Can't find a balance-losing my homeschooling mojo!

[HappyGrace]

We've been doing WTM/classical for quite awhile, and it's going ok. I have an advanced just turned 10 yr old and a 1st grader. I just feel like everything has degraded into subjects. We attend a co-op that is pretty intense so a lot of our work has to revolve around that, and it doesn't allow much time for other stuff. (The good part of it is that it is great accountability.)

 

Especially for the 1st grader, I feel bad. At that age with the older we did a more "fun" co-op and lots of field trips, etc. but now the older has work assigned for each day, and it's tough to do field trips. I don't feel like the younger has the joy of learning like the older one got, and I feel like the older one is losing that excitement over learning. It has been really hard for some reason to add on the younger one this year. (I know, I'm a wimp to all of you out there with bigger families!)

 

Also, I feel like I've lost the joy of hs'ing. I still love so much about it, but I'm not as motivated to start the day anymore. I'm not thrilled with our curriculum (although it's working fine and will accomplish our goals-don't need to switch.) I'm tired of dragging everyone through the day.

 

I thought of quitting the co-op for a year to pursue some unit study type things, but with the loss of interest I'm having, I know I need the accountability or not much will get done. And I just don't feel motivated to be creative about making things more interesting.

 

I feel like I'm in a tug-of-war between rigorous vs. joyful learning (not unschooling, but more relaxed than WTM) and can't find a balance. If you do rigorous, there's no time for joyful type learning, and if you do joyful type learning, it's hard to make sure you're covering all the bases well unless you're talented at doing that.

 

I think part of my problem is with dd approaching 5th grade, it's just not as enjoyable anymore, and all of a sudden I'm kind of dreading the higher up levels. I've known since she was a baby that we would homeschool, and had a lot of fun for years researching and planning for the elementary years. Now I feel like that was small beans-the REAL work is ahead of me with middle/high school, and I just don't feel up for researching and trying to figure all that out. And those are the years that will really MATTER!

 

I know this is kind of just rambling. I probably just have the homeschool blahs right now!! :tongue_smilie: Anyway, thanks for letting me think out loud!

Edited November 3, 2009 by HappyGrace

[PeterPan]

It's the natural transition. I've been feeling the same thing. I think really it's the shock of finding that homeschooling isn't going to be romantic the whole way through like it was K-3. Suck it up, reclaim your joy. You'll have fun re-learning high school and college subjects. Staying in a co-op for fear is a lousy way to live. If you want it, great, but I'm sure you could self-motivate without it. The key is to find something you REALLY WANT TO DO, and do it. How about a year of Ellen McHenry? You could do the Elements for science and her mapping program for your social studies/Bible. Write reports on the countries and you have your writing. It's a unit study approach all done for you, meaning it's more likely to get done. And it's very whitty and brainy, unlike much pre-canned curriculum.

[claire up north]

When I get to feeling like this, it's time for a vacation. Take a week off (maybe two) and just do fun stuff. Go to the museum. Don't make up a worksheet for the trip; just go.

 

Take the kids bowling in the middle of the day.

 

Go outside and dig up weeds. With your kids.

 

Stop doing read-alouds.

 

Make soup together.

 

Whenever I take these vacations, I find that my brain thinks of new ideas and I get all excited again. Plus, I feel like we definitely put the fun back in our days.

 

good luck!

[8filltheheart]

It could be that the co-op is stealing your joy for homeschooling b/c it really isn't you in control anymore it is the co-op. They are dictating what you are doing and when.

 

What are you doing in the course of your day with your 10 yo? School at that age STILL should be fairly short and fun (advanced or not.) Perhaps taking control over your day is exactly what you do need to do in order to re-light your enthusiasm. There are absolutely NO specific required topics that need to be studied in 1st and 5th grade other than math and LA. You can drop whatever you are studying in history and science and pick topics that really interest you and the kids and enjoy doing those completely without guilt. For example, if you are studying ancient history but would get a lot of joy out of studying pioneer life via something like Little House on the Prairie.......do it. If you are using a science textbook and would rather study something like "why leaves change colors".......go for it.

 

There is absolutely no need to feel boxed in to falsely generated "requirements." I promise you that your children will NOT suffer any negative consequences! Ultimately, if you are all reading the materials together and enjoying what you are doing and talking about it, etc........they will learn and retain more.

 

FWIW......guilt about not doing all the fun stuff with the younger kids is a real trade-off in homeschooling. My last several children have not had the same opportunities for "kiddie" trips that my older kids had. But, you know what, it hasn't hurt them in the slightest.......only guilt in me!!

[HappyGrace]

While I am so encouraged by the lovely and loving responses so far, I unfortunately can't drop the co-op right now, since I'm obligated to teaching classes for this year. I couldn't and wouldn't do that to them.

 

I can't even take a week off to chill, or we will fall very behind. I've been better this year about skipping some assignments, if we need to, and that's been pretty helpful.

 

I guess I just need to buck up and get through this year the best we can, and reevaluate for next year. I do feel like generally it is a transition problem-going from "fun" to 5th grade work, and adding in the other child.

 

And I do worry very much about not doing the co-op at all-I KNOW I am not very disciplined, and some weeks all we get done is our co-op work(which is actually a LOT), because I know we are accountable for that (plus math, of course.) It has been a pattern for me, and it wasn't til we were in the co-op that we've gotten more done, and more consistently.

 

I think if I could get some enthusiasm, I could plan some fun stuff in there, but by the time I get done with both kids with school for the day, I just want to chill out!

[PeterPan]

Happy, you'd be a really good candidate for VP Scholars. It would give you the structure and clear expectations you're wanting but not overwhelm you with stuff you don't want. I don't know if it's something you want to fiddle with for your oldest (or maybe you would?), but it would be ideal for starting into with your rising 2nd grader. He could even do it this year for 1st, since you were looking for something.

 

As far as the co-op, to me it almost sounds like you're doing two complete approaches in one (a full docket of co-op assignments plus a full docket of your ideas), which might explain why you feel whooped at the end. The introduction of the next kid shows us where we were trying to do too much with the first. Ask me how I know. :)

[Annie Laurie]

I can commiserate Happy. I feel like the joy in our homeschool has been sucked away also and I am constantly battling with the feeling of all these things I "should" do (by my own standards) and what I "want" to do.

 

Plus I have 4 kids and I truly don't understand how anyone manages a classical education with several kids. Everything we do is so teacher intensive and there is only one of me.

 

Apologies for horning in on your thread Happy, it just really struck a cord with me today. Hang in there! :grouphug:

[HappyGrace]

I had actually forgotten about VP Scholars. I looked at it when it first came out, but the samples were so lame, I could hardly figure out what it would actually look at. Plus I'm SUCH a tweaker! I see where you're going-that it would give me some accountability, etc. I would like to look into it again but I need good SAMPLES!

 

And yes, trying to do all the co-op stuff plus add on what *I* want to do too-that's exactly why I'm feeling whooped. It is weird-even with all that, it still feels like we are just doing subjects, and that there are huge gaps.

 

Attachedto4-Thanks for commiserating. :grouphug: to you too! Striking that balance is so hard. I've just been upstairs laying it before the Lord while the kids nap. (Day off-kids have h1n1)

[Annie Laurie]

 

Attachedto4-Thanks for commiserating. :grouphug: to you too! Striking that balance is so hard. I've just been upstairs laying it before the Lord while the kids nap. (Day off-kids have h1n1)

 

Thanks. Yep, it is hard to find. I am off for h1n1 too. Hope your kids are better soon!

[PeterPan]

Happy, couple things. If your dc have H1N1, you might as well hang it up. That stupid bug hangs around for weeks. You think you have it licked, then it flares up again. I would chalk off getting ANY serious school work done. Just telling you and a word to the wise. And you should rest and start taking C yourself so you don't get it. Don't know what the providence is and why it's this way, but this has just been the year, wowsers. It feels like we've gotten nothing done, even though we've been working. It's just with me getting that bug, then dd, then relatives visiting, then the holidays... So I hereby give you permission to get nothing done till January! If that's what happens to you, don't knock yourself too hard; it's what is happening to everyone else.

 

Now as far as Scholars, I don't think it's that the individual components are so striking. I think it's that when you do it as a WHOLE, you have things that connect and build on each other and fill in those gaps. You have gaps because you're letting 20 separate people build your education through that co-op. You have to take control and use gravy subjects to build skills from the main subjects. You have to integrate them. Or you pay someone else to do it. For the busy mom who wants that integration of skills and thought done for her so she has more time and energy to bring herself and her creativity to it, Scholars is just the thing. I wouldn't hesitate to consider it in your place, and I'll very seriously consider it when my boy comes to that age. Doing things yourself takes tons of energy. What Scholars gives you is a spine that you can then personalize and perk up a bit. But it's a starting place, a minimum standard, a framework and accountability. And there are some things it does that your co-op is doing for you or that you aren't getting done at all and probably wish you were. I do think it might fit some kids better than others, but it seems pretty good overall. But you know, I'm at that point where I'm looking back and wondering why I didn't do BJU (or something else) straight all along. I didn't because I thought I could do better. But when you get weary, you really wonder... Is what I've done my own way really so much better? In some ways it is, and in some ways it isn't. Was it worth that extra effort? :)

[Laboroflove]

I have two older in public and two younger homeschooling. My oldest homeschooler is a 5th grader, then we have the 3rd grader. I would re-visit quitting the co-op if you have other options for group activity. Learning can still be fun, plus public is not fun (it's why we took the younger two out). For science, we read a couple of pages out of Usborne Science Encyclopedia a couple of times a week, narrate, then we have experiments/hands-on projects in a group setting. For history, there's no paperwork, just lots of reading, discussion, and possible lapbooks. Math is math - I have math games, but have to admit to not getting to it. Grammar is a couple of pages out of a workbook or copywork/discussion. Lots of reading and lots of field trips. I certainly don't have a lot of answers but this works for us. The girls enjoy it (well, for the most part). Our co-op is lightly educational - I actually wish for a little more academics. Wish you well. I don't miss the overload of homework or busywork of a formal school setting. The unit study idea sounds great! I've been looking at Ellen McHenry's Element book.

[siloam]

You see I am just the opposite. I am sooo tired of teaching the basic early skills and really want to move forward. Wanna trade? :D

 

 

(((Hugs)))

 

 

I hope find a vision for next year that excites you.

 

Heather

[The other Kimberly]

Please know you are not alone. This is not uncommon!

[Haiku]

I unfortunately can't drop the co-op right now, since I'm obligated to teaching classes for this year. I couldn't and wouldn't do that to them.

 

 

I don't know the structure of your co-op or how much work is expected of you, but I would wonder whether it is worth it to drag your kids through an entire year of their lives for something that is not meeting your needs. The co-op will go on without you should you find it necessary to retire.

 

Tara

[Terabith]

Would a more relaxed, fun co-op give you enough structure?

[momto2blessings]

We were a part of a classical co-op last year and didn't rejoin this year because I didn't want what curriculums to use dictated to me---plus the time commitment of losing a day of our regular work. It was great, though---I understand about the accountability.

 

Don't know if you're looking for a switch, but doing Ambleside this year has been a breath of fresh air. Classical, rigorous but with flexibility and able to get done in a reasonable amount of time. I do have a hard time having confidence with the more relaxed language arts, so we add Spelling Workout and a classical writing program. I love the depth and virtue of the Ambleside literature. Hope you can find a good balance! Blessings, Gina

[HappyGrace]

Thanks so much to everyone for the encouragement-even just that is a big help!

 

We tried a more relaxed fun co-op before and it just wasn't worth going out all day for just gravy stuff, and it was pretty far, and there were some kids that were being allowed to be really out of line with behavior.

 

Probably at this point it would be good for us to just take the year off next year. We can always go back if it's really a huge bust trying it on our own. As for this year, we ARE trying to do some Ambleside, etc. (doing year 1 readings with both at lunchtime) but see, that's the problem, I'm trying to do stuff like that that I WANT to do on TOP of the co-op stuff, and then none of it is good anymore!

[TracyR]

I'll have to agree with some of the moms here. The co-op will go on without you. Is it possible to find someone to replace you? If not ,you know what? Its not the end of the world either. To have a fixed mindset about that you HAVE to stick it out for the year is just not a productive way to progress in your homeschooling. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head , you don't HAVE to finish it out if everyone is miserable.

 

As for accountability how about a boxed curriculum? That way you can follow what is given to you and you can check things off as you go along. I've done this for many years to keep myself accountable.

But then at the same time its also sucking the life out of me too.

We are with a cyberschool and its worked for us for many years but I'm finding this year that I'm not enjoying anything. The only problem is my daughters like it. I don't.

So I can really relate to you. This post has definitely struck my cord because I have been feeling this way all day today. I just feel like the enjoyment has really been sucked out of me though. But then again I have a 6th grader, a 4th grader and a 1st grader and have a toddler that is just yanking on me all day.

I try to include the little one but as we all know a toddler's attention span is that of a puppy. LOL.

So I feel like I'm being dragged 4 different ways all day long. Plus I have to stay on top of my 4th grader and my 1st grader to get their work done or nothing gets done at all.

 

I just wish I knew how some of these other families with multiple kids do it without losing their mind. Sigh.

[forevergrace]

What is most important to you? Are you worried what other co-op people will think if you say you can't do it. Who are you doing this for? Really, really, yucky questions to think about. But, what are you really doing? Like most of the moms here I agree; toss the co-crap, and do what you need to do. These people will continue on, just as they have when you weren't a member. Your first priority is your children. All others can take a back seat. We can't help our children unless we can take of our-self first. This just sounds draining. Please know I say this with a caring tone.

Forevergrace

[Leila]

I know every school year, this feeling rub us in different ways. It's normal to feel like this especially if you have kids who are approaching logic stage and the other just starting grammar. And others have some toddlers walking around the house making it more difficult to have balance between household and homeschooling. We want our school to be fun and yet we feel guilty of what we might be missing by doing all the fun stuff. I guess we have to remind ourselves sometimes that we parents/teachers are not super heroes. We can't possibly do everything for everyone at the same time. But lucky for us, we can always assess our work and change some stuff because we can. We don't go by the rules of others but by own rules.

You can do some cool stuff with your kids without the hectic schedule of a Co-op. Sometimes (I am not saying co-ops are bad!) we join co-ops because we feel like we don't do enough if it's just us and the kids. And we feel that we are accomplishing more when we take them out and do stuff with other kids. Or we feel like we won't do better if we stay home. But I would advice you to try to do it your way and see what happens. Relax a bit. Sometimes it's all we need.

[PeterPan]

Happy, I'm going to throw out one more thing. I'm not normally in favor of quitting things, but if you ARE going to quit (or wish you could quit, or having want to quit but not sure how feelings), the change in semesters is a really good time. I think if you give notice now that your last day is the end of December, I don't see the problem. Given the time, they CAN find someone to replace you. You are not indepensible and things change. It's just something to think about. Quitting cold turkey is rude, but given time to find a replacement, I think there's some reasonableness there. Do they change classes with the semesters?

[HappyGrace]

See, that's the thing though-if I totally wanted to quit and felt it was in our best interest to quit, I would quit. Gracefully, with plenty of notice, in a way that wouldn't leave them hanging at all-I even have all my lessons planned out ahead and could pass them to the next teacher.

 

But I am not there yet! We ARE getting a lot out of the co-op, even besides accountability. She gets her Latin there, which is a biggie. Yes, the co-op stifles us from doing anything else; that's the problem. But dropping it completely right now-I'm just not sure if that's throwing the baby out with the bathwater. That's part of my whole issue-there is no happy medium. I wanted this co-op, I really did-there's so much great in it. I just can't do *it* AND the things I want to do.

 

I wish there were a happy medium. :glare:

[Veritaserum]

I'll throw in another vote for dropping the co-op. We ditched formal music lessons and dance lessons this year and our homeschool group meets only once every couple of weeks. I've found that being HOME makes it so much easier to home school. :) It also cut my stress level and allowed me to have the energy for fun projects in addition to basic skills.

[PeterPan]

My only suggestion would be to delineate exactly what the co-op is doing for you, and see if you can do it faster yourself. Latin is NOT hard to implement, and you could probably do it in 1/2 the time, considering driving, waiting around, etc. That time saved translates into all the other things you want to do in a week. See it's never that one thing is bad, it's that it's stealing from something that is better. You have to decide which is more important to you right now, time to do those other things or the help with latin. And then I'd just reconcile yourself to the answer. We never do anything perfectly. You always have the next dc. :)

 

PS. Scholars includes detailed daily lesson plans for the latin. ;)

 

PPS. You'll notice latin is NOT on our work list in my sig. Latin went out and sewing went in. That's life. Guess that's an oversimplification of all the reasons why we aren't doing latin right now, but there you go.

[HappyGrace]

I'm doing some soul-searching. First, I went back into the lesson planner books I had for dd at age 6 (more like a journal of what we were doing, actually) to see what was I doing with her that I am missing out on with younger ds. It was things like crafts tied into social studies, etc. I'm trying also to picture what our day would look like w/out co-op. Making lists of pros/cons, like OhE mentioned. Trying to see if I could drop a couple things at co-op or loosen up on fulfilling requirements to make more time for other things-if that would be enough for now, or if we do need to drop completely, that type of thing.

 

I think what's partially going on is that I want a little more of the fun, unit study type stuff before we have to jump into hard-core stuff with older dd.;)

 

I've really appreciated everyone's thoughtful comments. Thanks so much for taking the time to help me think this through!

[TracyR]

If the co-op is for the Latin, what program are you using? Many of them have DVD programs that go along with them now. If the program you are using doesn't have that option then maybe buying a program that has a DVD to go along with it might be beneficial. We use the Latina Christiana series by Memoria Press and this has a DVD program to go along with it. I could never teach Latin without it anyways.

 

See we don't have homeschool co-ops in our area ( we would have to travel 45 miles in the heart of the snowbelt to the closest one) so we have to make due with what we have.

If the co-op is for social, then if any churches in your area have an Awana group or other fun family night function those are great to go to. If you don't go to church then fun activities like Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts , participating in YMCA activities are great too.

 

I'm sure you enjoy the co-op you attend. I know sometimes its hard for me to cut down on stuff. But in order to save my sanity we must. As it sounds like you do too.

[seanda]

One thing I do when I start to get overwhelmed, discouraged, or freaked out is remember why I am homeschooling. I write out all the reasons.. and refocus onto my vision and purpose for homeschooling.

 

You are not alone in this struggle at this time of year either. It is a slump time. And tonight on a chat I go to, that is the topic... Our reasons for homeschooling. Sometimes we all need to re-focus. To catch the fire again.

 

You will find that balance and the passion again.. and then maybe in a bit you will go through it again. We all do. Hang in there.

[HappyGrace]

yes, i was looking at the November blahs post (I think it's on General board) and it is partly that, but more of it is just this transition coming up for dd to higher level work, and I'm at a bit of a crossroads with my hs philosophy.

 

Good idea-I will sit down and write out my reasons and goals. With the kids being sick this wk, I'm doing a lot of soul-searching and the Lord is helping me process through these things!