Is this possible?

[nmoira]

I don't feel Mad Libs is teacing enough at this age.

Why? Grammar isn't like math; for most of us the study is finite. There's nothing he'll miss this year that he can't pick up later.

 

One option would be doing languages two or three days during the week and on the weekend. You'd have your four or five days a week, but only one of these would be a regular school day.

 

I have thought about this, but J enjoys them so much I do not want to take that away from him.

 

You'd still be doing it five days a week. How would that be taking anything away from him?

 

Science, as stated before, is something J has asked for. He asks me *everyday* "are we starting science today?" We will start the beginning of next month since these next 2wks are going to be sore and busy.

Sorry, I missed that. However, I still think you'd be best served by settling into your core schedule before adding any extras. I'd also recommend setting a fixed time for math if you don't already.

 

You *can* change your schedule. You may not need to (that's between your, your son, and your DH), you may not want to, but you can.

[Mom2J112903]

When I say I can't change my schedule that means Tuesdays and Thursdays. It is what it is and we just have to work around it.

 

I just don't like Mad Libs nor do I feel that it really teaches anything at this age. Also there is a certain amt of material that he has to cover if something were to happen and he would have to go back next year. I can't drop the Shurley English.

 

I am not certain about setting a certain amt of time for *any* subject. If it takes us 10 minutes so be it. If it takes him 30 minutes, so be it. I do not want to stop in the middle of a lesson just because the timer goes off. Maybe this works for some, but this would drive *both* J and I bonkers.

[kwickimom]

Could you list the subjects that are a must for you and the times it usually takes to do them?

 

From what I have pieced together, if you are unwilling to drop anything, all this advice is useless. We can't make magic time here.

 

If you insist that you have to do X,Y,Z and they take longer than lunchtime, then ?????????????? I kinda dont understand what you are asking us then. If you cannot drop anything and all the subjects take a certain time, then no offense whatsoever, but no one can help you. I think you need to just tell your husband its not possible and go form there.

[Nakia]

I have read every single post on this thread and come up with nothing that hasn't been suggested. I really highly doubt that any 1st grade teacher is doing a full grammar curriculum with their class. It just doesn't make sense to do a full grammar program with an almost 7 year old, at least to me. The concepts are just so abstract at that age. And like many of the pps have said, the same things are repeated every year, so if your son does have to go back to public school, he will learn them. I don't start grammar until 2nd grade, and even then, it's Charlotte Mason style with copywork and dictation; nothing formal and not everyday. I don't start spelling until my child is reading fluently (has been 2nd grade with my first two). You say he is a natural speller, and to me, that means you could wait even longer to begin spelling, if at all.

 

I just thought of something actually. I must have missed something because I missed if your son is reading fluently. If so, do you need to continue separate phonics lessons? Once my girls are reading well, and able to sound out most words, we just dig right in to chapter books, and do kind of "mini phonics lessons" when we run across something they don't know. It has worked for both of my girls, so far. Maybe you could try that.

 

One thing you keep repeating is that this thing and that thing "only takes 10-15 min". If that's the case, why is your day taking so long? I know you are taking frequent breaks, but it still doesn't add up to an entire day. I agree that your son needs plenty of play time during the day.

 

I'm another WTM'er who doesn't use any of the suggested resources from the WTM book. I have tried, but they don't work for us. That might change in the future. I have never felt "looked down on" for not using the WTM recs.

 

I truly feel like this is a husband/wife issue, not a schooling or scheduling issue. I think you should sit down with your husband and talk. Write down your issues and have him write down his. Talk it over. And COMPROMISE! I think you can agree that you both want what is absolute best for your son.

Edited August 22, 2010 by Nakia

[Cindyz]

When kids have special needs, you need to make some compromises. Is your husband aware of your child's special needs and how they affect his ability to learn? Perhaps he needs some more education on the topic to gain a better understanding.

 

It seems like you have two choices. The first would be to convince your husband that doing school in the afternoons is ok. Afterall, it's not like he's sitting the entire morning and doing lessons with no breaks. He is getting free time between lessons. So you're just trading some free time from the afternoon into the morning. He is getting the same amount of free time. I have to admit that I think your husband is being unreasonable or does not have a full understanding of your son's issues.

 

The second choice would be to go to a loop schedule (this will allow you to do all of the subjects you want to do) and add in weekends or plan to work through the summer to be sure you get it all done in the time frame you need.

 

If you're not willing to cut out or merge anything, it does limit your solutions.

[Corraleno]

From what I have pieced together, if you are unwilling to drop anything, all this advice is useless. We can't make magic time here.

I truly feel like this is a husband/wife issue, not a schooling or scheduling issue. I think you should sit down with your husband and talk. Write down your issues and have him write down his. Talk it over. And COMPROMISE! I think you can agree that you both want what is absolute best for your son.

:iagree:

 

Crystal, I mean this gently, but you've rejected pretty much every suggestion that's been offered here, most of which have come from parents who've been homeschooling a lot longer than two months. ;)

 

It really seems like the only thing you want to hear is that you're 100% right and your DH is 100% wrong. If you're really planning to homeschool for the next 12 years, then learning to be flexible and compromise sometimes will be pretty crucial to the health of your marriage, as well as your relationship with your son.

 

I would really suggest you try to find at least one area where you're willing to compromise a little, rather than insisting that your DH have no say in his son's education. Personally, I'd rethink grammar, in light of what many people are saying here about the necessity of a formal grammar program in 1st/2nd grade. I used MadLibs last year with my 2nd grader and she not only loved it, she learned far more than she did from workbooks. When her PS friends are here for a playdate, she often makes them play a few rounds of Madlibs and I've noticed that they don't know the parts of speech nearly as well as she does.

 

Dropping Shirley for now and adding Madlibs for fun in the afternoon may help shorten the "school day," as your DH is requesting, without actually giving up grammar instruction. And it sends DH the message that you value his opinion and consider him a partner, rather than telling him to butt out because only you know what's best for J. I think if you're truly not willing to budge an inch, then I agree with Nakia that perhaps this is more of a power issue between you and DH than a schooling issue with J.

 

Jackie

[Mom2J112903]

I have seriously thought about dropping phonics all together. I just worry that this is "wrong" even though he learns the rules *so* quickly. I just need to put it on the back burner and just do level 2 readers with him instead I have a feeling. I do not want to frustrate him but I do not want things to always come easy to him either.

 

When J gets stuck on something, and it was Saxon Math a lesson was literally taking 45 minutes. We have dropped Saxon and will be starting MUS-he LOVED the DVD when we watched it together yesterday. But Math, in the past, has been the "killer" so to speak.

 

When he gets his mind focused on the task at hand, watch out world! It is getting him "in the mode" that sometimes takes a while. SPD at its finest. So while the actual tasks takes about 10 minutes, the time to prepare can take 10-20 minutes. Other times he comes to the table, sees the task and goes with it. Gotta love SPD kiddos.

 

DH does have to realize that J is a different child, he has always had some difficulty with this. He HATES to be "told ya so" but sorry DH when I tell you "this is how it is because *I* am home with him, you did it this way, yeah, you are asking for trouble" He wants to be the SAHD again, but at the same time enjoys working. I *can't* work any longer so he *has* to work.

 

Yes, DH needs to realize I am the Mommy and I know what is best.

[Nakia]

Yes, DH needs to realize I am the Mommy and I know what is best.

 

And therein, sweetie, lies your problem. My husband is a great person who hardly ever voices strong opinions about the girls' education. BUT, when he does, I usually go with what he says. He is often the voice of reason when I am worrying about things. Until you get it in your mind that your husband deserves to have a say in your son's education, you will get nowhere.

Edited August 22, 2010 by Nakia

[Cindyz]

And therein, sweetie, lies your problem. My husband is a great person who hardly ever voices strong opinions about the girls' education. BUT, when he does, I usually go with what he says. He is often the voice of reason when I am worrying about things. Until you get it in your mind that your husband deserves to have a say in your son's education, you will get nowhere.

 

I definitely think that dads deserve a say in a child's education, but I think they need to be open minded, realistic, and compromising as well. From what has been described, it sounds as though this dad may be in denial about his son's issues and that's where the problem lies. To OP, if you are working with professionals regarding his issues, is your husband part of this process? Has he talked with the professionals about your son's needs? Has he read the reports? Has he read some books on the topics to educate himself? If not, then I don't think he should have as much say in how the education is handled.

 

My husband does about half of the homeschooling and we have to work together and compromise. There are times when we do not agree. There are times when we will discuss and are able to compromise, and there are times when I have to say that I am the one who does all of the reading and research and he has to trust me on the topic, and he does. He does because he knows and sees the time that I put in to researching, planning, reading, etc. I don't always get my way, but if it's something that I'm 100% certain about, my husband respects that. Maybe it's also because I am willing to compromise with him on various topics as well. It's a two way street.

[DianeW88]

Yes, DH needs to realize I am the Mommy and I know what is best.

 

 

Uh.....no. Your husband has just as much say and just as much right to make decisions for his child as you do. And, he has the right to expect that you will take his suggestions (which, from what I've read so far have a lot of merit) and make some changes and compromise in how you are homeschooling his child.

 

Now, as a homeschooling mom of 16 years, I will tell you that ALL a 6 year old child needs in a curriculum is to learn how to read and do beginning math. EVERYTHING ELSE (not shouting, just emphasizing) is gravy at that age. Especially when you're dealing with a child who has other issues. Your dh is right....freetime, downtime, playtime is MORE important than academics for a 6 year old.

 

My suggestion would be to seriously listen to your husband's concerns and figure out how to finish your schooling before lunch for a few months. Then, after you've done things that way for awhile, sit down and have a discussion with your dh. My dh often offers suggestions after observing us doing our schoolwork for a day and I really appreciate it! He is able to point out things that I don't even realize I'm doing because I can't often see past the end of my nose. He is the father of my children and only has their best interest in mind and I am always open to what he suggests in how we can improve our children's education. Even if I might not initially agree with his assessment, we talk about it and come up with a compromise with the best interest of our children in mind.

 

It seems like you are thinking of you and your son as the team and your dh as the outsider, when it should be you and your husband as the main partnership. I'd definitely try and implement what he is suggesting, no matter what subjects you need to drop. Trust me....it doesn't matter. He's only six....you have PLENTY of time for the other stuff.

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[Corraleno]

I definitely think that dads deserve a say in a child's education, but I think they need to be open minded, realistic, and compromising as well. From what has been described, it sounds as though this dad may be in denial about his son's issues and that's where the problem lies.

The dad thinks his 6.5 yo son should not be spending a full day in school and needs more free time. That does not seem at all unrealistic or unreasonable to me. :confused: We're taking about a 6 year old. I have a DS with SPD, too, and at 6 we weren't using any formal curriculum at all, yet when he eventually started school, he was right on target and even ahead in some subjects.

 

The OP is saying she can't fit in all of the formal curriculum that she thinks a 6.5 yo needs into half a day, and that therefore schooling in the afternoon is absolutely necessary. It seems to me there's plenty of room for compromise there, without negatively impacting the child's education. In fact, as the mother of a son with severe SPD, I would argue that a 6 yo with SPD needs extra play time a lot more than he needs a formal grammar curriculum.

 

Jackie

[Rosie_0801]

What does your dh want you to be doing with your time instead? I'm wondering if this has nothing to do with your son, and instead he wants you to be cleaning house, cooking his breakfast and otherwise paying attention to him.

 

I'd try breaking things down into dot points:

 

Do we agree he needs to do maths?

Do we agree he needs to do English?

He loves science/Spanish/ASL, do you want them booted?

Ok, then you need to go and tell him that I'm not allowed to do those subjects with him any more and work out a plan with him so he can develop those hobbies without any input from me; because I don't really think you can ban him from being interested in those things.

 

If the boy gets upset about it, "sorry Pal, you need to talk to Dad about that." And repeat that as often as necessary because it is no longer your issue. It is his issue to work out with his father.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[Cindyz]

The dad thinks his 6.5 yo son should not be spending a full day in school and needs more free time. That does not seem at all unrealistic or unreasonable to me. :confused:

 

I didn't see where they were spending a full day in school? She is looking at doing 3 hours a day spread over the day with lots of breaks and play time in between. They may still be doing school in the afternoon, but she isn't expecting her child to be sitting and doing lessons from morning until night. She COULD fit everything that she wants to do into 3 hours but because of his special needs, he needs more breaks and she wants to allow him those breaks. I think not allowing him the breaks would be unreasonable.

 

She also has quite a few appointments that she has to work around during the week, so some days she isn't getting a full morning to work on lessons and is having to do school in waiting rooms. If I were this child's parent, I'd much rather have him working on his lessons at home even if it happened to be in the afternoon. My son would be so distracted trying to learn in a waiting room that it would be a complete waste of time. Now I'm projecting.

 

I think taking the time to break it up over the day with lots of breaks and play time in between lessons is an excellent idea for a child with spd, and it's one of the reasons that we decided to homeschool our son. That's just my opinion though. :)

[elegantlion]

When we started homeschooling in first grade I had done all the research. I had spent endless hours talking with my friends who homeschooled, my dh supported me. What he didn't tell me was that he had some doubt about my ability to focus on schooling and give it the importance he wanted it to have. He never told me this until we'd be homeschooling for over 4 years.

 

So after a few weeks of first grade I have having discipline issues I had to talk to my dh about it. It was humbling because "I" had done all the legwork.

 

First question dh asked was where was my schedule. SCHEDULE? (yes, I yelled in my head) I was homeschooling for flexibility, freedom, spontaneity. I "needed" to talk to my girlfriend in the morning who homeschooled. We liked to talk (blush). So school was whenever. Dh barked back that ds needed structure and a schedule. I bit my tongue, went into the backyard and mumbled at the trees, but I made a schedule. It was a simple schedule. You know ds looked at the schedule every day! Within 3 days the discipline issues were gone and I had to admit dh was right. Not an easy thing for a stubborn woman like me.

 

We still have a schedule, although I've tweaked it over the years to fit my personality and ds's need for structure.

 

I guess my point is that how you do schooling now is not set in stone. Homeschooling is a family event, even if you're the one doing all the work. The benefits for homeschooling an only child are awesome. We spend a lot of time with our son, I love it. We plan to homeschool through high school, although we didn't plan that in first grade.

 

Homeschooling can morph into something that becomes a natural extension of your family. However, for that to happen your dh needs to be heard. If it were me, I'd work to accommodate his requests for a couple of months. If it doesn't work, write up a proposal, take it to him with your concerns and discuss another compromise. Go out to mumble at the trees, shut yourself in a closet in scream, or come here and vent if you don't like it. Part of homeschooling is to create a strong family unit. Again you have to give value to your dh's opinions, even if you don't agree, to make the unit as strong as possible.

[Mom2J112903]

I didn't see where they were spending a full day in school? She is looking at doing 3 hours a day spread over the day with lots of breaks and play time in between. They may still be doing school in the afternoon, but she isn't expecting her child to be sitting and doing lessons from morning until night. She COULD fit everything that she wants to do into 3 hours but because of his special needs, he needs more breaks and she wants to allow him those breaks. I think not allowing him the breaks would be unreasonable.

 

She also has quite a few appointments that she has to work around during the week, so some days she isn't getting a full morning to work on lessons and is having to do school in waiting rooms. If I were this child's parent, I'd much rather have him working on his lessons at home even if it happened to be in the afternoon. My son would be so distracted trying to learn in a waiting room that it would be a complete waste of time. Now I'm projecting.

 

I think taking the time to break it up over the day with lots of breaks and play time in between lessons is an excellent idea for a child with spd, and it's one of the reasons that we decided to homeschool our son. That's just my opinion though. :)

 

You hit the nail on the head!

 

What does your dh want you to be doing with your time instead? I'm wondering if this has nothing to do with your son, and instead he wants you to be cleaning house, cooking his breakfast and otherwise paying attention to him.

 

I'd try breaking things down into dot points:

 

Do we agree he needs to do maths?

Do we agree he needs to do English?

He loves science/Spanish/ASL, do you want them booted?

Ok, then you need to go and tell him that I'm not allowed to do those subjects with him any more and work out a plan with him so he can develop those hobbies without any input from me; because I don't really think you can ban him from being interested in those things.

 

If the boy gets upset about it, "sorry Pal, you need to talk to Dad about that." And repeat that as often as necessary because it is no longer your issue. It is his issue to work out with his father.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

 

DH wants a spotless house, yes. DH doesn't understand (even after 12yrs with me) that my health does not allow me to do what he feels is expected everyday. All I ask of him is to do dishes-he gets upset when he stands at the sink for an hour because he hasn't done dishes in 3 days. I work all day here with Josef, I don't ask much of him. Yes this is an on-going issue between DH and I-his Mother has even butted in on this one, and is on *my* side. :)

 

Why I said that I am Mommy and I know what is best is because I am around J more than DH ever is. I have BTDT and know how J works, inside and out. Going back to the job analogy-I sure don't tell DH how to do his job because I know nothing about it. Same with my "job" as a Mother, teacher, nurse, counsler, snotty nose wiper, bug reviver, etc.

 

DH does know about SPD but not enough to tell me how to do things. He wants to but works so he is not able to go to the appts as much as he would like.

 

I have sat here all afternoon trying to figure out a compromise-and still make BOTH DH and J happy. I know math needs to be 5 days a week, phonics/reading daily, spelling and handwritting we can cut down to 4 days a week and do *something* with fine motor skills the other day. Science is only 2 days a week, unless J wants it more of course. ASL and Spanish can be cut to 2/3 days a week, but J adores these and may ask for more. Shurley Grammar, I will start out with 2/week and go from there. I have supplemental workbooks that are just for reading comprehension, we can work on those. I just do not know how often since J is *so* behind thanks to the SPD. I want to do some sort of history-J is asking to learn about soilders. I can role comprehension into that pretty easily ;)

 

DH has been at work all day, so it has given me time to think about things. It is so hard making everyone happy, and why does it have to be?

[Corraleno]

Why I said that I am Mommy and I know what is best is because I am around J more than DH ever is. I have BTDT and know how J works, inside and out. Going back to the job analogy-I sure don't tell DH how to do his job because I know nothing about it. Same with my "job" as a Mother, teacher, nurse, counsler, snotty nose wiper, bug reviver, etc.

Where this analogy breaks down is that while you may not be an automotive parts specialist, your DH is a parent, just like you. And while he may not have spent as much time with J as you have, he has one BTDT experience you don't: he's been a 6 yo boy! That may have a LOT to do with his feelings about how a 6 yo old boy should be spending most of his time, and it's a perspective worth listening to.

 

Jackie

Edited August 22, 2010 by Corraleno

[Mom2J112903]

Where this analogy breaks down is that while you may not be an automotive parts specialist, your DH is a parent, just like you. And while he may not have spent as much time with J as you have, he has one BTDT experience you don't: he's been a 6 yo boy! That may have a LOT to do with his feelings about how a 6 yo old boy should be spending most of his time, and it's a perspective worth listening to.

 

Jackie

 

 

DH just might be wanting J to have the childhood he did not. His parents are *much* older and he was a "change of life baby"-his neices are only 6yrs younge than us so that means we have a great neice a year younger than J. This also means DH did not get to have the Father/Son relationship a little boy so badly needs. Instead his sisters pretty much raised him since his Father, when healthy, was taking care of his Mother whom was batteling heart disease and then uterine cancer. When she regained her health, ok, not all of it, but she was better, she ended up taking care of her DH due to a 30ft fall onto cement. Yeah, not a pretty childhood for DH.

 

He does do A LOT with J but what he has seen time and time again is that he does *too* much with J. Meaning they stay out all morning fishing, playing tennis, building in the sand/dirt, playing baseball or soccer. J comes in for lunch and the rest of the afternoon is miserable because J is just overwhelmed.

[nmoira]

I just don't like Mad Libs nor do I feel that it really teaches anything at this age. Also there is a certain amt of material that he has to cover if something were to happen and he would have to go back next year. I can't drop the Shurley English.

If he has to go to school, it'll be his reading, math, and handwriting skills that will determine his grade level, not grammar.

 

I am not certain about setting a certain amt of time for *any* subject. If it takes us 10 minutes so be it. If it takes him 30 minutes, so be it. I do not want to stop in the middle of a lesson just because the timer goes off. Maybe this works for some, but this would drive *both* J and I bonkers.

Not necessarily in the middle of a video math lesson (unless his attention is waning), but there is certainly room for flexibility when it comes to problem sets: "Let's see what you can do in 10/15 minutes," as opposed to finishing a worksheet or problem set.

[mschickie]

. I just do not know how often since J is *so* behind thanks to the SPD.

 

 

 

One thing that might ease your mind is that even though he is far behind kids at this age are known to make tremendous jumps when you are not expecting it. His comprehension and handwriting will improve maybe not as quick as you want but if you keep working at his level it will...even if you are not working on it everyday. I have heard so many stories of homeschool kids with special needs that eventually thrive with the one on one attention you get with homeschooling. Scheduling and fitting more in also gets easier as the year goes on. I know that our school day ended much earlier in May than it did in Sept and we were doing more work in May. I add things in as the year went on when we had time or dd just wanted to work on something.

 

Another idea in the area of grammar/phonics...I know Shurly can be pretty intense an is a good program. Maybe something like Horizons Phonics might work well for you. I used it with dd and it has the Phonics in it but also grammar and writing. The program might not be as intense for your son and might free up a little time.

 

 

I know it is hard trying to make everyone happy and keeping the schedule when it can be so crazy. I know you said that your dh is not as involved because of work and such but maybe just siting with him and going over your concerns about state standards and explaining how you are scheduling your day might help. Also if he has a vacation day or two (or do it on a Sat) that he can use maybe he can shadow you and "J" for a day to get the feel of what is happening at home and why not doing anything in the afternoon those days is not always going to happen. After him shadowing your school day ask him for his opinion on how you have it set up. Maybe, just maybe he might have an idea that would work for your family or be alittle more understanding of why your day stretches. It sounds like you are working with your sons needs and he is just concerned because he does not really see the way the day goes.

[elegantlion]

DH just might be wanting J to have the childhood he did not. His parents are *much* older and he was a "change of life baby"-his neices are only 6yrs younge than us so that means we have a great neice a year younger than J. This also means DH did not get to have the Father/Son relationship a little boy so badly needs. Instead his sisters pretty much raised him since his Father, when healthy, was taking care of his Mother whom was batteling heart disease and then uterine cancer. When she regained her health, ok, not all of it, but she was better, she ended up taking care of her DH due to a 30ft fall onto cement. Yeah, not a pretty childhood for DH.

 

He does do A LOT with J but what he has seen time and time again is that he does *too* much with J. Meaning they stay out all morning fishing, playing tennis, building in the sand/dirt, playing baseball or soccer. J comes in for lunch and the rest of the afternoon is miserable because J is just overwhelmed.

 

My dh's father died when dh was nine. He had no father. In return it has made him appreciate the time with his son all the more.

 

Does he understand the limitations of your son's special needs? My ds is mildly dyslexic and is a "wiggly" learner. He learns just like my dh does, better while moving. Dh doesn't like to read, but occasionally I will outline some notes or send him an article on what I've discovered about teaching a dyslexic child.

 

It sounds like your dh is building a good relationship with your ds. Not that you have to answer me, but does your dh acknowledge and accept your ds' limitations? Is he perhaps doing some mourning because of those needs? Again, I'm not expecting an answer here, but it's something to think about.

 

All of the things your dh is doing with your son are valuable and precious. It sounds like it might be too much for your son all at one time. Men, especially men that feel like they didn't have a father, need that bonding time with their sons. I know in my family that has to happen away from the academics.

 

Because dh and I feel that time is so valuable we schedule father/son time in our schooling. My son and dh are away working on a job together. We're delaying school because of it, messing with that schedule he wanted 7 years ago :tongue_smilie:, but it's time that is vital to their relationship.

 

I would suggest maybe finding some books that address the relationships of fathers and sons. I don't remember the title but one book addressed the issue of how the relationship transitions from childhood to tween years to teen years. It was eye opening to me.

 

It sounds like you and your dh just want what is best for J. I hope you are able to find a compromise that works for both of you.