S/o "fuddy-duddy" thread

[Jenny in GA]

I'm reminded of this homeschooling article:

 

The parents told their sons, even at elemetary age, to avert their eyes/llok down when they went to Wal-Mart and passed the displays on female models in underwear. They also told their sons that they should "pray for the models, that they come to know the Lord and learn modesty."

 

This really surprised me. Wal-Mart?? Look away? At nine years old?? My first thought was that this would make the poor kid neurotic.

 

But then again, I've never been a male, and my son is only three.

 

What do you teach your sons about looking/not looking/lusting, etc? Who can share some insight on what unique struggles males have in this area?

 

Jenny

http://beanmommyandthethreebeans.blogspot.com/

[Hockey Mom]

Nothing yet. I will leave that up to Dh though.

 

Our pastor recently discussed sexual immorality in a sermon. He has two teenage boys, and he was talking mostly about the barrage of porn our kids are exposed to in their young lives. He taught his boys the "one look and bounce" rule. If they see a pretty girl, look, then bounce your eyes elsewhere. This is to help teach the young men that women are not objects...which kind of goes against the porn POV (which was the main topic of that day).

[KnitWit]

The WalMart thing? I recently heard that from someone also. I have four boys, age 12 down to 4. I have never called their attention to it and they have not noticed. My 12yo has just begun to notice and comment sometimes on female dress and I tell him to not look.

 

Well....I guess I should be honest that ONE noticed the lingerie in WM because every time we had to go down that aisle, he'd poke the bra cups as walked saying *boink, boink, boink, boink...* as we went...but I assure you there was nothing hormonal behind that! LOL!

Edited April 25, 2010 by MSPolly

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've told ds that if it makes him "feel funny" to see something then it is probably better to avoid it. So far, the only thing that I've seen him avoid is the Victoria Secret store.

 

I think it is more important to teach kids of both sexes Biblically appropriate views on sexuality. I think that sex has an important and beautiful place within marriage. I also think that men and women should not blatantly flaunt themselves - sexually or not. So, we try to avoid things that violate those principles. But I don't believe in trying to narrowly define what would violate those principles. I do some of the sheltering for my young children but as they get older and gain in discernment, I want them to be applying these principles as their conscience dictates, not by what I dictate.

[InHisGrip]

... because every time we had to go down that aisle, he'd poke the bra cups as walked saying *boink, boink, boink, boink...* as we went...but I assure you there was nothing hormonal behind that! LOL!

 

:lol:

[Mrs Mungo]

My son is still at an oblivious age. eta: I don't try to put intentions in his heart that aren't there.

[Gratia271]

My son is not at the stage where he is cognizant of these things. I do think that our children (at all ages) learn from our example in these matters, whether unwittingly or not.

[G5052]

I've heard that too, and it struck me odd. Make a kid feel guilty before they really reacting to something?

 

Sometimes people think I'm too relaxed and tell my kids too much...

[Mejane]

My son is 14. He notices pretty girls. He looks at the big, BIG, VERY BIG pictures when we walk by Victoria's Secret at the mall. :glare: He doesn't ogle, and he doesn't make salacious comments because his father doesn't ogle or make salacious comments, and he's been taught to respect women. He knows that looking is normal, as is feeling attraction, but that how he reacts to what he sees and/or feels is what's important.

[justamouse]

0_o

 

Really? Huh.

 

Nope, not me. I walk around the upstairs nekkid. They know what books look like and it's no big deal.

[KnitWit]

My son is 14. He notices pretty girls. He looks at the big, BIG, VERY BIG pictures when we walk by Victoria's Secret at the mall. :glare: He doesn't ogle, and he doesn't make salacious comments because his father doesn't ogle or make salacious comments, and he's been taught to respect women. He knows that looking is normal, as is feeling attraction, but that how he reacts to what he sees and/or feels is what's important.

 

Yes! I like this and agree.

[Imprimis]

My son is being taught that he, and he alone, is responsible for his thoughts and actions. It is not his job to judge what someone else is wearing or to make assumptions about someone's character or motives based on her choice of clothing.

 

It's important to me that my son never falls into the trap of blaming others for what is clearly his personal responsibility.

 

I find it sad that someone would look differently upon someone or respect her less because she wears a dress with spaghetti straps to a prom.

 

I think it sends the wrong message to our young men when we make disparaging comments about someone's "lack of modesty." Modesty, as most of us would agree, is such a subjective subject. Instead of concentrating on something we have no control over---how others choose to dress, it makes more sense to me to focus on our sons' hearts.

[Gratia271]

My son is being taught that he, and he alone, is responsible for his thoughts and actions. It is not his job to judge what someone else is wearing or to make assumptions about someone's character or motives based on her choice of clothing.

 

It's important to me that my son never falls into the trap of blaming others for what is clearly his personal responsibility.

 

I find it sad that someone would look differently upon someone or respect her less because she wears a dress with spaghetti straps to a prom.

 

I think it sends the wrong message to our young men when we make disparaging comments about someone's "lack of modesty." Modesty, as most of us would agree, is such a subjective subject. Instead of concentrating on something we have no control over---how others choose to dress, it makes more sense to me to focus on our sons' hearts.

 

I agree. Teaching personal responsibility is the key to all of these matters, in my opinion, in raising daughters and sons. They need to understand that they cannot control what anyone else says, does, wears, etc. What they can control is their response. I think things work better when we as parents focus on teaching our children to focus on self-improvement and self-development rather than on comparisons with others, regardless of the topic.

[micandme]

My son is being taught that he, and he alone, is responsible for his thoughts and actions. It is not his job to judge what someone else is wearing or to make assumptions about someone's character or motives based on her choice of clothing.

 

It's important to me that my son never falls into the trap of blaming others for what is clearly his personal responsibility.

 

I find it sad that someone would look differently upon someone or respect her less because she wears a dress with spaghetti straps to a prom.

 

I think it sends the wrong message to our young men when we make disparaging comments about someone's "lack of modesty." Modesty, as most of us would agree, is such a subjective subject. Instead of concentrating on something we have no control over---how others choose to dress, it makes more sense to me to focus on our sons' hearts.

 

Ahem... yes, this is what we're seeing with our 9 and 7 year old girls and 5 year old boy. Since we haven't gone into deep discussions on sex yet, we can't really address WHAT a "lack of modesty" really means.

 

We do talk about "inappropriate" dress, but again, that's pretty subjective. And tricky, when they're so young. The girls and I have talked about how/where we draw attention to ourselves.

 

But DS has a habit of saying "OH, YUCK... THAT's inappropriate" as he goes by a manikin.... so far we haven't (thank goodness) had this yelled out to a real person. :D But it does let us know we're not really hitting the issue the way we want to! Not sure where to go from here.....

 

I guess it really depends on who we're talking to... when I talk to my girls, I remind them it's THEIR responsibility to dress and act modestly/appropriately, both because the Bible says to and because we want people to be drawn to us for who we are on the inside, not who we are on the outside. When we talk to our son..... well, then it will be HIS responsibility to take his eyes away from what might cause him to stumble. AND not to judge a girl based on how she dresses, either immodestly OR modestly.

 

Why is nothing just easy? :tongue_smilie:

[Tree House Academy]

I think that it is normal and fine for boys (and girls) to look at the opposite sex in public. I am not advocating porn here, but if my son sees a pretty girl, he will look. Once we were at a movie theatre and he actually fell on the floor because he was walking forward and staring backwards at a poster of a hot girl in an upcoming movie. I had to LOL. Now, when he does something like that, I will just poke him and say,"careful, you might fall." We laugh and move on. I don't think there is any reason to make him think that looking at a woman's body is bad or sinful. He needs to know to treat her with respect at all times.

 

We will deal with the topic of "lust" when we get there. He is not old enough, yet, to really understand feelings of lust. It is human nature to "lust" as well. We just can't let lust take over our rational thoughts!...and that is what I plan to tell my kids.

 

I could tell them as my dad told my brother..."that's what you got a hand for, kid." but I think I will spare them that little spiel.

Edited April 25, 2010 by Tree House Academy

[Stacie]

Nothing yet. I will leave that up to Dh though.

 

Our pastor recently discussed sexual immorality in a sermon. He has two teenage boys, and he was talking mostly about the barrage of porn our kids are exposed to in their young lives. He taught his boys the "one look and bounce" rule. If they see a pretty girl, look, then bounce your eyes elsewhere. This is to help teach the young men that women are not objects...which kind of goes against the porn POV (which was the main topic of that day).

 

 

This makes no sense to me. We were created to appreciate the beauty in one another. That to me is both outside and inside beauty. It's how our species survives. If you instruct your son to look at a pretty girl then bounce your eyes to the window, what exactly are you teaching him about interacting with the opposite sex? And of course, how is she going to feel about having a young man look at her then look away immediately?

 

I see nothing wrong with a young man making eye contact with a young lady who catches his eye. Now, ogling body parts is different. I've talked with my oldest son about making eye contact when having conversations with young ladies, but never looking them up and down during a conversation. If he is conversing with another or trying to start up a conversation, then eye contact is the way to do it. Looking away indicates a lack of interest.

Edited April 25, 2010 by Stacie

[Miss Marple]

With 4 teenage boys, I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. But suffice it to say that I'm happy they like the looks of women. Men are made to appreciate the attributes of women. But looking does not equal lust or sin. Teaching a boy to look away seems, well, odd - the scantily clad are everywhere (posters, people, magazine covers, commercials, the nurse in the physician's office...). One needs to teach a son how to deal with the images.

 

At some point, the young man will look and appreciate. It's what he does with the input that leads to sin - and all young men will have different levels of ability to deal with it. I think very open, candid discussion is absolutely necessary with your sons. They need to know that it's OK to like what they see, but it's not OK to allow it to lead them to sin. It's not OK to search it out in the form of pornography. It's important to teach them self-control just as we, moms, need to exhibit self control in areas that tantalize us.

 

And, I'm sure that I've made many, many mistakes on this point. I pray God's grace and mercy upon my sons for my inept leading. I pray God's protection for their hearts as they are out in society. I pray for wisdom as we discuss these issues at home. I don't think there is a human-developed formula out there that will ensure the purity of our children.

[mrsrevmeg]

 

Well....I guess I should be honest that ONE noticed the lingerie in WM because every time we had to go down that aisle, he'd poke the bra cups as walked saying *boink, boink, boink, boink...* as we went...but I assure you there was nothing hormonal behind that! LOL!

 

I had a son who once put bras on his head. I don't think he had hormonal reasons. He just likes to be funny!

[JustGin]

I'm reminded of this homeschooling article:

 

The parents told their sons, even at elemetary age, to avert their eyes/llok down when they went to Wal-Mart and passed the displays on female models in underwear. They also told their sons that they should "pray for the models, that they come to know the Lord and learn modesty."

 

This really surprised me. Wal-Mart?? Look away? At nine years old?? My first thought was that this would make the poor kid neurotic.

 

But then again, I've never been a male, and my son is only three.

 

What do you teach your sons about looking/not looking/lusting, etc? Who can share some insight on what unique struggles males have in this area?

 

Jenny

http://beanmommyandthethreebeans.blogspot.com/

 

We've taught our son since about age 5 or 6 to "bounce his eyes". That is, if he happens to see a magazine cover, big ad in a store window, etc, that is inappropriate, quickly look at something else. Our catch phrase is, just because you see it doesn't mean you have to look at it. This hasn't made him weird or neurotic or anything, just aware that his eyes are under his control and he is responsible to do what he can to avoid filling his minds eye with impure images. We don't make a big deal over it, and we never watched him like a hawk or anything, just talked about it in context; discussing why "bouncing" was good practice. Actually, I've also taught my girls something similar with magazine covers in the grocery aisle, just because it's a good idea to not dwell on trash IYKWIM.