UGH. I'm posting instead of going off on my MIL.

[NanceXToo]

My MIL is out for a visit (flying home tomorrow, thank goodness). We just got our host packet from The Fresh Air Fund, because we're hosting a child for two weeks this summer in July. We've already been matched up and have been in contact with the child (a girl who will turn 10 shortly before she comes) and we're all really excited about it.

 

This is a program where impoverished inner-city kids from NYC get a chance to go to host homes and experience some of the summer outside of the inner city.

 

So my mother in law is sitting with us as we're glancing through the packet and she starts saying "Oh that's such a nice thing you're doing."

 

I said "yes, but I also think it will be a lot of fun and that the girls can learn from each other."

 

And she goes.... brace yourselves....

 

"Is it a girl the same age?" (as my daughter)

"Yes."

"A black girl?"

"Uh. Yes."

 

...."Well you can't help that. That's all you'll find."

 

OMG. Really? I had to make an excuse and get up and walk away. Ugh. How offensive!!!

 

I know I probably should have said something but I just couldn't bring myself to start drama with my MIL on her last day here, she's not young, my husband is already a little sad that this is the last time (supposedly) she's willing to get on a plane and fly out here and he has no idea when he'll see her again. But ugh. She always manages to say something that offends me (like when I was starting to wean my son at 15 months of age and she said "he's too old to be nursing anyway") but this just takes the cake.

[Chris in PA]

Nancy,

I can sympathize. My father has many racial prejudices. When my dc were younger, he would make very off-color comments. Finally one day I got up the nerve and said, "Dad I would appreciate it if you would keep those comments to yourself. I am not raising my children that way". That was all I needed to say. He has respected my decision and never made any more comments. Not sure if talking to your mil would help or not. I know in my situation it did.

[Starr]

While I would also be upset but it does give you a chance to talk to your kids about racial attitudes. I think you handled it very well, she's elderly and on her way home. Have fun with your new friend. I have found that the fresh air kids I've met are not impoverished but inner city bound.

[kalanamak]

 

OMG. Really? I had to make an excuse and get up and walk away. Ugh. How offensive!!!

 

I know I probably should have said something but I just couldn't bring myself to start drama with my MIL

 

I really don't think you change people's minds in moments like this.

 

If your children overheard, you can discuss, after she's gone, how this kind of thinking leads to schisms in societies.

 

I'm glad you're doing this. I spent 10 horrible years in NYC and I can't imagine growing up there unless your parents had enough money to get you out of it regularly.

[Guest FiveLittleMonkeys10]

Wow.

 

Sadly, my father is the same way. Not outright, but when I was younger he would say things in the house that were racist.

 

I grew up completely different from my father, so I suppose I cannot judge him. I don't think anyone has any right to be racially prejudiced, but his father was racist, and a drunk, not the best mix to grow up around.

 

My father is also somewhat racist, and also an alcoholic.

 

Some things are just picked up at a young age. I grew up around all races though and my father never said anything racist around me until I was old enough to just walk away so I never picked up on racism.

 

*sigh*

 

Hang in there!

[BikeBookBread]

:grouphug:

[mommaduck]

Oh my, I would have had to walk away also...to keep me from going across that table.

[NanceXToo]

Thanks for the replies. My kids were not there when she said it, it was just myself, my husband and my MIL. Thank goodness. I would have been even more upset if she'd said it in front of my kids!!

[AHASRADA]

For me, it would have been more of an eye-rolling moment than being that upset. Personally, I would somewhat expect such a comment from an elderly white person.

 

My family knew very, very few African-Americans growing up, so they were more of a phenomena of TV, popular culture and news reports for us. Those we did know were always treated as anyone else, based on their character rather than their color, but the image we picked up of an "inner-city black" person from the media was certainly anything but positive.

 

I would chalk her comment up to a lack of experience/exposure to the type of child she is speaking of, and that she is simply assuming the worst based on the preconceived stereotype she has. I'm sure she didn't even think about the racial implication and possible offensiveness of what she was saying, and she is likely much too old to have those images and assumptions washed from her mind. I would say to myself, "poor little ignorant old lady", and leave it at that.

[lmrich]

Good for you to walk away and vent here:001_smile:!!!!

 

Take lots of pictures of your experience this summer and enjoy the little girl - I worked in an inner-city school for five years. My favorite memory was taking my class on a field trip to an apple orchid - only an hour and half away, but none of the kids had ever seen the mountains - they were so excited. I loved watching them play in a babbling brook and run through the green fields. It was incredible. I had always wished I could take them to the ocean and get to share their joy. Sharing the beauty of the earth is a wonderful, wonderful experience.

[Allearia]

They have this sort of program in the rural area where my mom lives, they bring kids from Oakland for a couple of weeks.

 

My mom said that some people thought that the local kids were too young to be exposed to "those" kids.

 

What?? Too young to see kids of other races???

 

I hope your family has a lot of fun during her visit, it seems like a great program!

 

ETA: Fortunately my mother did not have this opinion, she just told me what some others she knew were saying about it.

Edited May 29, 2010 by allearia
Clarification

[Chris in VA]

We had a little girl to our house when I was 12. I loved her, and we had the best time together. Marcella--I've never forgotten her, tho we lost touch.

We both learned to ride bikes those two weeks. She didn't like to swim, but we had a backyard pool. My friends liked her, but I was shy, so we had mostly time together.

 

I had never spent any time at all with a person of color, but it was never an issue. We were just two little girls having fun together. With two older brothers who basically ignored me, I had such a good time with my "sister."

 

I think you are in for a wonderful time.

 

I never knew it was the Fresh Air Fund until a few weeks ago when either you or someone else posted a thread about it--I thought it was local to Akron OH and called, "Friendly Town."

 

My parents are subtly racist, but they did it, anyway. I think they grew from the experience. My dad has a very soft heart, and would never hurt someone's feelings on purpose. I guess it's hard to be racist, one person at a time.

[Remudamom]

Well, she's old, and when she's............gone, you'll probably be glad you didn't argue with her.

[NanceXToo]

Well, she's old, and when she's............gone, you'll probably be glad you didn't argue with her.

 

Ha. Yeah. That's what I told myself! Well, she's back in Florida now, and everything's back to normal over here. I still find myself occasionally thinking about it and shaking my head, but you can't change people who are set in their ways like that, I guess. All I can do is make sure I raise my own children differently.

[NanceXToo]

I never knew it was the Fresh Air Fund until a few weeks ago when either you or someone else posted a thread about it--I thought it was local to Akron OH and called, "Friendly Town."

 

Yep, that was me! I had posted asking if anyone had any experience with the program. They do call all the towns where the host families live "friendly towns" but yeah it isn't local to one particular place. The host families live across 13 northeastern states, from Virginia to Maine, and Canada :)