Anyone else have a 4yr. old boy who won't play with his toys?

[5LittleMonkeys]

My 4yr. old boy won't play with any of his toys. He will mill around downstairs and continue telling me he is bored. I try to give him other activities to do such as coloring, pasting, gluing, beading, play-doh...the list goes on. But, he gets bored very quickly with each thing and I find myself jumping up every 15 minutes to get a new activity for him. When I suggest he go upstairs and play in his room he starts crying and saying that he has nothing to play with. (He has plenty to play with.) Lately if I force him to go upstairs he will just lay at the top of the stairs. I have gone up and helped him set up his train or picked out a certain toy and gotten him started but as soon as I go back downstairs he stops playing and will sit at the top of the stairs. He can't play downstairs because the 19 month old won't leave his toys or him alone and it winds up him crying and her crying not to mention I don't really want the whole content of his room in my living room. However, as I'm typing this I realize that in the afternoons when baby is napping I will let him bring a toy downstairs and he still won't play with it. He ends up milling around talking to himself. He might crawl under the chair, put a blanket over the coffee table and climb under it, taking a few misc. legos and moving them from one place to another. Maybe all of his play is in his head? I get worried about him when he just roams around the downstairs not seeming to be getting involved in anything. I know that doesn't make sense but I don't know how else to explain it.

I didn't have this problem with any of my girls; they all played alone with their toys often and in their rooms. My husband says its because he has always had someone entertaining him. Okay, I get that but how do I break him of feeling he needs someone in order to play? I just don't know how to proceed.

 

So, do any of you who have 4 year olds who won't play by themselves and seem to have an aversion to playing with toys? Any suggestions?

[Meriwether]

My daughter never really played with toys. She likes reading, cooking, helping with the baby, board games, etc. She still doesn't play with toys much. It may just be his personality.

[JennW in SoCal]

My oldest ds never played with toys. He was my first, so while I was vaguely aware that it was a little unusual, it was just the way he was. I never occurred to me that kids could entertain themselves with their own toys until I had my second child -- someone who is quite happy on his own.

 

Will your ds do things with you? I know how much it slows a mom down, but will he help in the kitchen, or with the laundry? Can he have his own task with supplies at his level? I did this with my oldest, and learned about it through his Montessori school. Kids in a Montessori classroom are getting their own food, cutting banana slices, making sandwiches, and cleaning up after themselves. Everything, including little brooms and squirt bottle (with non-toxic cleaners) are at kid level.

 

Does he like active things? My boys rode their trikes and little cars all over the downstairs. They had a little basket ball hoop and would shoot baskets. They'd do play-doh at the table, or paint, or do other crafts at the table, as long as I was near by to interact with them.

 

Have you tried audio books? We had one of those little Fisher-Price unbreakable cassette players and a stack of Jim Weiss tapes and lots of those read along book and tape sets.

 

You've been lucky this far with your girls!! Looks like you need to reset your expectations and routine with this boy. Good luck!

[5LittleMonkeys]

You've been lucky this far with your girls!! Looks like you need to reset your expectations and routine with this boy. Good luck!

 

Boy, are you ever right! I've tried all of the things you mentioned and when I can give him my attention he is a joy to be around. It's when I have to direct my attention to one of the other 4 and need him to be a little self-sufficient and entertain himself that we have the problems.

I suppose I just need to keep trying to find something that will entertain him that will keep his attention for longer than 15 minutes and that the baby can't get into. So many times I have taken great pains to set up some type of craft for him to do only to have him sit down with it for 5 minutes and then say he is ready for something else. How do I train him to stick with something? When I suggest he play with it for atleast 15 minutes more he starts to cry.:confused:

[hornblower]

Think about it this way: some people interact with THINGS, others interact with PEOPLE.

 

Sounds like you have a 'people boy'.

 

That's not a bad thing, you know?

 

In your case, since you have some older dds, I'd expect them to play & interact with him when you're not available. Depending on your household & your thoughts about chores, jobs, payment, family obligations, you may choose to pay your dds for specific times that they're in charge of playing with him. In my home, I don't pay for chores & I didn't pay my older dd for looking after her bro. I just expected it... but ymmv :)

[5LittleMonkeys]

Just stop. Stop coming up with ideas, stop jumping up for him, stop entertaining him. In fact, I would be tempted to box up nearly all of the toys and then, over time bring out one set or box at a time. After a few months old toys feel new again.

 

You know, when I first read this I thought to myself that I just couldn't do that. As much as it would be hard for me though I have to wonder if you are right. I think I tend to do more for him because he is the only boy. I did get to a point with my older dc where I finally felt they were old enough for me to say, "go find something to do." I wonder if he is just at that point now.

 

I think that was the kick in the pants that I needed. Thanks Cadam!

[myfunnybunch]

I find myself jumping up every 15 minutes to get a new activity for him.

 

I agree with hornblower that he's probably a people person. I have one of these. And the quoted sentence jumped out at me....maybe you need to stop jumping up every 15 minutes.

 

It is reasonable for him to want you to play with him, and for you to do so. It is also reasonable for you to set some boundaries so that you're not at his beck and call every single time he can't think of something to do.

 

If he complains about being bored at a time when you are not available or think he should be playing on his own, suggest he go upstairs to choose a toy, or to the craft area to choose some materials, and play with it in the room you're in. My people guy has learned that I cannot interact with him as much as he'd like (24/7), but I don't mind if he's playing quietly in the room while I'm reading or cooking. :)

 

Cat

[Rosie_0801]

My kids have hardly any toys. We just joined a toy library and that is wonderful. The toys are exchanged every week so they are gone by the time they are getting bored of them, and unused things aren't cluttering up my life. Mostly my kids just play with the crockery and the bottles in the pantry.

 

When dd is in a peopley mood and I'm not in a playing mood, I set her up next to me. Yesterday she was playing with flour at the kitchen bench while I was cooking; and last night I set her up with textas and an exercise book so she could take notes while I was studying. She was happy with that.

 

Rosie

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

My daughter never really played with toys. She likes reading, cooking, helping with the baby, board games, etc. She still doesn't play with toys much. It may just be his personality.

 

My oldest dd is this way, too, and has been since she was a baby. She likes to read, help me with cooking and chores, do crafts and artsy stuff, and do science activities.

[Cindyg]

My son didn't play with toys when he was a baby, toddler, preschooler.

 

What worked for me: Get a nice, high quality lap tray. Something big, with a lip on it so the toy won't roll off. Then, on a car ride, you strap him in, put the big tray in his lap, and put a single toy on the laptray.

 

My son could play like this. He just had to be strapped down first! LOL!

 

And, now that I think about it, we had to strap him down to get him to sleep! Instead of putting him to sleep in a crib, we used to put him to sleep strapped in a car seat. (The car seat was set in his own bed, and we stayed with him until he fell asleep. Please don't picture him tied down, alone, and screaming. This was his pleasant nightime routine.)

 

Anyway, my son's body had something to do with his inability to play and sleep. It was like his body and its motion totally distracted him. Strapped into a carseat, he could focus on the task at hand.

[cougarmom4]

Perhaps you could start "Room Time" or "Daniel Time" (or whatever his name is)...put out a few toys in his room, put on some preschool music, and set a timer. Tell him he needs to stay in his room for x amount of time and then it will be time for Sister Susie to play with him. He can choose to either play with cars, blocks, or read books. Gradually increase this time, from say ten minutes to thirty minutes.

 

I've found my little one plays better by herself when some preschool or classical music is playing in the room with her. Not sure why, maybe she doesn't feel so alone?

 

Also, perhaps he needs a little guidance in *how* to play with some of his toys. It wasn't until older sister spent time with little dd 'teaching' her how to play 'family'...now she can entertain herself for quite some time with her babies and kitchen. But before she was clueless and would be done within five minutes. So perhaps you could spend a little time teaching him how to set up some make-believe scenario with the blocks and cars and Little People. (One thing I loved about Rescue Heroes several years back...ds was always building mountains, causing earthquakes, and then rescuing everybody...).

[Hockey Mom]

 

Also, perhaps he needs a little guidance in *how* to play with some of his toys. It wasn't until older sister spent time with little dd 'teaching' her how to play 'family'...now she can entertain herself for quite some time with her babies and kitchen. But before she was clueless and would be done within five minutes. So perhaps you could spend a little time teaching him how to set up some make-believe scenario with the blocks and cars and Little People. (One thing I loved about Rescue Heroes several years back...ds was always building mountains, causing earthquakes, and then rescuing everybody...).

Believe it or not, I actually had to do that with my boys. They had buckets and buckets of toys when they were preschoolers. They just didn't know how to play with them. One day, I took all of the dinosaurs out and had a 'war' with the GI Joes. We built the Geo-trax city, and had the dinosaurs "invade" the town. The boys watched me intently. It was hysterical watching them, watch me play with their toys. After that episode though, they started using their imaginations and playing with their toys.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Perhaps you could start "Room Time" or "Daniel Time" (or whatever his name is)...put out a few toys in his room, put on some preschool music, and set a timer. Tell him he needs to stay in his room for x amount of time and then it will be time for Sister Susie to play with him. He can choose to either play with cars, blocks, or read books. Gradually increase this time, from say ten minutes to thirty minutes.

 

I've found my little one plays better by herself when some preschool or classical music is playing in the room with her. Not sure why, maybe she doesn't feel so alone?

 

I think setting a timer and working up in small increments is a great idea as well as the music. I think part of the problem is that he doesn't like to be alone. (Which in a household of 7 doesn't happen often.) Maybe the music or even an audio book would help with that.

 

suggest he go upstairs to choose a toy, or to the craft area to choose some materials, and play with it in the room you're in. My people guy has learned that I cannot interact with him as much as he'd like (24/7), but I don't mind if he's playing quietly in the room while I'm reading or cooking. :)

 

This works when the 19 month old is napping but while she is up he can't play peacefully anywhere downstairs unless I sit him on top of the island counter and move the barstools so that baby can't get to him. She thinks whatever he has or is doing must be incredibly great and will stop at nothing to get at him. I try to re-direct her but we all know how stubborn this age can be.:glare: He does play with her occasionally but sometimes she's just too much for him and he wants to get away from her.