TechWife Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 You know, if your daughter fails this year at homeschooling, this is your failure as well. I must respectfully but completely disagree with this statement. As homeschool teachers, many of us put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make sure our child is succeeding. As a result of this we (I am including myself here) start to hyper focus on our role in the educational process and neglect the students' role. I truly believe that this is a trap that can derail the most well-intentioned parent and/or teacher. As home educators, we are fulfilling two roles - that of academic coach and that of parent. Our close up view of the academic side of the coin often affects the way we parent as well as the parenting affecting the way we approach academics. As parents, we want our child to succeed and realize that we have accepted a huge responsibility to provide an education for our children - we have a personal stake in the outcome! It is important, however, to make sure that we do not judge our success as either parents or teachers on the outcome of the educational process. It is important that we fulfill both roles to the best of our ability, but we must not loose sight of the fact that we cannot make decisions for our children/students as they get older. At some point, they (the students) must choose to become personally invested in the outcome of any given situation. We must also realize that we cannot base the determination of our success or failure as teachers on the choices that students make - we would be hostages to them if we did that! While the choices others make do impact us and can affect our personal lives and plans, the successes and failures of life are not dependent upon other people - that gives others way too much influence over my life. It is the homeschool teachers' responsibility to provide a framework, an opportunity to learn, in the form of various curricula, teaching, outside opportunities and activities. It is also the teachers responsibility to assess the students' progress as objectively as possible and to render assistance as needed. It is the students' responsibility to take advantage of the opportunity to learn. No one can force anyone to learn anything. It is very easy to "fill in the blanks" and make perfect scores. It is not so easy to master the material so that it becomes part of your general knowledge bank which you can draw upon throughout your life. The best teachers often have students that "fail" for a variety of reasons - sometimes there are undiagnosed learning or behavioral issues; sometimes they are placed in a class that is not appropriate for them and sometimes they choose not to take advantage of the opportunities that are available to them. The outcome of quality academic coaching/mentoring/teaching is as varied as are the students that sit under that particular person. The gifted student can sometimes make perfect grades but will not have learned anything. Some students will fail classes, but will have made tremendous strides in the areas of personal responsibility, interpersonal communications or organizational skills. There are as many variations of this theme as there are teachers and students. Success and failure are not mutually exclusive in ANY area of our lives. It is my prayer that as I move forward in our homeschool that I will be able to see the big picture of life in this very unique role that I have chosen to accept. I have seen many upset mothers when they have tied their identity to the academic, social or athletic success or failure of their children. It is not unique to the homeschool community, but it is certainly prevalent. Stepping off of my soap-box now. Thank you for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Well, I'll take a stab at this. I think there's some truth to what you say in the overall scheme of things. However, yesterday we were talking about a specific situation: a daughter who is pleasant and willing to learn, but who has many things going against her (a crazy schedule, internet in her bedroom, a mom who is focused on teaching a younger child and letting the daughter work alone and then calling the daughter "lazy" because she is falling behind, possible learning disabilities). There are a lot of concrete steps that can be taken to remedy a situation like that. Obviously, those are: -- Pare down the schedule and keep the girl at home more; -- Take the internet out of the girl's bedroom; -- Focus on the older child and pick up with the younger one later; -- Don't call a child who seems to be trying "lazy"; -- Check for ADD and possible hidden learning disabilities. -- Possibly one or two more that I've forgotten. The mom received all of the suggestions with gratitude, though sometimes reluctantly (understandable, since it often takes people a while to let ideas gel). Her reluctance was what spurred on the comment about "if your daughter fails, you fail." In this situation, that would be true. An eighth-grader who is trying but whose mom can't get her act together (no offense, Andrea, we've all been there) is not completely at fault. Some eighth-graders can rise above a haphazard situation, but not all can. It's the mom's responsibility to create an environment where learning can occur. It's the mom's responsibility to make sure the information is being understood. It's the mom's responsibility to keep monitoring the situation to make sure those things are happening. If they're not happening, she needs to make changes until they are. Posting about a bad situation on an internet chatroom and saying "I don't have any sympathy for my lazy daughter who won't get her work done" is telling the world that you're not willing to put in the hard, often thankless work necessary to make sure the daughter can learn. If the daughter does poorly in eighth grade, she will almost certainly do poorly in high school, and she's unlikely to get into a good college. She'll go through life embarrassed and frustrated. There are big consequences for neglecting a child educationally, and I think the posters yesterday pointed that out very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 The mom received all of the suggestions with gratitude, though sometimes reluctantly (understandable, since it often takes people a while to let ideas gel). Her reluctance was what spurred on the comment about "if your daughter fails, you fail."... An eighth-grader who is trying but whose mom can't get her act together (no offense, Andrea, we've all been there) is not completely at fault. Some eighth-graders can rise above a haphazard situation, but not all can. It's the mom's responsibility to create an environment where learning can occur. It's the mom's responsibility to make sure the information is being understood. It's the mom's responsibility to keep monitoring the situation to make sure those things are happening. If they're not happening, she needs to make changes until they are. Posting about a bad situation on an internet chatroom and saying "I don't have any sympathy for my lazy daughter who won't get her work done" is telling the world that you're not willing to put in the hard, often thankless work necessary to make sure the daughter can learn. If the daughter does poorly in eighth grade, she will almost certainly do poorly in high school, and she's unlikely to get into a good college. She'll go through life embarrassed and frustrated. There are big consequences for neglecting a child educationally, and I think the posters yesterday pointed that out very well. From the way that I am carefully reading this thread, obviously absent of all nuances that come with face to face interaction, it is clear to me that the mother in this situation had already tried a variety of the suggestions offered before she posted here. In addition, she has indicated that she is willing to consider some of the suggestions that have been offered on this thread and if you read all of the responses, you will find that she has already put some of the suggestions into action. The majority of this thread took place in less than 24 hours - not hardly time enough for a parent to process the suggestions offered and the possible applications to this particular situation. Simply because the mother has asked for advice and has received advice does not obligate her to implement any of the advice. In truth, we are not party to all of the details of this family, including the level of need for the younger child and other interactions that take place in their home. We only have a very small sliver of information on any discussion that takes place on these boards. Instead of reading "failure" into the title of this thread, I read the mothers' frustration and saw that perhaps she is nearing the "end of her rope" in this situation and that she truly needed some encouragement, which she did receive if you muddle through all of the posts. I saw no evidence that indicated she was not willing to step in and make adjustments and would "let" her daughter fail. Instead I saw a mom who had made adjustments and was needing to see her daughter take an interest to do her part in her education. There is a line at which the student must take responsibility for their learning and it seems to me that this mom is trying to figure out where that line is for this particular child. If we as home teachers continually move this line closer and closer to ourselves when our students face difficult times, it is quite possible that we will begin to take on too much responsibility - the responsibility for learning instead of teaching. The real world only makes accommodations for so much - but in the end, you either learn to function within the parameters set by your employer or you loose your job. I have yet to hear about a job that doesn't have deadlines or best practices that are expected from their employees. This is a life issue, not just a schooling issue. This family is in their first year of homeschooling and if they are like most homeschooling families they will be making many adjustments along the way, as we all do. From my observations, it seems that this thread has turned from giving objective comments to making personal judgments of the original poster's parenting and teaching skills, which I do not believe is in accordance with forum guidelines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I, too, am jumping in late, but wanted to share and expand on what Rebecca VA stated about focusing on the older child. My older dd(14) has mild Asperger's and mild anxiety. She shows many of the signs that your dd does. She is smart, but the process of school is an overwhelming one. I have had her home since 5th grade. This year, in 10th, she can just now go and work on her own, with a specific schedule. This year. And, still, she has trouble. Sure she has great days...like the day you describe in your update, but they are not the norm. The days that she is out of the house for as much time as your dd is, school is optional. Granted, that happens to us one day of the week, but the point is, she can't handle the transition. Transition times are SO hard. I don't know if this is true for ADD/ADHD or not, but if it is, that could be part of the problem. I think you mentioned she has anxiety. My dd would spend mental time worrying about the transition and what might be happening where she was going, and then when getting back would spend mental time worrying about how she was going to get back into the groove. That mental time wipes these kids out and makes it hard to focus. Add in sensory issues, distractions, you name it and life IS hard. I want my dd to excel in life not just academics, if that doesn't include college or being at the top of our homeschool list or not being as rigorous as others in our studies, then so be it. Your in a hard spot there juggling both ps and homeschool and other issues. It really sounds like there is more going on there. I have a younger dd who just turned 9. Six years difference. She has followed along for these last few years. I've done math and reading and then she just came along with everything her sister was doing. This is the first year that she has a curriculum solely for her and I can devote the kind of time you are spending on your younger to her. She hasn't suffered a bit. In fact, I think it has been beneficial to follow along. Now, since your dd is going back to school, that won't be happening for you, but SINCE your dd is going back to school, that means your son will only have to be on the backburner for a year. That's no time at all!! He'll be just fine. Plug him in when you can, but don't worry about it. Give this year to your dd, they are going by so fast at this age, you won't regret it and your son won't miss it. Hope this is encouraging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhondabee Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Simply because the mother has asked for advice and has received advice does not obligate her to implement any of the advice. In truth, we are not party to all of the details of this family, including the level of need for the younger child and other interactions that take place in their home. We only have a very small sliver of information on any discussion that takes place on these boards. True. The problem with this entire thread, as *I* see it, is that the OP honestly believes she can homeschool a child for one year (8th grade) in order to do a better job of preparing her DD for "advanced classes" when she returns to public school. Perhaps this is a possibility somewhere in the universe. But, I highly doubt that anyone here who has homeschooled an 8th grader (or a student who's been pulled from public school because of "gaps") believes that it's a realistic possibility for any but the most talented and dedicated and involved mother/child combination (read: "hovering" if you will). But, these words of experienced homeschoolers are not what the OP wants to hear. I can understand where the OP is because it was my full intention to homeschool my oldest for 5th and 6th, and then put him back into public school once I had "filled in the gaps" and given him a leg up on his peers. I'm so thankful to the poster who told me I was probably driving my son crazy with my expectations. (and my husband, too, IIRC) I don't even remember this poster's name, but she really helped me see my son for who he really is - not who I think he "should" be. And, she helped me see that homeschooling is so much more than academics and out-performing the public schools. It's not a quick-fix, but a long and arduous marathon. And, you are right that we only see a sliver of anyone's life circumstances in any one post. (Tho', after being here a number of years, one begins to see the same stories time and time again.) That is part of the wisdom behind what some people were suggesting. The only way for ANY of us to know how to help our children is to know our children intimately ~ a real, deep intimacy so that you just *know* what will work and what won't with your own child - you don't have to ask anyone. That comes from working alongside and modeling for your child what you expect from him/her, seeing where he/she doesn't fit *your* model, and changing your model so that it will work for your child. That comes from accepting that your child really is trying to please you, and then doing whatever you must to help them succeed in doing so. It is not something that can be built with a "hands-off" approach (tho' I'm sure there are exceptions to that generalization). My heart really is hurting for the OP and her daughter (having walked in a similar path - I know it's no fun). My guess is that she will either need to find a way to support her daughter in public school, or completely re-evaluate what her goals are for homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 She wastes a ton of time doing NOTHING. A few times I have checked on her and found her curled up in bed asleep with her history book on her face. :glare: Don't let her work in the bedroom. Way too many times I have caught her online. She has a puter in her bedroom so she can do her Algebra DVDs and her SmartMusic (interactive practice program) there, and I don't think there's an easy way to turn off 'net access. Sure there is: either remove the network cable or disable the wireless card. My 8th grader has a laptop in her room and we just uninstalled the wireless card program. (We don't have wireless but there are unsecured networks in our neighborhood.) Here are the tips I have given her: It sounds like all of the tips you gave her are things you tell her to do on her own. It sounds like she really needs you to be directing things. I sweet-talked her into homeschooling with stories of a rigorous education *snip* Please, if you have any advice I would love to hear it. A rigorous education is not going to happen if she does not have the skills and the tools to take advantage of her education. Since you chose to homeschool her, it's your job to equip her with those skills, not just stand by and expect her to pull it together. My 15 year old has Executive Function Dysfunction; she lacks higher-level organizational thought. I pretty much have to stand over her to make sure that anything gets done. I have to write lists that she can check off. I have to make her come to me as each thing is done so I can make sure it is done. I use timers. I use rewards. It's a lot of work, but it's what has to be done. If you know your daughter lacks organization and time management skills, you are going to have to step up and make sure things get done. She's going to have to work where you can keep an eye on her. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Andrea, I just read this thread, and I think you may be taking some of the comments too personally. I honestly think all of the posters were trying to help you, even if they said a few things that offended you. Maybe I'm alone here, but I didn't think anyone was particularly nasty, and it appeared that most of the posters have BTDT, so they were posting from personal experience. I think some people may have gotten the impression that you expect to give your dd her assignments for the day, check in on her every hour or so, and that's about it for your involvement. They are suggesting that your method is probably too impersonal, and that your dd probably needs a bit more handholding and cheerleading from you. If she's new to homeschooling, the whole situation probably feels very strange and isolating for her, and maybe she just hasn't gotten confident about it yet, so some extra time and attention from you may be just what she needs right now. Clearly, she's an intelligent girl who can handle the work, so part of me can really understand your position that she should just do it and get it over with -- especially since you have other children to take care of (and it sounds like you have your hands full with your ds.) I'm sure you weren't expecting to have another full-time job teaching your dd in addition to your ds, especially since he requires a lot of your time and attention, but I guess I'm not entirely sure what you did anticipate about what it would be like to homeschool your dd. If you were just going to assign her some work and have her do it, what is the advantage of homeschooling her? If you truly want her to excel, I think you need to find time to work with her on a one-on-one basis. I hope I don't sound harsh, because I truly sympathize with you, but I have to tell you that I was a lot like your dd, and I can tell you for sure that intelligence and capability has nothing to do with her inability to get things done -- it's just her personality, and it's probably not going to change, so unfortunately, you will need to find ways to make her personality work for both of you. Again, I hope I didn't sound critical of you as a person, because I'm not. I can hear the frustration in your posts. You've got a super-bright kid and she's not always working up to her potential, and homeschooling her isn't turning out quite the way you'd hoped, especially since this is the kid who's supposed to be the easier one to deal with. But it's still only the beginning of the school year, and it takes a while to figure out what's going to work for each child, so I'm sure you'll do just fine. (And btw, we've been homeschooling forever, and my ds and I are still having trouble getting into a groove this school year, so it happens to all of us!) Honestly, though, I hope you aren't too angry about the less-than-positive comments to this thread, because I'm sure no one was trying to be mean to you; I think they were just trying to help your dd, and they viewed you as being a bit too much of an unsympathetic taskmaster. I'm sure that's not really the case, but your earlier posts did make it seem a bit more about you and your feelings than about your dd and her needs (and again, I can understand that, because you were frustrated with your dd, and needed some words of encouragement, and weren't expecting anyone to criticize you.) If you read all of the comments with fresh eyes, you may find a lot of truth in all of the posts here, and of course, you can use the ideas or dismiss them as you choose. Ultimately though, I do think you need to sit down and re-assess your goals for this year, because without a healthy dose of what another poster referred to as "hovering," your dd probably won't achieve any more at home than she would have learned at school. The types of classes you're concerned about require a lot of mom time -- and if you can provide that time and individualized instruction, your dd will have an incredible year (and you will, too!) Good luck, Andrea -- this year is going to be great, so keep moving forward! :001_smile::grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I am reminded why I rarely ask for advice. I got some good advice but wading through the hateful stuff was not at all worth it. Well, on this board, when you ask for advise, you get it. If, on the other hand, you were just looking for sympathy (although you pointedly stated that you had none for your own daughter), this is not a good place for that. When you put it out there, people are going to tell you what they really think. And what they really think is that you're attempting the impossible, under an untenable schedule, you've labeled your daughter lazy because she can't make it work, and you've stated in your first sentence that you have no sympathy. Sorry you couldn't find more people to agree with your assessment of your daughter and your plan to remediate her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Lizzybee, Could you post the titles of some of those books you mentioned? The Mislabeled Child Right Brained Children in a Left Brained World The Edison Trait The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child Fighting Invisible Tigers Anxiety Workbook for Teens http://www.visualspatial.org Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 I have read and considered every reply. Thank you all who took the time to offer constructive feedback and not just judgment. Especially those of you who offered suggestions and not orders - I appreciate the respect you have demonstrated by not assuming that you know my situation from a small snapshot (which was a vent written when I was frustrated). For everyone who told me to keep her with me so that I can redirect her to task (and that is a LOT of you!) the reason I am not jumping all over that suggestion is because it is too distracting for her to work in the midst of all the activity. Telling someone, no berating someone that her child definitely has ADD and thus needs to do her work in a distracting environment is contradictory (and unhelpful). I am nothing if not a troubleshooter. I am NOT a person who sticks with something that doesn't work. I understand that no one here knows me IRL and thus doesn't know that I am always re-evaluating and looking for improvement, but to just make a leap and say that I am happy to let my dd fail? Hurtful and unhelpful. And to clarify, I *never* said my dd was lazy. She isn't. She wastes time but how much of that is under her control, I don't know. I do know she is capable of more than she is delivering, and for those of you who over-identify with my dd and have her all figured out, you're just going to have to agree to disagree with me. I hope that the next time someone vents here and asks for advice, they receive more support than I did. Some tips for the more aggressive people on this board: - Don't assume that one post (especially written in frustration) gives you the whole picture - If someone's kid reminds you of yourself or your child, that does not necessarily mean that their needs are the same - Suggestions will be much better received than orders - Assume that easy answers have already been considered, even if not expressly stated - Be careful of assumptions and ask for clarification. - Only respond if you genuinely want to help, not because you enjoy smacking someone when they're down. If anyone can tell me how to set a password on the internal airport card in a 2005 iMac, please let me know. There is no cable or removable card - it is built into the computer and it is automatically connecting to our wireless router. I am letting her give her strategy a chance (powering off the computer) because this is all about her managing her own behavior, after all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Hi Cat, Thank you for your well thought out post. I realize people assumed I was totally hands-off. That's an inaccurate assumption and I guess I should have been more explicit about the degree to which I am involved. She independently does her "reading" subjects - history, science and lit. Well, when she does composition I will be heavily involved. I do her grammar and logic with her, and assist as needed with vocab and math (which is daily, but intermittently). Her room adjoins the living room so she is always within arm's reach. Again, I hope I didn't sound critical of you as a person, because I'm not. I can hear the frustration in your posts. You've got a super-bright kid and she's not always working up to her potential, and homeschooling her isn't turning out quite the way you'd hoped, especially since this is the kid who's supposed to be the easier one to deal with. Yes. I said that I was unsympathetic because I had run out of sympathy. I understand her weaknesses, I accommodate her needs and equip her with tools, and then it's up to her to step up and utilize those tools. My complaint was about her motivation to use the organizational tools she has available. You can't help someone who won't help themselves, you know? That was where I was coming from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I realize people assumed I was totally hands-off. That's an inaccurate assumption and I guess I should have been more explicit about the degree to which I am involved. Honestly, I just assumed you were feeling annoyed and frustrated, so I wasn't really expecting to read every last detail in your post. No one wants to write an encyclopedia when they're venting! It seemed to me that you were feeling like you were stretched in too many directions, and that the one child who you thought should be the easier one, was turning out to be a lot more trouble than you'd expected. She independently does her "reading" subjects - history, science and lit. Well, when she does composition I will be heavily involved. I do her grammar and logic with her, and assist as needed with vocab and math (which is daily, but intermittently). Her room adjoins the living room so she is always within arm's reach. That seems pretty reasonable to me, and I think that your clarification will go a long way toward appeasing those who thought you were locking your dd in a room with her assignments, and showing up occasionally to yell at her to work harder. Because your thread title said you were unsympathetic to your dd, I can understand why many people jumped to your dd's defense, but I viewed it as venting more than a lack of concern for your dd. I said that I was unsympathetic because I had run out of sympathy. I understand her weaknesses, I accommodate her needs and equip her with tools, and then it's up to her to step up and utilize those tools. My complaint was about her motivation to use the organizational tools she has available. You can't help someone who won't help themselves, you know? That was where I was coming from. I think you may be stuck with a dd who wants to do a good job, but gets bored and distracted easily. If you're an organized person who is able to stay on-task, that's probably entirely foreign to you. I'm sure I drove my poor parents nuts with my procrastination and daydreaming, so I can see this from your dd's perspective, yet I'm also a mom who dreams of organized, productive school days, so I can see your side of this, too! Realistically, your dd's personality is part of what makes her a good writer and a creative person. I agree that she needs to step up and use the tools and techniques that you're providing, but I think she's going to need quite a bit of time and encouragement to reach a point where she's able to do that on her own. She's still just a kid, and time management isn't always a child's best skill, so I think the motivation factor needs to come from you for a while. I know it's hard to feel that you need to constantly look over your dd's shoulder to be sure she's doing what she's supposed to be doing, especially when you have other responsibilities, but as homeschooling moms, we're all pretty much stuck with the job. Sure, some kids are highly motivated, hardworking, ambitious, and organized, but I'd be willing to bet that the majority of them aren't. Your dd is bright and talented, but she's still just a kid, and she probably needs more attention than you think she needs. (And I'll repeat one important thing -- it's still only October, and your dd is still new to homeschooling, so that could be the major factor in all of this. In another month or so, you'll all develop a routine that works for you, and things will probably be much better.) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Others have made it but it bears repeating. The computer must come out of the room. We all know how addictive online communities are.:lol: It's not reasonable to expect her to resist a temptation like that. She can listen to her DIVE CD's with headphones in another room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 We all know how addictive online communities are.:lol: :rofl: :smilielol5: :rofl::smilielol5::rofl: Really? I hadn't noticed... ;) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 (edited) Others have made it but it bears repeating. The computer must come out of the room. We all know how addictive online communities are.:lol: It's not reasonable to expect her to resist a temptation like that. She can listen to her DIVE CD's with headphones in another room. This one of those situations where it may seem like I'm missing an easy solution but have a reason for what I'm doing. She has the mac in her room for two primary reasons: 1) The mac is the computer that has the music software on it. She needs the music software to practice and get her music grade through school. 2) The Chalkdust DVDs must be played on a computer and the other computer doesn't have a working headphone jack, plus it's in the middle of the living room (which is where the boys and I spend our time). So for both of those subjects, she needs the Mac. If I take it out of her room, she will need to practice and do math wherever the computer is. Her baritone saxophone is as big as my 8 year old and much heavier, and very loud. We have a little house, and her bedroom is the ideal place to practice. The solution seems to be disconnecting the internet, or at least restricting it with a password. I've asked a friend to come over and do it as I haven't been able to figure it out. We have Verizon FIOS and I don't know if I can just switch out the router. ETA: my friend is going to install a newer version of MAC OSX that has parental controls in it, which will keep the whole computer from working at assigned times. That should do the trick. Edited October 9, 2009 by ondreeuh update Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 So for both of those subjects, she needs the Mac. If I take it out of her room, she will need to practice and do math wherever the computer is. Her baritone saxophone is as big as my 8 year old and much heavier, and very loud. We have a little house, and her bedroom is the ideal place to practice. The solution seems to be disconnecting the internet, or at least restricting it with a password. I agree with you that the computer in her room isn't the problem -- it's having internet access in her room that seems to be the issue. Do you have another computer in a "public area" of the house? If you do, I would suggest that you completely disable internet access on your dd's Mac, and when she is allowed to be online, she can use the other computer. This could work to your advantage now, as well as in the future, when you'll want to keep an even closer eye on your dd's online activity. If she gets into the habit of only being online where you can see her, it won't become a big battle when she's a few years older and you start to worry about what kinds of websites she's accessing, and what sort of messages and photos she and her friends are sharing. If you remove the internet access from the Mac right now, for "school reasons," it won't seem like such a big deal (I hope!) And ok, yes, I heard about that stuff on Dr Phil. :tongue_smilie: I never watch that show, but I was bored one afternoon and started watching a show he did on the scary things kids are doing online, and I was absolutely astonished at the things they discussed. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpeach Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Have no mercy about work being completed. If it's not done on the day, then it gets done in the evenings and at weekends. No letting off. At least an hour of good exercise a day to get the energy up. Lots of cuddles and sympathy, allied with an iron determination not to give in. Laura I love what you've offered for advice, Laura. What I've highlighted in blue might just get stencilled on our school room wall!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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