Would you let your almost 15yr old son meet a girl at the mall?

[LizzyBee]

No.

 

But I did once let my then-15 yo dd meet a 15 yo boy at an ice cream shop in a shopping center when I was around the corner at a pottery store with my 13 yo dd. But my dd is not boy-crazy at all and she actually took youngest dd with her so it wouldn't be like a "date." Same boy brought my dd homemade chocolates after her kidney stone surgery in February. :001_smile: They like each other but are not officially a couple.

[OnTheBrink]

No. There are plenty of other places to socialize and be with friends, with appropriate supervision. There is NO supervision at a mall and IMO and IME, 15 year olds need supervision. Not in-your-face supervision, but supervision nonetheless.

[Peela]

Peela, I appreciate your perspective (here and in other threads). I didn't articulate my point well, but I'll give it one last go.

 

The specific question was about malls, and I have to say that the mall is the very last place I'd allow my child to go without family. Malls exist to stoke the fires of consumerism, and though they may choose to shop at them later in life, they won't do it under my short watch.

 

More broadly speaking, I find that having parents or other trusted adults within earshot helps young people have an "out" if they need one. We'd all like to imagine our children as independent thinkers and movers, but the reality for many adolescents is, well, adolescence- a time of insecurity and figuring out one's identity and all that good stuff. In a way, I think groups of 7-year olds would be OK at the mall in a way that 15 year olds aren't (OK, not in a US mall- maybe in a Danish mall;)).

 

My kids are tiny, but I have a teen niece and I taught middle schoolers for a time, in case anyone wonders how I got so mouthy on the subject.

 

Hi Lucy- I think it's dfferent talking about teenagers in general, which include many different subcultures and many "worst case scenarios" and talking about one's own teens, whom one has nurtured up to this point in a very family centred and attention rich environment. I see my 15 year old as an emerging young woman, and I no longer treat her as a child- nor my 14yo son, although he is a later maturer. I do not restrict them lightly when they want to do something- they are very much learning to navigate their own lives. I dont find my kids need an "out", or that their process of maturing is leaving them feeling insecure or searching for identity in any way that makes me feel concerned that they may be in any kind of danger at the mall.

Also, I did have a lot of idealistic ideas about how I would be with my teens that have changed now that they are here. That doesn't invalidate your opinion, though. :)

I can also understand the not wanting to "stoke the fires of consumerism" but malls are here to stay, so my perspective is to allow my kids to come to terms wth consumerism in their own way, rater than protect them from places people buy things. I don't personally have a problem with my teens "wanting" stuff. Generally- what they see in the mall, just inspires them to look for it 2nd hand for a fraction of the cost. My kids are very consumer savvy and also good with money- from years of being in a family that finds 2nd hand bargain hunting a joyful past time. So that aspct doesnt concern me.

I understand we all come from dfferent backgrounds and different ideals. Teenagers are very much people with their own opinions and are really no longer children in the sense that one can control them the way one controls younger kids. They need a lot of respect amd I feel they need our trust, too, that we can let them out of our sight and earshot, and they will actually be ok and behave reasonably.

[LibraryLover]

Teenagers are very much people with their own opinions and are really no longer children in the sense that one can control them the way one controls younger kids. They need a lot of respect amd I feel they need our trust, too, that we can let them out of our sight and earshot, and they will actually be ok and behave reasonably.

 

Very nicely said. :)

[Barb_]

Yes, my 15yo has gone to the mall with friends, including male friends. Sometimes her 13yo sister goes with them. But I know and like their friends. One on one? I'd have to take it on a case-by-case basis.

 

Barb

[Lizzie in Ma]

lol, sure! If the girl's family came with her and of course our tribe would also be there. It would be a fun family outing. ;) I would probably just show up with all of us in tow, let the girl know that our ds comes as a package deal. If she handled that situation well then she's probably a girl I would want to get to know better. :D As for meeting solo at the mall (or anywhere else for that matter), nope.

 

:iagree::iagree::D

[Pippen]

I'd consider it. It would depend on the kids, and depend on the mall.