Haiku Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Now I think I get what Laurie was trying to say: When we minimize (as in, don't take seriously) the effect of disrespect to our kids, nothing positive happens. Laurie, the rest of us read it as "When we minimize (as in, reduce the frequency of) ... " Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I am not picking on you Laurie (or even disagreeing with you as a whole), it just seemed like there was a typo in that last sentence because it said the exact opposite of what you have been saying all along in this thread and even what you said in the reponse quoted. I should've just left it alone because I knew what you meant. Ive reread it and I can't see what should be changed. But I do appreicate people trying to understand. I would love an editor. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 Now I think I get what Laurie was trying to say: When we minimize (as in, don't take seriously) the effect of disrespect to our kids, nothing positive happens. Laurie, the rest of us read it as "When we minimize (as in, reduce the frequency of) ... " Tara More. Children suffer, society suffers, when parents minimize the negative consequences of punitive child-rearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 More. Children suffer, society suffers, when parents minimize the negative consequences of punitive child-rearing. Got it now! That is not at all how I read it, hence the asking for someone to diagram it (which Tara did and now it makes sense!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 I'm very rarely on the taken-out-to-eat side of life but I treat my mom regularly when we go places to eat. My idea is that if I'm offering to buy you dinner then I have the money to pay for whatever you might like to eat. Obviously I might suggest Steak and Shake rather than Red Lobster if I have less money to divide per person but I wouldn't treat my children as if they had less choices because they didn't have the money. After all, they're kids. They *can't* compete financially. And why should they? They're kids. I have a son with sensory issues that will literally throw up if a weird food texture is forced upon him in the interest of not being rude. I guess I have a bit of a mama bear over that one. But then I don't eat food that I don't like. I don't need to be rude about it or obnoxious, but I don't gag down a food that I really don't care for just because someone made it. For us meals are a family affair and I take everyones likes and dislikes into consideration when I'm cooking. After all, it is as important to be a kind and gracious hostess (modelling the behavior I want from others and not just demanding it) as it is to not appear to be a spoiled child. I should have made the (imo, obvious) caveat that allergies and sensory issues are an exception. I would throw rude the other way if someone served a food they knew their guest could not (not would not, but could not) eat. I do believe a host (or parent) should take tastes into consideration, however if it were up to my kids and my husband (and secretly even my own tastes) we would not eat vegetables. So, everyone is forced to eat them, two at most meals (excluding breakfast ;) ). My point is that the kids get limited options, because they are not funding the meal, they are not cooking the meal and they should be grateful for whatever food they get. If it's pea soup and ham, as much as we all love pea soup and ham :glare:, then they'll eat pea soup and ham. When they become adults they can be as picky and choose whatever their wallet can afford. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasha Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 My world is filled with consequences. If I don't do right by my animals, they die. If I fail to prepare for winter, we may freeze. If I drive recklessly on our unpaved roads, I may well destroy my car or my life. I am quick to realize that I must be responsible for my behavior and that if I choose certain paths, I will bring negative consequences down upon myself. I can't imagine not equipping dd with the same concept by introducing her to some mild negative consequence situations so that she can learn this lesson. It is sooo not about hurting her to "teach her a lesson". It is about loving her enough to do that which I'd rather not have to do in order to help her later. (Like requiring she learn her academic material now, even when she would rather be doing something else and considers school work to be a negative, so she will not have to deal with the consequences of being uneducated when she becomes an adult.) It's funny--we also live on a farm and I was thinking that perhaps that's why I feel that punishment is less necessary--as we live a life a bit closer to earth (we're not Laura Ingalls Wilder or anything but our milk comes from one of our cows, not the store) the kids are better able to see the consequences of our actions. It might be hard for a seven year old to understand the concept of office politics but it's pretty easy to understand that if you treat the milk customers badly they will buy their milk elsewhere. Those consequences are quite real and obvious; it would be silly and seemingly arbitrary for me to also, say, take away television privelages because the hens weren't fed on time. But I do agree with you on one point--there is never any need for rudeness. My belief is just that it's a universal rule. I expect my kids to adhere to a standard of behavior that is rather high. In turn, I expect the adults to behave at least that well. My problem with many adults is that they seem to expect kids to act better than they do and with that I have a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 I do, too... and they feed off each other like little symbiotic and/or parasitic creatures whose main goal is to suck the life out of me! :glare: The whining... I hate the whining... and the 'Gimmes...' same with my 18 & 20 year old. They seem to go through it again....but quite frankly.... i am not interested in hearing it again....sigh.... ~~Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova mama Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) I think this a lovely commentary on whining among adults. Caution: there is one (I think) bleeped out word and a few words like "crap." It's from the Conan O'Brien Show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOtEQB-9tvk Edited November 21, 2009 by nova mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 That video was so funny! I wondered something else. How does modern advertising contribute to both kids and adults being ungrateful? I have never allowed our children much exposure to advertising. They do look at mail order catalogs, but that is about it. They usually say, "I don't need anything. I'm content." Dh and I don't watch commercial TV either. If we did, I might focus more on how I hate my outdated kitchen, and I need some new stuff. If he was constantly allowing out society's values to enter his brain through beer commercials and football cheerleaders, I wonder if he would say, "Gee, I wish my wife would lose some weight, and put on some makeup." Instead of saying, "I can't BELIEVE I get to sleep next to this 9 month pregnant goddess!" I'm not trying to be simplistic. I know situations are different for everyone, but I truly believe that that every situation can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you choose to view it. I'm very fortunate to have been born with an optimistic personality. It just makes life easier! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova mama Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 "I can't BELIEVE I get to sleep next to this 9 month pregnant goddess!" Yeah baby!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasha Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 I should have made the (imo, obvious) caveat that allergies and sensory issues are an exception. Unfortunately you would be surprised at how often people have made remarks that he should be fed what is put in front of him, whether he gets sick or not. In some places things like food sensitivities are treated as parental overindulgence. :( We live in a rather backwards area and things like autism spectrum disorders and other non NT behaviors aren't well understood. Kids are either good or bad. The bad ones need spanked. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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