how old is too old for a girl to

[jenn1129]

sit on her father's lap? How about an uncle or grandfather? tia

 

Jennifer

[Peela]

In a normal healthy situation, I would say, for a father, there is no limit on the age. My dd15 is cuddled by dh regularly and he pulls her onto his lap to do it at times- in a big armchair. Even big kids need to feel cuddled and enfolded in the safe arms of their dad. he also does it to his daughter in her twenties- she is a bit father deprived becaue she didnt grow up living with her dad, so he ha always put her on his lap and cuddled her like she was little- she loves it! As for uncles...dh has one brother that Iwould be perfectly happy doing the same and I see him cuddling and physically playing with his daughters who are in their twenties. He is an adored father- no problem here with either of those. But they are both very physical and affectionate men.

 

 

But it is totally circumstantial and there is no ick value whatsoever with these two men. They are loving, affectionate fathers and uncles who understand the importance of physical affection towards their children. I love it that neither are so afraid about what others think, or their own sexuality, that they physically withdraw from their beautiful daughters who are young women. My dad withdrew from me. Not that he was ever affectionate in th first place.

If however their father- dc's grandfather- did something similar, I would feel red alert immediately because he is not normally affectionate and he is a letch- or at least, he was. It would be out of character and suspicious. He once patted me on the bum- ick! If he did something like that to my daughter I would just about kill him. But he hasnt.

 

If you are asking th question because you are feeling some ick regarding men and children and physical affection- a partcular circumstance ...well, it could just be your own conditioning and beliefs and that sort of thing, but it might not be, too.

 

Always, always, always, always trust your gut feelings.

[jenn1129]

thanks for responding. Actually, I think it's okay but my husband was thinking my 12 year old is too old to sit on her uncle's lap..not because of an ick factor but just because. My dh did not grow up in a touchy feely house. In fact, they rarely even hug. So I think that may be why he sees somethng "wrong" with it, whereas I do not. I agree with you that all kids(including us grown ones) need the affection and cuddling!!!

[Shawna in Texas]

sit on her father's lap? How about an uncle or grandfather? tia

 

Jennifer

 

I think lots of factors come in to play. First, your gut.

 

My oldest still sits on her dad's lap. Not too cuddle, but to squash him. She's about 120 lbs. and still thinks she's 50 lbs. She's constantly trying to take him down :D. I only see this increasing as she gets older.

 

I don't know know when her comfort level would have stopped her sitting on her grandfathers' laps. Now, she would probably harm them if she did. I remember her still doing it about 7, but she sprouted.

 

Thinking about it, though, if she were still able, she'd still sit in one grandfather's lap, but not the other. She still actually sits in my Memaw's lap, but Memaw is pretty hefty. The other grandfather she just isn't very close to like she is too the other.

[ciyates]

My DH didn't grow up in a family that showed physical affection but I converted him :D At my wedding there is a picture of me sitting on my dad's lap. I think it has to do more with what they feel comfortable with. If he is weirded out by her sitting on an uncle's lap respect that.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I would not put an age limit if it is in a normal family situation (meaning no abuse, suspected abuse) my dd still sits on her grandpas lap. We live 1800 miles away and they are very close (read between the lines: he spoils her rotten:glare:) so when we are able to see them then she really enjoys her grandpa (and grandma, it is the same with grandma and the aunties and uncles- though not so much sitting on the uncles lap, not enough spoiling I guess:lol:) I do not have a problem at all with that. Her dad, not so much, but he is the disciplinarian in the house, so I guess that is the difference between dad and grandpa :lol:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My DH didn't grow up in a family that showed physical affection but I converted him :D At my wedding there is a picture of me sitting on my dad's lap. I think it has to do more with what they feel comfortable with. If he is weirded out by her sitting on an uncle's lap respect that.

:iagree: and my husband was brought up the same way! It was kinda fun changing that though :blushing:-- Oops did I type that :lol:

[Gratia271]

I also think it depends on the relationship, not the age. It is not just what we as parents are comfortable with but also what our children are comfortable with. There are some people who are too invasive for my children's comfort level even though they mean nothing by it. Even within our family there are different comfort levels with outward affection. My husband and I personally think it is vital to keep that physical connection with our children. They need healthy affection at all ages from their family.

[phathui5]

When the girl is uncomfortable or doesn't want to.

[Desert Rat]

I still wish I could sit on my dad's lap. He's gotten a little more fragile in recent years and I don't want to hurt him. But I still sat on his lap into my thirties. I still sit on my godfather/uncle's lap on the rare occasion I see him.

As long as it's a natural relationship, there's nothing wrong with it.

JMHO

[AndyJoy]

I just sat on my dad's lap when I was visiting in Feb., and I'm 28! I never had a close enough relationship with any of my uncles or grandfathers to want to sit on their laps. I think as long as there is no awkwardness on her part, or weirdness on his part (like she doesn't want to, but he's pushing it) it is perfectly healthy.

[GWOB]

My 2nd 29th birthday is rapidly approaching and I still sit in my dad's lap, dysfunctional though it may be. Sometimes my sisters and I all try to pile up on him. I allow my dd9 to sit in both grandpas lap's. No biggie. Neither one sends out a perve vibe. I hug all uncles and always have. We are Cajun, which for some reason requires one to kiss all family members upon entering and leaving a room. I guess affection doesn't bother me.

 

But, and it is a big BUT, if you or your dh is feeling the perve vibe from anyone, act on it. If your dh does not feel it is appropriate for your dd to sit on her uncle's lap, then don't allow it. You guys are the parents. Honestly, I would much rather offend someone than potentially subject my child to abuse.

[IsabelC]

Well I am 35 and I don't sit on my father's lap anymore. But that's because I am bigger and fatter than him!:lol:

 

I agree it is a personal decision and if anybody is feeling at all uncomfortable, don't do it. A child (or adult, for that matter) should never be subjected to any kind of pressure to engage in any kind of physical contact that they are not comfortable with.