DD is being picked on

[tarana]

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Edited December 3, 2010 by tarana

[Pippen]

Since this is occuring at school you should be dealing with your daughter and the teacher. Period. Don't deal with the other mom at all about a classroom matter!

 

My daughter had some problems with a few girls in her class. What I did was deal with her alone until it reached the point where it was causing more anxiety/upset than I thought was good for her. When it crossed that line I spoke to her teachers...who were absolutely shocked when they saw what was going on because Mean Girls have a way of being very clever about hiding their actions from supervising staff members.

 

Yes, I did want my daughter to handle things on her own, but she didn't walk into school equpped for that so I worked with her at home to help develop those skills. I did a lot of talking about the choices she was making--who she was playing with, sitting with in class, etc. We talked through what she should do if ___ happened again. And we role played the situations that were causing recurring problems so she was ready with with appropriate statements and actions to help disarm the problem.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is this at a school or a co-op?

 

An 8 year old is too young and doesn't have the capacity to handle something like this on her own - esp. since she would have to confront other adults and not just the other children. I agree that this should not be handled between the moms but between you and the teacher (and the other moms and the teacher). The teachers should still be supervising during breaks.

 

If this is at a co-op, I would see if you could sit in the class for a few times so that you could observe and help your dd esp. during breaks. Obviously if this is at a school, you can't do this.

[Samiam]

I am wondering where this is, at a school or co-op, or where? I've never been to a place where moms are so quick to jump at other's children.

 

If it is a school setting, I am wondering why these Mom's are around so much....not that they shouldn't be but it is very rare to have Moms, several different Moms, interacting with the class and other parents so much.

 

If it is a HS co-op, WOW, is I all can say, that there are so many Mom's jumping all over you and your daughter. Never saw that before in a HS community......if I had, probably not something I would be continuing to take my child to.

 

If going to this place is not an optional choice for you, I would really considering taking it up with higher authorities of the facility. No way sure other parents be intervening in these mild situations (by mild I mean it doesn't sound like hard core bullying but just a case of different perspectives on a misunderstanding)...it should be handled by the teacher or administrator.

[2cents]

Sounds like a hellish coop I used to attend. I recommend that you sit in the class and be constantly in eyeshot of your daughter. That is the only way you can be sure of what is happening. If you see the bullying begin, you need to intervene right away and let the other kids know that you are watching. Let the other moms know that you are going to be an active presence too, so no monkey business from them either. If it doesn't get better soon, I'd consider finding another coop. Life is too short to put up with mean people and the anxiety is not good for your child. :grouphug:

[tarana]

This is at a dance class. Since the class is couple of hours, some moms hang around outside the classroom. I usually leave and come back 5-10 mins before pickup time. All these incidents seem to happen within the 5-10 mins before class or during the 5 mins break they get. Repeated occurences is what is worrying me.

Edited December 2, 2010 by tarana

[Brilliant]

This is at a dance class. Since the class is couple of hours, some moms hang around outside the classroom. I usually leave and come back 5-10 mins before pickup time.

It looks like you need to stay.

 

Why are the 8 year olds lifting things at dance class??

[angela in ohio]

This is at a dance class. Since the class is couple of hours, some moms hang around outside the classroom. I usually leave and come back 5-10 mins before pickup time. All these incidents seem to happen within the 5-10 mins before class or during the 5 mins break they get. Repeated occurences is what is worrying me.

 

Can you stay at class? That way the other women aren't supervising your daughter, and the problem will not exist.

 

If not, I'd speak to the teachers/owner. If they are willing for your dd to be dropped off and picked up, they should be providing supervision during her breaks.

[Pippen]

This is at a dance class. Since the class is couple of hours, some moms hang around outside the classroom. I usually leave and come back 5-10 mins before pickup time. All these incidents seem to happen within the 5-10 mins before class or during the 5 mins break they get. Repeated occurences is what is worrying me.

 

I'd still be talking to the teacher because this is unacceptable behavior in a dance studio. Also I'd make sure to stay extra on both ends.

[Parrothead]

It is time for you to bring a book or some other seat work and stay during class. Let the teacher know there are problems and request that the girls have limited interaction during instruction. I'd go as far as requesting that they be lined up as far from each other as possible.

[tarana]

Thankyou for all the replies. I will stay around outside & ask her to come to me during breaks. I have already talked to my DD to stay away from monkeying around in her spare time. Maybe my listening to the mom is making her feel elevated & complain. If she complains again I will just ignore it but surely will check with DD at home where she feels more at ease to talk. Hopefully this will go away & we all can live in peace!

[RanchGirl]

I'm glad you are staying to keep an eye on things. I would also ask the teacher if she knows what is going on as she may have some insight into the dynamics. And I would definitely talk to dd about how to respond when the other girl, or someone else 'nags' her (I have no idea what on earth that actually means!) or makes fun of her. She needs to appear confident and unbothered, practice saying "so what?" and walking away with her head held high, so as not to become more of a target. IF all of this doesn't work, I would pull her from the class, it's just not worth it if it crushes her spirit.

 

ETA -- another idea, does she have any close loyal friends in the class? If so, she should stick with them (see above re walking confidently away from trouble). If not, try to set up individual play dates outside class with any friendly possibilities.