Sleepover regrets....

[Julpost]

Ds just turned 12 today! He has a friend sleep over last night....which was so stressful, I think I'm done with sleepovers for the rest of my life!!! This friend is constantly antagonizing my ds, and my ds does it right back to him, it's like this constant putting down and arguing. I don't know how they can even enjoy eachother's company. Maybe it's a guy thing??

 

Then his dad comes to pick him up and brings these popper things-they leave confetti all over my floor!! And I have a 3 yo and 1 yo who puts everything in his mouth. I walked out, saw the mess, and just walked back into my bedroom. I can not fathom cleaning up that mess right now!!!

 

I think we need new friends. Or I'm a humorless mother. :glare:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Ds just turned 12 today! He has a friend sleep over last night....which was so stressful, I think I'm done with sleepovers for the rest of my life!!! This friend is constantly antagonizing my ds, and my ds does it right back to him, it's like this constant putting down and arguing. I don't know how they can even enjoy eachother's company. Maybe it's a guy thing??

 

Then his dad comes to pick him up and brings these popper things-they leave confetti all over my floor!! And I have a 3 yo and 1 yo who puts everything in his mouth. I walked out, saw the mess, and just walked back into my bedroom. I can not fathom cleaning up that mess right now!!!

 

I think we need new friends. Or I'm a humorless mother. :glare:

 

It's very likely a guy thing.

 

And you're a good sport for not ruining his birthday after the fact by blowing your stack. I don't know how many times my mother saw fit to do this for me, and I fight that tendency with my own kids. Good. For. You.

 

Pretty soon he will be gone and so will the mess. Have him help you clean, but remember that he's stepping out of his childhood.

 

And so it goes.

[Gigi]

Were the poppers to celebrate his birthday? Did he have a problem with his friend? If the poppers were for his birthday I think it was nice of the dad (who probably was just focusing on your son not the clean up) and I would have everyone help clean up.

 

As for the boy spending the night. We have kids sleep over a lot . I have 4 boys and this week alone we had 3 12 yo sleep over Wednesday (PS started springbreak) and 1 10 yo last night and there usually isn't much bickering. IF my sons had a problem that friend would not be invited over until I had a talk with him or his parents depending on the situation. I also would not hesitate having them take a break from each other during that time. If my son didn't have a problem then I would ignore it and if they were doing it around me I would tell them I don't like to hear it and they need to take it elsewhere.

[Gigi]

I came back to post that I do empathize with you! Even after a good sleep over I am glad to see everyone leave and whenever a mess is made and I am already tired I feel like it is one more thing to add to my "To Do" list and it gets overwhelming. Hope the day gets better and you have fun celebrating the Birthday!

[wagnfun]

Ds just turned 12 today! He has a friend sleep over last night....which was so stressful, I think I'm done with sleepovers for the rest of my life!!! This friend is constantly antagonizing my ds, and my ds does it right back to him, it's like this constant putting down and arguing. I don't know how they can even enjoy eachother's company. Maybe it's a guy thing??

 

I'm a humorless mother. :glare:

 

As a mom of a 12 & 10 yr old boy (as well as 17yr & 4 yr girl) I'll pipe in. 12 yr old boys are strange creatures. They are noisey, eat alot, put each other down, wrestle like they are going to kill each other, steal each others food or seat when the one is looking the other way, but I also remember seeing them give a quick hug when there was a death among the family, give up a seat to an older lady & help each others younger siblings..... These are things I see on a regular basis from the 13 baseball boys my son hangs with. The funny thing, they are all best friends and will be there for each other for life. I think "male bonding" starts at this age really. If your son doesn't have a problem with what went down, I think you need to relax a little. For me, it was strange having other older boys in the house, it was harder to get use to then having older girls. I know my son needs this time with his friends and because of that we have made our house the hang out house. Some times I wish for less noise or a family weekend without an extra-- but at the same time, my boys would rather hang at home with their friends here, then go to their friends house- and THAT IS the goal!.... Hang in there, this boy may very well be the best man at your sons wedding!!!!

[melissel]

And you're a good sport for not ruining his birthday after the fact by blowing your stack. I don't know how many times my mother saw fit to do this for me, and I fight that tendency with my own kids. Good. For. You.

 

OT, but Pam, every time you post about this, I want to give you a hug. I'm also reminded how much my mom was like this, and how much I have the tendency as well. I might need you to write me a manifesto that I can refer to every morning before the girls wake up. You are such a good mom.

 

 

As a mom of a 12 & 10 yr old boy (as well as 17yr & 4 yr girl) I'll pipe in. 12 yr old boys are strange creatures. They are noisey, eat alot, put each other down, wrestle like they are going to kill each other, steal each others food or seat when the one is looking the other way, but I also remember seeing them give a quick hug when there was a death among the family, give up a seat to an older lady & help each others younger siblings..... These are things I see on a regular basis from the 13 baseball boys my son hangs with. The funny thing, they are all best friends and will be there for each other for life. I think "male bonding" starts at this age really. If your son doesn't have a problem with what went down, I think you need to relax a little. For me, it was strange having other older boys in the house, it was harder to get use to then having older girls. I know my son needs this time with his friends and because of that we have made our house the hang out house. Some times I wish for less noise or a family weekend without an extra-- but at the same time, my boys would rather hang at home with their friends here, then go to their friends house- and THAT IS the goal!.... Hang in there, this boy may very well be the best man at your sons wedding!!!!

 

And what a great post.

[Caroline]

As a mom of a 12 & 10 yr old boy (as well as 17yr & 4 yr girl) I'll pipe in. 12 yr old boys are strange creatures. They are noisey, eat alot, put each other down, wrestle like they are going to kill each other, steal each others food or seat when the one is looking the other way, but I also remember seeing them give a quick hug when there was a death among the family, give up a seat to an older lady & help each others younger siblings..... These are things I see on a regular basis from the 13 baseball boys my son hangs with. The funny thing, they are all best friends and will be there for each other for life. I think "male bonding" starts at this age really. If your son doesn't have a problem with what went down, I think you need to relax a little. For me, it was strange having other older boys in the house, it was harder to get use to then having older girls. I know my son needs this time with his friends and because of that we have made our house the hang out house. Some times I wish for less noise or a family weekend without an extra-- but at the same time, my boys would rather hang at home with their friends here, then go to their friends house- and THAT IS the goal!.... Hang in there, this boy may very well be the best man at your sons wedding!!!!

 

:iagree: I think it is just the way boys work. I grew up with only sisters, so this boy stuff is new to me. But, I knew my husband's brothers when they were in middle and high school, and my oldest is very similar. They turned out ok, so I guess my kid will, too. And, it is true, the boys are there for each other when one of them needs it.

[Mama Bear]

OT, but Pam, every time you post about this, I want to give you a hug. I'm also reminded how much my mom was like this, and how much I have the tendency as well. I might need you to write me a manifesto that I can refer to every morning before the girls wake up. You are such a good mom.

 

 

 

 

And what a great post.

 

And could we pretty please, Pam, talk you into writing a manifesto? Or I could set you up a blog where you could put these things as the spirit moves you? :D Please??? :D:D:D

 

Because I sometimes need perpetual reminding from folks I find inspirational and tag, you're it.

 

Please?

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

And could we pretty please, Pam, talk you into writing a manifesto? Or I could set you up a blog where you could put these things as the spirit moves you? :D Please??? :D:D:D

 

Because I sometimes need perpetual reminding from folks I find inspirational and tag, you're it.

 

Please?

 

Oh, you guys are sweet. I'm NOT a such a good mom all the time, though. I only have moments of clarity. Usually after the fact.

 

I'm growing, though. It's painful.

 

I wouldn't know the first thing about really starting a blog. I look at you that have them and am in awe. Ok, I know the *first* thing about a blog. I started one. But I don't even remember what it was called, or how to get to it. And I'm very chicken about putting myself out there.

[Beth in Central TX]

This is exactly why we haven't had sleepovers yet. I see how they interact with each other and think about whether or not I want to put up with it all night. So far, the answer is no. We can be humorless moms together. I do want my boys to have fun though and interact with other boys, but right now, I've found other avenues to make this happen and sleepover isn't on that list.

[Gamom3]

The child was horrible and it was the worst experience ever!

 

We told ds and friend it was time for bed(11:30), dh had to go to work at 6am and we had a toddler and an infant at the time. I wasn't about to let them stay up all night with out supervision. The boy would not be quite, he was constantly throwing things at ds and talking as loud as he could. So we decided to let ds go to bed first, the boy would crawl on his hands and knees back into the room and bother ds.

We switched the boys out and waiting for the boy to go to sleep, which he finally did when I threatened to take him home.

 

We had one other sleep over about 2 or 3yrs after that one, which turned out to be wonderful. Ds and the boys(yes it was about 6 boys) had such a great time, and they were very well behaved!

 

I will never have boys that young(11) again sleep over. Ds(12) begs for his friend(10) to sleep over or to go over to his house and I will not do it.

[cin]

I agree with Pam. You are a great mom! My mom was a real weenie when it came to this kind of stuff. Looking back, I think she was ocd. A sleepover, to her, invovled at least a week of planning...Mom, we can just have cereal for breakfast, you don't have to do anything at all!!!! Just let us sit up until we decide to go to bed, and get up when we want. We can take care of ourselves (7th grade and up....) AND, she knew my friends, we were a little band of sisters. >sigh<

[Karenciavo]

Don't give up on sleep overs all together, but invite more than one. I'm serious! My ds13 has sleep over birthday parties and the majority of the boys are relatively calm and they help keep the two hyper ones in their place with a few well placed, "Dude, calm down" (s)

 

Karen, having nine 12 & 13 year old boys sleep over on March 24 (think of me :tongue_smilie:)

[Nancy in MI]

Sounds like this kid was high-maintenance! :glare:

 

My sons have been having friends over since they were pretty young-like 7 or 8. However, I'm very careful about who they have over; only friends that have played here often and I know the parents well. If they are high-maintenance for a playdate, then I wouldn't invite them to sleep over.

 

My 13yo has 3 or 4 friends that sleep over regularly and my 9yo has 1 or 2. Honestly, these boys are just like part of the family. We don't change our routines in the least when they are over. Chores still happen, regular bedtime still happens, limits on electronic time happen, everything happens just like a normal evening.

 

I don't think it was the sleepover that was the problem, I think it was that particular friend.;)

 

Nancy

[Maria/ME]

You have no idea how much this helps to know that boys go thru this too!! I had a few 10 yr old girls over this winter and I SWORE never, ever again. EVER. too young. I really think I'll save it for when they can all think straight. LIke in their 20's....I appreciated all the answers you got tho. It's not MY kid and her friends...it's just KIDS.

 

BTW, if you are interested, head to my blog and search under "Gin and Tonic Recipe" for a synopsis of the overnight hell I experienced. I made it sounds endearing. It was NOT. :)