Why am I such a sucker?

[k2bdeutmeyer]

UGH!

 

Yesterday I got tricked into the Kirby guys coming into my house. I had no idea they were Kirby guys and before I could figure it out, they had all the boxes in my living room and were getting started. This took up over 3hrs of my afternoon. On a good note, they cleaned my entire living room carpet. :) The bad part? I lost my ENTIRE afternoon, and I actually had things I needed to do.

 

Today, I've got a lady from Dex coming to meet with me. She called several days ago about my photography business, and I told her that while I had an ad in Yellowbook that I can't really afford anyway, I REALLY can't afford another ad. I told her that it would be a waste of her time to come out and meet with me, because I can't and won't buy. She insisted that if I just let her meet with me for 10-15 min, she could offer me something "comparable" to what I have with Yellowbook for free. So...I agreed. Now, I lost all of yesterday afternoon, and I'm going to lose my morning today. UGH!

 

Why can't I just be firm in my "no"?!?

[JoyfulMama]

Too bad it's not nicer weather and you could meet with her on the porch, then walk away and go inside after giving her 10 minutes.

:grouphug:

[hornblower]

I have two tips for you:

 

1) put a sign on the door which says No Soliciting, No Sales, No thank you. Anyone knocks, you do not let them in until you know who they are. If they start anything remotely sounding like a sales pitch, or if they're vague, point to the sign, smile and close the door.

 

2) in your other situation, "I'll need to think about it. Can we talk about this next week." If you're not comfortable saying no, just defer and stall. They'll be pushing you to make a commitment to a date or something so be prepared with "Why don't you call me about this again next Thursday, this same ph #". Be proactive. Then over the next week, you'll have had time to think about it. When they call (IF they call - they don't always) just say "I've thought about this and I've decided not to pursue it. Thanks anyway. Good bye!" Hang up.

 

 

NOW - for your appointment today - call her now & say, sorry. Call me next week to reschedule. Something has come up.

 

You don't need to say what's come up. It could be your child's breakfast which just came up all over the floor, or it could be just that your backbone has put in an appearance. No excuses necessary. It's business.

[newlifemom]

I have two tips for you:

 

1) put a sign on the door which says No Soliciting, No Sales, No thank you. Anyone knocks, you do not let them in until you know who they are. If they start anything remotely sounding like a sales pitch, or if they're vague, point to the sign, smile and close the door.

 

2) in your other situation, "I'll need to think about it. Can we talk about this next week." If you're not comfortable saying no, just defer and stall. They'll be pushing you to make a commitment to a date or something so be prepared with "Why don't you call me about this again next Thursday, this same ph #". Be proactive. Then over the next week, you'll have had time to think about it. When they call (IF they call - they don't always) just say "I've thought about this and I've decided not to pursue it. Thanks anyway. Good bye!" Hang up.

 

 

NOW - for your appointment today - call her now & say, sorry. Call me next week to reschedule. Something has come up.

 

You don't need to say what's come up. It could be your child's breakfast which just came up all over the floor, or it could be just that your backbone has put in an appearance. No excuses necessary. It's business.

 

:iagree: Great advice.

[SonshineLearner]

 

2) in your other situation, "I'll need to think about it. Can we talk about this next week." If you're not comfortable saying no, just defer and stall. They'll be pushing you to make a commitment to a date or something so be prepared with "Why don't you call me about this again next Thursday, this same ph #".

 

I have to say, that when feeling whimpy... or if it's how you believe.... this is a great opportunity to put it on your husband. My husband doesn't let me.... whatever.... it's one they can't argue with. It also it very quick.

 

:-)

[Ferdie]

I know how you feel. I get sucker into things, too.

 

Can you call the Dex person back and tell her you need to cancel your appointment? Tell her your husband said, "No" and that you want her to add you to the company Do Not Call/Contact list.

 

Good luck!

[ThatCyndiGirl]

this is a great opportunity to put it on your husband. My husband doesn't let me....

:-)

 

 

:eek:

 

I'm a big fan of just NO.....repeat as necessary....NO.....NO....NO.

NO, I cannot afford another ad.

NO I will not meet with you.

NO you can't come over tomorrow 'just for ten minutes'.

NO.

I said, "NO" and I mean "NO".

I don't need my husband's permission....JUST NO!!!

 

ETA: If they seem unable/unwilling to understand the word NO then it tells me that they would be irritating to work with, too. Makes the NO process even easier to keep repeating.

Edited March 4, 2010 by ThatCyndiGirl

[hornblower]

I'm a feminist & so there's no way I'd ever try to dump this on 'my dh says'.

 

BUT, it occurs to me that a good line might be 'I've prayed about this and the answer is no.'

 

I mean, what could they say to that? They're not going to argue with your God, right? (btw, I am an atheist so it's not a line I could really use either).

[SonshineLearner]

Well, I'm not a feminist... but my husband is not like some... I suppose.... he doesn't mind me using him ;-) As far as praying or not... I could use that but wouldn't..... How bout, I asked my boss (yourself) and he said "No". :-) And gosh... my husband "gets" to be gone all day... he's gotta be the heavy for something!!

[specialmama]

I'm a feminist & so there's no way I'd ever try to dump this on 'my dh says'.

 

 

I think what she implied is good, just an awkward choice of word. ;) A marriage is a team, recognizing and utilizing the strengths and skills of each person. Using one person's strength should not be a threat to someone else if it is for the best interests of the team. It is no secret that in my marriage, my dh handles everything investment, bill and bank related. If someone calls to offer a lower rate on a service, then I simply say "sorry, I don't handle that. My dh makes all those decisions." No shame in that. That's just using his strengths. :D I believe that is the gist of what NayfiesMama was trying to get at.

Edited March 4, 2010 by specialmama
typo

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Well, I'm not a feminist... but my husband is not like some... I suppose.... he doesn't mind me using him ;-) As far as praying or not... I could use that but wouldn't..... How bout, I asked my boss (yourself) and he said "No". :-) And gosh... my husband "gets" to be gone all day... he's gotta be the heavy for something!!

 

 

 

I get what you are saying and thanks for clarifying, but I would just NEVER EVER want to perpetuate that whole mindset of "the little wify who has to defer to her husband on matters of any importance....you know, since he's the smart one and she's just the dumb housewife". yuck. The whole idea of it.....:001_huh:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

You all make me smile!

 

Thanks!

[specialmama]

You know, another reality here is that it is hard to LEARN to say no. Especially with people you know. Think about it this way: you need to rehearse. Who would you like to rehearse with? I would find it easier to rehearse over the phone with a stranger. Be Nike. Just do it! ;) It will get easier and you'll be glad you took a stand.

Here are your rehearsal lines:

"no thank you. That isn't going to work for us."

"but ma'am, I could"

"I said no. Thank you." At which point most polite folks would accept that. If not, move on to:

"I said no. For the third and final time. Have a nice day." and hang up. :001_smile:

Take a bow and accept your imaginary bouquet of roses.

It will get easier. I promise!

[Impish]

I tell my husband that one of the benefits of marriage is being able to use the other as a scape goat :D

 

When he doesn't want to do something, he can easily say, Sorry, my wife...whatever. Be it that I need him, or have plans, whatever works. Or even, "I gotta check with The Wife". Yes, I get called The Wife. In capitals. :lol:

 

Works when MIL has him trapped on the phone. "Honey, I need your help" said very loudly gives him an out without her getting all in a snit.

 

"Sorry, I don't make financial commitments without discussing it with my husband and looking at our budget." is another good line...I swear, some of the sales ppl have complete deafness on the word, "No". Kinda like my MIL. :lol:

[The Governess]

I don't open the door to anyone I don't know. There are very few reputable businesses that sell things door-to-door around here.

 

I also don't answer my phone if I don't recognize the number. If it's important, they will leave a message and I can call them back. But usually it isn't.

 

Bothering someone in the privacy of their own home to try and get them to buy something is a business practice I don't like to support. :001_smile:

 

Oh, and if I do find myself in a situation where I have to say no under pressure, it helps me feel better to remember that many of these people have been trained in the fine art of manipulating a person into saying yes when they didn't want to buy anything in the first place. They are counting on your niceness to work in their favor....be strong!!! :D

[Dell]

I get what you are saying and thanks for clarifying, but I would just NEVER EVER want to perpetuate that whole mindset of "the little wify who has to defer to her husband on matters of any importance....you know, since he's the smart one and she's just the dumb housewife". yuck. The whole idea of it.....:001_huh:

 

Too funny, here either one of us would defer to the other. There's no way my husband would make a large purchase w/out checking with me, so he'd easily say, "I'll need to check with my wife and get back to you." I can't imagine that makes him a weak man--just makes us a team. I don't see why my saying, "I'll need to check with my husband" therefore makes me a weak woman--just a thoughtful partner.

 

Here either one of us would readily say "No" without consulting the other or needing a scape goat, but neither one of us would say "Yes" to such a purchase (which on our budget would be a big deal) w/out discussing it.

 

Not a feminist here by far, but never thought of respecting each other's partnership as weakness.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Too funny, here either one of us would defer to the other. There's no way my husband would make a large purchase w/out checking with me, so he'd easily say, "I'll need to check with my wife and get back to you." I can't imagine that makes him a weak man--just makes us a team. I don't see why my saying, "I'll need to check with my husband" therefore makes me a weak woman--just a thoughtful partner.

 

Here either one of us would readily say "No" without consulting the other or needing a scape goat, but neither one of us would say "Yes" to such a purchase (which on our budget would be a big deal) w/out discussing it.

 

Not a feminist here by far, but never thought of respecting each other's partnership as weakness.

 

 

 

We do the same thing, checking with each other, but the PP I quoted said, "my husband WON'T LET ME". That is COMPLETELY different.

[Dell]

We do the same thing, checking with each other, but the PP I quoted said, "my husband WON'T LET ME". That is COMPLETELY different.

 

Ah, that's true, that is different. Don't ya hate it when people (uh, like me in this case) don't READ the thread well before jumping in.

 

I'll claim PPC (Posting Prior to Coffee) :D

[Mrs Mungo]

Aw, poor thing! I have no problem saying no when I mean no. No, you cannot come in the house. NO, I don't care if it means you don't go to college. :tongue_smilie:

[Tap]

It doesn't have to be complicated to tell a sales person 'no'.

 

To the door to door sales people and religious visitors: "I am not interested, thank you for your time. Goodbye." And SHUT the DOOR. Don't wait for a reply. Just SHUT the DOOR. THE key is to SHUT the DOOR. Don't wait for them to respond or say goodbye. Just shut the door.

 

To the phones sales people: "I am not interested, please take me off you calling list and don't call back" And HANG up the PHONE! It really is that simple.....I don't let them respond and try to drag me into a conversation, I only politely say my response once and hang up the phone.

 

I say the same thing to kiosk sales people in the mall. I don't stop walking, I don't slow down. I just say "I'm not interested' and KEEP WALKING.

 

I don't understand why people feel like they are stuck telling people 'no' repeatedly, or making up any other excuse. YOU are not interested, you have told them this and if they continue trying to sell you something, they are the one who is being rude. You didn't ask them to stop by or call. You didn't initiate the call. Shutting the door or hanging up the phone is not rude, it is just ending the conversation.

[Mrs Mungo]

To the door to door sales people and religious visitors: "I am not interested, thank you for your time. Goodbye." And SHUT the DOOR. Don't wait for a reply. Just SHUT the DOOR. THE key is to SHUT the DOOR. Don't wait for them to respond or say goodbye. Just shut the door.

 

Funny story: my dad's mom was a seriously no-nonsense lady who had 3 athletic sons (also a non-athletic daughter and a non-athletic son but they aren't part of the story :tongue_smilie:). Once, after she had told a salesman no and tried to shut the door he stuck his foot in the door. She called my dad and uncles downstairs and they chased him out of the neighborhood.

[usetoschool]

I don't think you are a sucker, it is just that you and the salesperson are playing by different rules. You are expecting them to be polite and considerate of your time - they have no such expectation. Their only job is to sell you stuff and the longer they can browbeat you the better chance they have of you giving in. Either they will have to learn to be polite (:lol:) or you will have to learn to be firm and a little disrespectful and think of them as sharks hunting prey instead of the nice man from around the corner who has three kids to support.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I don't think you are a sucker, it is just that you and the salesperson are playing by different rules. You are expecting them to be polite and considerate of your time - they have no such expectation. Their only job is to sell you stuff and the longer they can browbeat you the better chance they have of you giving in. Either they will have to learn to be polite (:lol:) or you will have to learn to be firm and a little disrespectful and think of them as sharks hunting prey instead of the nice man from around the corner who has three kids to support.

 

So, so, so true!!

 

I totally got blindsided with the Kirby guys. He came to my door with a flyer and said they were just canvasing the neighborhood with flyers for the new cleaning business down the street. As he was backing down the porch and on his way out, he asked me which room we thought got the most traffic in our house. I said our living room. He asked if it was a big room, because they were doing a handful of free cleanings in the neighborhood, and I said he could look at it (right inside my front door) and the next thing I knew.....they were hauling Kirby boxes in my front door! AHHH!! I should have sent them out right then, but didn't "know how". DH was sitting on the couch and didn't stop them either. I think we're too nice, LOL!

 

The Dex thing today didn't turn out too bad I guess. I didn't feel like I could just hang up or be "rude" on the phone with her, because this wasn't me, this was my business name on the line. She saw I had an ad in Yellowbook, and obviously wanted me to place one in Dex too. Anyway, she showed up today and took my explanation for why I couldn't buy an ad, and gave me a 1", white background, 2 color listing for FREE! So, I basically got the same thing I got with Yellowbook ($50/month) for free :) I'm now in both phonebooks, which is good, and she was gone in a matter of about 20 minutes.

 

Seriously though, I'm TERRIBLE at being firm, rude, anything that *might* make somebody upset with me. It is probably one of my biggest, if not my biggest, faults.