I am happy to keep him happy because if he is I pretty much get what I want and I like it that way:D

[PeterPan]

Penny, that's not even realistic to expect you'd have found your groove by this time, so you're being needlessly evaluative and hard on yourself. First, what things CAN change? Can the co-op change? Why are you in this? They're 8 and 9. The world won't end if you drop. If they hate it, you hate it, and it's sucking time, drop it. 2nd, why are you too busy for crafts?? Seriously, if you have two dyslexic and special learners, then you ought to be doing MORE crafts and hands-on, not less. I'm not saying that to guilt-trip you. I'm saying that if you take out something to add those back in, it's a good thing. Looking at your list, the easiest place to get those would be MOH. Look at the lesson each day and think of a little hands-on to go with it so they have something to do with their hands while you read. For instance, when I used it with my hands-on-craving dd I had her sculpt whatever we were reading about. Have you tried polymer clay like Sculpey? It's fabulous stuff, comes in large boxes you can buy at Michael's or Joanns with a 50% off coupon, and it's no-mess, easy to use. They're at a terrific age to start using it. I was just looking today and the ziggurats and tools and cuneiform tablets and different things my dd sculpted. Give them something to do with their hands while you read to them! When a dyslexic asks for hands-on, he's asking because he NEEDS it.

 

3rd, I have two takes on the job you're working. One is that I don't think it's the end of the world and that you should cut yourself some grace. You can easily do these ages and still have off once a week. Two, I'd make sure you really HAVE to do this work. I wouldn't spend money on curriculum if that money equals the amount you're earning by working. It's none of my business, just something to ponder. Sometimes people work and then buy expensive things.

 

You're not dealing with easy problems. Stop undercutting yourself. Everything you've described is normal. I'd make your #1 goal a happy, peaceful home and make some changes to get you guys there. I bet your home could be a bit messy and still be peaceful. But maybe some tweaks in the homeschooling would help. If your kids are dyslexic, they probably don't like their work because it's HARD for them and works their weak points. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. We can't make everything easy in life, and that's just how it is.

 

BTW, dyslexia, tends to run in families, so are you or dh dyslexic? Might be something interesting to ponder. Gives you a way to discuss your own education and what did or did not work.

[brownie]

I pulled my kids out of school last year and ds#2 who was headed to 1st grade at the time was not happy about it. I also had a 3rd grader and a preschooler. I tried to finish school by noon and take some field trip days. I would make a point of what time it was and when the bus was pulling in. Perhaps a little manipulative but I made my point and the kids came to appreciate homeschooling. I particularly remember a day in September when grandma took us to the zoo and we pulled in at the same time as the school bus..."Wow! the kids are just getting home and we spent the whole day at the zoo!"

 

or "Gee, we're headed to the park but the other kids won't be home for 4 more hours!!!"

 

Our days are not quite as easy going this year. We've buckled down a bit more, we have more outside commitments and I've brought my preschooler home now too, but I wanted to lay the groundwork of satisfaction with the decision to homeschool. I considered it a 1 year experiment and focussed on it meeting everyone's needs.

 

Brownie

[MeganW]

DH does nothing around the house, expecting a hot meal and a clean house when he gets home. His contribution, he says, is going to a job he hates and providing financially. (Yes, it's been a marital struggle for 11 years.)

 

I think you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart.

 

Here is the arrangement here:

 

- DH works hard all day at work doing his job, and I work hard all day at home doing my job (SAHM)

 

- he is expected to work hard all day, as am I (I can't sit around watching hours of TV or surfing the net - kids are my first priority, and then I should do whatever I can around the house. Some days I get a lot of housework done, some days I breakeven, and some days, well, I should get credit for the house still standing!)

 

- he gets a lunch break for an hour or so every day, so do I (I shouldn't feel guilty about that time - I need it to recharge just like he does!)

 

- some days he works late. On those days, so do I! :)

 

- when he gets home, whatever work is left we split 50/50. Our saying is "neither of us sits down until we both sit down". He usually walks in, we eat dinner as a family, and then it is bedtime for the kiddos. I am ready for a little alone time by then, so he takes over with the kids - stories, baths, bedtime,etc., while I clean up the kitchen, wash dishes, and finish up the day's laundry.

 

- whoever finishes first is expected to help the other finish their work. Again, his work is childcare, mine is kitchen/dishes/laundry. Nothing else is truly urgent! I will admit that I have mopped the floor when it really didn't need it on occasion when the kids were getting on my nerves, so that I didn't have to go up and help blowdry hair!

 

- when we are both finished, we each get a drink & sit down in the family room and talk about our days. No TV, no computers, for at least 15 minutes or so, usually more. That's our time to tell each other what went well, what our current stresses are, etc. I can't imagine we would have much of a marriage without that time to connect. And if one of us was up doing all the work while the other sat right after dinner, one would be mad and would be working right up until bedtime, so there wouldn't be any good conversation!

 

We both can feel good about this system. Both of our contributions are recognized. Neither of us is working more than the other.

 

On occasion, when it is obvious I have had a hard day, Chuck will pour my drink & send me to the sofa early, and finish my work himself. But it is certainly not something I ever expect - it's just his way of showing me that he loves me!

 

I think you need to be sure your husband understands that you, too, have a job - you are at it ALL DAY while he is at his job all day. Of course he's tired at night and doesn't want to help. Aren't we all? I'd love to sit on my duff all night every night and never do any post-7pm work either, but that isn't realistic!

 

As to how to make him understand - I think he needs more time with the kids running the house. Make it work somehow! There is nothing like experience to help with the understanding.

[5wolfcubs]

The absolute hardest time to homeschool with a little one is about 15 mo - 30 mo.

:iagree:

I have always homeschooled. I must have blocked this memory...but is all coming back to me now! My little one just turned a year also. :svengo:

 

You've gotten great ideas (me too!), I just wanted to offer a sympathy hug from a former Arizonan who misses the sun! :grouphug:

[thowell]

This is only our 2nd year so I am by no mean an expert but, I went through the same thing. What I found was that I was trying to do school at home not homeschool! This year has been so much better (even with the occasional bumps)! I make sure we cover the basics in the morning in short sessions. Then we do the fun stuff. I don't mean to cater to them all the time but I realized that it was more important to me that my kids love to learn than it was to cram information into their minds that they wouldn't remember a few years from now. Have you considered doind a unit study method for awhile? What are some things your kids love? You can probably find a unit study on it. At their ages all I would add in for awhile would be math. Let them have their hands on time. At this age I think it is important. We started off last year with a ton of worksheets and texts. I thought I needed this paper trail to prove my kids were learning. They hated it! I hated it! Now I do what works. We use The Sentence Family to cover Grammar with Ruth Heller books. We read good living books for history. We do science experiments once a week or they pick a topic and come up with a project (this has worked great). Dd10 uses TT for math, dd7 uses professor B and MM with candies as her counters! Dd11 uses BJU and we take it really slow! They get a ton of writing in their history and science with narrations and copywork. And memorize a poem once a week. That's it! They are loving school and my friends and family have been amazed at how much they have learned. You have plenty of time to add in other content elements but for now, given their ages and their complaints and how you are feeling, I would just have fun with it. Oh, and for the house and exercise. We do chores in the morning before we start. Everyone has a job to do and they do it. You could add in nature walks. That would get in exercise and science! Just relax you are doing a great job and will find your grove. Just keep your head up and it will level out!

[....]

Hi, everybody's giving you great advice here...

 

I see you've combined a lot - GOOD! It looks like you can teach both kids at the same time. I teach our 3rd grader and 2nd grader together, also.

 

I think a lot of your problems are baby issues and not homeschooling issues. Every time we have a baby, it takes about 2 years before things start scraping back to normal (whatever "normal" is) :glare:. My youngest is 3 and I just started jogging/working out again this fall.

 

Would something like Managers of their Homes help you? I would put everybody on some kind of schedule. I also have my kids do chores. This seems horrible, but it helps a LOT.

 

Also...remember that not every kid is compatible with every homeschooling approach (I'm whispering this...shhhhh). I have a son who went to public school for K and was being pulled from class every day to work with the special ed lady. I've been homeschooling him since that time and he is doing incredible. He's actually caught up to his older sister in math. Unfortunately, he needs every single thing to be a hands-on approach (don't ask me why :confused:). If I wouldn't have catered homeschooling to him, our homeschool would have been a massive, massive failure.

 

I hope things start looking up for you! :001_smile: