I just. can't. do. this. anymore. Ugh.

[greensummervillian]

I'll chime in to the chorus of parents who have felt the same way. It can be overwhelming and frustrating, and I feel like a bad mom sometimes. Mostly it's good though. I don't like yelling and being mean either. My kids get upset too because I do it so rarely.

[katemary63]

Really?

 

Do you all REALLY feel like this sometimes?

:iagree:Yes!! REALLY!

 

I could have written your post at different times over the years and I didn't even homeschool for most of those years. Being a homemaker is HARD! I've been married 26 years and I still have NO IDEA what to make for dinner. Everything I think of is either too fattening, not thawed, too expensive, no body likes it or what ever! I have almost given up trying to figure it out. My DH wants to loose weight but he likes his meat in gravy or sauce! Too many calories! My DD9 is so picky it drives me nuts! It's impossible!

 

My tiny house is always a wreck. It is impossible to keep it clean with the kind of schedule we have. So, we have what we call Sat. morning chores. Everybody must be ready to clean by 9:00 am Sat. morning. We each take a room and clean it. If some jobs are done during the week, fine, we skip them. But I always know that by noon on Sat. everyroom will have been cleaned at least once in the week. That way, I can let it go during the week if I have to. We all work till the whole house is done. This is when our dusting, mopping and vaccuming and the bathrooms get done.

 

I'm sorry your DH is unable to help more. I'm sure that makes it even harder. Don't worry too much that you've yelled a time or two. I yelled plenty at my DD25 and she is fine and she adores me! (I always appologized if I lost my temper!) I hope you are feeling better soon.

 

:grouphug:

[*********]

Ok, so I went into the boys room and apologized for yelling. They forgave me. :)

 

Then we all cleaned for a while. Then we watched a movie, since it's so stinkin' hot and humid I can't bear the idea of going outside. Now they're plaing legos in the livingroom.

 

Thanks for the commiseration, ladies. It really does help.

[myfunnybunch]

Really?

 

Do you all REALLY feel like this sometimes?

 

:grouphug:

 

Yes. Really and truly yes.

 

:grouphug: Give yourself some time to cool off, and offer yourself the same kind of patience and grace you offer your children when they've had a bad day and haven't handled it perfectly. Think of this as an opportunity teach that we all make mistakes, and show by example about making amends.

 

I can SO relate today to the part about how much teaching the boys to help can be even more exhausting than just doing it yourself. I know that you know to stick with it, that eventually it *will* be worth it, but right now, in the moment, it's HARD. Hang in there.

 

Cat

[KrissiK]

I'm so sorry! I feel that way too, sometimes. I haven't read through a lot of this thread, and I'm sure you've gotten a lot of good advice, but a couple of things we've implemented lately to keep on top of things is....

1) Kids put all their toys away right after dinner. We used to wait till bedtime, but there was no motivation to clean up then. If it's right after dinner, then the sooner the work is done, the sooner they can play. Yes, they can get out one or two toys they want to play with, but generally, since it's so hot in the summer, they go outside after dinner and ride bikes or something.

2) I use a little wisk broom and dustpan right after meals. Well, I don't use it, my 7 year old "little piggy" uses it. He drops so much food on the floor that as soon as he asks to be excused I say, "Sure, get the dustpan and sweep up!" Less work for me!:D

[Ame E.]

And for some reason, I no longer know what to feed anyone, ever. I have no energy for thinking up meals. I just wish everyone would eat a bowl of cereal, a piece of fruit, and SHUT IT ALREADY. I don't want to cook dinner when it's 90 freaking degrees outside, and we don't have central air! And no one likes the same things, and the little boys and my dh all have sensory issues with food, and I'm just sick of it.

 

I was going to suggest the book Saving Dinner, which is basically meal plans and groceries all year through... You can probably get it on Amazon or yard sale... I don't know what a sensory issue with food is... so maybe it won't work.

 

I found this summer that by using it, we cut our grocery bill by $40 per week, and actually liked a lot of the recipes... We modified it according to our own dietary needs (I'm diabetic so no sugar, honey etc.)

 

I felt the way your felt last week, when neither my husband nor myself had the energy to do anything... however, the next day after we had slept, we felt better.... this too shall pass.

[mom2denj]

:iagree:I just try to remember that they will be gone in a blink of the eye. Then we will be complaining that we are soooo bored! (At least, I tell myself that)

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

We all feel that way, some times more than others. I hope you feel better.

[Danestress]

I would so love to take your kids tomorrow for you, Of course, you probably would watch hell freeze over before you would let a stranger on the internet take your kids, lol, but my instinct is to want to help because, really truly, we have probably all felt that way before.

 

The thing that helps me is to make everyone go to bed, clean the house while they sleep even if I stay up way too late, and then GO OUTSIDE for the whole next day. Just take them for a picnic and a walk and some play time. Drive somewhere - mountains, river, lake - whatever you have. Even if it's hot, just being outside really seems to sooth that irritable thing that happens inside of me. Pack up what you need and make a day of it, and you know, when you come home at 5:00, the house is clean. Because no one was in it all day!

[jenL]

Oh, Bethany... please look at the ages of my kids in my siggie. I am right there with you. Some days I feel SO beat down, and the thought of having to get up and do it again the next day is so defeating. I said to my counselor recently, "I am just SO tired of being the one to do it all." She then told me something that made me feel a little bit better: the majority of her patients are women, and the feelings of being tired/defeated/hopeless are so common. She reassured me that I am not alone. Sometimes just hearing that is helpful because as I trudge through the day, feeling like I'm nagging my kids, tripping over toys, emptying the sink for the 4th time, I find myself thinking... There is another mother feeling just like me right now. It may sound simplistic and utterly small in the whole scheme, but it helps me feel less alone. It gives me a little boost, I guess.

 

One thing an older mom told me that has always stuck with me is this: "Everything is temporary... absolutely everything." I have made this my mantra that I repeat amidst praying for patience when the days just plain stink. Sooner, rather than later, my boys will be grown and gone, and I'll probably start to make my own messes just to bring back the memories of their youth! :lol: (ok, not really, but ykwim ;))

 

You are not alone. :grouphug:

[JenC3]

I could have written your post MANY times. I combat it with lots if vitamin B & caffeine, lol. Oh and get a babysitter and do something fun for an hour or 2. Or let them watch movies all day so you can clean.

[Annabel Lee]

That way if emergency strikes, at least we aren't in our underwear. :lol:

 

OH... I hadn't thought of that!

[Annabel Lee]

Really?

 

Do you all REALLY feel like this sometimes?

 

I know plenty of others have confirmed that many moms go through this, but I couldn't help but empathize. I went through it (albeit a short snap) just last night. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Deep breaths. There's alot more to being a good mom & good wife than a clean house - but I'm sure you know that or your house would be clean(er)! ;) (As would mine.) As hs moms, our "plates" hold more than most people's. Add something, and something else falls off the other side.

 

I've resigned myself to the idea that I will do all I can do, but I won't do it alone while everyone around me lounges around. Sometimes I have to accept the effort even my youngest can give and call it good, because a little sweeping under the table is better than none at all. As long as things get done on a rotating basis of some sort (even if it's not on an official chart), you'll know that even though it may not be daily, it's done regularly. I hit a wall and just had to change perspective, since I can't change how many hours are in a day.

[Desert Rat]

Yup. Me,too. Mama said there'd be days like this....there'd be days like this, my mama said.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

edited; decided to do a spin-off

 

You are not alone!!! BTDT, too many times. I hope things get better for you soon.

Edited August 11, 2010 by Dulcimeramy

[holdoll]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Some things you can do for your own sanity:

 

1. Chore charts with spots for stickers or check marks. Non-readers have pictures of what their chore is. (including brushing teeth and getting dressed)

2. Be consistent - yes that means harping every time they leave something behind and making them put it away.

3. All eating is done at the table and NO WHERE else. Bring your dishes to the sink.

4. Get out of the house and away from all of them! Even if it just for a cup of coffee - meet a friend - whatever once a week.

5. One rule my mom had in our home and I swore I would never do - but did -:glare: was they were allowed one thing only to bring out to play with - and then had to put it back before they could bring anything else out to play with. I watched her do this even with my niece's and nephew's as young as two. And so it went with my children.

6. No one's perfect. Not your children, not your husband and not you. Forgive yourself and forgive them!

7. Arsenal of cooking sites: many with recipes for no-oven summer cooking. www.recipezaar.com

www.allrecipes.com

These are huge sites and may inspire you.

 

And most important of all, keep telling yourself "this too shall pass".

[carolinagirl]

Oh yes, I think most of us have felt that way more than a few times.

 

You've gotten tons of advice so let me just share a few pearls of wisdom I've gleaned as I approach the final leg of this marathon we call 'parenting'.

 

...sometimes a dirty kitchen is worth the fun night playing with the family. Believe me when I say, it won't go anywhere, and in the morning you can face the sink full of dishes with a full tank of 'get up and go'...unless of course you still have none and then it becomes a case of 'damage control'.

 

I've spent a lot of time realizing that many of the issues that bothered me ten years ago were just really not that important.

 

My home is rarely spotless, my laundry basket is often full of clothes and towels waiting to be folded (and sometimes they even take over a chair in my bedroom)! But when I die, I won't regret not having a spotless house. I'll regret not having enjoyed my life, my loves, my time that I had.

 

When you feel frustrated, overwhelmed, just stop. Take five minutes to breathe and realize your blessings, well, okay, take ten minutes and spend the first five venting to yourself if you need to let off some steam (I was well known for heading to my bedroom for a 'mommy time out') then look at your blessings and *then* start tackling the stress points. Even if it's something as easy as setting a timer for five minutes and having everyone pick up.

 

Kids are often messy. Sometimes you get lucky and have a neat one but statistically, my experience has been that happens about one out of every four kids LOL. I've taught the kids to clean. They do dishes, clean bathrooms, vacuum and dust and all that great stuff. But it still doesn't stop them from leaving things behind them like a shedding labrador. Sometimes it's literally stunning how quickly they can create a mess and I swear that teenagers are worse offenders than little ones!

 

When things get really hectic and overwhelming, I shift into survival mode. What has to be done and what doesn't? Dishes have to be kept up with but dusting, hey, dustbunnies don't kill, right? :)

 

Really, just know that this too shall pass and it is a very true statement that ten years from now you'll wish for just that one day to go back in time and play with your kids when they were still kids. So, save yourself the heartache and worry less about the chores and mess and enjoy the smiles, the hugs!

[HollyB]

I could have written this every day for the past few months! I've learned to let a lot of stuff go, even while trying to teach my girls some responsibility. Most days I just try to keep the living room clean in case a truancy officer shows up at the front door! ;)