17yodd pg update - FINALLY!!

[Margaret in GA]

What I don't get is why parents of potentially sexually active children do not provide them with options for birth control? If two young people have time together, then sexual explorations are pretty natural, right? Or do parents prefer to close their eyes so they won't be blamed for encouraging their kids to have sex?

 

This is not directed at any one in particular although I am certainly interested in hearing everyone's opinions incl. the ones with pregnant teens.

 

I met a 15 yo who got pregnant on the one time she snuck out of her girl friend's window at a socalled sleep over to go to a party. She had a plan all along. Ended up pregnant, but became an awesome mother and fnished her studies -with her mother as her partner. Kids make wrong choices, but if we as parents know they have a boy friend, don't we owe it to take them to the doctor and give them options?

:iagree:

Yes, we do. Moms, I hate to be the one to tell you this but kids today are different even than when we were teens. You'd better be ready to handle what they throw at you, but you'd also better be adaptable. Have a teen girl just plain sux sometimes.

 

To Stacey-

hugs to you! It's a ridiculously hard job and unconditional love is sometimes the hardest thing of all to offer them. You seem to be doing really well in that department

[ThatCyndiGirl]

 

I think you might have missed the part where here 17 dd is NOT pregnant. She thought she was but is not.

 

I think that this the pp you were speaking to was referring to the fact that OP's daughter has had MULTIPLE pregnancy losses. Perhaps this poster was thinking,"if they are in a long term relationship and keep having sex/getting pregnant maybe they are on the way to getting married?" Reasonable question.

 

Bottom line: She is a 17 year old girl who is TRYING to get pregnant. (that many pregnancies? Yeah, trying.) Hopefully she will work out her life details so that she is either on birth control or READY to have babies, financially, emotionally, etc. :grouphug:

[Scarlett]

I think that this the pp you were speaking to was referring to the fact that OP's daughter has had MULTIPLE pregnancy losses. Perhaps this poster was thinking,"if they are in a long term relationship and keep having sex/getting pregnant maybe they are on the way to getting married?" Reasonable question.

 

Bottom line: She is a 17 year old girl who is TRYING to get pregnant. (that many pregnancies? Yeah, trying.) Hopefully she will work out her life details so that she is either on birth control or READY to have babies, financially, emotionally, etc. :grouphug:

 

Oh. Yes. You are probably right.

[BlsdMama]

Oh. Yes. You are probably right.

 

 

Yup. I was thinking that this is a young lady who is with a boy and they've decided to be intimate. Got pregnant. Lost the baby. Mom suspects they tried for the second one. My guess is the next baby is really just around the corner. If they're really that committed and serious, getting married would not necessarily be a babd idea, despite the fact she's only 17. But I'm curious if this young man is prepared to be a husband or a father. Because if he isn't, has she had the talk with her daughter that babies really can't live off love? It's a romantic notion, but they can't eat it nor be clothed in it.

 

I promise I'm not just self righteous... After all DH and I will celebrate our 15 year anniversary in June, but our daughter turns 15 in APRIL.... :glare:

 

 

Do I believe all my girls (yeah, count 'em) will make their way down the aisle and receive their first kiss after being pronounced man and wife? Gosh, I sure hope so. If not, I'll love them anyway. I don't love them for their "purity" but we strongly encourage waiting on God. And this means NO dating in our home until such a point that you are ready to be married. And we would only consider young men who are ready to make the commitment to marriage - both emotionally, physically, and financially, as possibilities to be considered, kwim?

 

It's MUCH harder for the O.P. in that what happens when you've raised someone to date and be alone with that someone and have a relationship, etc., and then what? Ban it? Tough, tough, tough situation. I don't see a good way to do anything else... Other than keep her close, talk lots, love her to death... Sounds like that's what you're doing.

 

I think Mama that your relationship with your daughter will carry you a long way. And I'm so sorry for her as well. Having had two miscarriages, they are so much harder than you ever expect.

Edited December 23, 2010 by BlsdMama

[MariannNOVA]

Stacey: Just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. I, too, know what it is like to lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering why I didn't get the sign-up sheet for 'How to be a Perfect Parent.' :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mosaicmind]

I am going to school now to become a professional counselor and I would say that she is probably dealing with alot of issues and needs to see someone. I also got pregnant before I graduated highschool but I choose to have an abortion ( I hate that word, but it is what it is). I am reaping the consequences of that action to this day. I would never have been able to tell my parents, so I am so glad she has a mother like you who she can at least tell and confide in.

 

I also don't see you as the cause of this. We can be the best parents in the world and our children still have choices to make. You can guide and direct her but you can't force her to do anything. She doesn't sound like a vindictive or stupid girl, she just sounds hurt--and you are loving her. That's what is important. She knows what the consequences are for unprotected sex and I assume she also knows that the Lord doesn't condone pre-marital sex but it is all under the blood and it is forgiven. One day, hopefully, she will look back and realize that it wasn't the best thing she could have done and she will be wiser for it. The Lord can and will redeem this in her life.

 

I agree that the pill is not the best course of action but neither are any other forms of birth control as far as potential miscarriage issues are concerned. If her and boyfriend will use a condom that helps with the pregnancy issue and "possible" std issues if those are a concern.

 

Bless you my friend as you travel this road. I will be praying. If you need any counseling advice please pm me, I would love to chat with you. I have been there and done that and I want to be able to help other young girls who are traveling the road I once was on.

[MariannNOVA]

I am going to school now to become a professional counselor and I would say that she is probably dealing with alot of issues and needs to see someone. I also got pregnant before I graduated highschool but I choose to have an abortion ( I hate that word, but it is what it is). I am reaping the consequences of that action to this day. I would never have been able to tell my parents, so I am so glad she has a mother like you who she can at least tell and confide in.

 

I also don't see you as the cause of this. We can be the best parents in the world and our children still have choices to make. You can guide and direct her but you can't force her to do anything. She doesn't sound like a vindictive or stupid girl, she just sounds hurt--and you are loving her. That's what is important. She knows what the consequences are for unprotected sex and I assume she also knows that the Lord doesn't condone pre-marital sex but it is all under the blood and it is forgiven. One day, hopefully, she will look back and realize that it wasn't the best thing she could have done and she will be wiser for it. The Lord can and will redeem this in her life.

 

I agree that the pill is not the best course of action but neither are any other forms of birth control as far as potential miscarriage issues are concerned. If her and boyfriend will use a condom that helps with the pregnancy issue and "possible" std issues if those are a concern.

 

Bless you my friend as you travel this road. I will be praying. If you need any counseling advice please pm me, I would love to chat with you. I have been there and done that and I want to be able to help other young girls who are traveling the road I once was on.

 

 

I wish you were around to talk to me when my older dds were teens.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Oh, and trust me, pre-marital relations is not the only issue with teens - but we all know that.

[Mosaicmind]

I wish you were around to talk to me when my older dds were teens.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Oh, and trust me, pre-marital relations is not the only issue with teens - but we all know that.

 

I wish my dds would listen to me when I talk. I have been blessed to have a wonderful older dd who is walking with the Lord and I have never had a problem with--bar the normal teen issues. My younger dd, now 15, is having some depression issues and trying to feel her way through this tumultuous time in her life. All I can do is be available when she wants to talk (which seems to be late a night---what's with that?) I don't have to worry about her and boyfriends because she sees what her friends are going through and she wants to have nothing to do with it.

 

I just want to be able to help others who have been where I was. This is why I am becoming a counselor.

[Denisemomof4]

My dd HAS had access to b/c. I took her to a gynecologist as soon as I knew she was sexually active.

 

I guess the biggest problem for me with the b/c is that we are very pro-life and I have a moral issue with the pill (yes, AND a moral issue with pre-marital sex, but that doesn't negate the way I feel about the pill), and I worry about various issues from taking hormonal b/c.

 

That being said, not only did she have the opportunity to take the pill, she DID take the pill after her first pregnancy, and did become pg the second time WHILE taking the pill.

 

Also, I VERY much encourage condom use, because, as mentioned earlier, I don't believe the worst consequence from sex is pregnancy. I encourage my kids to use condoms because of disease.

 

17yodd has been with the same young man for the last 2 years. She has not been active with others. I have done my best to provide her with options, and talk about all of it with her, including the fact that it is NOT God's intention for people to have marital relations outside of marriage.

 

I do appreciate the input, and my feelings have not been hurt with any of this discussion. I'm no wuss - I can take it. I know this child has some unresolved issues of some kind, and I have encouraged counseling. At almost 18 years old though, I can't force anything on her. All I can really do is pray, pray, pray, and THAT I do!

 

Stacey, I want to tell you that I think you're doing a wonderful job. I know I've cut off some communication with my boys by being too legalistic and am backing WAY down; a process that's been going on for a few years. I think you've done a better job. I learned from MY mistake and hope that my kids can learn to come to me with anything.

 

You're a good mom with a HUGE heart for your kids. Bless you!!!

[Denisemomof4]

I wish my dds would listen to me when I talk. I have been blessed to have a wonderful older dd who is walking with the Lord and I have never had a problem with--bar the normal teen issues. My younger dd, now 15, is having some depression issues and trying to feel her way through this tumultuous time in her life. All I can do is be available when she wants to talk (which seems to be late a night---what's with that?) I don't have to worry about her and boyfriends because she sees what her friends are going through and she wants to have nothing to do with it.

 

I just want to be able to help others who have been where I was. This is why I am becoming a counselor.

 

with teens, sometimes your own parent is the last person you want to talk to. But I want to encourage you to allow those exhausting late night talks. My oldest ALWAYS wanted to talk so late at night and sometimes it irritated me but I never let it show. Now that he has a serious gf he doesn't talk to me anymore and I can't tell you how much I miss it. I miss it so much it hurts.

[littleWMN]

This thread is not about my opinions on premarital sex, parenting, etc.

 

I'm so sorry for your daughter's loss. I've been there multiple times and it's so hard. :(

[Scarlett]

This thread is not about my opinions on premarital sex, parenting, etc.(

 

Threads often take multiple twists and turns. It is the nature of this large community---many of which have been posting back and forth to each other for many years.

 

No one is dismissing the pain of Stacey's dd losing her baby .... we just added to the discussion and it goes from there.

 

It is what we do. :D

[Mosaicmind]

with teens, sometimes your own parent is the last person you want to talk to. But I want to encourage you to allow those exhausting late night talks. My oldest ALWAYS wanted to talk so late at night and sometimes it irritated me but I never let it show. Now that he has a serious gf he doesn't talk to me anymore and I can't tell you how much I miss it. I miss it so much it hurts.

 

I don't deter her at all from talking to me, even if it's 2am. It's funny, but my sons actually talk to me more than my dds do. They will talk to me about anything and everything ALMOST. DS/16 is a little secretive about certain things so I let him have his space and he usually comes around.

 

I could NEVER talk to my parents about anything and I told myself that I would be a different parent than they were. I am not perfect and my kids know that. I have found that letting my kids in on the mistakes I have made helps them to feel free to let me in on their lives.

[unsinkable]

I am going to school now to become a professional counselor and I would say that she is probably dealing with alot of issues and needs to see someone. I also got pregnant before I graduated highschool but I choose to have an abortion ( I hate that word, but it is what it is). I am reaping the consequences of that action to this day. I would never have been able to tell my parents, so I am so glad she has a mother like you who she can at least tell and confide in.

 

I also don't see you as the cause of this. We can be the best parents in the world and our children still have choices to make. You can guide and direct her but you can't force her to do anything. She doesn't sound like a vindictive or stupid girl, she just sounds hurt--and you are loving her. That's what is important. She knows what the consequences are for unprotected sex and I assume she also knows that the Lord doesn't condone pre-marital sex but it is all under the blood and it is forgiven. One day, hopefully, she will look back and realize that it wasn't the best thing she could have done and she will be wiser for it. The Lord can and will redeem this in her life.

 

I agree that the pill is not the best course of action but neither are any other forms of birth control as far as potential miscarriage issues are concerned. If her and boyfriend will use a condom that helps with the pregnancy issue and "possible" std issues if those are a concern.

 

Bless you my friend as you travel this road. I will be praying. If you need any counseling advice please pm me, I would love to chat with you. I have been there and done that and I want to be able to help other young girls who are traveling the road I once was on.

 

What a beautiful post. :grouphug:

 

Merry Christmas!