After you declutter, how?????

[Tabrett]

How do you keep from buying more? How do you keep from feeling guilty at b-days and Christmas by not buying lots of stuff. How do you get your family to honor your wishes of not buying lots of junk for your dc?

 

What do you get your dc when they have everything? I don't have a problem getting rid of stuff, I have a problem not getting new stuff.

 

After you declutter, how do you get yourself in the correct mindset to not buy more and not feel like you are depriving your dc.

[Garga]

I declutter kid stuff every 3-4 months or so. They can accumulate, but then it's out the door at the next Toy Declutter Event. I keep the nice toys that they play with alot, but the junky stuff that they don't really care about goes. (Sometimes I do this when they're not around and they never notice.)

 

Same thing with gifts for me that I don't like. I get rid of them pretty quickly after receiving them.

 

Not many people buy for me, and when they do they ask what I want (So, what do you want for Christmas?), so I can direct them to stuff that I won't just have to get rid of later.

 

The kids haven't felt deprived. But they love things like Legos and Bionicles, which are relatively small. They have thousands of legos, but they all fit into a couple of the bins in these toy organizers. So, they still get a lot of gifts, but they're small enough to contain.

 

We do NOT buy big presents, like race car tracks. Just the small stuff. Star Wars action figures fit into another 2 bins in the organizer. Actuall ALL of their toys fit into two of the organizers. If we start running out of room in those organizers, they I get rid of stuff. The kids have never felt like they haven't received a ton of stuff on B-day or Christmas. It's just small enough to fit in the bins.

Edited December 20, 2010 by Garga

[MamaAkins]

I think that decluttering needs to be the first step in a cycle. After you've decluttered the initial mess, you have to keep it up! When you bring new things into your home, you have to look around and see if there are things that need to move on to a new home!

[Miss Peregrine]

I like to give experiences as gifts. Theater tickets, museum passes, etc.

[Garga]

And for myself, when I'm tempted to get something, I ask myself EXACTLY where I would put it. Sometimes I think I want a little knick knack, but when I try to picture where it would go in the house, I realize there's really no place for it.

 

And sometimes I've done the thing where if I bring in something new, I have to get rid of something old.

[Punks in Ontario]

I've found that after a couple of cycles of buying and then decluttering what I bought a few months before makes me a lot more cautious the next time I buy. I hate throwing out something I paid real money for, then found out was junk, or obselete.

 

This time of year, dh and I both feel like grinches when we look at what we bought our kids, then by the end of the Christmas parties, we look around and ask ourselves why our kids need this much stuff. Each year, it gets less and more controlled.

[Abigail4476]

The trick is to only buy what is truly wanted or needed, and not just try to create an impressive pile of gifts under the tree (or on the table).

 

My dd13 only has three gifts under the tree from us (she has a few more from family members), but all three are things she really wanted. A refurbished Zune mp3 player, an Aeropostale hoodie, and a nice purse with a miniature cross daytimer stashed inside.

 

First of all, don't buy anything your child doesn't really want or need. Secondly, only buy quality, even if that means one birthday gift instead of five. Thirdly, don't feel guilty about donating things they don't use - what's the point of keeping something around if they don't really like it or use it? Give it to another child who will want to play with it, or donate it to Goodwill.

 

Add to existing collections of toys your kids love instead of constantly introducing new types of things.

 

I don't know about you, but I'd rather get one really nice gift than several that I really didn't want. Set a good example for your kids by asking for only one or two things from your husband, and then being thrilled with your modest "pile" of gifts. :) They'll learn that quality and practicality is preferred over quantity.

 

Also, save the big gifts for Christmas and birthdays. A lot of parents buy their kids luxury items all the time, and then can't figure out why they aren't impressed on birthdays or Christmas. Make them wait. :tongue_smilie:

[Abigail4476]

I've found that after a couple of cycles of buying and then decluttering what I bought a few months before makes me a lot more cautious the next time I buy. I hate throwing out something I paid real money for, then found out was junk, or obselete.

 

This is me, too!!! I shop a lot more carefully than I used to, and I don't shop as often. If I go to the store, it's usually with a specific purchase in mind.

[BlsdMama]

You appreciate the open spaces SO much that you don't want to buy... EVER.

 

Our biggest debate over the last couple of years? Owning a second spatula. My point? We didn't NEED a second spatula. We had one. DH's point? It's nice to have the right tool for the job. :D

 

He won. We own three. (THREE!?!?!?!)

 

My point?

 

Once you get used to beautiful, clear counters, uncluttered spaces, clean-ish drawers, arranged closets, you will do ANYTHING to prevent going back.

 

Just ask me. I'm preparing to do a pre-Christmas purge. (Insert evil laugh.)

 

 

But I'll tell you a secret, a friend of mine is a GENIUS. Their family has a rule. Nothing comes in the house without something going out of the house.

 

Meaning: If you have ten outfits and this is what you've deemed necessary to live, then if you buy another, you must ditch one you don't wear. If the child brings in a toy, gets a toy, etc., then he/she must gift/donate a toy out of the home.

 

And so on & so forth. I think she's amazing. I haven't completely managed it myself but I aspire...

[BlsdMama]

Also, save the big gifts for Christmas and birthdays. A lot of parents buy their kids luxury items all the time, and then can't figure out why they aren't impressed on birthdays or Christmas. Make them wait. :tongue_smilie:

Save ALL gifts for birthdays of Christmas.

 

ALL.

 

Unless it's a necessity, really consider whether or not you want to maintain it. Seriously.

 

If you have STUFF, you must maintain that stuff. You must evaluate if it is worthy of your time & energy to maintain that thing. Often it is not.

[Tabrett]

You appreciate the open spaces SO much that you don't want to buy... EVER.

 

 

My point?

 

Once you get used to beautiful, clear counters, uncluttered spaces, clean-ish drawers, arranged closets, you will do ANYTHING to prevent going back.

 

 

 

I LOVE clean open spaces, but I am married to a visual-spatial husband and have several visual-spatial dc!!!!! Dh has to SEE everything. He wants it organized, but it is hard for him when he can't see his stuff. It is the same with my dc. Dh loves lots of pictures on the walls and memento nick-nacks. He honestly thinks I don't care about our past because I don't want to keep stuff!

 

How do I help my family love clean open spaces?

[Pretty in Pink]

I oftentimes prefer to give the children experiences rather than stuff. Gifts that we buy are things like books, games, or consumable items such as a science kit. I don't feel guilty about the lack of stuff, per se. It's just not that important to me.

 

I've given up on trying to sway relatives to my side. Honestly, we've got one set of grands that shops the clearance bin year-round for Christmas gifts, and another that orders junky toys from the ABC catalogue. It's not my taste, but it's the thought that counts. Those toys generally have a short life-span, and that's fine. When they start falling apart we just toss them. No big deal.

 

ETA: My dh has lots of keepsakes and such, they just aren't all on display in our home. He has a few rubbermaid bins in the attic with all of his mementos. He has lots - newspapers (not just clippings, entire papers, stacks of them), posters, brochures he's picked up during his travels, all sorts of stuff. I don't get it. I'm not a collector of things. We sort of sporadically shuffle his stuff up there, because he's always gathering more and more and more!

Edited December 20, 2010 by Pretty in Pink

[BlsdMama]

I LOVE clean open spaces, but I am married to a visual-spatial husband and have several visual-spatial dc!!!!! Dh has to SEE everything. He wants it organized, but it is hard for him when he can't see his stuff. It is the same with my dc. Dh loves lots of pictures on the walls and memento nick-nacks. He honestly thinks I don't care about our past because I don't want to keep stuff!

 

How do I help my family love clean open spaces?

 

I don't know... That's really hard. My friend has a husband who feels that a home feels like a home when it has knick-knacks and things. She does her best to maintain them, dust them, care for them. I think her way is probably best as I'd never want my husband to feel uncomfortable in his own home. Is there a way to find what "comfortable" feels like to him and then to maintain THAT rather than trying to buy to fill that feeling? KWIM? For example, if you keep decluttering, he may keep buying just to try to get to a comfortable, homey, house. But perhaps if you said, "I can maintain "X" amount of things - what would you like to see on the shelves & walls so that you can feel comfortable without me losing my mind?" then you'd reach that medium?

 

I'm a disorganized person by nature. I can't keep my home organized like my husband would like it with "stuff" and so that is why I MUST keep it decluttered - otherwise stuff would reign and he'd feel VERY uncomfortable in the house.

 

God gives us our husbands (with their quirks) for a reason... :D

[joannqn]

We buy experiences like memberships or tickets to a special event. For example, I bought DH and DS tickets to see Avatar on IMAX 3D last Christmas. They were both really excited and had a great time.

 

This year, the three oldest kids and I are getting tickets to see the Harry Potter exhibit at the science center. They really want to see it but think they won't be able to because of cost. They'll be so excited.

[Abigail4476]

Save ALL gifts for birthdays of Christmas.

 

ALL.

 

Unless it's a necessity, really consider whether or not you want to maintain it. Seriously.

 

If you have STUFF, you must maintain that stuff. You must evaluate if it is worthy of your time & energy to maintain that thing. Often it is not.

 

I buy them little trinkets from time to time; by "big gifts", I mean anything expensive or important. I occasionally buy each one of my kids a magazine while I'm out grocery shopping, for instance; I consider that to be a "gift." (And probably not one I would save for a birthday.) :tongue_smilie:

 

We aren't big shoppers, though, so most of our clutter comes from their Grandma. *sigh* She lives with us, and is, quite frankly, a pack rat. I was actually thinking about starting a new thread about this issue--it's an ongoing problem.

 

Here's an example: a few weeks ago, I decluttered the kitchen towel drawer. It had only 4 washrags, 6 good handtowels, and a couple of dusting rags when I was finished. The rest I either tossed or gave to my husband for shop rags. When my mother saw it, she went out and bought more towels and put them in both drawers. :glare: If I get rid of dishes, she buys more and puts them in my cabinets. If I try to throw out clothes the kids wore when they were younger, she tries to save them. Any decluttering I do, I have to do when she's out...shopping.

:bigear:

[Halcyon]

You've gotten some great advice from everyone.

 

I think it's very important NOT to buy things. I mean, that's how our places get cluttered in the first place, right? Now, I know what you're saying. "What do you mean, DON'T BUY THINGS?? You mean, EVER?" LOL.

 

No. What I mean is only buy what you really, truly need, or really, truly desire. My trick is if I'm longing for something for 4-6 months, and I can afford it, and there's a "home" for it in the house, I will buy it. For example, I recently got a Kindle. I'd been wanting one forever, and I got it as an early Xmas present. When I go to Big Lots or what have you, there's a HUGE temptation to buy that "extra" set of measuring cups, or that cute set of hand towels on sale for $2. Even worse is the temptation to buy a cheap plastic $4 toy for the kids. DON'T DO IT! If it's not on your list, if it's not why you went in there in the first place, DON'T BUY IT. If you really do need it, a good way to find out is to put it on your "wish list" (this can be mental or physical) and in a few months, if you still find yourself needing it (be it an extra spatula, or a new set of cookie pans), then get it. Just yesterday, I went to Big Lots to get a set of cookie pans. I'd be using overturned casserole dishes for a year, and I decided it's high time I got myself a set of cookie pans. It wasn't the cost that was deterring me. It was "do i really make enough cookies to justify having a set in the house?" I finally decided I did.

 

When it comes to toys, I think buying only usable, long-lasting, well-made toys is key. I refuse to buy any more Polly Pockets, Bakugan, or Barbie (this is a recent change on my part!! ) I will buy (assuming the cost and desire and space issues are worked out) play silks, legos, snap circuits, certain robotics supplies, books, etc if my kids "need" them (and by need, I mean, they've been using their legos for a while and find they just can't make roofs because they're missing the right roof pieces. If they show dedication to a project like tha, I'll buy the needed pieces.)

 

Now, my DH is another issue altogether. He likes to buy little plastic toys for the boys.

 

ETA: I have to add a caveat here. My relatives are buying a robot arm, snap circuits, a new doll and a sewing kit for my kids. Oh, and a digital piano (they're starting lessons in the new year). They're going to get plenty of gifts, so my thinking with purging now is to prepare a bit for these new items.

[BlsdMama]

Repeat post

[JoyfulMama]

I've decluttered a lot. I still feel like I can do so much more. And while I have that feeling, I don't want to bring more into the house. When I have a room looking REALLY nice, I want to keep it that way.

I've become a purposeful shopper, like some other pp mentioned. I know what I am looking for. I am not enticed by things in the store unless I can tell myself where the item will go.

My mom has a hard time distinguishing between me saying "I admire something" in the store vs "I have a purposeful use for an item to come into my home." I've started to use more specific words. ;)

 

My inlaws were here last month for a couple days. One of the wonderful things they did for me was go to the grocery store with a list. I wasn't sure where to put the 12 rolls of paper towel rolls they purchased, as I usually buy 2 (which lasts 2 weeks or more). I was thankful, yet had to cringe at shoving rolls of paper towels in previously uncluttered cabinets all over the house. :lol: