Are we too pushy, too greedy, .... What do you think ?

[angela in ohio]

When we were very new to hs'ing, one of the first homeschool Park Days I attended had a birthday party with a pinata. When it broke open, all the littles went scrambling for candy and toys, while the older siblings held back. Then the older kids went after candy, but also distributed candy they found to the younger ones who had only a little. I thought, "I want my kids to grow up like that."

 

This is what we teach.

 

I agree, it depends on the group. But the thing is, it is natural behavior for the kids to scramble for the prizes. As parents, its our job to teach them to control themselves. That 'natural' behavior is their sin nature, which does not think of others first, as most faiths teach us. THAT is a can of worms in our culture, where materialism and 'me first' seem to be the theme of the day! I recently read "children act foolish, and sometimes that is annoying." LOL that is the truth!

 

:iagree: It is up to us to teach them to overcome their selfish desires.

 

I went to a lovely party where there was a pinata. The pinata itselef was lowered for little kids to hit, and raised and swung around for the older kids. When it burst, out fell small goody bags with names attached, one for each kid (and a few labeled "honored guest", just in case! Everyone loved it. )

 

I think this is a shame. If you legislate fairness, they don't learn on their own to handle it. We have friends whose dc are growing up "non-competitive" (games, etc.,) and they are the most competitive and scrabbling kiddos we know. They never learn how to handle the very real situations that will occur in their lives. I think instead we should focus on teaching empathy and the rest will work itself out. If our dc are taught to care for others, the first time they grab all the candy and someone cries, they will feel bad and won't do it again. I think the lack of people teaching their dc to care about the needs and feelings of others, rather than worry about themselves first, is the root of the selfishness we se. You see it on this board frequently with adults, even.

 

I create unfair and competitive situations for my dc, so that they can learn through them. I set the last two cookies on the table for my three dc. If we are going on a car trip, I buy three unequally sized bags of candy and toss them in the back of the van. I take them places where kids scramble for things (snack time at storytime when they were little, for example.) We play family games a lot. It is part of teaching "God, others, self" for us.

[Miss Sherry]

Quote:

Originally Posted by happygrrl

I went to a lovely party where there was a pinata. The pinata itselef was lowered for little kids to hit, and raised and swung around for the older kids. When it burst, out fell small goody bags with names attached, one for each kid (and a few labeled "honored guest", just in case! Everyone loved it. )

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Angela in Ohio said ......

I think this is a shame. If you legislate fairness, they don't learn on their own to handle it. We have friends whose dc are growing up "non-competitive" (games, etc.,) and they are the most competitive and scrabbling kiddos we know. They never learn how to handle the very real situations that will occur in their lives. I think instead we should focus on teaching empathy and the rest will work itself out. If our dc are taught to care for others, the first time they grab all the candy and someone cries, they will feel bad and won't do it again. I think the lack of people teaching their dc to care about the needs and feelings of others, rather than worry about themselves first, is the root of the selfishness we se. You see it on this board frequently with adults, even.

 

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Miss Sherry ......

I agree. That is a shame.I think doing a pinata with "small goody bags with names attached for each child" is just a way of teaching them that the world has to always be fair to them and they don't get the opportunity to learn to control themselves when the urge to be grabby rears it's head or to think of the other little children around them if they are getting any share of the candy or not. It's just a little strange and too neat and tidy.

[happygrrl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by happygrrl

I went to a lovely party where there was a pinata. The pinata itselef was lowered for little kids to hit, and raised and swung around for the older kids. When it burst, out fell small goody bags with names attached, one for each kid (and a few labeled "honored guest", just in case! Everyone loved it. )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Angela in Ohio said ......

I think this is a shame. If you legislate fairness, they don't learn on their own to handle it. We have friends whose dc are growing up "non-competitive" (games, etc.,) and they are the most competitive and scrabbling kiddos we know. They never learn how to handle the very real situations that will occur in their lives. I think instead we should focus on teaching empathy and the rest will work itself out. If our dc are taught to care for others, the first time they grab all the candy and someone cries, they will feel bad and won't do it again. I think the lack of people teaching their dc to care about the needs and feelings of others, rather than worry about themselves first, is the root of the selfishness we se. You see it on this board frequently with adults, even.

 

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Miss Sherry ......

I agree. That is a shame.I think doing a pinata with "small goody bags with names attached for each child" is just a way of teaching them that the world has to always be fair to them and they don't get the opportunity to learn to control themselves when the urge to be grabby rears it's head or to think of the other little children around them if they are getting any share of the candy or not. It's just a little strange and too neat and tidy.

 

...Except that the rest of my post mentioned that we played games, mostly races. There were winners and losers in those races. I like that the host thought of each of us, and it was better than the "obvious" goody bags that get handed out at every party now-a-days (I dislike those).

[melissel]

I think this is a shame. If you legislate fairness, they don't learn on their own to handle it.

 

Really? I think that's overthinking this particular issue. It sounds a lot like, "If they don't go to school, how will they learn to handle bullies?" to me, actually. IMO, there's plenty of actual unfairness in life to learn to deal with without setting up situations for unhappiness at someone's birthday party. And my girls are incredibly empathetic (even my little one, as I learned over this past week on vacation with family, to my complete surprise), just through what we teach them and the normal life we lead every day.

Edited June 12, 2010 by melissel
Typo!

[rookie]

Hello - Ms Sherry - I am trying again to gain your attention and to point something out to you:

 

Hispanics come in every color. Hispanic is a designation of language (and maybe SOME shared history & culture) but not of skin color.

 

There are hispanics of European ancestry who are VERY white, blond, and light-eyed. There are hispanics of African ancestry who are of varying degrees of dark skin. There are hispanics of Native ancestry who are different shades of brown.

 

To compare Whites to Hispanics is to compare apples to oranges.

 

Moreover, Hispanics do not have uniform standards of behavior. Hispanics are very aware that the rest of the world lump them together but that there are important and vast differences between them.

 

There are bratty kids and well-mannered kids around the world, of every skin color, ethnicity, religion, nation, etc.

[Miss Sherry]

Hello - Ms Sherry - I am trying again to gain your attention and to point something out to you:

 

Hispanics come in every color. Hispanic is a designation of language (and maybe SOME shared history & culture) but not of skin color.

 

There are hispanics of European ancestry who are VERY white, blond, and light-eyed. There are hispanics of African ancestry who are of varying degrees of dark skin. There are hispanics of Native ancestry who are different shades of brown.

 

To compare Whites to Hispanics is to compare apples to oranges.

 

Moreover, Hispanics do not have uniform standards of behavior. Hispanics are very aware that the rest of the world lump them together but that there are important and vast differences between them.

 

There are bratty kids and well-mannered kids around the world, of every skin color, ethnicity, religion, nation, etc.

 

 

Hello, I am just now seeing this. Thanks for the information. I should have used the term Mexican, and they had dark skin, but I don't know anything more specific than that about who they were.Except as I said, they did speak Spanish.

 

Even the term Mexican is broad. There are so many races and cultures in the world and the terms used seem to change over time.

I am not even sure what to call myself sometimes. I was born and grew up in the U.S. and as far as race am English,Scotch, Irish,German, Cherokee and another type of Indian that escapes me right now, since I have heard so little about that.

White is a very, very broad term but it is what I usually call myself for lack of a better term.

 

I suppose so many hispanics are lumped together partly because others with only casual contact are not going to ask them did you descend from Europe ,Africa, Mexico, Central America, South America, etc. just as I do not get asked very often if I descended from England, Scotland, Ireland, etc. I have gotten "What is it, you look a little Spanish or Indian ?" But what is funny about that is I have also been mistaken for being Russian when around a group of Russian people.

Edited June 13, 2010 by Miss Sherry

[6packofun]

Also, the hispanic kiddos might have been breaking open their 3,785th pinata and the excitement has worn off...? lol I hope that doesn't sound like negative stereotyping, I'm just thinking that if it's more common in any way then maybe they are used to it OR the importance of sharing is part of the celebration for them.

 

Heck, when we explained pinata usage to our 4yo, we said, "Hit it open and then get the candy!!" Of course they're going to run around like greedy imbeciles. LOL

Edited June 13, 2010 by 6packofun
typo

[Miss Sherry]

 

To compare Whites to Hispanics is to compare apples to oranges.

 

Moreover, Hispanics do not have uniform standards of behavior. Hispanics are very aware that the rest of the world lump them together but that there are important and vast differences between them.

 

There are bratty kids and well-mannered kids around the world, of every skin color, ethnicity, religion, nation, etc.

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I suppose these things could be said of almost all groups of people, whether you are talking about race or culture or religion. However, I think it is safe to say that within various cultures or races there can be found certain values or traditions that are generally passed down from generation to generation that make that culture unique from other cultures, even if only in degree in regards to the behavior or value. But I do think that people overall are much more alike than we are different from one another.

 

"There are bratty kids and well-mannered kids around the world, of every skin color, ethnicity, religion, nation, etc." I certainly doubt anyone would argue with you over that. LOL

[Ohdanigirl]

The other group in the park with the pinata were all hispanic families.

 

I was watching the hispanic children when they did the pinata. When it broke open they all very calmly and slowly picked up the goodies off of the ground.There was no pushing or shoving or any such thing.

Then our group did their pianata. They all rushed around as fast as they could to get as much candy as possible, even pushing into each other to get to the candy first. They were not calm at all and seemed to be in competition with each other to see who could get to the candy first.

 

I have to sign off now but may post more later.

 

Well I am Hispanic and I have yet to see what you described above. In fact I currently live in Mexico and piñatas are a year around thing. The kids even punch and steal each others candies. When I have done it, I have divided the children by age and had two piñatas. The other adults thought it was a stupid idea, since they often find the fighting funny, but I stuck my ground.

 

Now, don't get me started on the jumpy houses.

 

Danielle

[Miss Sherry]

Well I am Hispanic and I have yet to see what you described above. In fact I currently live in Mexico and piñatas are a year around thing. The kids even punch and steal each others candies. When I have done it, I have divided the children by age and had two piñatas. The other adults thought it was a stupid idea, since they often find the fighting funny, but I stuck my ground.

 

Now, don't get me started on the jumpy houses.

 

Danielle[/quote

 

 

 

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It seems that pinata etiquette is just a matter of what has been taught to any specific group of children,rather than any cultural expectations. The particular group I originally mentioned was likely just trained to behave calmly by their family.

 

"The other adults thought it was a stupid idea, since they often find the fighting funny, but I stuck my ground." It did appear that the group of hispanic people in the other group thought that the aggressive behavior by some of the children in our group was funny. I thought that because they were pointing and laughing at the children in our group.

Edited June 13, 2010 by Miss Sherry

[rookie]

I had pinatas at one birthday party - one pinata per kid (they were mini sized farm animals for a farm themed b-day party). I know-overkill but no one fought over the treats. ;)

 

As far as etiquette is concerned, I talk my dc through appropriate behavior BEFORE we arrive at an event. So, if it is a pinata party we talk about: What do you do when the pinata breaks? What do you do if you have more candy than sibs or other young children? Is it more important to get candy than to make sure young children are unhurt and able to get candy? Etc. They are aware before the event happens and can act correctly.

 

This is true before all events. If we are going to the opera (insert whatever), we discuss appropriate behavior BEFORE we enter the building and do not enter until everyone has GOT IT.

[tucenbubbi]

Thanks for sharing this. I totally agree that it's something that needs to be taught and the parents are responsible.

[LibraryLover]

About kids learning what is appropriate or not...this weekend was youngest dd's ballet, in a real theater. I went ahead with her to help back stage, and my dh brought the 3 older sibs and a teen cousin to the event in the evening. All of the boys wore dress pants, dress shirts & ties (cousin borrowed from us, as he was not planning on going), and my teen dd was wearing a dress (although with leggings lol). It was a child's recital. I looked at all of them when they arrrived, and while we are very casual, relaxed people, I was touched that they thought so much of their little sister and her big night at the theater. I didn't nag them about this, they have just learned that sometimes one dresses. Even for a baby sister.

 

They probably would snatch not candy from a toddler's hand, I am thinking. lol