disobedience

[marie33]

I was wondering, as a spin-off of the intensity thread, if anybody has issues with obedience. Though I have learned much from your responses on intensity, I have also come to realize that my ds is highly sensitive but not in the quiet and controlled manner that most people would think when hearing the word "sensitive". He is over-active, hyper, and so engrossed in his thoughts and energy sometimes that he can't control himself enough to hear what I say and obey me as the authority. He, like all young children, would like to think he's in charge, but my ds goes beyond that. He not only would like to think he's in charge, but he says no to me almost each and every time I ask him to do something that is different than what is in his head...and he's 4. Many children grow out of this blatant disobedience and realize that need a mom in charge. I guess I am still waiting for my 4 year-old to overcome the terrible 2's. I am wondering if he will ever be able to submit to authority and understand his place. Not that I want to belittle him, but in order for my home to function, I hope to teach respect and cooperation in our family, things of which I am nowhere near accomplishing. My ds is now teaching by example his disobedience to his younger sister. And the cycle continues. What do I do? And how do I approach such a sensitive child in order to get more peace in my home and cooperation from my children?

 

Highly intelligent, highly controlling, and highly sensitive! How do you guide such a little person?

Thanks for your help in advance.

[shannatheshedevil]

:lurk5: You just described my 5-year old.

[mlktwins]

You just described one of my twins. Thank goodness he is only like that at home. He was great with his preschool teacher last year and does well with his soccer and swim coaches and his camp instructor. At least I know he has it in him.

[AK_Mom4]

I found with my intense kid that I had to STOP TALKING, even though he was perfectly capable of understanding me. I had to change my behavior to one where I gave him the instruction once and if he didn't obey or told me "no", then I would walk over and take his little hand and guide him to what he needed to do next to obey me. Physical contact was what got thru to him, not talking. Your mileage may vary.

 

Tantrums were part of it, because of his need for control over every.little.thing. So he spent alot of time sitting next to me sorting papers and doing math problems because of tantrums. It seemed like it took a long long time to get past that stage, but really he had improved alot by the time he was 6 or 7.

[nitascool]

I second the Stop Talking method. Being sensitive is no excuse for disobedience. No one wants to be corrected it's unpleasant and embarrassing. But it is a part of life.

 

Repeating yourself over and over just tells your child that you don't think their smart enough to understand you the first time. It also leads to parental frustration which (at least in my case) can lead to yelling... and that for sure will make a sensitive child shut down, collapse in a fountain of tears or storm into a rage.

 

We still have our moments around here with my oldest especially. He thinks he should be in charge. :eek: I now tell once and if it isn't done there are consequences. Direct disobedience is not tolerated (ie, Me saying, "Put your shoes away, please". Him saying, "No".) would merit both a required obedience and a punishment.

 

One thing we did that helped in the early years was to play-act. At a time when I wasn't frustrated with him I told him we were going to play a game. I played the part of the "stubborn" child and he played the "bossy" parent part. We did a few scenarios the way it was happening at the time... and then a few the honorable way. Then we switched roles. I explained that it was the honorable way that I wished to see him emulate.

 

One other thing we did that helped was to give him word clues to use. We picked one thing... like the shoes... at a time. So when we came in the house I said, "Put your shoes away, please." He said, "No." I said, "Honor remember? Repeat." and he would say, "Yes, mommy I will put my shoes away." Then he would put them away, take them out and put them away again 3 times. Three times because he chose to disobey the first time.

[Of course, we practiced this several times first. And was rewarded with praise for having the honorable response.]

 

My second son has to have eye and body contact to understand my commands. And with him they have to be commands. "Put your shoes away honey.(sweet soft voice)" as he's flying through the living room is a request. It can be disregarded. My hand on his shoulder, "Put your shoes away, please." (firm but pleasant voice) can not be ignored.

 

Whatever you decide to do be consistent and give it at least a month before decided that it doesn't work. You can always come here and complain, "How can he be so smart and not get this." type comments and we'll all nod our heads with you. :lol: and give :grouphug:

[Spellbound]

My pediatrician said, 'I don't know why people say 2 is terrible, I think 4 is horrible!". It did really resolve as she moved into 5-6 years of age. Good luck!

[marie33]

I am seriously in awe at the responses and support! I totally agree that requiring the child to repeat the commanded action if disobeyed would be extremely effective! And I do get flustered, overwhelmed and exhausted, resulting in yelling many times...maybe why my sensitive, intense and gifted ds feels he should be charge. He sees me lose my cool at times, and probably tries to take my place in order to re-establish control and leadership in our home. He is a valiant little Galahad, trying so hard to protect the castle...but he lacks the experience to know his place. And I lack the rest to always remain patiently in constant control.

 

In any case, I am grateful for your experiences and responses! I forget a lot of these tactics that would be effective and helpful when I am bouncing my baby on my hip, getting up way too early in the morning because of my 2 year-old and am just trying to get lunch on the table so that there will be a few moments of silence while little mouths are full. You can all relate, I am sure. And if nothing else, that helps me to be just a little more patient in a day...knowing that I am not the only one. Thanks, guys!

 

You're all truly a gift to me!

[rootsnwings]

This is a free e-book on the charlotte mason website that has really helped me with teaching obedience and any other habit we want instilled in our children. Its a really quick read too! HTH!! :)

 

http://simplycharlottemason.com/books/smooth-easy-days-with-charlotte-mason/

[marie33]

Already downloaded, already reading, already helping!!!

 

Thanks soooo much!

 

Many :grouphug:!

[Snowfall]

If the above suggestions don't work, you might have another kind of child. :) I'd give him a couple more years, but if he's still acting that way when he's 6 or so, then try reading The Explosive Child. Some kids just won't be "obedient" and "submissive" no matter what you want for them or how many different ways you try to make them do it. ;)

[marie33]

Do you have an "explosive" child? Do you have cooperation now? How long did it take, or how old is your child now?

 

Thanks for the tip!

[BlsdMama]

Frankly I'd strike the word "sensitive" from your vocabulary. It's a handicap. He's being crippled by a label.

 

In order to function well in society, we must be strong, capable, and independent. We must also follow authority when it's warranted.

 

HOWEVER, and here's the catch 22... Parenting is just like classic education. In classical education you fill the children with knowledge. Then, you teach them to express themselves when they are older. First, you give the something to say and only when they are capable do we teach them how & when to say it. OBEDIENCE is like that... First you teach them to obey. Quickly & completely. Then when they are older and able to handle the responsibility of choices do we teach them when non-compliance is warranted.

 

Teaching your children to obey, to not whine, to be efficient, to not sass, to bend their will to anothers - These are GIFTS you give your children. They'll enable the kiddos to have a happy marriage, to be selfless, to be willing to do what is hard instead of what feels good.

[kmacnchs]

Listening is a skill and it is something you and he will have to work on. Only obeying when they want to is NOT obeying. True obedience is doing what they are told when that would not be their choice. This does not just "come" to children. They have to be taught to do so. It gets worse as they get older (imo) so if you nip it in the bud earlier, there will be less stress later.

 

If your son says no to you, there should be immediate discipline. Period. My rule for my 4yo is that she says, "yes, ma'am, mamma" and then if she has a question, she may ask after (or as) she obeys. For example, "go get in your bed for a nap" "yes ma'am mamma" and do it is acceptable. "yes ma'am mamma" and as she walks towards the stairs, "may I read in my bed?" is acceptable. Saying "no" is never acceptable and it has nothing to do with sensitivity or crushing their spirit or anything like that. They need to LEARN to obey you. This is for their safety, for the happiness of you, them, and the home, and if they learn to obey young, I believe they will be happier adults as well (I was not taught to obey and I have had nothing but issues with authority - not good when you want to keep a job, a husband, a friend...)

 

Because this expectation to obey was not set at a young age, it will be VERY difficult at first (just saying so you will be prepared) but stick with it and it will pay off. Be inconsistent and/or don't stick with it and you will be more frustrated than you started. Since he is 4, he is old enough to sit down and tell him 1.what is expected 2. what will happen when he does not do what is expected...than you have to just DO it!

 

Good luck!

[kmacnchs]

My pediatrician said, 'I don't know why people say 2 is terrible, I think 4 is horrible!". It did really resolve as she moved into 5-6 years of age. Good luck!

 

My oldest is 4 and I am kinda scared of the older ages b/c 4 IS hard! Thus far, 1 is my least fav. age (testing boundaries, want to communicate but are unable to leads to frustration and whining, etc.) and 2 is my FAVORITE age! If I stick to what I should do when they are 1, by the time they are 2, they know their boundaries, have learned how to obey, are speaking well enough to get their point across (nothing to do with me).

[Snowfall]

Do you have an "explosive" child? Do you have cooperation now? How long did it take, or how old is your child now?

 

Thanks for the tip!

 

Yes, I do. lol We're working on cooperation - it's a slow process and we see a therapist trained in a method called Collaborative Problem Solving. My DD will never, ever be "obedient". Only people who've never had a child like mine can insist that obedience is a "gift" we can somehow bestow upon our kids through training. (I mean that in the gentlest way, but really, it's true.)

 

Explosive kids are generally dealing with what is essentially a developmental delay in their ability to deal with frustration. They get hung up somewhere, so rather than being able to handle frustration like a 4yo or 6yo, they deal with it like a 2yo (or whatever). Spanking, time out, and threats of the eternal fires of hell (lol) don't work with these kids, because they simply do not have the capacity to think about consequences when they're frustrated. They attempt to control everyone and everything and they generally don't follow directions well at all.

 

Honestly, at your son's age I would still consider it a developmentally normal (although really hard!) thing. However, if you think it might not be, then what we do is take a proactive approach to our problems, whenever we can. (Sometimes you just don't see something coming. lol) So we discuss what we want to happen in our house, why we want it to happen, and how best to make everyone happy. This is not a "We want you to come up with a list of the punishments you should get for breaking the rules," type of thing, but neither is it a "Well, since you really can't think of any way to work this out, you'll just get your way," sort of thing. We find a situation we need to work on (for instance, brushing teeth was one in our house) then find a solution (so DD determined that listening to a song while she brushed would motivate her to do it without arguing for an hour, and it worked). She came up with her own solution. I wouldn't have thought of that, but it was really very simple and it worked. That's the kind of thing we do.

[HeidiD]

Only people who've never had a child like mine can insist that obedience is a "gift" we can somehow bestow upon our kids through training. (I mean that in the gentlest way, but really, it's true.)

 

 

 

I wonder if this is genetic? I say this because my father still acts like this! :tongue_smilie:

 

Definitely important to teach kids to obey authority "when warranted" - without going overboard and turning them into doormats.

 

Some people are more sensitive than others, it's true. I think it's mainly a handicap if they don't understand their own inner workings.

 

My 7 and 5 yo are so similar to the way you all are describing your kids. I AM determined to train them in emotional self-discipline, but unfortunately expect it to take a while, despite ruthless consistency in the discipline department. :tongue_smilie: They are just more of a challenge because of the way they're wired.

[Snowfall]

I wonder if this is genetic? I say this because my father still acts like this! :tongue_smilie:

 

Definitely important to teach kids to obey authority "when warranted" - without going overboard and turning them into doormats.

 

Some people are more sensitive than others, it's true. I think it's mainly a handicap if they don't understand their own inner workings.

 

My 7 and 5 yo are so similar to the way you all are describing your kids. I AM determined to train them in emotional self-discipline, but unfortunately expect it to take a while, despite ruthless consistency in the discipline department. :tongue_smilie: They are just more of a challenge because of the way they're wired.

 

I think it might be genetic, but since no one seems to be studying it (or else they'd have come up with a label for it :glare:) I don't know that for a fact.

 

I believe the difference between kids like mine and kids that are just difficult, is that "ruthless consistency in the discipline department" (I like that phrase, lol) just does not work. You can time out the child to death. You could spank her ten times a day if you wanted to, I guess. You can take away all her screen time, her toys, whatever. Believe me, we've tried (everything but spanking). At the heart of it, that's the defining difference between an explosive child and a merely difficult one. It's also why I think 4 might be too young to know for sure yet - they're not old enough to know exactly what works or not. However, by the time your kid is 6 and you know that NOTHING works...well, then you can be relatively certain. lol Therefore, I think it's something to keep in mind for later, if one has a really difficult 4yo.

[marie33]

Yeah, I feel like I have tried everything, including spanking, but my ds would much rather have the control to make his own decisions than to give in to much over a simple consequence. I used to be a behavioral therapist for children with autism and the first thing I learned about behavior is to figure out what is "worth it" to the kid that they'd be willing to give up their own way for it. With the therapy kids, we used to term it "what would they work for?", and this described anything from rewards to playtime, from blowing bubbles to having the therapist leave them alone for a while. Well, with my deep training background, I thought I would have this motherhood thing licked good by the time I got here! Ha! What was I thinking? The difference between being a therapist and being a mother is that as a mother you are with the kids ALL the time, and you love them unconditionally! Because our children learn this about us so very early in their little lives, it empowers them to feel they can get away with almost anything. I used to think the therapy kids were stubborn. Again, ha! My little button-pushers are relentless!!!

 

Although all your ideas and thoughts are helping, I was also wondering if anyone could tell me what the consequence and discipline parts are supposed to mean? I know that for every family these are different. Some families decide to consistently time-out their kids, some decide never to spank, and still some go for taking away desired items or fun time. I have sincerely tried all kinds of things, and have been as consistent as I can be while I am trying one thing or another at a time...but honestly don't know what parents do to enforce their commands, and "train" the obedience into the children. I do love the idea about trading roles and seeing if your child likes being you when disobedience is underway! I tried it, really fun and enlightening for my ds. I don't think he ever thought of things that way! Brilliant!

 

Any successful disciplinary experiences?

Thanks again, ladies!

[lulubelle]

I have the difficult child! He just turned 8 and nothing has changed. I even have tried the techniques for the Explosive Child. Nothing works with my kid. He is just plain difficult. I hope to have him evaluated with a neuropsych in November and an OT. I need all the help I can get with him. He seems to be very much like his father was when he was a kid. No reward or discipline seems to work. But, what I have found, due to suggestions on this board, is that physical activity has been the best punishment. Stairs, jumping jacks, running around the house, etc. He gets a consequence and it helps me calm down and it gets him re-focused and tired out. It has really worked well. Does he learn from his mistakes? Never! He is like a broken record. Some days are just randomly better than others. He is a very smart kid and I'm also thinking he may have some form of Aspergers. Good luck!

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

I'm getting ready to leave the house so I can't write a full response, but I did want to mention one thing that I've been pondering lately. The one-year-old year is my favorite year. I just love watching them learn to walk and my favorite part is teaching them to talk. During this time I give them almost my full attention whenever they are awake. I usually know what they are thinking and feeling, certainly better than they do. I'm able to redirect them when they are about to do something naughty and catch frustration before it gets out of hand. By the time they turn two I am caring for a new baby and am no longer able to give them this kind of attention. As the new baby nears a few months old I notice a change in the older child's behavior. Keeping an open mind and ear for what the kids are going through helps so much. Once a child is crying and screaming it's too late. It's so much better for mom and child to catch them before they get to this point.

 

Ok, so now looking over my post, I see that it is less about the disobedience topic and more about just caring for children. However, when kids are treated in this way there is much less room for disobedience to occur.

[Snowfall]

I have the difficult child! He just turned 8 and nothing has changed. I even have tried the techniques for the Explosive Child. Nothing works with my kid. He is just plain difficult.

 

Have you tried working with someone trained in the methods? It's totally different than trying it on your own, and about 100 times more helfpul. Sometimes we get locked into these roles with our kids, where we're just battling it out, and none of us can step back enough to think straight. Plus, a lot of times we as parents think that Plan B means we tell them what we want and we expect them to figure out a way to obey, when that's really not what it means at all. <raises hand guiltily> Obviously, I'm just a stranger on the internet and don't know if there are other things going on with your son. I just know it made a world of difference for us to get a professional involved.

 

Maria, if you have an explosive child, behavioral therapy will never work. NEVER. Behavioral therapy assumes that kids are acting bad because they want to (they aren't motivated to do well), rather than because they can't help it. The whole catch phrase of Collaborative Problem Solving is "Kids do well when they can (not just when they want to)." There's a website - http://www.livesinthebalance.org you can check out if you're interested.

[lulubelle]

It is very easy to fall into Plan B. The problem with not having success with Plan A is that my son is too impulsive. In the moment he is unable to think before he acts. He's smart. He knows the right thing to do - he just can't do it. He can come up with great solutions for Plan A, but most times he is unable to follow through with it. My husband and I were really on board with CPS together and both understood and it and tried our best to implement it. I wish it had worked. I am not going to give up on it. We plan to attend a 2nd full day parent workshop about in the Fall. They have opened an office with the method in Boston and I will consider giving it a try depending on what the neuropsych. eval. turns up!

[HeidiD]

Well, with my deep training background, I thought I would have this motherhood thing licked good by the time I got here! Ha! What was I thinking? The difference between being a therapist and being a mother is that as a mother you are with the kids ALL the time, and you love them unconditionally!

 

And autistic spectrum kids are so different than neurotypical, yet mega-bright kids (we have an adopted child and she's on the spectrum, so have had the benefits, along with the travails, of observing the development of both types of kids.)

 

It seems as though typical discipline and child training techniques don't always work with some "gifted" kids because they're not on the same developmental timetable as typical kids. I've noticed that the "logic stage" begins to co-mingle with the "grammar stage" at a very early age. Combined with fierce determination and relentless energy, they are TOUGH.

 

Because our children learn this about us so very early in their little lives, it empowers them to feel they can get away with almost anything.

 

Oh, that's so true. And you're right, they can be relentless. And they can become manipulative if you're not on your guard. At seven months old, my daughter would ferociously flip out, deliberately bang her head on something (the chair the floor, whatever was nearby) and in the midst of this seemingly vicious tantrum would look slyly around to see if her behavior was having the desired effect. She hated her play yard so much she banged her nose and made it bleed, so she won that battle - I didn't dare use it after that.

 

Although all your ideas and thoughts are helping, I was also wondering if anyone could tell me what the consequence and discipline parts are supposed to mean? I know that for every family these are different. Some families decide to consistently time-out their kids, some decide never to spank, and still some go for taking away desired items or fun time. I have sincerely tried all kinds of things, and have been as consistent as I can be while I am trying one thing or another at a time...but honestly don't know what parents do to enforce their commands, and "train" the obedience into the children. I do love the idea about trading roles and seeing if your child likes being you when disobedience is underway! I tried it, really fun and enlightening for my ds. I don't think he ever thought of things that way! Brilliant!

 

Any successful disciplinary experiences?

 

 

Can't claim success with our younger kids yet, but I'm pleased with the way our older kids have turned out.

 

So, I'm trying to take the long view with my younger kids - it really helps to get through the tougher days. I like Dr. Kevin Leman's idea of "reality discipline" - the punishment is a natural consequence of the crime. He has a book called, "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours". Also I like the Charlotte Mason "Laying Down the Rails" approach that another poster recommended (I have the book and DVD) but it doesn't seem to work for my kids without some modification - they're far too strong-minded, it seems. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think there is a similarity to working with autistic kids and gifted kids in that gifted kids also need an individualized, well-considered approach that is unique to them alone. I kind of view special needs and gifted as opposite sides of the same coin - both populations need atypical approaches to meet their needs.

 

So, in the same way you would analyze and plan an approach for an autistic child, you can do the same with your gifted child. And although habit formation is the goal, it's easier to accomplish with gifted kids if you enlist their intellect as part of your arsenal of training tools, along with a combination of positive and negative consequences. I like Dr. Laura's idea of "swift and terrible justice" - set the consequences and carry them out immediately without any discussion. Come up with a reasonable list and post it on the fridge. Have your child read it so he knows the plan, and then follow through. Over time (slowly perhaps :tongue_smilie:) it will make a difference. In the meantime, find other ways to reinforce understanding/appreciation for the importance of rules. For instance, one of my kids was using a Saxon DIVE CD, and I overheard the professor delivering a wonderful harangue about work ethic, honoring your parents, making the most of your education, etc. So my 7 yo was "invited" to hear it repeated several times. He's interested in St. Benedict, so I showed him a copy of the book Benedict wrote - his "Rule", followed by a discussion of how even the movers and shakers believe in following rules (and even write books about them). Also I have rewards like Legos or a movie - if he wants them, he has to earn them. So gradually this sort of conditioning begins to sink in. But it can take a long time with some kids and consistency is essential in cases like this, because they are so tough.:tongue_smilie: Just hang in there and in a few years this will all seem like a bad memory. :001_smile:

[Snowfall]

It is very easy to fall into Plan B. The problem with not having success with Plan A is that my son is too impulsive. In the moment he is unable to think before he acts. He's smart. He knows the right thing to do - he just can't do it. He can come up with great solutions for Plan A, but most times he is unable to follow through with it. My husband and I were really on board with CPS together and both understood and it and tried our best to implement it. I wish it had worked. I am not going to give up on it. We plan to attend a 2nd full day parent workshop about in the Fall. They have opened an office with the method in Boston and I will consider giving it a try depending on what the neuropsych. eval. turns up!

 

That's exactly how it was with my daughter. We only recently got help, and it's already made a huge difference. I think it helps her to have someone else talk about it all with her.

 

(I'm sorry. I will stop posting about this now. I just feel like seeing someone trained in this method has been a life saver for our family, and I like to tell others about it.)

[mmasmommy]

If the above suggestions don't work, you might have another kind of child. :) I'd give him a couple more years, but if he's still acting that way when he's 6 or so, then try reading The Explosive Child. Some kids just won't be "obedient" and "submissive" no matter what you want for them or how many different ways you try to make them do it. ;)

 

I suggest this book all the time. We are still trying to figure out how to make it work but it has done wonders on how we look at the situation. Our psychiatrist had just started down the road of mood disorders when we read it. Thank God we did!

 

Do you have an "explosive" child? Do you have cooperation now? How long did it take, or how old is your child now?

 

I know this wasn't directed at me but I do have an "Explosive Child" he's 7.

Thanks for the tip!

 

Yes, I do. lol We're working on cooperation - it's a slow process and we see a therapist trained in a method called Collaborative Problem Solving. My DD will never, ever be "obedient". Only people who've never had a child like mine can insist that obedience is a "gift" we can somehow bestow upon our kids through training. (I mean that in the gentlest way, but really, it's true.)

 

Explosive kids are generally dealing with what is essentially a developmental delay in their ability to deal with frustration. They get hung up somewhere, so rather than being able to handle frustration like a 4yo or 6yo, they deal with it like a 2yo (or whatever). Spanking, time out, and threats of the eternal fires of hell (lol) don't work with these kids, because they simply do not have the capacity to think about consequences when they're frustrated. They attempt to control everyone and everything and they generally don't follow directions well at all.

This is DS and has been since the beginning. If it wasn't for my other 2 kids I'd think I was the worst mother on the planet.

 

 

Honestly, at your son's age I would still consider it a developmentally normal (although really hard!) thing. However, if you think it might not be, then what we do is take a proactive approach to our problems, whenever we can. (Sometimes you just don't see something coming. lol) So we discuss what we want to happen in our house, why we want it to happen, and how best to make everyone happy. This is not a "We want you to come up with a list of the punishments you should get for breaking the rules," type of thing, but neither is it a "Well, since you really can't think of any way to work this out, you'll just get your way," sort of thing. We find a situation we need to work on (for instance, brushing teeth was one in our house) then find a solution (so DD determined that listening to a song while she brushed would motivate her to do it without arguing for an hour, and it worked). She came up with her own solution. I wouldn't have thought of that, but it was really very simple and it worked. That's the kind of thing we do.

 

The problem we're having is DS not holding up his end of the deal. If we agreed to something like that when it came time to brush his teeth he would still pitch a fit. It's very frustrating.

 

I think it might be genetic, but since no one seems to be studying it (or else they'd have come up with a label for it :glare:) I don't know that for a fact.

 

I believe the difference between kids like mine and kids that are just difficult, is that "ruthless consistency in the discipline department" (I like that phrase, lol) just does not work. You can time out the child to death. You could spank her ten times a day if you wanted to, I guess. You can take away all her screen time, her toys, whatever. Believe me, we've tried (everything but spanking). At the heart of it, that's the defining difference between an explosive child and a merely difficult one. It's also why I think 4 might be too young to know for sure yet - they're not old enough to know exactly what works or not. However, by the time your kid is 6 and you know that NOTHING works...well, then you can be relatively certain. lol Therefore, I think it's something to keep in mind for later, if one has a really difficult 4yo.

This is awesome. My FIL believes that what DS needs is consistent, strict discipline and everything would be great. I've offered to send DS for a week and see how far that gets him. :glare:

 

That's exactly how it was with my daughter. We only recently got help, and it's already made a huge difference. I think it helps her to have someone else talk about it all with her.

 

I have yet to find someone who can help us. We're been to a psychiatrist and 3 counselors. We've spent a TON of money because none of it is covered by our insurance and we have no positive results to show for it. We are extremely frustrated, our home is in constant turmoil, oldest DD is afraid of her brother, and we are trying to implement Plan B with a DS who only takes and never gives. I am glad to hear from someone else who is dealing with a child like mine though. It does make me feel slightly better to know that I'm not alone.

(I'm sorry. I will stop posting about this now. I just feel like seeing someone trained in this method has been a life saver for our family, and I like to tell others about it.)

[Snowfall]

I'm sorry - I just realized I confused Marie's 7yo with the OP's 4yo somewhere in there. I only noticed when reading mmasmommy's post. At 7, I think one could safely guess. At 4, maybe or maybe not. Sorry about that. :blushing:

[amys]

Yep, that describes my 13 year old, who has ALWAYS been this way no matter what we try. I second the recommendation for the Ross Greene book if other strategies don't work!

 

Oops; I didn't see a whole page of discussion here. I don't think my comment added much!

 

I'm starting to HS the 13 year old this fall and I am VERY AFRAID!! (Only slightly kidding.) My 11 yo, who has a completely different personality and is perhaps overly compliant, has been HSing for 2 1/2 years. This is going to be interesting.

 

Amy

Edited August 10, 2010 by amys
added info

[skaterbabs]

FWIW, Yacko especially has always been that way, but the one thing we found to truly make a difference was monitoring (and changing) his diet and other environmental factors. he was dx'd adhd/odd in elementary school, but when we (as a family) went on the Fengold program, he literally became a totally different child. Both he and Wacko are on the autism spectrum, but the difference when off the program vs. when on it is staggaring for each of them.