How do your children address an adult?

[jld]

Some questions . . .

 

What does having adults in authority over children mean to you, and what does the use of a title have to do with that? Without the title, is there no authority?

 

Are titles a feudal tradition on their way out in Western civilization, like monarchies and dowries? Is there evidence for or against this?

 

Is insisting on the use of titles a way of borrowing self-esteem? Do secure adults need them?

 

Is it important to earn respect from children? From anyone? Or is respect an "entitlement"?

 

When should the use of titles for adults older than oneself be given up? At 18? At marriage? Ever?

 

Should a 30 year old woman with 4 children under 8 use a title with a woman who is 50 and has 8 grown children? Are they really "equal"?

[stripe]

When should the use of titles for adults older than oneself be given up? At 18? At marriage? Ever?

 

Should a 30 year old woman with 4 children under 8 use a title with a woman who is 50 and has 8 grown children? Are they really "equal"?

That's an interesting question.

 

I find this discussion so interesting in so many ways!

 

I've find it especially interesting when dealing with other cultures. In some ways, I think American culture is a bit trickier. It's easier if there are alternate titles or ways to referring to strangers (like calling someone "auntie" or "grandma" or something) that you can fill in, at times.

 

In my case, I don't call my mother/father-in-law by their first names, but neither do they usually call me by mine! And there are people in my husband's extended family whom I am not quite sure know what my name is! ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think that there are quite a few of you who would have trouble with my dh's Filipino family! They think that I am quite lax by not requiring my dd to call her older brother with the "older brother" title. We do use the titles for those in the family who wish to be called by them, though. They also think that I am lax by not requiring them to greet elders by bowing their head to the elder's hand.

 

Kuya - older brother, uncle

 

Ate - older sister, aunt

[Needleroozer]

We do a combination, taking into account (of course) what the person wants to be called. We do Mr./Mrs. LastName when introducing them to a new person. If that person asks for first name, we will then usually call that person Mr./Mrs. FirstName. If we don't know a last name, I usually do Mr./Mrs. FirstName. I do this to emphasize to my child that the person is his elder and deserves the respect as such.

 

Mr./Mrs. FirstName is very common in our church (especially when addressing those in their late teens/early 20's, as it's what they go by @ camp). Most everyone in their late 20's and up are address by Mr./Mrs. LastName unless they are one of my close friends that they see on a regular basis and know well (and a few of those are even Aunt/Uncle).

 

Everyone gets called sir/ma'am as well. My ds gets complicated often because of his manners. He will often say "Excuse me, sir....." I think this should be the norm, not the exception!

 

Same here. I think the person's comfort level should be thought of- tons of folks love to be called Mr. Mrs., but there are just as many for whom it is very uncomfortable.

Personally, I have a very long name, both my first and last names, with lots of L's- too hard for most young kids. Kids have called me "Nanny" for 30 years now, and it works for me. I was out in the city a few months ago, and someone came up behind me, yelling, "Nanny!!", and grabbed me in a big bear hug. It was a 19 yr old boy I had taken care of- everyone got a huge kick out out that- 19 years later, and he still thought of me as Nanny. Loved it.

[tkeller]

I usually tell him to call an adult "Mrs/Ms/Mr. Whatever" but if they specifically say no call me whatever, I respect their wishes. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or anything!

[cjzimmer1]

I haven't read through this lengthy thread but I plan to because obviously it's generated lots of discussion. But for myself I truly hate being called Mrs. XXX. I actively encourage children to call me by my first name. I realize that many parents teach their children to use the titles out of respect but my feelings is respect is based on how your treat a person not on what you chose to call them. And honestly if they respected me, they would respect my wishes to be called anything but Mrs. XXX. So anyone we know well enough to actually know their first name is called by that name. If we don't know their name it's sir or madam.

[higginszoo]

If they introduce themselves as Mr. or Mrs. LastName, then we go with that. Otherwise, we're in the South and it's Mr. or Ms. FirstName ... if the adult introduces themselves with just FirstName, they go to Mr. or Ms. FirstName unless the adult corrects them and asks for FirstName again.