Oppenness to children--Christian perspective

[jillian]

So I am reading this book "Your Vocation of Love" and while it has some good points, some of the stuff in the book turns me off (one point that infants can be spoiled--that's a whole can of worms I am not getting into) and the other that if you aren't open to your children (or using natural fertility planning like NFP) than you are some sort of "bad" Christian; of course unless there are extreme circumstances about necessities.

 

However, for dh and I if we had as many children as we could (which would be ideal) or as God had planned for us but we go paycheck to paycheck now with one (though we will be debt free by April 2011 and in September be MUCH better off--dh just made E-6 [Navy family] so he will be making more money and when he goes out to sea it will be much easier to save and not go so much paycheck to paycheck).

 

We don't feel it would be responsible to have more than 1 more child now though we are always open to the possibility of more children (we do not use BC except pull/pray), especially if it is what dh calls by "accident" (I feel accident is the wrong word).

 

So I am just looking to see what other people's position (especially if you are Catholic or Christian in general) is since in reality we just can't always do a full openness to children (especially due to dh's schedule with going in and out to sea).

 

 

***all we's mentioned are to mean dh and I***

[Renee in NC]

Are you Catholic?

[jillian]

Are you Catholic?

yes we are Catholic (or at least dd and I am; dh is agnostic though I hope through our actions and prayer he will one day come around but right now I doubt it).

[Diane in CO]

Jill,

 

I am a Catholic who is also married to an Agnostic. Right now we have both decided that 2 is what we can financially and emotionally handle. I have really thought and prayed about this and feel that we are doing what is best for our family at this time. If at some future time DH and myself felt led to have other children, we would look at that option. Although Catholicism does teach openness to accept children, I do feel comfortable at this time in taking precautions (BC pills) to keep from getting pregnant. Obviously if those precautions failed we would accept that child into our family and love him/her as much as we love our other 2 children. I am 38, DH is 43 and we are tired :D In fact, when I was in the hospital with my 2nd giving birth I looked over at DH and said "I'm good with two...how about you?" :lol:

 

I think you should be prayerful and mindful of your decision, but I do think not everyone has the financial ability or (or in my particular case) patience to deal with a lot of children.

 

Diane

[MorganClassicalPrep]

As a Catholic, (or ANYONE who doesn't want to use artificial birth control), you should really look into Natural family planning. Many churches offer resources, or you can find books at the bookstore and information online. Done right it is just as effective as artificial birth control, and then when you are ready to have another child it can also be used to help get pregnant.

 

I'm Catholic, but I am on artificial birth control. It is for medical problems though, right now my doctor and I are trying to lessen my pain and preserve my fertility so I can try for another baby when I'm ready (read: married and out of school. :D) I wouldn't take it if I was "with" anyone, because of the possibility of losing a pregnancy.

 

There is a difference between being open to children and taking unneccesary risks. Most Catholics I know would say that it is responsible and acceptable to God to plan your family using natural methods.

[jillian]

Jill,

 

I am a Catholic who is also married to an Agnostic. Right now we have both decided that 2 is what we can financially and emotionally handle. I have really thought and prayed about this and feel that we are doing what is best for our family at this time. If at some future time DH and myself felt led to have other children, we would look at that option. Although Catholicism does teach openness to accept children, I do feel comfortable at this time in taking precautions (BC pills) to keep from getting pregnant. Obviously if those precautions failed we would accept that child into our family and love him/her as much as we love our other 2 children. I am 38, DH is 43 and we are tired :D In fact, when I was in the hospital with my 2nd giving birth I looked over at DH and said "I'm good with two...how about you?" :lol:

 

I think you should be prayerful and mindful of your decision, but I do think not everyone has the financial ability or (or in my particular case) patience to deal with a lot of children.

 

Diane

I am glad I am not the only one struggling with the Catholic/Agnostic thing :)

As a Catholic, (or ANYONE who doesn't want to use artificial birth control), you should really look into Natural family planning. Many churches offer resources, or you can find books at the bookstore and information online. Done right it is just as effective as artificial birth control, and then when you are ready to have another child it can also be used to help get pregnant.

 

I'm Catholic, but I am on artificial birth control. It is for medical problems though, right now my doctor and I are trying to lessen my pain and preserve my fertility so I can try for another baby when I'm ready (read: married and out of school. :D) I wouldn't take it if I was "with" anyone, because of the possibility of losing a pregnancy.

 

There is a difference between being open to children and taking unneccesary risks. Most Catholics I know would say that it is responsible and acceptable to God to plan your family using natural methods.

Yeah we do the NFP thing (LOVE IT) though dh doesn't agree with it's "effectiveness" so if we ever had a situation where I couldn't have anymore children for health reasons we would use an artificial method.

 

We went through the Church's program for NFP while we were engaged (rather I did, dh was in Nuke School). We have been using NFP to try to conceive now for a year seriously and I tracked for the first year after dd was born to keep an eye on everything and see if/when I returned to normal.

 

We would love a big family (though our definitions of "big" are somewhat different...dh is anything more than 3 and I am anything more than 5 lol).

[cathmom]

Catholicism does not just teach being open to having children, it teaches that using artificial birth control of any type is a sin. Withdrawal is also a sin - it is the sin Onan died for. I just wanted to clarify that teaching in this thread.

 

A couple is not required to have as many children as possible. If for responsible, serious reasons, they should not have any more right now, NFP is the only acceptable option. It is very effective when used properly, just like any other birth control method. If a couple has a really serious, life-threatening situation, they should abstain. No birth control is 100%.

[jillian]

Catholicism does not just teach being open to having children, it teaches that using artificial birth control of any type is a sin. Withdrawal is also a sin - it is the sin Onan died for. I just wanted to clarify that teaching in this thread.

 

A couple is not required to have as many children as possible. If for responsible, serious reasons, they should not have any more right now, NFP is the only acceptable option. It is very effective when used properly, just like any other birth control method. If a couple has a really serious, life-threatening situation, they should abstain. No birth control is 100%.

This is exactly why I was having issues with this book that I am reading in regards to openness for children (yes I know my title is spelled wrong lol). She just seemed to be extrapolating incorrectly. Post baby number two I will be telling dh that I really want to use NFP properly

[ktog29]

Catholicism does not just teach being open to having children, it teaches that using artificial birth control of any type is a sin. Withdrawal is also a sin - it is the sin Onan died for. I just wanted to clarify that teaching in this thread.

 

A couple is not required to have as many children as possible. If for responsible, serious reasons, they should not have any more right now, NFP is the only acceptable option. It is very effective when used properly, just like any other birth control method. If a couple has a really serious, life-threatening situation, they should abstain. No birth control is 100%.

 

:iagree:

 

The amazing thing about being open to God's grace in this area is that the Lord will change your heart. Dh is a reluctant NFP-er but he continues to be willing to use it. As we have had more children, he is open to having more children...does that make sense? He now will say that while he'd like to be done having children, if we make a charting error, we get a baby in the end. And that's a good thing :)

 

For our family, this has been a challenging teaching. We are glad that we are following church teaching, but it's been a hard (and yet grace-filled) road to get here. I prayed a lot. The Holy Spirit worked in our hearts.

[jld]

I like the idea, but my body is done -- has given its final notice.

 

Good luck to you as you decide how you will procede.:)

[FaithManor]

I am not Catholic but dh and I have definitely had to address fertility issues and we are devout Christians so I'd like to offer dh's perspective, for what it's worth.

 

Dh looks at all of Christ's actions and the writings of Paul and sums up that our actions must be rooted in "What is the most loving action I can take for my family?" Whatever we choose to do, "Make Love Your Aim" (1 Corinthians Chapter 14 vs. 1 of the American Standard translation). If the most loving thing that a man can do for his family at the time is to make sure there isn't another pregnancy, then it's between he and God because he, as head of the household, must love his wife as Christ loved the church...sacrificial love.

 

Sometimes, not having another baby, or putting off having one, is the most loving decision that a father can make. At that point, it isn't about trying to circumvent God's plans or interferring, it's about taking his role seriously as the Head of the Family and loving his wife sacrificially.

 

One couple, our closest and dearest friends, are Catholic and have struggled with this issue. She has been assisting in the care of aging parents and grandparents and he feels that not using reliable birth control at this time, would be detrimental to her and the children they already have as they balance her mommy time and her family nurse time. They haven't absolutely ruled out having another child (they have four) but he is just doing the best he can for his wife at the time. He has counciled with my dh and also his priest. The priest is very supportive because their motive is not that another child would be a burden/not a blessing, but because of very real and loving concerns about balancing all of the responsibilities and acting in love towards all parties.

 

I hope this is helpful to you. My dh took permanent action because we were told that if I had another pregnancy, I was not likely to survive. I really struggled with the decision because I wasn't ready to be done yet and sometimes still get a little depressed, especially now that my youngest is 10! But, I love dh for loving me enough to make a decision that he would otherwise never consider. He would have loved to continue having children.

 

You position is even tougher within the military context because of your dh's travel. I think God sees, understands, and extends His grace knowing that you are just trying to do your very best at this time.

 

That said...I'm a Protestant so this might not be very helpful but hopefully, at least comforting.

 

Faith

[jld]

FaithManor, thank you for sharing that.

 

Dh really wanted 4, and a month before I had our 3rd, he told me 4 would be perfect. I really wanted him to be happy, and so I agreed to a 4th. But dc3 and dc4 turned out to be boys -- not in my plan!:) So I really wanted a 5th.

 

Dh told me he felt responsible for my health, and thought my body had been through enough. But I just couldn't shake the feeling that I needed another baby. So I finally said that's it, we're getting pregnant . . .

 

After dc5 was born (another boy, lol!), I noticed a really weird sort of formation on my abdomen, something which is unlikely to go away. And then tissue started falling out, also permanent, I believe. I probably should have listened to dh, though we both certainly love dc5 and are glad to have him.

 

Number of children is such a personal decision. I've only known one woman who regretted having a child. Even my mom, who had 11, probably didn't regret any of them, deep in her heart of hearts. You and your dh are really the only people who can make this decision.

[Sue G in PA]

It is such a personal decision, isn't it? A friend of mine, who loves me dearly in her own way :tongue_smilie:, once told me (when I was pregnant with #6) that God gives us wisdom. That was in response to my "children are a gift from God" and "God can open and close the womb when He desires as He did with Sarah, Elizabeth and so many others". Well, after having #6 (our 2nd girl after 4 boys in a row and a child conceived just weeks before dh was supposed to have the big V), we decided to stay open to God's will for us. Then we had #7 (another boy) who is the joy of our life. And then I suffered major PPD and a breakdown. Fast forward 2 yrs. to today. Dh had been very, very adament about not wanting more children...he was overwhelmed as was I. After a very serious discussion about faith and trusting God and much prayer, dh came to me and said that he felt God was telling him to trust Him in this area of his life just as he trust Him in all other areas. Wow! So, now we are not using bc (not any). It feels right for us. It feels "freeing" to simply trust God. I know He wants what is best for our family. If He chooses to bless us with another child, we will be thrilled. If He does not...that's okay, too. It's not in my control anymore and I really, really like that! Good luck to you...this really is such a personal choice and nobody should tell you that you are a bad Christian for using bc or for not using bc. We've been called irresponsible, greedy, insane, etc. and it does hurt (mostly from our immediate family mind you). I hope you don't ever have to hear such hurtful comments..whatever you choose.

[cathmom]

 

One couple, our closest and dearest friends, are Catholic and have struggled with this issue. She has been assisting in the care of aging parents and grandparents and he feels that not using reliable birth control at this time, would be detrimental to her and the children they already have as they balance her mommy time and her family nurse time. They haven't absolutely ruled out having another child (they have four) but he is just doing the best he can for his wife at the time. He has counciled with my dh and also his priest. The priest is very supportive because their motive is not that another child would be a burden/not a blessing, but because of very real and loving concerns about balancing all of the responsibilities and acting in love towards all parties.

 

 

 

Does the part about "reliable birth control" mean that they are not using NFP? NFP is very reliable when used properly. Catholic teaching is clear that the ends do not justify the means. Even though using birth control most likely means no pregnancy, and using NFP to avoid most likely means no pregnancy, does not mean that they are equivalent actions. I am saddened that the priest does not seem to be counseling them according to Catholic teaching.

[dangermom]

I really feel that it's an issue between a couple and God, and that prayer is the way to figure out what is best for each family. I don't know that there is a universal rule--for one family, openness might be right, while for another two children is best.

 

For us, I had planned a bunch o' kids, but when I wanted #3 my husband pointed out that my body might not take it too well. After much prayer (mine consisted of "If this is Your plan then You'd better tell me because I'm not happy!") we came to the decision. It was confirmed to me when my desire for children was taken away--one day, I wanted more children terribly, and the next it was gone and never came back. So we have felt very secure that this is the plan for us. I'm not sure you ever get what you want!

 

So I don't think you can just say "Having as many children as possible is God's plan for everyone and what a true Christian will do"--AFAIK it isn't.

[FaithManor]

Cathmom,

 

NFP is their main goal. However, after their last child was born, her estrogen tanked and her levels aren't normal. She was having problems with hormonal issues and it was affecting her skin, memory, energy levels, etc. The doctor wanted her on bc pills not for birth control but for hormonal regulation. At first she and her husband refused even though her health problems were worsening because they felt it would be a sin to use them. The priest reminded them that this was medication to rectify an underlying health problem and that God does not wish for her to be sick if that can be remedied. This lead to a discussion of whether or not it would be prudent for her healthwise, to have more children. NFP was the ultimate goal, but it couldn't work at the time because there was just no charting accurately with her hormones all over the map. She had months when she didn't ovulate, months when she ovulated too early, months when she skipped periods, etc. It was crazy. But, until they talked both with my dh and their priest, she continued to spiral downward because they felt they'd be sinning to use bc pills.

 

Her obgyn sees absolutely huge life altering health complications in her future should she get pregnant again. Now that she is on the pill, her health is getting a lot better. But, everytime she she tries to go off, her estrogen levels just plummet to the floor. It's entirely possible that she would not be able to get pregnant if she went off the pill and they actively tried to conceive given that her ovulations are so unpredictable or even at times, non-existent, without medical help. Additionally, without the medication, she would not be able to physically continue caring for her aged relatives and right now, there is no one to take over that role in their family. I think the priest is right and I am certain that my dh is right when he says that God sees and knows the heart, he knows the motivations, and that they are not sinning in addressing her health issues even if that means she won't be having more children in the near future.

 

Just out of curiosity, I would like to know what the catholic stance on hysterectomies is. Is it a sin? I am still of child bearing age but because of a family history of prolapsed uteruses will likely have to have mine removed before I go through menopause. I know of no protestant church that would maintain that I would be committing a sin to have a hysterectomy but is that a sin for catholic women? If so, does that hold true for women of child bearing age if they uterine cancer, painful fibroids, endometriosis? Just very curious....I'm not trying to be controversial. My friend doesn't think that she could have one before menopause even if she had cancer but I told her that I thought she should consult with a priest or try to find a catholic obgyn. She currently has developed painful fibroids.

 

Faith

[Parrothead]

Cathmom,

 

NFP is their main goal. However, after their last child was born, her estrogen tanked and her levels aren't normal. She was having problems with hormonal issues and it was affecting her skin, memory, energy levels, etc. The doctor wanted her on bc pills not for birth control but for hormonal regulation. At first she and her husband refused even though her health problems were worsening because they felt it would be a sin to use them. The priest reminded them that this was medication to rectify an underlying health problem and that God does not wish for her to be sick if that can be remedied. This lead to a discussion of whether or not it would be prudent for her healthwise, to have more children. NFP was the ultimate goal, but it couldn't work at the time because there was just no charting accurately with her hormones all over the map. She had months when she didn't ovulate, months when she ovulated too early, months when she skipped periods, etc. It was crazy. But, until they talked both with my dh and their priest, she continued to spiral downward because they felt they'd be sinning to use bc pills.

 

Her obgyn sees absolutely huge life altering health complications in her future should she get pregnant again. Now that she is on the pill, her health is getting a lot better. But, everytime she she tries to go off, her estrogen levels just plummet to the floor. It's entirely possible that she would not be able to get pregnant if she went off the pill and they actively tried to conceive given that her ovulations are so unpredictable or even at times, non-existent, without medical help. Additionally, without the medication, she would not be able to physically continue caring for her aged relatives and right now, there is no one to take over that role in their family. I think the priest is right and I am certain that my dh is right when he says that God sees and knows the heart, he knows the motivations, and that they are not sinning in addressing her health issues even if that means she won't be having more children in the near future.

 

Just out of curiosity, I would like to know what the catholic stance on hysterectomies is. Is it a sin? I am still of child bearing age but because of a family history of prolapsed uteruses will likely have to have mine removed before I go through menopause. I know of no protestant church that would maintain that I would be committing a sin to have a hysterectomy but is that a sin for catholic women? If so, does that hold true for women of child bearing age if they uterine cancer, painful fibroids, endometriosis? Just very curious....I'm not trying to be controversial. My friend doesn't think that she could have one before menopause even if she had cancer but I told her that I thought she should consult with a priest or try to find a catholic obgyn. She currently has developed painful fibroids.

 

Faith

A Hysterectomy is not a sin if it is done for a reason other than birth control. If you were Catholic and had to have a hysterectomy due to prolapsed uterus you would not be committing a sin in the eyes of the church.

 

It is a very fine line about artificial birth control and a medical need. Your friend that needs the estrogen for medical reasons (like a woman that had a total hysterectomy that includes ovaries needs oral estrogen) is not committing a sin. I'm not sure why BC pills were perscribed instead of oral estrogen, but that is between the lady in question and her doctor.

 

BC pills, IUD's, patches, hysterectomy, tubes being tied, vasectomy for men are considered sins if they are done to prevent pregnancy. It doesn't matter the reason for preventing pregnancy. If one has been told pregnancy may be life-threatening, one should abstain. Because even with BC accidents happen.

[Monica626]

I'm a Christian, but not Catholic, so take it FWIW.

 

First, I would pray and search the Bible for yourself. Study it, pray over it and come to your own conclusions. Second, if your husband is not a believer, I would go with what he wants *unless* it violates your conscience, or you believe what he is asking you to do is a sin.

 

I've read a lot of books recently which have, what I would call, legalistic ways of following Scripture. Christ extends grace to us and has given Scripture and the Holy Spirit to guide us. As a result, I grow very weary of authors who have a very formulaic approach to what a "christian life" should look like. There are a lot of very important things believers lose out on by becoming enslaved to some elses (extra-Biblical) beliefs.

 

Clear as mud? That just my, personal Christian perspective, since I've struggled with some of the same things.

 

Monica

[FaithManor]

Dear Parrotthead, Thanks for the clarification. I thought she might be wrong about the hysterectomy. I am not certain how long she can hold out with the fibroids. She takes a fair bit of pain meds around that time of the month.

 

I don't know the whole issue with the bc pills but I think it was because oral estrogen was bringing her estrogen levels up but her monthlys still weren't regular.

 

I just wasn't sure...I know that my church would never tell me I couldn't have a hysterectomy for a prolapsed uterus but I wasn't certain how my dear friend would react to me if I had one. Plus, I am very worried about her fibroid condition continuing to worsen. Additionally, she had mastitis so many times while nursing her four children that she's developed scar tissue and pre-cancerous growths so she will probably have a preventative mastectomy next year. She's a really devoted Christian woman and I think that more than anything, because of these problems, she isn't feeling much like a "woman" these days and it may be affecting how she interprets her church's teachings. That is why I encouraged her to ask around about a catholic obgyn who might then be able to reassure her that she isn't sinning but just addressing some very serious health problems. Is there an online site where catholics can search by state for practitioners who fully understand the church's teachings but are also board certified in obstetrics/gynocology? Her priest is not aware of one.

 

Faith

[Orthodox6]

If OP wishes to hear from assorted perspectives, then my post will not offend anybody because it is my personal perspective. :) (I'm so accustomed to people being asked to provide their viewpoints, only for some of them to receive attacks afterward. :confused: )

 

My personal belief is that a Christian's responsibility is to follow whatever are the teachings of his or her Christian group. Orthodox follow teachings of the Orthodox Church. Catholics follow the teachings of the Catholic church. Lutherans follow the teachings of the Lutheran church. Right on down the list of Christian groups.

 

It is not the Christian's right to treat his or her faith like a cafeteria lineup, and choose only that which appeals. This is the only truthful answer I can give to what I recognize is a question with ramifications that vary from family-to-family. If I belong to a religious group, then my duty is to honor its authority. (Otherwise, God is just some "decoration" in my life, and is not truly my King and my God.)

[serabi]

Catholicism does not just teach being open to having children, it teaches that using artificial birth control of any type is a sin. Withdrawal is also a sin - it is the sin Onan died for. I just wanted to clarify that teaching in this thread.

 

 

Onan died because he disobeyed Gods command to have a child with his brother's widow, not because he pulled out...

[cathmom]

I am sorry to read of all your friend's health problems. I think she should get in touch with the Pope Paul VI Institute immediately and get their advice. http://www.popepaulvi.com/

 

Many doctors treat any female problem by prescribing the pill. When that fails, they do a hysterectomy. It's maddening! Her health problems have underlying causes that need to be addressed.

 

Chucki is right on both counts - taking the pill for a medical reason is not a sin. However, I would still advise abstaining because of the possibility of early abortions. And having a hysterectomy for medical reasons is also not a sin. It would be if the express purpose of it was to end the possibility of pregnancy. But again, I don't think that either of these is always medically necessary.

 

Another good resource is the book Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon. This book helped me regain my health after I nearly died from blood loss during a miscarriage. We used NFP to avoid pregnancy during that time.

[cathmom]

Onan died because he disobeyed Gods command to have a child with his brother's widow, not because he pulled out...

 

If that were true, then Judah would also have been killed by the Lord for not giving Tamar to his other son. He admits that he was wrong in Gen 38:26. Onan was killed for doing "a detestable thing" - ie, sleeping with Tamar to get his own pleasure, but withdrawing so that any children would not come of the union.

[Crimson Wife]

One thing to keep in mind about artificial contraceptives is that hormonal ones function as chemical abortifacients. Some of them that's the ONLY way they work. These aren't really contraceptives at all because they do NOTHING to prevent conception, only implantation of the baby into the mother's uterus. Examples of these are IUD's, the Depo shot, and the mini-Pill.

 

Even with regular hormonal contraceptives like the combo Pill and the Ortho Evra patch fail to prevent ovulation in one out of every 10 cycles. So a woman on the Pill or the patch is most likely having at least one chemical abortion per year.

 

If you are pro-Life, that leaves only barrier contraceptives, withdrawal, Natural Family Planning, or surgical sterilization as potentially acceptable birth control methods (leaving aside RC doctrine for the moment). Sterilization is permanent so that's not a good option for a family that might want to have more kids in the future. Barrier contraceptives and withdrawal both are significantly LESS effective than NFP. Modern NFP is 99% effective when all the rules are followed vs. only 70-85% for barrier contraceptives & withdrawal.

 

If you're Catholic, then of course there are additional moral arguments in favor of using NFP. But even those who are not Catholic should be able to see that the most effective reversible method of family spacing is NFP.

[FaithManor]

Cathmom, thanks for the link. I will definitely forward it on to her. Yes, you are right about the possibility of conceiving and having an early miscarriage. She just recently found this out because her husband has become active in Right to Life. I don't think this was something that was explained by her doctor and of course, many doctors, even obgyn's, don't seem to think it's a big deal but for those that value life from conception, it is a HUGE deal. I never knew this, though I don't take the pill, until a few years ago and she and I have never talked about it.

 

I talked to her this weekend. She would really like to get off the pill if they can get things regulated. So, I hope she will find someone who can help her. You are definitely correct; her current obgyn is treating symptoms and not causes. Personally, I think those fibroids may be the main reason that she has problems with her monthlys. Plus, if she has cysts on her ovaries (like my sister does) well, that just makes things completely wonky. I just want her to be healthy both physically and spiritually if that is possible. I still think that her own personal feelings of "female inadequacy" some how play into how long it took her to get proactive about these problem and of course, she is exhausted taking care of her aging relatives and that isn't helping anything. If there is one thing I do know about my walk with God is that the devil will use anything and everything he can to make you feel like you don't measure up!

 

When I brought up the fact that I might be in the same quandry over hysterectomy her comment was that it was a good thing I was Protestant because my church wouldn't austracize me. I was a little taken aback because I didn't realize that she could possibly come under such condemnation for a needed medical procedure. Thanks again for clarifying that if it is because the uterus or ovaries are diseased, then this is not sin for her. I am going to post a copy of your responses to her in the hopes that this will cause her to take a deeper look at her church's actual teachings and be a catalyst to find a new doctor as well.

 

This is just such a big issue. She'll have to have a preventative mastectomy on one side and that has just a whole plethora of negative emotions associated with it and now the hint from the doc that her fibroids may get bad enough to remove her uterus. I think she secretly thinks that God is condemning her because she agreed to the bc pills. But, I know she and her husband only agreed because the doc said that was the best plan for addressing the hormone issue.

 

I hope she finds a better doctor. I don't think she is getting the best advice.

 

Faith

[Parrothead]

Dear Parrotthead, Thanks for the clarification. I thought she might be wrong about the hysterectomy. I am not certain how long she can hold out with the fibroids. She takes a fair bit of pain meds around that time of the month.

 

I don't know the whole issue with the bc pills but I think it was because oral estrogen was bringing her estrogen levels up but her monthlys still weren't regular.

 

I just wasn't sure...I know that my church would never tell me I couldn't have a hysterectomy for a prolapsed uterus but I wasn't certain how my dear friend would react to me if I had one. Plus, I am very worried about her fibroid condition continuing to worsen. Additionally, she had mastitis so many times while nursing her four children that she's developed scar tissue and pre-cancerous growths so she will probably have a preventative mastectomy next year. She's a really devoted Christian woman and I think that more than anything, because of these problems, she isn't feeling much like a "woman" these days and it may be affecting how she interprets her church's teachings. That is why I encouraged her to ask around about a catholic obgyn who might then be able to reassure her that she isn't sinning but just addressing some very serious health problems. Is there an online site where catholics can search by state for practitioners who fully understand the church's teachings but are also board certified in obstetrics/gynocology? Her priest is not aware of one.

 

Faith

No problem. Unfortunately these issues are not talked about even within the Church. So many Catholic women do not have a good grasp of what the Church teaches about reproductive health or their options or even the why of the teachings. I firmly believe that if Catholic women (or even women of other denominations) learn the why and the beauty of the Church's teachings on reproduction there wouldn't be so many women in positions similar to your friend.

 

Your friend and any Catholic woman should contact the Pope Paul VI Institute if in doubt of what the options are. An email to and from is generally all it takes for simple questions. If one wants to study it the Humane vitae by Pope Paul VI is available on line to read.

 

Like you, the women in my family have a history of prolapsed uterus. So at some point I'll be looking at having things tacked back up or taken out all together. I am not at all worried about it being a mortal sin or that I'll be dooming myself straight to Hell by having either procedure.

 

And I've got to put my 2 cents in here about NFP - yeah, initially it takes a bit of work and at time a bit of restraint, but the benefits of knowing your body like the back of your hand are well worth it. I've heard that NFP takes the spontaneity out of a couple's life. I've heard a few other "excuses" but really, nothing is more effective than NFP (except abstinence) and the benefits far, far, far out weigh the drawbacks. And not only can NFP help space kids, it can help when the time comes to conceive.

Edited June 7, 2010 by Parrothead