Anyone feels guilty staying home and husband working?

[melissel]

Yes :( I'm trying to "earn" my way out of feeling this way, but I don't think I'm doing such a great job so far *sigh*

[mamasojourner3]

Not at all!

 

Seven years before we even had children, my husband and I were in agreement that we would home educate our children and I would be a stay-at-home mom. He is 100% supportive!

 

Thanks be to God, my husband has been able to work from home since we moved about 9 months ago. (His employer is in Charlotte, NC and we now live in the Midwest.) We love it. Our sons love it!

[FaithManor]

I don't feel guilty for staying home but I do try to do extra nice things for him throughout the day because he works an average 60 hour work week (most of his days start at 6:30 a.m. with conference calls and end around that time at night) and some weeks are a lot longer. So, I am consciencious about trying to meet his needs.

 

I haven't really thought about it since he told me a few years ago, when I questioned whether or not he resented the flexibility that I have and his reply was, "I've seen the boss's job (i.e. homeschooling, caring for and feeding the troops, organizing their activities, planning menus, animals, canning, you name it), and I DON'T WANT THE BOSS'S JOB!!" Oh, and apparently he still feels I've earned my right to an afternoon nap or sitting with my cup of tea after birthing four children....he was by my side for all of that (and my pregnancies are majorly rough) so he has this attitude of "I will forever not resent anything about your life because I WOULD NEVER, EVER GO THROUGH THAT". He has some sort of "THANK GOD I'M A MAN COMPLEX" and I get the receiving end of it. Which is of course, quite nice.

 

But, I guess I can't say I ever feel guilty but it does make me try to remember to focus on him and make him feel special.

 

Faith

[AuntPol]

I used to. My husband has certainly acted as if I am a lesser being because my job doesn't involve pay. He even whined to our marriage counselor that he doesn't know what I do all day. He thinks that anytime I am on computer, I must be playing a game and goofing off (because you know that his what he does on the computer most of the day).

 

Yes, I have days where I goof off and I do have some down time through out the day to come to the boards or facebook for a few minutes. In the summer and weekends, I have a bit more time than the school year. However, I consider WTM boards the same way I consider a business party. Yes, it's a "party" and social but it's still work related so not the same thing as a date night or a girls night out. When I am doing my down time things, I can get interupted at any moment. Almost everything I do on the computer or in my down time, is related to bettering myself or helping my family. My true down time is facebook (once a day usually -some times 2-3 times a day and sometimes I don't see it for a week), chatting with Captuhura (we have this neverending conversation but it may be hours between one of us saying something and the other replying lol and I play a few short games like Scramble (3 minute games).

 

Now, I work with my husband at the office a lot. I have literally worked all day long in the office while trying to homeschool both kids in the copyroom. I know what goes on there. He works some long hours but quite a bit of that time is a) he is playing computer games while waiting for something to download and this is the majority of his day. (similar to my playing scramble while cooking dinner) b) he is listening to his favorite talk radio while driving to customer sites (i get to listen to bickering kids when I drive in my job lol) c) he is socializing -talking on the phone or chatting to his clients, his employees, his business partners or going out to eat on a businsss lunch. (similar to my chatting w/ moms on Co-op day or a field trip). d) He also has time to check his facebook, his emails, call his mom, read, etc. while at work

 

The biggest differences is

a) He gets paid and I don't

b) He can compartmentalize his job and his family, I can't.

c) He occasionally gets some kind of praise for his job.

[Jenny in GA]

 

I haven't really thought about it since he told me a few years ago, when I questioned whether or not he resented the flexibility that I have and his reply was, "I've seen the boss's job (i.e. homeschooling, caring for and feeding the troops, organizing their activities, planning menus, animals, canning, you name it), and I DON'T WANT THE BOSS'S JOB!!"

Faith

 

 

Ha ha, he got that from Bill Cosby!

 

"I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if I ever had it. But I've seen The Boss's job. And I don't want it." - Bill Cosby, "Himself"

[Remudamom]

No.

[tadbhoward]

No I do not, because even when the house is a mess, dinner is not cooked, and the school day was lacking, I have still spent a full day loving on and taking care of 4 kiddos.

[NanceXToo]

Guilty? Not at all.

 

But I do always feel slightly awkward around gift-giving occasions. Like, "Happy birthday, look what I bought you with the money you earned!"

[Mejane]

Nope. I keep his children healthy and educated and his home a welcoming sanctuary, and I'm a good steward of the money he earns. That's MY full-time+ job.

[FlockOfSillies]

Absolutely not. Fifty years ago, before women were expected to have it all, there wasn't guilt about staying home to manage the household. Expectations were more realistic back then. I don't see any reason why I should feel guilty about failing to live up to unreasonable expectations. And neither should you.

[TravelingChris]

Absolutely not. I have the harder job. I wish I could go to work in my field and come home and relax. Now he doesn't get to do that very often but I am normally working longer hours than him and I also have a chronic illness. But I am better at what I am doing- taking care of medical problems, planning vacations, paying bills, co-ordinating extracurricular, and guidance counselor. He is equally good as a teacher but I can't do his job- military officer/physicist. So no, I don't feel guilty.

[Dawn in OH]

Absolutely not. Fifty years ago, before women were expected to have it all, there wasn't guilt about staying home to manage the household. Expectations were more realistic back then. I don't see any reason why I should feel guilty about failing to live up to unreasonable expectations. And neither should you.

 

Well said!

[musicmommy]

This is an interesting question and I have enjoyed reading everyone's responses. There are times when I do feel a bit uncomfortable with the arrangement, such as when I'm out on a "field trip" with the kids. Dh's schedule is super flexible though so I try to include him in that as much as possible.

 

Some of the feeling for me comes from the fact that at one point, I was a working away from the home mom and that life for me was so much more difficult than being at home. Being a sahm feels so natural for me and rather on the easy side that I do feel a bit strange because dh does work so hard for me to be home.

 

The hardest thing for me is that he is the one out earning all the money, but I'm the one spending it since I'm the one buying what we need for the house. However, that's me that feels the way. He has never said anything along those lines and when I've mentioned it, he always responds with the fact that it is our money, not his.

[74Heaven]

No

 

:iagree: