Reality Bites

[Scarlett]

Can I whine just for a minute?

 

The divorce.....well, as I mentioned the judge left us in limbo....says XH only has to pay cs and the mortgage until we resolve the house issue (sell it or XH buys me out)...but no alimony until the mortgage in both our names is gone. So that leaves me with not enough money to pay the utilities and eat on. I started slashing everything I could really hard...Am down to bare bones and have utilities and ds's activities down to where we can probably still eat and drive the vehichle where we need to. Next month that is....this month I'm in the red because I didn't have time to cut things and those bills are due.

 

Ok, I'm doing ok with that, but I told ds that his allowance $40 per month (which is divided up give/safe/spend) is temporarily suspended until things stablize with our situation...well, he took it....hard. And it just hit me really hard. I began to cry on top of his crying and I told him that I didn't want things to be like this but I couldn't help it. We both cried some more and I tried to talk to him about being grateful for what we have...and we hugged and he is fine now. But I'm angry. I am angry at my XH for putting us in this situation that didn't have to happen. I know people lose jobs, have accidents, get sick, etc....but this was completely preventable.

 

And I'm a little angry at my 9 year old for being so selfish. How did that happen? I told him I guess his life had been too easy....:( But then again he goes up and down our street of 23 houses after the trash runs returning everyone's trash cans to their garage. He just really enjoyed his allowance...

 

Sigh. Ok. That is all the whining I will allow myself today. Time to get up and move on.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[5kidsforME]

What you are going through stinks and I am sure really hard. :grouphug:

 

I will say that $40 for a 9 yo allowance seems pretty high even if you had the money.

[plain jane]

I'm sorry Scarlett. :grouphug: Everything you are and have gone through with this divorce just really stinks. :grouphug:

[OHGrandma]

I don't know how quickly food stamps could come through, but you could see if you could get help that way. You could go to a food pantry. Do you have anything you could sell, like any jewelry he gave you?

[jenL]

:grouphug:

[Scarlett]

I don't know how quickly food stamps could come through, but you could see if you could get help that way. You could go to a food pantry. Do you have anything you could sell, like any jewelry he gave you?

 

I have family. I have friends. I have a good congregation. I know we won't starve. I just feel obligated to cut back in every area I can. I am still taking ds to his swim and piano...but I am down to bare bones on everything else. Oh even that is not true....I could still cut home phone and cable (but if I cut cable it is one more thing ds has to suffer)...I have cut home phone down to bare minimum...no long distance, no voice mail...none of that stuff.

 

I do have a $4K solitare he bought me for our 25 anniversary last year. I'm told it will fetch about 800 to 1000.

 

My parents just spent 4 nights with me...they only slept here because they were doing some volunteer work in the area....but when they left I found a card with a $100 bill in it. So I am going grocery shopping tomorrow!!!!! They are awesome.

 

Oh and I am going down to apply for food stamps in the a.m.

[Denisemomof4]

I'm so sorry, Scarlett, that's really awful. It's hard on both of you, obviously. I wish people would sometimes not think about what might make them happy In The Moment and instead think of All People Involved, ESPECIALLY CHILDREN, and only THEN make the right decision. Your XH wasn't strong enough to do that.

 

So instead you have to pick up the pieces and make treasure out of your trash. NOT a simple task. But can I give you one tidbit of advice? Your son likely wasn't crying over the loss of his allowance, he was likely crying over yet another CHANGE. The allowance may have had nothing at all to do with it.

 

Has he heard you worry about the bills? And even if he hasn't, he's scared. His entire world has changed.

 

I know this is a time of worry, wondering how the bills will be paid, what will the future hold. But in the midst of this all, try to show your son TRUE happiness by doing the wealth of low cost things that will bless you both by doing so. Go snow shoeing or for a hike in the woods. Go swimming or ice fishing. Get tickets from the library for museum passes. Have fun, low cost, making things seem as normally as possible.

 

I have always found that while I do enjoy the fancier things in life, it was life's most simplest pleasures that TRULY blessed me.

 

And I do hope and pray that things will work out for you financially. I can't imagine what you're going through.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Scarlett]

I'm so sorry, Scarlett, that's really awful. It's hard on both of you, obviously. I wish people would sometimes not think about what might make them happy In The Moment and instead think of All People Involved, ESPECIALLY CHILDREN, and only THEN make the right decision. Your XH wasn't strong enough to do that.

 

So instead you have to pick up the pieces and make treasure out of your trash. NOT a simple task. But can I give you one tidbit of advice? Your son likely wasn't crying over the loss of his allowance, he was likely crying over yet another CHANGE. The allowance may have had nothing at all to do with it.

 

Has he heard you worry about the bills? And even if he hasn't, he's scared. His entire world has changed.

 

I know this is a time of worry, wondering how the bills will be paid, what will the future hold. But in the midst of this all, try to show your son TRUE happiness by doing the wealth of low cost things that will bless you both by doing so. Go snow shoeing or for a hike in the woods. Go swimming or ice fishing. Get tickets from the library for museum passes. Have fun, low cost, making things seem as normally as possible.

 

I have always found that while I do enjoy the fancier things in life, it was life's most simplest pleasures that TRULY blessed me.

 

And I do hope and pray that things will work out for you financially. I can't imagine what you're going through.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I think things will be fine once we figure out what is going to happen with the house. Really I do. And I am not working AT ALL yet...I've worked hard these past 7 months to keep ds's life as normal as possible...maybe too much so. When I was growing up with a single mom, I knew WAY too much about our finances. I used to really worry about them. So I was determined to keep him informed with out giving him too many details.

 

And I think you are right about just ANOTHER change. He said tearfully, 'I have NOTHING now.' And the other day looking at houses with me he got depressed and sad over the size houses were were looking at. These stories make him sound like a selfish brat...but he isn't. It is like you said, 'just one more change.' and his life is never going to be the same. He is ok now....pouring over a cookbook for a good recipe that I told him I would buy the ingredients for tomorrow.

 

Thanks for all the hugs. I'm better now.

[OHGrandma]

I have family. I have friends. I have a good congregation. I know we won't starve. I just feel obligated to cut back in every area I can. I am still taking ds to his swim and piano...but I am down to bare bones on everything else. Oh even that is not true....I could still cut home phone and cable (but if I cut cable it is one more thing ds has to suffer)...I have cut home phone down to bare minimum...no long distance, no voice mail...none of that stuff.

 

I do have a $4K solitare he bought me for our 25 anniversary last year. I'm told it will fetch about 800 to 1000.

 

My parents just spent 4 nights with me...they only slept here because they were doing some volunteer work in the area....but when they left I found a card with a $100 bill in it. So I am going grocery shopping tomorrow!!!!! They are awesome.

 

Oh and I am going down to apply for food stamps in the a.m.

 

OK, I was a bit concerned for your welfare.

It sounds odd that he doesn't have to pay alimony until the house is sold. In this economy it could take quite a while to sell it.

[5kidsforME]

I think things will be fine once we figure out what is going to happen with the house. Really I do. And I am not working AT ALL yet...I've worked hard these past 7 months to keep ds's life as normal as possible...maybe too much so. When I was growing up with a single mom, I knew WAY too much about our finances. I used to really worry about them. So I was determined to keep him informed with out giving him too many details.

 

And I think you are right about just ANOTHER change. He said tearfully, 'I have NOTHING now.' And the other day looking at houses with me he got depressed and sad over the size houses were were looking at. These stories make him sound like a selfish brat...but he isn't. It is like you said, 'just one more change.' and his life is never going to be the same. He is ok now....pouring over a cookbook for a good recipe that I told him I would buy the ingredients for tomorrow.

 

Thanks for all the hugs. I'm better now.

 

No they don't. He sounds like a scared 9 yo. :grouphug:

[sunshine]

Can you appeal the decision, tell the judge that you can't survive without alimony? I know there can be an emergency hearing when you first leave or separate. Usually the judge puts a temporay alimony and child support and orders for whatever is usual to continue until the final decree. I know when I separated dh had to pay everything on top of child support. That is in Georgia. I don't know how it is in other states. I am glad I live in Ga.

[Scarlett]

OK, I was a bit concerned for your welfare.

It sounds odd that he doesn't have to pay alimony until the house is sold. In this economy it could take quite a while to sell it.

 

He has to make the mortgage payment though. And it isn't even up for sale yet....we are in total limbo because we can't agree on what to do.

[Scarlett]

Can you appeal the decision, tell the judge that you can't survive without alimony? I know there can be an emergency hearing when you first leave or separate. Usually the judge puts a temporay alimony and child support and orders for whatever is usual to continue until the final decree. I know when I separated dh had to pay everything on top of child support. That is in Georgia. I don't know how it is in other states. I am glad I live in Ga.

 

I'm really surprised he didn't leave the temporary orders in place until the house was sold. My lawyer was surprised too....he tried to talk to opposing counsel, but so far have got no where since XH is suppose to be deciding if he wants to buy me out or not.

 

I'll make it though. I got a little thrill out of realizing that after I cut everything back, I will be fine for next month. Well, fine might be a stretch of a word...LOL....but I can pay the bills and eat. I'll just wait XH out..he thinks he can force me out because he knows (or thinks he knows) I don't have enough cs to pay the bills. Hee hee.

[Tutor]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Liz CA]

I don't know how quickly food stamps could come through, but you could see if you could get help that way. You could go to a food pantry. Do you have anything you could sell, like any jewelry he gave you?

 

Good idea! Books can also be sold on e-bay as well as dishes or anything collectible. Listing is free if you don't sell it. Just take a digital pic and upload it. They make it pretty easy.

 

Your ds will get used to the "cut in pay". Some chores will have to be done just because they need to be done. Perhaps you will be able to re-instate a smaller pay for extra chores?

[Scarlett]

Good idea! Books can also be sold on e-bay as well as dishes or anything collectible. Listing is free if you don't sell it. Just take a digital pic and upload it. They make it pretty easy.

 

Your ds will get used to the "cut in pay". Some chores will have to be done just because they need to be done. Perhaps you will be able to re-instate a smaller pay for extra chores?

 

Chores are non negotiable. And most aren't for pay. I might find a few extra jobs for a couple of dollars for him.

 

I've never sold anything on EBay....ds might get a kick out of that....might help me clean out some of his toys and give him part of the profit.

[4kiddies]

:grouphug:

[mrsrevmeg]

:grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry for what you are going through. I do not think your son sounds like a brat. He just sounds like a little child whose whole world is changing. I think there are a lot of parents who are going to have to answer to God for what they have done to their their kids. Your xh sounds very selfish in that he has hurt you and your son tremendously. I pray for things to get better for you.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: