Help for finding friends for a 13yo

[Tohru]

Oh my, this age is so hard to parent!

I remember when I was a teen, I had lots of fun with my friends. I'm so sad and worried about my ds because he only has 1 friend that he sees very infrequently. He says he's okay, but he has such a good time with other kids after he feels comfortable with them. He's very reserved and isn't the type to go out and meet people. I've always set things up for him.

 

I'm kind of at a loss now because I'm feeling anti-social. We know a lot of people in the hs community, but don't really click or we just grew apart with different interests. "Re-meeting" people would be weird for me. So much has happened in my life over the years and I don't want to have to explain myself to people.

 

He doesn't care for scouts or bowling, which are the 2 hs events for his age.

All the hs co-ops with teens are very evangelical Christian - I don't mind Christianity - but we aren't Christian and it is awkward when they want to group pray and do their "closer to Jesus" thing.

 

Any ideas or suggestions or consolations? :001_huh:

[NanceXToo]

Is there some sort of class or camp or activity he can get involved in that is interest based?

 

An art class, a writing class, a library book club (or some other library program, ours has a couple of things for teens), some sort of YMCA teen club or organized sport through the Y, a martial arts class, or something like that? Would you want to look into whether your public school will allow a homeschooler to participate in extra curricular activities? Some do. Can you maybe start a homeschool group (like on meetup.com) on your own and call it "secular" or "inclusive" or whatever fits, and see if anyone else bites?

[BMW]

I would say that if the Christians are kind... if they are pleasant and fun... IF the Christians are accepting of him as a person, could he enjoy the friendships regardless of the differences?

 

I hope that doesn't offend anyone.

 

I would want my children to be pleasant and have fun with anyone else who is also pleasant and fun, regardless of beliefs... so long as there is respect. How else can we make a difference in each other's lives?

 

Or, perhaps by going to a few of the Christian activities, your son might click with someone there who would enjoy some other activities with your son, outside of the scheduled co-op.

[bunnyvirus]

He is old enough for Civil Air Patrol, check it out:

 

 

http://www.gocivilairpatrol.com

[3byzaz]

Just sympathy - I have the same problem. It has helped to join a co-op and pair him up with another boy who loves to play worship songs.

[Journey]

Are you sure you don't have a problem with Christianity? The reason I ask is because of your "closer to Jesus""thing". Just wondering as I'm thinking you might but not really even know it. Anyway, my daughter who is now 16 was in your son's situation at his age. All of her friends dumped her she (and I) was devasted. I felt so badly for her mostly because I would think back to how many friends I had at that age and my heart was broken for her. Fast forward 3 year and I have an independant, public schooled 16 year old who is a leader, who doesn't have and doesn't want tons of friends. She is friendly, popular, not overly outgoing but she's not a wall flower either. She is perfectly content and happy with her aquantainces (spelled wrong I know). She doesn't have a best friend or a good friend and she is fine with that. She and I spend ALOT of time together and I am so grateful to the Lord (yes, I'm a Christian) for that. I'm telling you this to let you know that even if they don't have friends as young teens, they can grow up to be perfectly happy. I didn't know it then but I know it now and I want to encourage you that friends aren't like they were back when. Your son will be just fine.

[Tohru]

Are you sure you don't have a problem with Christianity? The reason I ask is because of your "closer to Jesus""thing". Just wondering as I'm thinking you might but not really even know it. Anyway, my daughter who is now 16 was in your son's situation at his age. All of her friends dumped her she (and I) was devasted. I felt so badly for her mostly because I would think back to how many friends I had at that age and my heart was broken for her. Fast forward 3 year and I have an independant, public schooled 16 year old who is a leader, who doesn't have and doesn't want tons of friends. She is friendly, popular, not overly outgoing but she's not a wall flower either. She is perfectly content and happy with her aquantainces (spelled wrong I know). She doesn't have a best friend or a good friend and she is fine with that. She and I spend ALOT of time together and I am so grateful to the Lord (yes, I'm a Christian) for that. I'm telling you this to let you know that even if they don't have friends as young teens, they can grow up to be perfectly happy. I didn't know it then but I know it now and I want to encourage you that friends aren't like they were back when. Your son will be just fine.

 

No, I don't have a problem with Christianity. I actually like most Christians.

We're Jewish. We respect the Christian praying, but don't participate. And I don't really want our son participating in activities that focus on him getting closer to Jesus.

 

Thanks for your insight and personal experience. My son doesn't want to go to public school, but has mentioned he would like to make more friends. He says he's okay without them though. I hope that makes sense.

[Oakblossoms]

I just want to over some hugs or love or something:lurk5:

 

My son is the same age. The homeschool teens don't seem to do anything around here. I am currently trying to figure something out. My son says he is fine. But, I don't think he is.

 

I figure I am going to make my home more of an open house and start inviting kids over.

[bettyandbob]

Some ideas for meeting friends with similar viewpoints/interests:

 

1. If you associate yourself with any religion at all, you might consider looking for a temple/mosque/gathering place that has youth activities.

 

2. The community center in my area has a teen "board" that any teen can join. They help decide on activities the center offers and help plan. They help organize in community volunteer activities.

 

3. Look at your ds's interests. Is he into nature and science, perhaps the the local nature center has a teen volunteer group. If he's into art, maybe there is a fine art center nearby that has something. Some independent music stores have "jam nights" for teens.

[love2read]

Sometimes getting them involved in something different will lead to friendships or just keep them busy for awhile. Check to see if the museums and nature centers in your area have teen apprentice programs or if they need volunteers. Our older sons started working at that age with a retired neighbor who was spending his golden years as a handiman of sorts. Check the online edition of your newspaper for club meetings---hiking club, rocketry, astronomy, etc. Our 2nd went to a meeting for adults at our library to learn about rocketry and discovered that several boys his age were there with their fathers. You never know-

[hsbaby]

If there's nothing out there right now that he is interested in joining, why not try starting up a group based on his interests? Offer to host something at your house or even plan a weekly outing with other hs kids. We have a local hs teen group with planned outings, game nights, etc. Maybe you could organize something similar? Are you a part of a group or email list you could appeal to? I did this for my dd13. She has special needs and I sent out a mass email to our local groups in search of a friend for her. I was happily surprised by how many responses I received!! Maybe there are other boys out there in his situation?