I need a mom pep talk!

[Night Elf]

In another thread, I talked about my dd18 who has no motivation to finish high school. So I thought I'd start a new thread because I could use some words of wisdom. She's 18 years old and there is no way I can force her to finish. She's just so close that I don't understand why she just won't buckle down and get it done! She has 16 credits and needs 5 more courses to get the diploma.

 

She's working about 35 hours a week as a shift manager at a restaurant. She hopes to be promoted to assistant manager. She's extremely responsible with her money. She doesn't believe in going into debt. She saved to buy her car outright. She pays her insurance and cell phone bill every month on time. She's an awesome young adult. But it just scares me that she might not have a high school diploma.

 

In Georgia, I can decide when she's finished but I can't award her an accredited diploma. There are a certain set of classes that colleges require for admission and those are the ones I want her to finish. I guess that if she ever decides to go to college, they'll have a way for her to get caught up. But it seems like a lie to officially graduate her from homeschool with only 16 credits.

 

I'm taking it personally and feeling like a failure. I need to just let this go. Unfortunately I have a really hard time with letting go. :)

[hillfarm]

If she is money motivated, would she respond to the statistics regarding how much more a high school graduate makes over someone who did not finish, also versus someone who finishes college? Perhaps seeing it right there in black and white, from an independent source-not just good, old mom, would help her be willing to suck it up and finish those last few classes. Dh always says that one of the best luxuries in life is to have options. By not finishing, she is cutting off several of hers, and by finishing she would be "future-mailing" herself a whole batch that would continue to arrive throughout her lifetime.

[Gwenhwyfar]

But it seems like a lie to officially graduate her from homeschool with only 16 credits.

 

 

just a side note: this board was the first place that i ever heard anyone talk about needing "credits" as a homeschooler. most families that i've known IRL don't do that - their kids are finished when they've done 12 years (or at a specific age).

 

if you think about it - how would a family whose children are unschoolers/life led learners/etc - or even families who follow unit studies, or other "non traditional" approaches to their education count 'credits'?

 

i guess what i'm trying to say is that many homeschoolers graduate without having to follow the same method of calculating things as the public school system. :)

[MotherGoose]

I dont' have any words of wisdom except to say that you did a great job raising such a responsible daughter--she sounds very mature, aside from the not finishing high school part--but sounds like she knows where money comes from etc and has a work ethic. Is it possible for her to take a "break" from high school and then come back and finish the credits later when she sees the importance?

[Parrothead]

 

if you think about it - how would a family whose children are unschoolers/life led learners/etc - or even families who follow unit studies, or other "non traditional" approaches to their education count 'credits'?

 

 

I was thinking that there should be some way you can give her credit for life. What are the classes she needs to finish?

[myfatherslily]

This may not be a good option... and it would certainly be ideal for her to graduate. But when I was homeschooled myself, my mom and I decided we wanted more than just a mom-made diploma. We weren't schooling under any cover, umbrella, etc, and I would not have been issued anything "official". So I got a GED, then finished out my 12th grade year and we called it done. I haven't had any high career aspirations, so I can't say whether it hindered me or not. But I did get into my community college with zero problems.

 

If she simply won't complete high school (which I do believe would be the responsible thing to do, but we don't always think clearly at 18!), she might consider that option.

[Mommyfaithe]

This may not be a good option... and it would certainly be ideal for her to graduate. But when I was homeschooled myself, my mom and I decided we wanted more than just a mom-made diploma. We weren't schooling under any cover, umbrella, etc, and I would not have been issued anything "official". So I got a GED, then finished out my 12th grade year and we called it done. I haven't had any high career aspirations, so I can't say whether it hindered me or not. But I did get into my community college with zero problems.

 

If she simply won't complete high school (which I do believe would be the responsible thing to do, but we don't always think clearly at 18!), she might consider that option.

 

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. Choice time: Finish the 5 courses OR do your GED. That way there is closure and you can be off the hook...and dd can make her own adult decision.

 

Faithe

[Night Elf]

I'm sure that there are families in Georgia who follow a non-traditional route, but I've only met one unschooling family. The others with high schoolers either use an accredited program, or build a portfolio over time. Some even add the SAT II tests to their portfolio.

 

She won't consider a GED because she said it would look like she dropped out. She doesn't consider her voluntary choice to not finish to be the same as dropping out.

 

She's currently enrolled in pre-trig/calculus and is having a really hard time with it. She's also in American History. She still needs one English credit, her 2nd year of foreign language (Latin was her choice), and one elective of her choice. I asked about life experience on the high school board but didn't get much help.

 

We use Keystone National High School. If I was to graduate her without an accredited diploma, I still don't feel she's finished school. And technically she hasn't completed 12 years so that benchmark doesn't apply here either. But I told her that if she wanted to, she could check the 'YES' box on job applications that asked if she graduated and just write 'homeschool' for the school name. I highly doubt they'll ask her for a list of completed classes. But it doesn't make me feel good about it. It is not a conscious, well thought-out plan. Even she'll admit it is more of a lazy choice because she is tired of doing the work and doesn't see the value in a piece of paper that society deems important. That's fine if you really believe that. But she'll have to stand on that decision when she's in a job competition against people who did finish formal school and she won't even know if that is truly a factor or not in her getting or not getting a job. If she leaves or loses her current job, she doesn't know what she would do. That doesn't sound like a well-thought out career plan. :)

[NanceXToo]

You're not a failure! It sounds like you did a great job with her and that she is becoming successful in her own right at the moment, especially at that young age- to be working in management, to be so financially responsible, to be paying bills on time, to have saved to buy a car outright, etc.

 

Right now, she's in a job she's happy with, she's already got her foot in the door in a management position, and maybe she will be promoted- maybe at this stage, job experience is going to be enough to keep her moving from one step to the next, and to keep her happy and responsible and working and so on.

 

Even if she doesn't get a diploma or GED now, that doesn't mean she can't ever do it. If her job or mindset or circumstances change, and something comes up where she decides she needs that 'diploma' to get to the next step in her life, then perhaps she'll decide then to go and get herself a GED-

 

She can do that at any time, and if she feels she needs to at some point, then I'm sure she will!

 

In the meanwhile, it seems she's doing good things with herself- so I would just let her go. Let her make the decision. Don't take it personally. And try not to worry too much. It sounds like she'll be fine!

[Parrothead]

What about this. If you are willing to let her out of school with a home diploma, test her out. If she can pass the 12th grade test in the history, language and pick an elective - something to do with her job in the restaurant industry. Really, you could give her credit for that as soon as she has 6 or 9 months of experience.

 

If she is going to stay in restaurant industry? Do her goals include the need for a pre calculus level math? If not, have her do a business math course over the rest of the school year.

[Mommyfaithe]

I understand your worry and I would be every bit as freaked out if one of my kids didn't finish school just because they didn't "feel" like doing the work. There are lots of things I don't "feel" like doing...

Does your dd support herself? I know you said she works a lot and pays some of her own bills...well...what about rent, food, clothes, car payments, insurance, cell phone etc.? She may find being just done with school does not give her the comfort for which she is accostomed.

When my son turned 18, I gave him a choice...full-time work and part-time CC (I wanted him to finish 24 credits as this counts as a high school diploma in NY) OR full-time CC (15 or more credits) and part-time job. There were no other options open to him except to become completely independent and live on his own. I sat down with him and we pounded the numbers. I told him my expectations and didn't back down. If it was full-time school, he needed to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA. If it was full- time work, he still had to maintain good grades, but he would also be expected to pay a small room & board and take over all of his bills.

 

Anyway, it sounds like your dd wants to be an adult...and be one quickly. I think as her Mom, it is necessary to sit down with her, crunch numbers, come up with some acceptable alternative lans...and do it very calmly and matter of factly. She may find finishing up those 5 classes are the easiest option after all.

 

Good luck...

Faithe

[Hedgehog]

"Good exam results open more doors."

 

It shouldn't be too difficult to find some stats that show that a better education will get you a greater income. Your DD sounds motivated to do what she wants, so if you really want her to finish up her courses and graduate, then somehow she needs to get to a place where she wants it for herself.

 

But 18yo is pretty grown up. I remember reading in some parenting book once that parents shouldn't blame themselves if their grown kids end up making unwise choices. No parent gets it perfect, but young people can choose to do a better or worse thing. You're not a failure at all. :grouphug: We don't all learn at the same rate, and maybe your DD is just taking a little longer to appreciate this particular point.

[Night Elf]

Thanks ladies. You've all given me things to think about. Although I must confess I disagree with having her pay rent. She wouldn't be getting anything other than the same room she has for free now. She pays for everything in her life and still has some money to put away into savings. I'm not going to mess with that. I'm very proud of her. I sure wish I had had that kind of money sense when I was her age!!

[mamalbh]

She won't consider a GED because she said it would look like she dropped out. She doesn't consider her voluntary choice to not finish to be the same as dropping out.

 

Just wanted to say I agree with your daughter. Where we live a GED is synonymous with "drop-out", and it's looked down upon by potential employers.