Do you share this information woth your family?

[runamuk]

I don't get the secret part. It is just a fact - it does not make or break you or make you who you are.

 

I don't tell my mother because that would open us up to criticism on how we handle our finances. She would also start bombarding us with requests for money. She sees money as something to be spent, not a thing to be put aside for future use. It's better for family peace to keep that information to ourselves.

[CalicoKat]

I'm just curious what others think about this. Do you share your/dh's income with your parents, inlaws, brothers, and sisters? I don't mean share the money but do you tell them the amount?

 

My dmil asks us every 2 years or so about how much dh makes. She then tells us how much his brother makes and then his cousins. It usually stops there. I find this unusual and borderline offensive. I don't think it's her business. My dh disagrees. He tells her and asks her not to tell anyone else. I say that if she is telling you what everyone else is making why would she conceal your information.

 

I don't want to make too big of a deal over this but what do all of you think?

NEVER! I would especially go out of my way to tell her it's not her business and to keep your bil's business to herself too.

[G5052]

Although they could probably figure it out if they wanted to.

 

When I worked for a university, they actually published a book with everyone's salary that was public information and available in the library. I didn't even know about it until a co-worker began ranting and raving at me about how much more I earned than him and told me how he found out.:tongue_smilie:

[LibraryLover]

If I shared our income with our family, most would wonder what the hell we are doing wrong. ;) The older members esp would be giving us lectures left and right and telling us to get our act together.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Gee I have always felt if you cannot talk with with own family about then who can you talk about it with? It is family after all and as long as you are close then I do not see a problem. I would not discuss outside of the family unless it was a very close friend.

 

Many of us were not blessed with families that are supportive, loving and that respect boundaries. I was not. My family history is filled with criticism, put-downs, insults, etc. Why would I want to open myself up for more unwelcome comments. I would actually feel more comfortable sharing the info with some close friends than family members.

[beachmom]

Yes, it is definitely cultural. Since it is two-way sharing, it's what it is. But, I see nothing wrong with you explaining to her that it makes you a bit uncomfortable because of your cultural upbringing. She may be wondering why you turn 6 shades of red every time the subject comes up. She may even be thinking that your husband is lying to her based upon your reaction. ;)

Actually, I've gotten use to all of these questions the longer I've been married. Some of it is cultural and some of it is just her. She likes to talk about stocks and my dh is her personal stockbroker. I should mention that she has done a wonderful job of financial managemant through her adult life. I always tell dh:if everyone ate like your mom and managed their money like her, so many people would be better off physically and financially.

[RanchGirl]

I would not share that information and neither would my dh. If your dh wants to share it I guess that's his business, though I think it is also your business and he should take your feelings into account. But I really think it's naive of him not to assume that she is broadcasting his information to other relatives since she is doing the same to the other relatives.

[eternalknot]

Do you share your/dh's income with your parents, inlaws, brothers, and sisters? I don't mean share the money but do you tell them the amount? I find this unusual and borderline offensive. I don't think it's her business. My dh disagrees.

 

Yes, I do. I share both the amount and the actual money.

 

I have a large family, and everyone who has ever married into the family has felt the same way initially - if not about money, about something else. Some still do, but some came around from a place of suspicion and distrust to a place of just seeing that in our culture it's a very common way to line folks up. Not to judge, necessarily, but just to know where everyone is sitting at the table. It's a carryover from a culture seeped in hierarchy, you know?

 

I think it's a cultural thing, too, as my dmil is Asian and they seem to talk about the specifics of money way more than other people.

 

When I read the OP, I was going to ask if your DH/MIL were Asian. I'm Asian and thought I recognized the secret handshake in there :lol:

 

It's true, and some Asian groups are more "open" than others. Koreans in particular are very open about discussing finances. And age. I always get asked how old I am, if I'm married, and what I do for a living/how much I earn ... usually in that order. Having lived there for some years, I realized they were just cutting to the chase and I actually came to appreciate it. They never pried, they just asked and accepted my answer at face value.

 

My Asian ILs have a more "it takes a village" approach to family. So they think nothing of asking what seems to me to be pretty intrusive questions. They ask about finances because they want to make sure we are doing ok. They let us know about other family so that we will know that they are doing ok.

 

:iagree:. And love that about my family!

 

(But I know my sister- and brother-in-laws run the gamut from embracing it to tolerating it to wishing they had married an orphan.)

[TechWife]

No way!

 

If my sister knew how much we made, she'd be asking for money every month.

I have one of those - she has actually volunteered my money to other family members w/out my permission. Needless to say, that was a no go. I don't give money to this sister, she is a bit of a shop-o-holic. The only ones we give money to are my mom & dad, but usually in the form of new carpet or paying off an old hospital bill.

I already send my parents money every month, so no, I'm not telling them how much we make.

I don't send my parents $$ every month, but I do take care of some expenses for them on a regular basis.

We live in a state with a much higher cost of living and they just wouldn't understand why we make so much (compared to them) and yet don't have a more to spread around. We send them regular support and I help my sister when we can but I don't want to be viewed at the personal piggy bank for the extended family.

We, too live in a state w/a higher cost of living. I think I have only one sister who sees me as my parents piggy bank, which is funny because that's not at all how my parents, my husband and I see things.

 

It would never occur to us to tell parents, siblings, cousins, whoever how much money we make. We have BOUNDARIES.

[dangermom]

Not usually, no. No one would ask. Except when dh was out of work last year and he finally got a job, my mom wanted to know if he'd be making enough. I wasn't bothered by that much, but otherwise, no.