So my son will not do his work....(LONG)

[Tanya in KS]

So my son is really struggling with the transition to HS. He states that he is stressed out all the time and just doesn't have time to get his work done.

 

These are his subjects:

 

Rod & Staff - Bible Study - geography/history study

Spanish 1 - Rosetta Stone

Literature - Literature guide for Redwall

Grammar - easy Grammar (his worst subject usually but the only one he is completely daily)

Computer - Word Program through Lifepacs

Math - Prealgebra - Math U See

World Geography- Trail Guide to World Geo.

Physical Science - Apologia

Wordly Wise

Then Art/Woods at public high school at 1:15-3:00 daily...

 

He NEVERS gets a whole day complete. Then he is up until 10 pm or later every night working on school.

 

Our relationship is in turmoil. He is the GREATEST kid!! I hate seeing him like this. School has never been an issue until now. Since we started 6 weeks ago, he have had weekly discussions about his grades (0s) and the work not being completed. YUCK! He just walks around and glares at me now, no joking... It is so sad for both of us. Yes, he is behind in his subjects but at least he is plugging along... now he is simply drowning...

 

Nothing has changed in our family, friends have not moved away, so nothing out of the ordinary but life is happening....

 

Is this normal? Will it get better? Do I make changes to his schedule?

Dad thinks it will take him 5 years to graduate HS with the way he is working through his schooling now. I am so concerned and confused as to what to do..

 

Thanks for listening

Edited October 5, 2009 by Tanya in KS
not as long as I thought =)

[JennW in SoCal]

A few things come to mind. How old is he and is he in the midst of puberty? I know soooo many boys who shut down for about a year when they were 13 or 14. In retrospect it is kind of funny as they all also hid themselves for that year either with a hat or a hoodie or long hair. At the time it isn't funny because school is supposed to start ramping up at the very time they lose all higher brain functions.

 

The good news is that they all reappeared as wonderful and capable young men, none the worse for that year of hiding and grunting and glaring at the world.

 

Perhaps it would be best to focus on quality rather than quantity for now. I know it feels like you are giving in by dropping a subject, but perhaps you should just focus on the 3 Rs for now and focus on the positives that you see rather than on the negatives of work not completed. That would mean dropping Rosetta Stone and the computer course, but you'll still have 3 more years of high school to pick those up. Make the 3Rs non-negotiable, and you may have to sit with him in order for it to get done, but gear his work towards his being successful.

 

Have him do some physical work -- I assume that if you are on a farm there are many chores that he can be doing. Get him outside and tired out every day! Does he do 4-H? Is there something that he is especially good at, outside of academics, that you can encourage? When my oldest ds was at his worst I was so relieved to see him really excel in anything, even when it wasn't academic. He needed to be good at something and I needed to see him valued by others. It translated into a better work ethic in his homeschooling, but it was a mighty tough period --- seemed like an eternity, too!

 

Hope some of these ideas help.

[Julie in MN]

If he's spending almost 2 hours per day on electives at the local school, then I'd cut out all electives at home for a time (computer, Spanish - even though that'd break my heart, it can be done next year).

 

If he's still behind, then I'd require him to read his literature in the evenings and just do the guide during the school day.

 

I'd also do set school hours with him, if he's having trouble getting things done. During school hours, I'd even set break/snack times in advance, if necessary.

 

And finally, I'd consider doing a week or 2 right alongside him, to both model correct habits and just to be someone beside him as he begins the new venture of high school. He's only in 9th - that was junior hi in my day.

 

Julie

[EKS]

How much time does it actually take for him to attend school? I mean when does he start getting ready to go and when does he get home? Does he do any homework for these classes and how much time does that take?

 

I agree with Julie in MN's idea about cutting the at home electives--or--not have him take the classes at the school. As much as I would love to have my son take classes at the high school, I have to be very careful about any time drain to our day. He is pretty maxed out as it is and going to school for even an hour takes at least two hours out of his day.

[Michelle in AL]

Yes, it does sound like too much. Those little electives add in.

 

Rod and Staff- Bible study, history and geography should take an hour and half tops.

If the above covers geography, I would cut out Trail guide or cut out the geography from above.

 

English-1 hr for grammar (only if still needed), vocab and reading.

 

Math prealgebra- 1 hr

 

Physical Science-1 hr

 

Spanish- 45 minutes

 

Electives at school- 1 hr 45min + driving time.

 

If you cut out computers and geography that =7 hrs that's plenty.

 

You could also cut out the Spanish if needed or just cut out the school electives.

 

If he's normally a good kid that works hard than your schedule may very well be too much.

[MIch elle]

That happened with my older ds in grade 8 and it was TERRIBLE!

 

He happily went to high school and all is WELL!

 

 

:grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

It sounds like it could be too much. I find myself having to streamline often with my older son and decide what is important and what can be cut. If you don't want to cut out the extra electives, could you make them "once a week" instead of daily?

 

Does your son have an attention issues? Does he daydream a lot? Or is he hard at it all day long and just still can't get it done?

[Nan in Mass]

I would ask myself what has changed, since he was ok doing school before. Probably either the work has suddenly jumped up in level, or the amount has suddenly jumped up in level, or both. Has the curriculum changed, or is it your expectations that have changed? When my children have gotten like this, it was because something took too big a jump. I would go through his subjects with him one by one and try to figure out which ones are a problem. Usually, I discover that in my planning I have tried to jam too many subjects into the day. A few turn out to be more time-consuming than I thought (for this particular child, anyway). Maybe one is a major leap up in level, which is ok but means I need to allow more time for it and put it in the morning and be more available to help. Right about now in the year is when I discover if what I planned is really feasable. Before now, all school is a struggle after summer and we don't like it and it is all too hard. Right about now, though, we should be adjusted to "doing school" and I can begin to tweak things so they are more comfortable. I often wind up dropping a subject or two, or deciding to read the chapter aloud together instead of just handing the child the book, or doing the questions orally together (goes faster), or only doing the odd questions, or something like that. This involves lowering my expectations, usually. Mine, when they have to get through an impossible schedule, tend to shut down and begin not doing even the possible things. It all falls apart. That sounds like what your son is doing? Maybe? So maybe you could discuss the subjects one by one to find out which he is enjoying (keep those), which are boring or he already knows or are expendable (save those for another year), which he needs you to help him with more, and which he needs adjusted. I'm bad at judging how much and what my children can do ahead of time. Curriculum writers aren't very good at judging my chidlren, either. That is part of why we are homeschooling - so we can adjust things as we go along.

I'm in a tearing hurry so this probably isn't very coherent. I'll get back to you after gym. :)

-Nan

[periwinkle]

Rod & Staff - Bible Study - geography/history study

Spanish 1 - Rosetta Stone

Literature - Literature guide for Redwall

Grammar - easy Grammar (his worst subject usually but the only one he is completely daily)

Computer - Word Program through Lifepacs

Math - Prealgebra - Math U See

World Geography- Trail Guide to World Geo.

Physical Science - Apologia

Wordly Wise

Then Art/Woods at public high school at 1:15-3:00 daily...

 

How many credits is this? What I see-

English-1

Spanish-1

Math-1

Science-1

Electives at high school-1 or 2?

That would be enough right there, I think, but...

Is the bible study a full credit? the geography? the computer? I agree with the other ladies-cut at least some/all of these out and focus on your major subjects instead. I can't imagine being out of the house for a couple of hours a day AND managing all the other work, too.

 

Can you sit down and talk this out with your ds? Hugs to you both.:grouphug:

[justamouse]

Is he naturally a night owl? When is his best time of day? Can you let him work at night if her prefers? Can yo let him have off-completely OFF two weeks? Let him decompress? Then cut out the electives and start over, and slow. Do you have him working in the room with you at the table?

 

Boys get horribly hormonal, this too shall pass.

[DesertDweller]

What time does he start in the morning? We're finding this year with high school that we HAVE to get an early start or there is just no way to get it all done.

 

I agree with those who think he may have too much. Two hours a day at the high school equals 180 hours, which translates in to two full credits. With everything else, I'm not sure how he's getting it all done either. Plus, when you add in the time it takes to get ready and travel time, you're looking at more than two hours. Not to mention, he probably loses focus every day because his time at the high school is right in the middle of the day (taking into account that he's not finished with school by 12:30 or 1:00).

 

I would probably either drop the high school program or drop the Spanish and computer. Stick to your core subjects and pick two electives plus bible. That is more than enough for one year of high school. He can take the other two electives next year or maybe do one over the summer.

[DesertDweller]

I meant that to read 180 hours per class, which equals two full credits.

[Kristin in Hawaii]

A few things come to mind. How old is he and is he in the midst of puberty? I know soooo many boys who shut down for about a year when they were 13 or 14. In retrospect it is kind of funny as they all also hid themselves for that year either with a hat or a hoodie or long hair. At the time it isn't funny because school is supposed to start ramping up at the very time they lose all higher brain functions.

 

The good news is that they all reappeared as wonderful and capable young men, none the worse for that year of hiding and grunting and glaring at the world.

 

Perhaps it would be best to focus on quality rather than quantity for now. I know it feels like you are giving in by dropping a subject, but perhaps you should just focus on the 3 Rs for now and focus on the positives that you see rather than on the negatives of work not completed. That would mean dropping Rosetta Stone and the computer course, but you'll still have 3 more years of high school to pick those up. Make the 3Rs non-negotiable, and you may have to sit with him in order for it to get done, but gear his work towards his being successful.

 

Have him do some physical work -- I assume that if you are on a farm there are many chores that he can be doing. Get him outside and tired out every day! Does he do 4-H? Is there something that he is especially good at, outside of academics, that you can encourage? When my oldest ds was at his worst I was so relieved to see him really excel in anything, even when it wasn't academic. He needed to be good at something and I needed to see him valued by others. It translated into a better work ethic in his homeschooling, but it was a mighty tough period --- seemed like an eternity, too!

 

Hope some of these ideas help.

 

Thank you so much for this post! I can feel the anxiety and frustration melting from my mind -- I have to remind myself where his brain is at much of the time.... "discovering" he.... has hair, needs deodorant, how deep his voice is today, etcetera. I am wonderfully proud of my son and every day I see him do good stuff -- but this post was just what I needed :001_smile:

[Nan in Mass]

I would sit down with him, tell him now that school has been going on for a month you need to talk about how it is going, and ask him if he's been really trying or if he's just been having trouble getting back to school after the summer (or some other face-saver), and tell him (before he answers) that it might be time to make some adjustments in his work load because it seems like he is struggling. Sometimes when I've done this, my sons have sheepishly admitted that they weren't working very hard. And sometimes they've helped me to adjust their schedules to lighten their load to something more reasonable. Sometimes they've chosen to struggle along a bit longer and see if it gets easier. I have a 9th grader this year, too, and he began wailing that we needed to adjust things the second day. I put him off until just recently because I thought he might adjust, and he has. At this point, he is willing to keep doing what we are doing. He says it is really really hard, but he thinks he can do it. Instead, we talked about computer games and I wound up caving in about that because he made a very good arguement about how very little spare time he has, how many other things he does, and what he should be allowed to do with the little he has. The hardest part was making him understand that although I got the final say, this truly was a discussion - I had ideas but I hadn't made up my mind yet. Sometimes, I have had to sit with my sons in order to figure out whether something really is too hard or takes too long. Often, when I try to do the assignment myself or help them, I discover that it takes me forever, too.

 

Hope something in all that helps a bit. It sounds like a pretty normal thing for this time of year, and for the beginning of 9th grade. I think you are great to listen to him and notice that it isn't working and want to do something about it before he changes into a sullen, angry teenager who ignores you because he feels like he tried to tell you something and you didn't believe him.

 

-Nan

[Melissa in Australia]

I would sit down with him, tell him now that school has been going on for a month you need to talk about how it is going, and ask him if he's been really trying or if he's just been having trouble getting back to school after the summer (or some other face-saver), and tell him (before he answers) that it might be time to make some adjustments in his work load because it seems like he is struggling. Sometimes when I've done this, my sons have sheepishly admitted that they weren't working very hard. And sometimes they've helped me to adjust their schedules to lighten their load to something more reasonable. -Nan

:iagree:

I have done this, And, have been pleasantly surprised at the suggestions that my son has made. we dropped some subjects( vocab from classical roots) and did other subjects more thoroughly( history) he wanted to do some physic instead of math, so we now do math 4 days a week, and physics one day.. He was pleased to have some input .I was pleased with his improved attitude

[Laura in CA]

I too have a 14-year-old boy, 9th grade, with a full plate (English & biology through Potter's School, trig, Greek/Roman Lit with a tutor, German, plus track 3x/week, college orchestra, piano and violin lessons, Scottish dance). It broke my heart a few weeks ago when he said he didn't think he'd have time to ride his bike (a new passion) until next summer. I told him high school is a time to explore & stretch himself, and we'd fit the school in somehow, and make sure he gets some long bike rides in. It helps that he's a hard worker, if rather deliberate & careful (--> slow), and a sweet boy.

 

Well, today he told me he'd like to add viola lessons (so he has more options in the various orchestras he plays in). Eeek! He told me later he was afraid I'd freak out ;-)

 

Like someone said above, getting up at a reasonable hour would really help, and that was my plan this year -- but . . . several of his activities (college orchestra, Scottish dance) keep him out until 10 pm, and as a growing boy, I think he needs to sleep in after those nights. We'll manage, but it does feel like a juggling act!! Thanks to all those who shared their wisdom in this thread. It's incredibly helpful. Also just knowing there are others struggling with this!

 

I do tell him he should thank me (and he does) -- if he were in 'school,' he'd spend 6 or 7 hours there and *then* he'd have homework! There is NO way he could do all these enriching extracurricular activities . . .

 

~Laura

[Nan in Mass]

I should add that as other posters have said, enough sleep and excersize are very important; we are careful about those. And we get up early and get school out of the way and have set school hours (although we do do "homework"), also.

-Nan

[Tanya in KS]

Thank you for your replies. My hubby and I talked and looked over all your responses and I think this weekend we will have a sit down talk with our son and get some feedback from him to find out what we should drop. I appreciate this board so much - I feel so isolated sometimes as one of three homeschoolers in our small town.

[mysticamethyst]

What about combining some of his classes? For example Trail Guides and computer? We do this more for me than them but it's working for us. Can the reading be done as a quiet time thing right before bed. Maybe he is just having a hard time finding the right schedule for it all and still find himself like others have suggested. I hope you find the right thing that works for your family. I am not sure but I think teens are harder that babies and toddlers; we have to figure out the rules all over again. I just had it figured for the tween and now we start all over again.:001_smile:

[K-FL]

Rod & Staff - Bible Study - geography/history study

Spanish 1 - Rosetta Stone

Literature - Literature guide for Redwall

Grammar - easy Grammar (his worst subject usually but the only one he is completely daily)

Wordly Wise

Computer - Word Program through Lifepacs

Math - Prealgebra - Math U See

World Geography- Trail Guide to World Geo.

Physical Science - Apologia

 

Then Art/Woods at public high school at 1:15-3:00 daily

 

It looks to me like you've got 3 classes (or parts) covering English. Could one of them be dropped or do Grammar MW & Worldly Wise TR or 1 this semester & 1 in Spring or even Lit this semester & Grammar/Vocab in Spring? I would gear for him being through w/home work before you go to the hs. After 3pm, it's hard to get the brain work done, but that's a great time to get exercise & more hands-on work.

[Nan in Mass]

Definately, definately harder. : )