Advice Needed Concerning Homeschooling Friend

[Blueridge]

I need your input about a dear friend of mine. She did not homeschool her other 2 children, who are now grown. Her 'baby' is now a senior, and a sweet, innocent young lady. They live on a small urban farm and can do just about anything. Extremely talented, my friend can make goat milk soap, raise gardens worthy of a magazine photo shoot, cook everything from scratch, etc. Her daughter has been homeschooled primarily with SL, BOTH Saxon and ABeka maths simultaneously, and tons of workbooks and extra skills-type things. She is extremely smart, crafty, great with animals and plants, but extremely shy. Their lifestyle has been a sheltered one, partly due to the father being disabled and desiring a 'hermit' seclusion. I worry for my friend's dd because of the limited exposure to people/activities outside their home. That said, I need advice concerning her taking the ACT or SAT. My friend says that her dd really just wants to stay home, take care of the farm and her daddy...all noble goals, but it makes my heart break nonetheless. I want to encourage her to have her daughter take the exam anyway...her attitude toward college and life may change in a few years. I think she should test while the material she's been learning for years is still reasonably fresh in her mind. My friend says their goals aren't the same as some families. I don't know if I can reach my dear friend, who is very low-key and just wants her dd to be 'happy'. Would you intrude or keep your mouth shut?

[Mrs Mungo]

I would keep my mouth shut. If she decides to pursue a degree later on, there are plenty of test prep books and courses out there.

Edited April 14, 2010 by Mrs Mungo
awkward sentence structure

[Tangerine]

I know a young formerly home schooled woman who owns her own fiber arts studio and flock of sheep. No college, and a successful business that she loves. I believe the girl you know, should she desire, could find a very satisfying way to market her skills. I'd let her be.

[happyhomemaker25]

Speaking as a family who will encourage our daughters to stay home through college I would say back off. (In the nicest way possible) :) Whats right for your family is not necessarily whats right for her family.

Just as you would not want somone going to your kids and encouraging them to step outside of your families beliefs and values please don't do that to someone else's child. :)

[Blueridge]

Thank you all. I guess I see her years from now as an amazing veterinarian or something. :) No, I would never, ever speak to the daughter about it! I thought only to encourage my friend to consider all the possibilities. I think I will just keep it to myself unless she asks for my opinion.

[G5052]

My friend says their goals aren't the same as some families. I don't know if I can reach my dear friend, who is very low-key and just wants her dd to be 'happy'. Would you intrude or keep your mouth shut?

 

I'm a part-time professor, and I've seen some situations like this that worked out beautifully and some where the homebound graduate suddenly was thrown into having to make a living and go to school.

 

I tend to be in the "go to college while you're young and have fewer responsbilities" camp, but I frankly keep my mouth shut unless I'm asked.

[LND1218]

I agree - say nothing!

[Chris in VA]

I might very gently suggest to the mom that she allow her dd to take the test. I don't consider it intruding to offer a gentle opinion and help her process, or to allow her the opportunity to share why she's making the choices she is.

Of course, I tend to be quite intimate with my friends, and we offer opinions all the time, knowing it's a take it or leave it kind of thing. THere's never any judgement, but if there is ;), it's honest and open, and not a friendship breaker, because our friendship goes very deep. A "your choices may not be my choices, but I will continue to walk beside you joyfully, despite our differences."

[Jean in Newcastle]

If you've already had a discussion with your friend re. her daughter's goals, then it sounds like you've already brought up the tests? In that case, I wouldn't mention it again.

 

If you've said nothing re. the tests, I might say a one line "Taking the ACT or SAT could be a good way to show how hard she's worked all these years. She could then use the results or not as she sees fit in the future" (I guess that's two lines). But then I wouldn't say anything more.

[Chris in VA]

If you've already had a discussion with your friend re. her daughter's goals, then it sounds like you've already brought up the tests? In that case, I wouldn't mention it again.

 

If you've said nothing re. the tests, I might say a one line "Taking the ACT or SAT could be a good way to show how hard she's worked all these years. She could then use the results or not as she sees fit in the future" (I guess that's two lines). But then I wouldn't say anything more.

 

Yes, to clarify above, I agree--I wouldn't PRESS the issue, but I might raise it.

[Blueridge]

I might very gently suggest to the mom that she allow her dd to take the test. I don't consider it intruding to offer a gentle opinion and help her process, or to allow her the opportunity to share why she's making the choices she is.

Of course, I tend to be quite intimate with my friends, and we offer opinions all the time, knowing it's a take it or leave it kind of thing. THere's never any judgement, but if there is ;), it's honest and open, and not a friendship breaker, because our friendship goes very deep. A "your choices may not be my choices, but I will continue to walk beside you joyfully, despite our differences."

Chris, that is precious! You are blessed. I am that way with this friend, but I need to be careful because of her husband. He does not like change. At. All.

 

If you've already had a discussion with your friend re. her daughter's goals, then it sounds like you've already brought up the tests? In that case, I wouldn't mention it again.

 

If you've said nothing re. the tests, I might say a one line "Taking the ACT or SAT could be a good way to show how hard she's worked all these years. She could then use the results or not as she sees fit in the future" (I guess that's two lines). But then I wouldn't say anything more.

I had mentioned to her that my dd had just taken the test, and was hoping that would open the door to further discussion. We'll see! Thanks again for your collective wisdom!

[kelouis75]

Chris, that is precious! You are blessed. I am that way with this friend, but I need to be careful because of her husband. He does not like change. At. All.

 

 

I had mentioned to her that my dd had just taken the test, and was hoping that would open the door to further discussion. We'll see! Thanks again for your collective wisdom!

 

In that case especially, I'd say not to stir up the pot. What works for their family works for them... Not all people should go to college, nor do all people need to go in order to be successful in life.

 

Many Christians, can get derailed Freshman year. While my grades were excellent throughout college, I had many moral failings ranging from not going to church to clubbing Thursday-Sunday. I had been a quiet PS kid.... Except for the grades, I sometimes wish I could redo those years.

 

I also add that one person's definition of success can be radically different from another's. While you and your friend may share some things in common, your definitions of successful parenting and home education could be vastly different. She and the father know their daugher better than anyone else.

[chiguirre]

I really wouldn't worry about it. She has 2 siblings who followed a more traditional path, so she has been exposed to that option. If she changes her mind, she can go to college in the future. Since her parents and siblings have experience with graduating and moving forward, they should be able to guide her if she needs help.