What do you do when you are approached in a parking lot by someone asking of rmoney?

[PollyOR]

Yep, I've must have "sucker" written across my forehead. I get those sob stories often. I usually give a couple of dollars to try and avoid a confrontation.

 

I do try to avoid certain places where panhandlers hang out...the post office and one particular rest stop on the interstate. The rest stop really scares me as it is secluded. Apparently the whole family piles in the van and asks for gas money to get home while they walk their dog around on a leash. If you look in their van you won't see any luggage, so you know they really aren't on a trip trying to return home.

[elizabeth]

If the person is male I simply loudly utter leave me alone and get into my vehicle. No male who is a stranger should be within 10 feet of me at any time and attempt to speak to me . There is no legitimate reason to permit or tolerate any strange male to be within reaching distance of you especially in a parking lot. Ever. A B****h?? Why, yes I am and proud of it. Discriminatory? Indeed, my mother did not raise a fool. I guess the upshot is that it is foolhardy to permit a stranger to be close to you in a parking lot and if that someone is a male you need to learn to get your inner B****awake and talking to you before you end up injured, robbed or assaulted. I am shocked by the naivete in this regard. There is a reason they ask women for money, women are enculturated to be kind and assist those in need.

[chaik76]

Yes, I usually do...if I have any cash. Yes, there are scammers. Lots of them. But you never know who is...and who really needs the money. I've offered food or cigarettes when I don't have cash (I often don't!) and usually the people asking me will take those. Some I know are on the streets. There are a couple of guys who live in our town who very, very, very rarely beg. When they do, I always give...even if it's my last dollar. If they're asking, I'm pretty sure they need it.

 

When we lived in a city, there were people we knew by sight that we knew were scammers...and we didn't give them anything. But if I don't know...I give. I'm not going to judge or decide unless I have concrete proof that they really don't need the money.

[coffeefreak]

I don't carry cash, so when asked, I honestly say, "I don't carry cash, sorry." However, one day, we came out of a grocery store and there was a man who was obviously homeless. He wasn't panhandling, he was resting. DD asked her dad if she could give him some of the food we just bought. They hadn't bought much, but they gave him a couple oranges and a bottle of water. He was VERY appreciative and sweet to my family.

 

We have a HUGE problem with panhandling in our city, and are warned not to make eye contact and not to give money. Most of the panhandlers are scammers that want to see how much you have and to rob you. I have found, if they need help, they don't usually ask, does that make sense? The people that approach me panhandling, don't smell, have all their teeth, and look cleaner/better kept than a homeless person. Plus, they're in a part of town that you wonder HOW they got there, especially with no backpack, sleeping bag, shopping cart etc. They had to have been dropped off or purchased a bus fair. :glare: That's why I make it clear I have no money, and I have my keys and cell out.

 

Blessings!

Dorinda

[TravelingChris]

I do live in an area where this happens and often live in such areas. But I am not a target, usually. I think it is the same reason I am not a target for anti-homeschooling comments from strangers either. I guess I have a don't mess with me look that probably comes from being prior law enforcement.

[lllll]

I do live in an area where this happens and often live in such areas. But I am not a target, usually. I think it is the same reason I am not a target for anti-homeschooling comments from strangers either. I guess I have a don't mess with me look that probably comes from being prior law enforcement.

 

Yeah, my dil is a (retired) policewoman. She was telling us about this once. She said people can actually do everything right at the police training school (?), yet flunk out because they lack 'authority' in their demeanor. Then, she gave us an example - she said something a policeman would say, only in a wimpy voice, etc. Dil actually looks very feminine - tall, blond, thin. But when she talks, she talks with confidence and authority. I figure it must have been her German mother's influence. ;)

 

I actually have a rather soft voice and am shortish, however. I have to depend on my looks. :tongue_smilie:

[Dobela]

I don't give. I offer food, I offer a Bible, but I don't give money. The only times I have been approached lately have been at a Walmart and the grocery store. Both times I have offered to go back in with them and buy necessities but I have been refused.

 

Not too long ago I caught part of an episode of Interventions on A&E. The man was so addicted to drugs that all he did was live on the street and panhandle for money. He knew just how much it would take to get the next round of drugs for the day. Sometimes he would buy them in small quantities several times a day based on the amount of money he received from those who gave it to him. He was grungy, smelly, and dirty. The amount of money he received daily was just staggering.

[eternalknot]

The amount of money he received daily was just staggering.

 

In college, I conducted a similar experiment. Over the period of a month we panhandled -- we selected specific spots/days/times, specific outfits, specific dialects and ways to ask for money, specific props, and specific people etc. in an effort to study the affect stereotypes have (if any) on altruism.

 

I was amazed at how much we collected. Way more than I was earning at both of my jobs (one p/t, one f/t) combined! It mattered only slightly where we were, what we wore, how we asked, and who we asked. The interesting part was that the best indicator of whether we'd successfully solicit a donation was the stereotype of the DONOR (as opposed to the recipient!)

 

We donated all of our proceeds to an elementary school that served the homeless population. It was definitely an eye-opening experience.

 

As an aside to another post, I've actually found that once I make eye-contact with someone they are less likely to try to harm me. I have lived in bad parts of town, walking alone at night to/from school. I have worked the graveyard shifts at 24-hour gas station markets in these same neighborhoods - never robbed on my shift though I was often alone, and other shifts were being held up. I'm 5' tall on a good hair day, and have always been less than 100lbs sopping wet. I'm petite and very much an easy target. I've always carried myself assertively, including strong eye contact and not feeling or giving the impression that I was uncomfortable in certain situations (e.g., me and a strange male asking for money). Helps that I come from a large family, and had experience asserting myself against the biggers! My attitude has done far more to protect me than anything else. It's not naivete at all; once I've made eye contact and humanized myself ... I'm less of a target, and only partially because I'm more likely to correctly identify a perp. It's mostly because they are reacting to my own reactions, correctly guessing that I'm not an easy target - even if I'm small, alone, female, and have my purse out.

[TravelingChris]

I agree completely with the above poster about it not being about size but about how you carry yourself. Not panhandlers but muggers is my next example. I lived in Sacremento, CA for four years. My dh traveled a lot and that particular year, he was gone before Christmas almost all the time. I ended up having to go shopping for presents at night in a mall that I knew had gang members hanging out waiting to see who to follow and mug. I wasn't going to be a victim. I did eye them directly as I went into the mall and then when I was coming out. I had bags, I had a purse, I was alone, and I was safe. I had given them the look, don't mess with me. They didn't.

 

 

In terms of helping the people asking, I don't if they do ask me which as I said earlier is rarely with me. They are actually much more likely to ask my husband when he is with me or with the whole family. He doesn't give anything either. We know that the people use it for drugs and alcohol and do not want to be contributing to their problems and furthering the problems these people cause with that behavior in the surrounding communities. In Albuquerque, we lived up a hill. But on the bottom of the hill were grocery stores and bums who would ask for money. They would go in to the stores, buy alcohol, and later urinate on buildings, hang out at the playground making it useless for children, litter bottles everywhere, etc.

[coffeefreak]

In Albuquerque, we lived up a hill. But on the bottom of the hill were grocery stores and bums who would ask for money. They would go in to the stores, buy alcohol, and later urinate on buildings, hang out at the playground making it useless for children, litter bottles everywhere, etc.

 

Like I said, HUGE problem with panhandlers. Even the homeless shelters have asked for legislation against panhandling. Apparently, people will move here because they can make a living panhandling.:glare:

 

However, we have GREAT weather!:D

[Nancy Jean]

On 3/14/2010 at 11:19 AM, mommyrooch said:

 

:iagree: This is my philosophy too. It isn't up to me to judge. God will look into my heart someday and know my reasons for giving. It would be a shame if someone I helped used my money to buy drugs or something but regardless of what they do with the money God (and my children) will know that I helped them. I will be judged by my actions, not theirs. They will have to answer to God someday if they choose to squander the money. I will have to answer someday for not helping.

 

If I do not know with 100% certainty that someone is scamming (which is almost impossible) because most of the time we really don't "know" I err on the side of kindness and give. When in doubt, help out!! That is my philosophy. 😄

I am so happy for your response. I felt taken advantage of yesterday when a father and son that were dressed in clean nice clothing asked my husband to go with him in the store to buy "something sweet for my family. "

My husband instead gave him money. I was so angry at that man till I read what you said about GOD knowing and judging our actions etc. It truly was a  instant release of those bad feelings.

[Tree Frog]

The zombie's dh gave money...

10 yo thread

Edited November 12, 2021 by wilrunner

[*****]

Moderator, please lock thread, ZOMBIE for sure, I was wondering why I wasn't recognizing any of these names!

Also, we must have learned so much more in the past 11 years.  Most of the responses to giving $$ in a parking lot are like, oh, sure, why should I judge?!   In 2021, I am like, are you crazy?  Did no one ever tell you to be vigilant in parking lots? People shoving you into your own car or into theirs, or grabbing your purse as you open it to get $ for them.  Never take the time to talk with panhandlers in parking lots. And always remind them of the local shelter who can guide them to the resources that are available. 

 

[goldenecho]

It really depends.   If it's a dollar or two I may give it anyways but I tend to have mixed feelings.

If they say they are hungry I will often offer to directly buy them food.   That has gone several ways

A guy outside a Sams club was asking for money for food and I said I don't give money but, guesturing to my overflowing shopping cart, I said I'm happy to share some of what I have.   I gave him apples, oranges, some granola bars and things like that which someone could eat without cooking.   He seemed genuinely grateful.

Another time the man seemed miffed that I offered food not cash (even though they were claiming to be hungry) and just walked away.  One person accepted an offer to buy her and her daughter a pizza but wouldn't go in with us and was no where to be found when we came out.   We learned from the Pizza guy that she's been in the parking lot begging often and every time with a different "child"... which is creepy as heck.  If I had seen her again I would have called the police.


But here are times I have given and knew I wasn't being scammed....

It was raining, and I saw someone's jacket and a sleeping bag laid out on the railing like they were being rinsed out.     I put money in the pocket of the jacket (I was a little scared on this one because I didn't want him to think I was trying to mess with his stuff...no one seemed to be around but I yelled out what I was doing). 

Another time I saw a man who was obviously homeless sleeping in a Whataburger.   I bought a gift card at the whaterburger and left it next to him with a note, without waking him up.

A third time there was a woman outside an Applebees asking for money.   It was really cold out, and that was one of those mixed times where I refused but wondered if I should have given.   So, when I got home I packed up a spare blanket and a hat and some gloves we had, and went back.  It was after closing time and I figured if she was still there she was actually homeless.   She was, huddled right where we had seen her earlier, and I gave her the blanket and stuff.

It makes me see the value of giving through an organization.  People who work with the homeless in an area on regular basis I imagine get to know them well and can tell the scammers from those genuinely in need.