My DS is undecided.... Help please

[cseitter]

I need a little help from other moms in the HS community. Just some advice.

 

Earlier this year I gave my DS a choice of going back the PS for 9th grade or continuing to HS. At first he was PS all the way until I said ok great go ahead. Then he changed his mind to HS and has been that way all summer.

 

Now of course he wants to go back to PS and I have bought most of his curriculum for next year and have signed up to teach at a local co-op so that he can take a couple of classes there.

 

So what does the hive think I should do? Should I make him stay home or just ok go to public. I can't take anymore changes around here.:001_huh: Besides I have to have the paperwork in by Aug 15th if he is going to stay home.

[starwarsmomma]

Sorry, once he made that decision, and MONEY was spent, he is committed.

 

I had to have that exact same conversation with my 10 year old.

 

I'm happy to re-visit the situation for NEXT school year, but this one is final.

[Starr]

I would do what you think is best for him. He doesn't sound that committed either way. He's probably just hearing his friends talking about going to school. My dd went through a phase about that age thinking she wanted to go to ps. We didn't feel it was the best thing for her and soon other opportunities opened up and she's been glad she stayed home.

[cseitter]

Sorry, once he made that decision, and MONEY was spent, he is committed.

 

I had to have that exact same conversation with my 10 year old.

 

I'm happy to re-visit the situation for NEXT school year, but this one is final.

 

I was thinking that but I don't want him to resent being home.... I have figured out some volunteering opportunties as well as shadowing an orthopedic surgeon in the OR in the fall a few times. I think he would be fine staying home but he likes to threaten alot about going back to PS. How do people deal with that?

[starwarsmomma]

How do I deal with that?

 

I don't. I'm the teacher, principal and parent. No attitude allowed.

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but I don't allow any threats.

 

The fact is, HE made the decision. HE made the committment. You acted on it, and spent money, so therefore HE is going to be homeschooled.

 

Now, if you wanted or PREFERRED him to be sent to school elsewhere, you could give him the opportunity to reimburse you for the curriculum, but unless that is a preference, don't offer it.

 

As he ages, he's going to be faced with difficult decisions-- he wont have the opportunity to CHANGE HIS MIND suddenly, on a whim, as an adult. It's a good lesson to learn.

 

 

 

** Ok, I read this and it sounds so harsh. I'm sorry. I'm not judging, seriously-- My 10 year old "changed his mind" just yesterday after all YEAR of saying he wanted to continue homeschooling. ANd he was full of tears, which broke my heart. But I had to be firm. NO matter how hard it is, we already had ALL the money spent, and I can't undo that. Especially with hubby unemployed, we really sacrificied to have it.

Edited July 26, 2010 by joyfulheart

[keptwoman]

I think I'd sit down with him and discuss. I'd want pros and cons list and try to figure out what is behind his change of heart. I'd also be clear that you'd spent all the money and that it's very late for him to change his mind.

[Mom0012]

Sorry, once he made that decision, and MONEY was spent, he is committed.

 

I had to have that exact same conversation with my 10 year old.

 

I'm happy to re-visit the situation for NEXT school year, but this one is final.

 

I understand this philosphy, but the only problem here would be that he might then have to continue at home for the rest of high school or redo 9th grade next year if he entered PS at that time. In our area, there is no credit given for homeschool classes taken for high school, so no matter what your age, you'd be starting in 9th grade. I think I would look into the rules for your district before making a decision on this one.

 

Lisa

[DawnM]

I am agreeing with this one.

 

I think my local district does allow one to enter high school later and still get the credit, but I would look carefully at the rules.

 

Did you give him a deadline for a decision? Maybe he thought he had the entire summer??? If you didn't say, "I am buying curriculum and once I do that you can't change your mind," I would be inclined to do so now. Tell him he has until Aug. 10th (or whatever) and after that date you will not change the decision.

 

Dawn

 

I understand this philosphy, but the only problem here would be that he might then have to continue at home for the rest of high school or redo 9th grade next year if he entered PS at that time. In our area, there is no credit given for homeschool classes taken for high school, so no matter what your age, you'd be starting in 9th grade. I think I would look into the rules for your district before making a decision on this one.

 

Lisa

[cseitter]

For us here you can enter High School after 9th. It isn't the best situation and you might have to take tests but it can and has been done. I also am very good friends with the head guidance counslor at the HS he would attending.

[dtonito3]

My son is now going to be a senior in high school. We went through what you ager going through. He sounds flip-floppy and not very committed. I too agree that he should be held accountable for his decidion and the question revisited agin next year.

 

I understand the concern about having to redo 9th grade or not receive credits however, to me that is irrelevant as you are forming the charector of the boy.

 

As they go through these years they may "think" they want this and that but they will change their minds as often as they change their T-shirts someday even more.

 

We are scared that they will get resentful, adgry or anything else but we are the parent and must do what is best for their "whole" person not just academically. They will have to suck it up and accept the results of their decision as they will in life.

 

So I think it is important to teach them the importanct of decision making and then revisit it next year. It doesn't matter if he graduates a year later or a year sooner but what kind of person you have helped shapred him to be.

 

Just my 2 cents worth---

[OLG]

Tough age for boys....Sounds like he still wants a parent to make the difficult decisions and why not?

 

Funny, I used to threaten my ds with sending him to ps!

 

My two cents is that he just doesn't REALLY know which he'd prefer. You know him best! Which would be in his best interests?

 

Mary

[duckens]

A huge part of being an adult is "doing what you say you will do." (I deal nearly every day with "adults" that haven't figured this part out yet!)

 

Although your child is not yet an adult, he is in his teen years, and this is a practice run (with Mom and Dad's guidance) for adulthood.

 

I wouldn't be entirely unreasonable. You could work out a payment plan for him to pay the family back for the financial cost of this year's curriculum. You could pay him $1 for every basket of laundry folded; $3 for washing the car; $5 for mowing the lawn.

 

Discussing the full cost of expenses and a payment plan may help him to understand that even if he was not committed to homeschooling for his 9th grade year, others have been and have made sacrifices according to that commitment.

[EKS]

How much money have you spent in anticipation of his being homeschooled? Can you return anything? I'd tell him that he can go to ps but he has to pay you back.

[Ferdie]

I think I'd sit down with him and discuss. I'd want pros and cons list and try to figure out what is behind his change of heart. I'd also be clear that you'd spent all the money and that it's very late for him to change his mind.

 

:iagree: My Dad taught me how to make a pro and con list for decision making when I was in high school. It was such a helpful tool and I have used it many times in business and in my personal life.

 

I would use this as a teachable moment. Go through the process of preparing a pro/con list and help your son make a final decision. Tell him whatever he decides is final and will be a one year commitment.

 

If your son knew you where buying curriculum based on his decision then I would have him help you resell it and pay off any loss. If he didn't then I would resell and cut the loss.

 

Good luck!