Do your younger teens (13-14) have a curfew?

[Guest Jennymom74]

The question about the "mall" got me thinking... Do your younger teens (13-14 range) have a curfew yet, and if so, what is their curfew?

 

My two older sons, 13 and 14, are lucky I let them take their bike to a friends house in the next cul-de-sac over during the day time...thats how protective (errrrr... over protective my kids would say) I am.... lol.

 

We don't let our kids roam the neighborhood even, and if they are at a friends house I want them home for dinner.... 6 pm latest (weekends too). And, if the friend is more than a 5-10 minute bike ride away, I insist on driving and pciking up.

 

We don't let our kids out after dinner unless its our yard or the neighbors yard (and then its be inside at dusk)....so really there is no need for a curfew. So far I haven't had "too much" resistance from the kids, but my oldest especially is starting to talk about some of his friends allowed out into the evening. Now of course a planned event in the evening with a friend is fine on the weekends....as is youth group, etc....but the difference is adult supervision.

 

So what do you think, am I too strict or are you of a similar mind set?

Edited April 20, 2010 by Jennymom74

[Carol in Cal.]

I would add, it's mostly parental supervision.

 

She can attend things that go late into the night as long as she can convince one of us to go and stay with her there.

 

We do our best to be 'yes' people, but she does not get to attend every single birthday party or whatever that she is invited to. She thinks that we supervise her too much, but we have noticed that some other parents do the same. For instance, a birthday party last summer consisted of meeting at a mall, eating, getting small gift cards (in lieu of party favors, I think) and heading out to spend them as a group. DH went along, much to DD's chagrin, and watched her go in and out of stores from a central location. So did parents from almost every other family. DD had been convinced that she would be the only one there, other than the birthday girl, with a parent in tow. She was mistaken, which was a relief to me as well as to her.

[Wheres Toto]

At 13 my daughter didn't have a curfew because she wasn't really out randomly roaming around. She might go to the mall but it would be right after school in the afternoon for an hour or so, she might go to the movies but would be picked up and dropped off. Other than that, she usually would just go over a friends house to hang out.

 

We don't live in a place conducive to walking. She has one friend in our neighborhood but between dance and afterschool activities they don't have a lot of free time to roam. Once outside of our neigborhood it's busy, narrow, winding roads and a long walk to anywhere.

 

She's going to be 16 Friday (YIKES!!) which means she's allowed to start dating so I guess I'm going to have to start thinking about curfews and such. So far, she's only gone out with a group of friends to a specific place and for a specific reason (birthday parties, restaurants, movies) so there wasn't a real curfew since it was based on the party time or movie schedule and was a pick up/drop off situation. I do a good portion of the driving for her group of friends so I usually know exactly what the plan is.

[mysticamethyst]

I'm not sure you would call it a curfew but my kids must eat dinner with us at dinner time and they can stay out no later than dark. My rule is I must be able to walk out the front door and see you; no going in friends houses. My 16 really doesn't have very many friends yet, but once he starts at the cc and gets a job I know I am going to have to face this. I'm really not sure how that will go.

[lionfamily1999]

Before it gets dark or 7pm...

[AngieW in Texas]

No curfew here, but I haven't seen any problems to cause me to make one either. I haven't forbidden my kids from sticking beans up their noses either, but it hasn't been a problem.

 

We don't eat dinner until around 8:30pm. We know most of our neighbors and are just 5 minutes (on foot) from the neighborhood park. We know people on the way to the park and who live right next to the park. The family right next to the park is good friends with my 14yo. She plays with their dog and their 4yo son (pushes him on the swing) and has long conversations with the mom.

 

My 14yo often goes to the park by herself or with her 11yo sister. She just has to check in with me by phone. I want her back home before dark. But after dark, I'm just fine with my girls being outside so long as they are on our street within earshot.

 

My 11yo often goes outside after dark with the 3 other girls near her age who live on our street. They like to sit in the driveway and talk. They are always within 2 houses of us, so I don't have any problem with it. She's always inside by 10:00 because she usually goes to bed then.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

No, like another poster DS (just turned 13) is usually with an adult (usually me or DH) if he is out at night.

 

When my DD was that age - yes, she did. She has always been in public school and was a cheerleader by that age. Her junior high was on a rough end of town and we had to be careful about what she was doing and who she was with. She fought it every step of the way. She is 17 now and still argues against a curfew.

[fivetails]

No...we don't need a "curfew" because dd13 isn't out & about in the evenings on her own. Evening activities are usually organized & supervised -- choir, swimming lessons, etc -- or she's with me at the mall, grocery store, etc.

 

She does play outside after supper sometimes - right in our court with the other kids, where they can be seen by all the houses/parents. All I have to do is open the kitchen window and ask her to come inside. :)

[lionfamily1999]

Dd read my post and pointed out that she does go outside after dark and is even allowed to take walks. Apparently she sees her curfew as "check-in and eat" time :p

[Tap]

We live in an smallish neighborhood that has clear boundaries. At that age they can stay outside playing until dark, after that I want a check in to know whose house they are at or for them to come home. If they are at a friends, I ask them to come home at a certain time based on what is happening...usually 10 or 10:30. If they aren't doing a sleep over, they usaually come home around this time.

 

I don't have a 'curfew' as in a certain time to be home.

[bettyandbob]

No curfew here. And I didn't have one growing up.

 

ds15 doesn't drive so there's a limit to where he can go. He did walk to football games at the high school last fall. I wanted to go pick him up after because it was dark. He said he didn't need a ride and dh said to let him walk home and so he did. ds15 is 5'10" and around 200lbs so for most of my nightmares he's doesn't fit the target profile of a victim. We have let him go to a shopping area for dinner and movies with friends. Since he has to get a ride, there's no need for curfew. We do expect him to tell us what movie and times are set around that.

 

dd12 is hasn't asked to go places yet. She is petite and will likely remain so. For that reason, she won't be walking home alone after dark from events like a football game.

 

When I was growing up, I told my parents where I was going and who I was with. My parents knew my friends and their parents. I also told them when I expected to be home. If the time didn't match the activity I had to explain. That was it. And I had change for pay phones so I could call (my kids have cells now). So, if I was going to see the Empire Strikes Back on the opening night and the line for the theater made it impossible to get in before the 10 pm showing, my friends held my spot in line so I could call and explain why I was coming home later than expected. (I realize some on this board were not born when this moving was released in the age before the multiplex)I got home pretty late that night but all we did was stand in line and then watch the movie.

 

I think when you have curfews there can be a tendency to just stay out for the sake of the curfew. "just staying out" can lead to problems. I think it's better to know who, what, where, when, and something about the other who's families.