If you take a relaxed approach to bedtime...

[Rosy]

We prefer to take a relaxed approach to bedtime in our house. Our rule is that as long as you're in your room and you're quiet, you can stay up as long as you'd like. It's pretty much the only quiet awake time my kids have, and they usually spend it reading, playing with legos, writing in a notebook, etc. I think having some unstructured quiet time is good for them, and I'll admit that I prefer if they don't get up at 7am...so having a little later bedtime is fine with me.

 

The younger girls usually turn their lamp off around 9:00-9:30 and go to sleep. DS usually goes to sleep around 10:00-10:30. But DD10 has been staying up later and later...she used to turn her lamp off around 10:30, lately it's been after 11:00, sometimes it's close to midnight when she goes to sleep. Then she's tired in the morning. Her schoolwork isn't suffering, and usually after about half an hour the grumpies are gone, but she isn't quite ready to start school for at least an hour. We do our read-alouds first, so by the time we're done with those she's usually ready for independent work.

 

So, if you take a similar approach to bedtime, do you have kids that have a hard time self-regulating? Do you eventually tell them to turn of their lights, or to do leave them to figure it out? Any feedback would be helpful. Thanks!

[canadianmomtofour]

We have pretty much the same approach to bedtime. They go into quiet time at 9:00, everything is turned off/put away at 11:00, and the little ones are asleep very shortly after that. My oldest, however, doesn't go to sleep until well after midnight. He has always had extreme difficulty sleeping and I let him read, if he needs to, until he feels sleepy. I deal with the morning tiredness by working with the other kids before lunch and letting him wake up in his own time. He does his school work after lunch. It works for us and I too enjoy the fact that everyone sleeps in. Hope that helps.

[Rosy]

Yeah, I guess it's working for us too, I just get nervous when she's still awake at 11:30.

[DawnM]

Well, my boys share a room (all 3 of them, it is a big room and they like it this way for now), so it is harder to make them quiet.

 

We approach it by saying that lights must be out by 10pm. The older two often whisper for up to an hour in their beds while the younger one falls asleep.

 

Our problem is wake up time. Youngest gets enough sleep because he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Oldest doesn't need as much sleep and never has. But middle child wants to sleep until 10am or later and I need him to start school by 9am!

 

So, we are wondering what solution we can come up with there.

 

Dawn

[regentrude]

My kids have been choosing their own bedtime for many years, and are sometimes staying up really late - but the main difference is that we DO make them get up in the morning (they attended ps for a few years, and even now with homeschooling, family breakfast is at 7am, and schoolwork starts at 8am. DH and I work and have to keep a schedule)

So whoever stayed up too late must get up in the morning anyway and realizes that he/she is tired and will go to bed earlier that day, without nagging. That will, of course, not work if the child gets to choose when he wants to get up in the morning.

[NanceXToo]

I do take a pretty relaxed approach. My 5 y/o goes up around 8:30 but will usually play a game or something for an hour in bed. I do make him put it down and go to sleep at a certain point, which can vary.

 

My 10 y/o goes up around 8:30/9:00 most nights (sometimes she's down later watching TV with us) but she can read in bed or play a game or watch a video or something. Sometimes she ends up coming down and hanging out with her dad after I go to bed. I just sort of play it by ear...if she's had too many late nights in a row or is seeming tired or out of sorts, I'll make it earlier on a given night. Sometimes I'll have to say "okay it's getting too late/you've been up late too many times in a row, I want lights out now." Other times I just let her fall asleep when she falls asleep (which does sometimes have her up til almost midnight like yours!)

 

I usually wake her up around 9-9:30 and by the time she's had breakfast and we did our read aloud, which is how we start our day, she's ready for doing whatever it is I want her to do- she usually has a very good attitude...

 

...her dad's always been a night owl and she just kind of is, too!

[prairiegirl]

We do this with our oldest (11). She goes to her room around 8:30 or 9:00 and then she can do what she wants (usually reads) until she is sleepy. But if she is still awake at 11:00, I gently remind her of the time and that she should go to sleep. I also wake her at 8:00 a.m. If she is tired or grumpy then I remind her that she can always go to sleep earlier.

[elegantlion]

We're pretty relaxed about bedtime, except on school days. My ds will literally stay up until 2am if he's allowed. So Sunday - Thursday he has a bedtime, we made it 10pm, maybe 10:30 is dh is awake. Friday and Saturday we let him stay up.

 

You may just have a night owl on your hands. My bedtime is around 10pm, I almost cease to function about that time, so I'm in bed. Dh will crash out early when he's worked hard and he's up early every morning.

 

Ds and I are not morning people so we start school at 10am, but if we don't force the bedtime during school he's unable to function properly.

[nukeswife]

Our rule is that you must be in your room at 8pm, the Directv boxes are set to turn themselves off at 11pm Sun-Thur and 12am Fri-Sat. Once the satellite box goes off, they can stay up reading if they like.

 

If they aren't awake by 11am, then I'll wake them but otherwise we just get up and get going as they roll out of bed.

 

So far it's worked fine for us. There have been times that I've found my oldest up at 2-3am still reading, but I can't blame him, I do that myself quite often.

[katemary63]

My kids have been choosing their own bedtime for many years, and are sometimes staying up really late - but the main difference is that we DO make them get up in the morning (they attended ps for a few years, and even now with homeschooling, family breakfast is at 7am, and schoolwork starts at 8am. DH and I work and have to keep a schedule)

So whoever stayed up too late must get up in the morning anyway and realizes that he/she is tired and will go to bed earlier that day, without nagging. That will, of course, not work if the child gets to choose when he wants to get up in the morning.

 

:iagree: This is what we do. Everybody gets up in the AM for breakfast at 7:00. We start school at 8:00. If DD9 is "too tired" then I guess she will need to go to bed earlier that night. She is also not allowed to take her tiredness out on me. If she were grumpy and rude because she was tired, (she never really is) then there would be consequences. Other then this, I let her choose her own bedtime. Sometimes I remind her it's a school night and she'll choose to go to sleep because she doesn't want to be so tired during math at 8:00. She's learning to make good choices. If she were allowed to sleep in just because she stayed up late, what would be learned? What would be the incentive for choosing a reasonable schedule?

[Rosy]

I wake her up at 9 or 9:30 if she isn't already awake, she usually is since she shares a room (and the other bedrooms are right by hers). I definitely wouldn't be ok with her staying up til all hours and then sleeping until noon and throwing off our schedule in the process. I guess what I really want is to be able to come out of my room at 9:30 ready to teach and have the kids ready to learn. Most of the time they're still in their jammies and haven't had breakfast. But that's a different issue than her staying up too late. It's hard to get a good morning routine in place when I'm barely functioning before 9:00. Like mother, like daughter, I guess. :P

[silliness7]

We prefer to take a relaxed approach to bedtime in our house. Our rule is that as long as you're in your room and you're quiet, you can stay up as long as you'd like. It's pretty much the only quiet awake time my kids have, and they usually spend it reading, playing with legos, writing in a notebook, etc. I think having some unstructured quiet time is good for them, and I'll admit that I prefer if they don't get up at 7am...so having a little later bedtime is fine with me.

 

The younger girls usually turn their lamp off around 9:00-9:30 and go to sleep. DS usually goes to sleep around 10:00-10:30. But DD10 has been staying up later and later...she used to turn her lamp off around 10:30, lately it's been after 11:00, sometimes it's close to midnight when she goes to sleep. Then she's tired in the morning. Her schoolwork isn't suffering, and usually after about half an hour the grumpies are gone, but she isn't quite ready to start school for at least an hour. We do our read-alouds first, so by the time we're done with those she's usually ready for independent work.

 

So, if you take a similar approach to bedtime, do you have kids that have a hard time self-regulating? Do you eventually tell them to turn of their lights, or to do leave them to figure it out? Any feedback would be helpful. Thanks!

 

We take this approach we the older boys 13, 12, and 10. The 12 and 10 yo are good to turn the light off (or not) and go to sleep about 9:30 and are fine in the morning. They share a room. The 13yo has his own room and he stays up quite late and it does affect the next morning. I have asked him to turn his light off at 10:30 on school nights and we're still working on that. I think he knows it's a problem and is trying to get a handle on a schedule but he also has a hard time shutting it down and complains of insomnia. So I am trying to help him by A. pointing out that this is a problem and B. proposing a solution and C. encouraging him to stick with the plan.

[regentrude]

I guess what I really want is to be able to come out of my room at 9:30 ready to teach and have the kids ready to learn. Most of the time they're still in their jammies and haven't had breakfast. But that's a different issue than her staying up too late. It's hard to get a good morning routine in place when I'm barely functioning before 9:00. Like mother, like daughter, I guess. :P

 

Even though my son is an early riser and usually up before us parents, no way he would be ready for school when I get up. He'd questions why he should get dressed and make breakfast if I don't. The only way I see anything happening is through me modeling the behavior I want from my kids.

I'd be curious to hear from others if families like this really exist where the kids get themselves prepared before the parents are up.

 

(OTOH, we found the perfect remedy for morning dawdling while the kids were still in public school. We had a tight schedule, times for breakfast, being dressed, being ready to go, and there were always issues with having to hurry them - until we announced that whoever was ahead of schedule was allowed to play on the computer. That solved all problems immediately ;-)

[jenn-]

Even though my son is an early riser and usually up before us parents, no way he would be ready for school when I get up. He'd questions why he should get dressed and make breakfast if I don't. The only way I see anything happening is through me modeling the behavior I want from my kids.

I'd be curious to hear from others if families like this really exist where the kids get themselves prepared before the parents are up.

 

(OTOH, we found the perfect remedy for morning dawdling while the kids were still in public school. We had a tight schedule, times for breakfast, being dressed, being ready to go, and there were always issues with having to hurry them - until we announced that whoever was ahead of schedule was allowed to play on the computer. That solved all problems immediately ;-)

 

My 10yo is up, fed, dressed (most days) and working on her first subject before I crawl out of bed. She knows her best concentration comes right after waking up so if she starts too late, her school work takes 3 times as long.

[babysparkler]

We do this with our oldest (11). She goes to her room around 8:30 or 9:00 and then she can do what she wants (usually reads) until she is sleepy. But if she is still awake at 11:00, I gently remind her of the time and that she should go to sleep. I also wake her at 8:00 a.m. If she is tired or grumpy then I remind her that she can always go to sleep earlier.

This is what we do for ds10 and dd8. It works well for them. Ds5 & Ds3 go to bed when we tell them to, and are not allowed out of their room until their nightlight (on a timer) goes off... otherwise, they would be downstairs helping themselves to "breakfast" at 5am.

[LibraryLover]

We're relaxed as well and always have been. It's worked out well so far. lol

Edited December 24, 2010 by LibraryLover