2squared Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Please don't throw tomatoes at me. This is a real question! We have a larger family, and I noticed after adding #4 that my workload and stress load seemed to increase. I don't laugh very often any more, and I have a hard time relaxing and having fun with the dc. There just seems to always be work to do and needs to be met. Our family is happy and satisfied but not joyful or fun. What do you do bring joy and fun to your larger family? What little things bring laughter and enjoyment to your days? Do I just need to relax and carve out fun time? I used to be a fun mom. Really, truly, I was! ETA: I always thought my MIL and Grandma were crabby people. They both had large families. Now I get that their lives had to be orderly and in control or else chaos would ensue. I have those same needs, but I want to more than that. I want to be genuinely happy in my life, and I want my kids to have fun with me. Edited November 30, 2010 by 2squared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 http://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Rule-Life-Bring-Order/dp/1928832415 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Looking at the ages of your children--no wonder you're not full of fun! I just want to tell you that it does get better. I'm pretty close to having five teens and it is mentally harder, but physically my work load is much lighter and we have time for more fun things. When my kids were little like yours, I set aside one Saturday a month to go do something fun together as a family. We tried very hard not to break that date. So if nothing else, my kids had one fun day a month to look forward to. I also joined a local children's museum. We went a few times a month. I had to walk away from all the work at home---laundry, dirty kitchen, ect. It was waiting for me when I got back, but so what?! It was lovely to have a break away from the house for the kids and for me! Set a time for fun time and stick to it--that's my advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Please don't throw tomatoes at me. This is a real question! We have a larger family, and I noticed after adding #4 that my workload and stress load seemed to increase. I don't laugh very often any more, and I have a hard time relaxing and having fun with the dc. There just seems to always be work to do and needs to be met. Our family is happy and satisfied but not joyful or fun. What do you do bring joy and fun to your larger family? What little things bring laughter and enjoyment to your days? Do I just need to relax and carve out fun time? I used to be a fun mom. Really, truly, I was! No tomatoes!! :001_smile: Your kids are so young.. it is a great age! I love preschool/elementary kids! The can be so funny, and are excited about the little things in life. :001_wub: My two youngers, especially, often giggle together about I don't know what, but the sound of it makes us all smile. Having young children is hard work physically, but the schoolwork is simpler and hopefully doesn't take too much time. With my 11yo, 9yo and 5yo we do school 4 days a week, the remaining weekday is my cleaning day, so Saturdays are free with Daddy. Having said that, I'm relatively flexible; for example, we have had a lot of snow unexpectedly, so I cut short school today and let them loose outside (wrapped up nice and warm of course!). It does us all good to have the occasional unplanned afternoon of horsing around and fun. When it comes to housework, well - our house is never tidy, and never clean. I never get to the bottom of my laundry hamper either. But I tell myself that time spent with my kids, divided between good learning time and playing, is a bigger priority than getting bogged down with housework. That will still be there for me to pay attention to when they are older or even left home. In the meantime we are going to LIVE! For specific laughter and enjoyment, for example, we read cartoon books; watch Tom and Jerry; find funny clips on youtube (there's some great ones about funny cats on there if you're interested...); we relay jokes that we've heard; and just lately, as DD11 and DD9 have been learning a poem by Geoffrey Chaucer, we've been cracking up over the sound of the old-fashioned language! HTH a little.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcgonczi Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 I have several thoughts here. First, you have a few little ones. So my guess is that you are almost always tired. It is hard to be fun when you are tired. As the kids get a little older that will change and you will sleep more. Second, I think you need to schedule a little fun into your days. I love my kids and love being with them. But I do not love sitting down and playing little kid things. Sounds terrible, I know. I do, however, want to have fun with my kids and for them to have fun and make great memories. So I decided I needed to schedule time to play with the kids. The only thing I have found that helps me to get everything in is to have a schedule. Now don't get me wrong - I am not strict or legalistic with it. But having a schedule means that I can sit and play with my kids for 30 minutes and still know that there is other time scheduled for school, cleaning, cooking, errands, laundry, etc. It also makes me accountable. I have to sit and play with the kids because it is on the schedule and they know it. They won't let me forget their play time. Everything may not get done during its allotted time, but I can live with that because I know it is on the schedule again for tomorrow. I created my schedule using "Managers Of Their Homes" from Titus2.com. Finally, make sure to delegate some of the older kids. They help make the mess, they can help clean it up. My 8yo and 5yo help sort and fold laundry, clean bathrooms, pick up all toys, pick up their rooms, cook, etc. As they get older they learn new chores to help out more. They each spend maybe 30 minutes throughout the day on chores. It makes a huge difference in the workload. (That and accepting a messy house and way less than gourmet or even home-cooked meals.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M&M Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 I agree! It is especially hard with at newborn and a toddler! Give yourself some time, I am not a very happy person when I don't get enough sleep. And who sleeps with at 1 mo old and a 2 yo? I know I didn't!!! Lower your standards for your house and for how you think your family should be for right now. You set the tone for your family, enjoy the little things today and one day you will see the fruit of a happy family. My youngest is now 4 and we have a lot more fun now! (((HUGS))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hang in there! I am never fun until my babies are close to weaning!!! Then life gets much easier. This is one reason that we stopped at 4 kids. MY dh wanted his "normal" wife back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 This thread is great! I feel exactly the way you do, and the ages of our kids are pretty close, to boot. :) I will start to get all panicky thinking about how I am ruining their lives by not having rip roaring things packed into their days. I guess we are just at that crazy stage, and we need to do what we can. You know the drill: paper plates, crockpot, delegate some of those chores, every once in a while drop the school and just go outside. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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