Homeschool co-op birthday party etiquette?

[Dmmetler]

I know when my DD was in public school, the general unwritten rule on birthday parties was that if you invited one kid from the group, you had to invite all of them, but does that apply to homeschool co-ops as well? There are a handful of kids in co-op, scattered between the three elementary age classes (not necessarily in my DD's class), who DD really likes and enjoys spending time with. I don't feel like we can afford to invite all 20+ kids to invite the 5 she really wants, but I don't want to set her up for social problems by only inviting a few kids.

 

In addition, I know the homeschool families tend to stay and make anything a social event for the parents as well. I'm not worried about providing extra cake/ice cream, but the place DD wants to have her party charges per child (but not for adults), so I'm worried about siblings pushing the number up.

 

We don't have the kind of house to do a party at home that's more than 2-3 kids, and DD's birthday is in late Fall-not known for good enough weather for the picnic in the park.

[katilac]

You're fine inviting only certain kids as long as you don't pass out invitations in front of the others. It's best to mail them if you aren't sure you can hand them to the parent privately.

 

Put the invited child's name on the invite so it's clear only that child is invited, and request an RSVP. Anyone who doesn't reply, call them up and ask if Invited Kid is attending, and this should flush out any sibling requests. If they ask about sibs, simply tell them you are at your limit, but if they wish to pay the charge at the door (make sure you can tell them what it is), there will be plenty of cake and ice cream. Lots of people will ask if they can pay for siblings, simply because it's often much easier to bring them and stay rather than dropping off one kid and returning (party places usually have quite short parties, and often involve a bit of a drive!). You should also inform the party place that people need to give names so they can check on your list, not just say "We're here for Susie's party."

[Wheres Toto]

We've had this situation a couple times over the years my oldest has been in dance.

 

If you are not inviting a whole class or group it's best to mail the invitations or hand them to the parents in a quiet way. They should not be handed out in class or in front of the kids if at all possible. This way there are no hard feelings (even kids who don't get along with the birthday child seem to feel left out if not invited to a party). I would also suggest your dd not talk about the party a lot at class. This may be easy or impossible depending on the timing of the party compared to class. If class is Wednesday and the party Saturday - there probably won't be much chatter.

 

As for the siblings - in this situation I would write it on the invitiation. Something like "Such-and-such charges per child so please no siblings". Although you may have people offering to pay for the "extra" child so you should think about what you would do in that case.

[angela in ohio]

You are fine inviting 5 friends. At the point that you were inviting more than half of the class or so, you would then need to invite everyone.

 

The invitiations should NOT be passed out at co-op if at all possible. They should be mailed or you can hand them to the parents discretely. Your dd should be told not to discuss the party in classes, though you can't control whether the other parents are teaching their dc those manners or not. And if anything is said, at a certain point the other children need to learn that they don't get to go to everything.

 

I agree that you should write the invited child's name on the front of the invitation (and maybe again on the inside.) Have the invitations be very "5 year old girl." :) I had a homeschooler want to bring her son to a birthday party of 12 girls, and then she was upset because he didn't like making flower crafts and eating pink cake. :glare: Our dc spend SO much time together, it is nice for them to have things that they get to do alone with friends. :001_smile:

 

That's the extent of your social obligations. :001_smile: It would be best if it was as low key as possible: you aren't all leaving from the co-op for the party directly, you don't give the girls all matching bracelets that they wear to co-op the next week, etc. But those are just finer points.

Edited September 24, 2010 by angela in ohio

[NanceXToo]

I think if you contact the parents separately outside of a co-op event, where it is definitely not being done in front of other kids, you're fine.

 

When my daughter was in public school, I used to have parties where I'd invite all the girls in her class (the rules were you either invited all of the kids or all of the kids of a particular gender). This was so the other kids wouldn't feel left out as they saw invitations being handed out in front of their faces.

 

Now that she's homeschooled, she's having a birthday party coming up where I invited several of the families that we feel closest to, or that she is friendliest with, and who I felt would fit into the age range the party would be fun for etc, from our homeschool group. I didn't invite EVERYBODY, it would end up getting way too big, crowded and expensive. But I contacted those families privately and invited them separate and aside from any homeschool group get together. I think that's fine to do!

[jujsky]

Our co-op is small (about 12 kids including my own) so we invite everyone. If it was a larger co-op we would only invite the kids they want to have there. 20 kids? That's a regular classroom size. I wouldn't invite my child's whole classroom if they went to school, so I wouldn't invite 20 kids.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I don't think you have to invite everyone.

 

I know that in schools around here, you cannot pass around invitations at school or talk about the party at school if you did not invite everyone. It is just plain courtesy. However, I don't think it is reasonable to be required to invite everyone, regardless of whether one wants them or not. I think the same should apply to co-op. Be courteous. Either invite everyone or don't talk about it. I certainly could not have handled 20 some girls at my daughter's birthday party. We have always only invited people my children really wanted there - rarely more than 5 kids plus siblings.

 

You know, I think those rules are made by extroverts who think it is not a party until the introverts are running from the room, screaming from "people overload."