Do you push your kids to eat?

[Cindyz]

My son is very tall and thin. I would not call him skinny, but thin. He turns 6 today and wears size 7x (the next size after 7 before going to bigger boy size 8) pants with the waist cinched tight with adjustable waistbands, but he needs this size for the length.

 

Our problem is that he does not eat well. It's not that he does not have the room, because I have seen him eat half a pizza, but when it comes to eating regular wholesome meals, it's a struggle. He will finish up his meal and ask for a snack literally 2 - 5 minutes later. Of course we tell him no or we have started saving his plate and directing him back to finish what he was given. Never will he do that. He will just complain that he's hungry and wants a snack. The answer is always no, but we do have set snack times so he will just wait it out until then. Snacks consist of yogurt at night, cheese sticks or carrot sticks or occasionally pretzel sticks for afternoon snack.

 

He will sit down to a meal and say, "I'm done" and he has not touched a lick of protein. We will tell him that he is not done and that he needs to eat more. We explain why he needs to eat to keep his body healthy and brain smart and growing and for more energy to do all of the fun things, etc. Still he just doesn't eat much. Then he will ask me how many more bites he needs to take before he can be done. We will tell him to eat until he feels full. We talk about how does your tummy feel? Do you want a big piece of chocolate cake right now? You do? Well then you are not full! Still he doesn't get it. I'm worried that pushing him to eat, telling him that he needs to eat this much of each thing may lead to obesity later or some other type of eating disorder.

 

I'd love to hear some helpful ideas!

 

Thank you!

[Jean in Newcastle]

He's six, right? Keep telling him and doing what you are doing. It will start to sink in - it's only now starting to make a difference with my dd8. Ds13 was probably around 10 before he started to internalize what we were telling him and to really see the sense in it. One thing I did was to try to be very calm and matter of fact about it so that it wouldn't become a battleground but just a normal guiding them into healthy habits.

[Mejane]

I used to regularly put my son's dinner or lunch in the microwave for later. He'd come back a half-hour after meals "starving." He was a grazer... ate small amounts constantly.

 

I'd say to keep doing what you're doing - the meal is the snack until it is eaten. :)

 

BTW, son is 14 now and eats for six (including full meals), so don't worry too much about his habits - they'll change!

[Ester Maria]

The answer is always no, but we do have set snack times so he will just wait it out until then.

Sounds like you've got your problem solved here already. :001_smile: If he doesn't want to go back finish his meal, obviously he's not that hungry and he can wait till snack time, if you don't allow grazing (I don't think grazing is necessarily a bad thing at that age, I'd probably allow him to eat more often in smaller quantities). If you provide him with diverse, healthy foods, he will get used to it.

 

The biggest mistake you can do now is to allow him to eat junk just to make him eat (I'm mentioning this since you mentioned half a pizza and chocolate cakes). Whatever you do, don't go that road. From what you write it seems that you're handling it great.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but try not obsess it. Many children and adults, particularly those that aren't very physically active, just don't need a lot of food; in fact, what's considered "standard" in the US nowadays is already too much (I was shocked upon seeing for the first time what are "normal size" meals). Might it be that he's actually eating enough, nutritionally, but that you're perceiving it as too little?

 

Regarding his saying that he'd still like chocolate, don't read into it too much. Sugar is a drug, you can crave it even while being full.

 

We're all thinner than average at our home, in fact, most of the people who eat healthy ARE thinner than average anyway. Being thin - I'm not talking medically underweight, just thin - is NOT an alarming thing per se, even if it sticks out in our obese society a bit. If there's no medical problem or eating disorder, it's okay. Don't forcefeed children, they need to learn how to manage their bodies.

 

You just go on with your healthy meals, don't fall into the trap of feeding him junk and sugar, and if you suspect something to be medically wrong, off to a doctor to check it.

[StephanieZ]

Can you set out healthy appetizers? I love setting out fresh veggies & fruit to snack on as I am fixing dinner. The kids devour it. :) In your case, you can add hummus, peanut butter for dipping, cottage cheese for dipping. . . nuts, guacamole. . . whatever things you have that are convenient and have protein. Cheese is OK, too.

 

For years, I have had a general rule that whole grain bread and/or milk can be consumed *any* time, even right before dinner. That eliminated the "I'm STARVING" drama 30 min before dinner was ready. Now that my kids are old enough to fix many things themselves and clean up the mess, I have loosened that up so they can have any 'healthy snack' which they know means veggies/fruit/whole grains/nuts. . . pretty much any time.

 

My kids are very slim as well, and my two youngers are *very* slim. Healthy, but very slim. Slim is good, so long as proper nourishment is getting in there. I dropped my stricter mealtimes ideas when my 2nd child was a skinny-minnie toddler. . . and loosened things up so as to encourage sufficient nutrition.

 

In your case, I'd drop the 'set snack times' altogether and let your son eat sth healthy whenever he wants.

 

I also allow my kids to 'add sth' to dinner once they have had a taste of everything served, and a reasonable portion of at least a couple dishes. . . The 'sth' they can add must be healthy, such as a peanut butter sandwich, veggies, cottage cheese, yogurt. They fix it themselves & clean up after themselves.

 

HTH

[Cindyz]

Thanks for all the wonderful input. I guess I thought we allowed grazing but maybe really we don't? He eats breakfast, has a snack between breakfast and lunch, eats lunch has a snack between lunch and dinner and then usually a yogurt or cheese stick for night time snack. Now that he's older, I'm thinking maybe I should put a plate of veggies and cheese chunks on the refrigerator shelf where he can reach them and when he's hungry tell him to go in and get what he needs instead of having a set snack. It's just that we didn't want him eating too close to meals since it's difficult enough to get him to eat.

 

Yes, we do occasionally eat pizza. He can also eat a good sized grilled burger when he wants to and some oven fries so I KNOW the boy can eat.

 

Thanks for the comment about asking him if he wants cake to decide if his tummy is full. That's probably not the best idea now that I think about it. :lol: We do have baked goods in the house a couple times a month so that's usually what I bring up as an example. Chocolate cake is in the house right now because of his birthday party and happened to be what I mentioned to him this morning when he didn't eat a single bit of his scrambled eggs but ate every last drop of toast.

 

It hasn't become a battleground, because he will usually comply if we tell him that he's not done and needs to eat more eggs or whatever it is, but that may change if we keep pushing which is what I'd like to try and prevent.

[Laura Corin]

We don't offer snacks if the previous meal was not eaten. Other than that, it's up to the boys how much they eat. I do try to offer things they will eat lots of (pasta, so I buy whole grain) because they are both slim: Calvin is off the bottom of the BMI chart.

 

Laura

[Pretty in Pink]

I think you're doing well. I like what a PP said about the meal being the snack until it's all been eaten! LOL I do not always have fruit/veg/cheese trays available because I don't think I could afford to keep them filled to be honest. I do try to set out an appetizer of veggies and dip while I'm making supper, but that doesn't happen as often as it probably should.

[Gratia271]

I have one child who is like this. She has always been quite particular, and I just save her meal for later when she gets hungry.

[Ellie]

Younger dd used to do that: eat a few bites, say she was finished and leave the table, come back a few minutes later and say she was hungry.

 

Our cure was that if she left the table after eating little (or nothing) she couldn't have anything to eat until the next meal. No reasoning with her, no explaining why she needed to eat more, no handing back her still-warm plate (I cleared it as soon as she left the table).

 

This only happened 2 or 3 times. Of course, she was only 2 at this point; it might take longer with a 6yo.

[Cinder]

Your ds sounds like my ds1--very picky eater who loves junk food. Since I always serve rather small portions he was expected to finish everything before having something else to eat. This was a child who would choose to starve rather than eat a piece of lettuce.

 

We tried to be as consistent and reasonable with our rules as possible, like no snacks if you didn't eat your meal. We tried to stress the importance of healthy eating, too. On a couple of occasions he chose to skip a couple of meals and we'd offer him a banana or apple. He doesn't care for fruit, either. When ds1 was around 12, things started to sink in. He actually *likes* spaghetti now and will tolerate salad when it's served (although some gagging still occurs).

 

In spite of his poor diet he's now 6'1" and 160 lbs. And still growing. I'm sure he's eagerly awaiting the day when he can choose all of his own food. He seems to think pizza is a major food group. :tongue_smilie:

 

Cinder

[Marie in Oh]

My oldest son was picky- he now eats almost anything, and lots of it, so my bet is that your son will change too. In the mean time, this is what we do. . .

 

we essentially require them all to eat at least something of everything that is served. That means that if we are having chicken, a vegetable, a a starch, they get a little of everything. The smaller the child the smaller the portion. I really don't let the littles get away with "I don't like that" until it is an established pattern. For instance, we have two girls who don't like eggs in any form, so they are not requried to eat them. However, this is one of the only foods they don't like so that's fine. My dh says there shouldn't be more that 3 things on the dislike list- otherwise that's picky. Our kids are all pretty good eaters- the 3 yo is the worst but we are working on her. Sounds like you are doing fine.