How do you learn to be less critical concerning others?

[chanda7]

I'm usually not critical to people verbally, but I feel this way internally. Any suggestions that have helped people overcome this?

[Denisemomof4]

force yourself to focus on their positive traits and don't allow yourself to dwell on the negative. For every negative thought you have about a person, replace it with a positive one. Sometimes it takes remind myself of my OWN faults. I don't like that one so usually will just focus on the other's positive traits. :D

 

I trained myself to do this. My mother and sister found faults in everyone. It took a while to change this pattern in my life, but practice makes perfect.

 

Now when I find I'm having a hard time letting something go, usually it's a big problem that needs to be addressed.

Edited October 5, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[eternalknot]

I think, for me, it was detaching myself from the idea that my one way (of doing, of reacting, of thinking, of believing, etc) was the ONLY way for something to be done right or best. Basically, it was the realization that my way/beliefs were NOT a one-size-fits-all way to gauge how things should be done/believed that helped me overcome my critical nature.

 

It was a process.

[Tangerine]

If it is regarding groups of people (ideology, religion, etc), I've found watching documentaries about an individual's struggle help me. Even regarding situations or crimes that I would never accept as okay, it has helped me to see a real person's trials with themselves and the issue at hand.

[Julpost]

I remind myself that either I have done the same thing in the past or I could do it, in the right circumstances. It's taking the log out of my own eye....

 

99% of the time, that takes care of it!:D

[Elizabeth Conley]

I have learned to be less critical of others through an analysis of the damage done.

 

Critical parents emotionally scar and in many cases warp their children badly. People carry the pain for a lifetime, and often pass the problem along, because they simply don't understand what happened to them or how to break the cycle.

 

Verbal criticism, valid or invalid, is often expressed as slander. It divides friends and communities. It isolates individuals and impairs the effectiveness of organizations.

 

What we think we see in others is a more accurate reflection of our own hearts than of what actually exists in the other person. In general, good people tend to be naive, while depraved people tend to be cynical. It takes genuine discernment to step away from our preconceptions and see reality for what it is. This sort of honesty takes effort. It's tricky.

 

Worst of all, if we express depravity we've projected on an innocent person as slander, then we've single handedly brought depravity into the minds and hearts of people around us. The target of the slander is seen by all as the source of the depravity, when actually it's the gossips who are dirty, sick and twisted. This sort of thing is nauseatingly distressing to the target and ethical observers. Slander degrades the community or organization that tolerates it. Decent people become so alienated that they simply leave. This strips the community or organization of mature, discerning role models and mentors.

 

I've lived all of this and worse. Frankly, I won't associate with critical people any more. It sounds cold, but it's true. I simply don't want any backbiting, whining, slander or cruel words in my life. When something stoopid comes out of my mouth, I take it back, apologize, make amends, and recommit to being kind, cooperative and constructive. When somebody just can't or won't master their own verbal diarrhea, I melt away. As far as I'm concerned, that stuff is pure filth. I'd rather listen to curse words than slander.

[specialmama]

Take the focus off of others and onto yourself. Knock yourself down a peg and see your faults for what they really are. Have an accurate measure of yourself: not too low, but not puffed up either. Release people from your judgement because you would not like to be judged by others "better" than you. (I put that in quotes because there are none better, it's a lie in your mind that you're better than so-and-so, and also that so-and-so is better than you.) To sum up, I keep looking vertically, as opposed to horizontally. :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

I try to remember to treat others as I would like to be treated. It doesn't always work, but people do come to the table with different strengths and experiences. Do onto others and all that...

Edited October 5, 2009 by LibraryLover

[ereks mom]

I think, for me, it was detaching myself from the idea that my one way (of doing, of reacting, of thinking, of believing, etc) was the ONLY way for something to be done right or best. Basically, it was the realization that my way/beliefs were NOT a one-size-fits-all way to gauge how things should be done/believed that helped me overcome my critical nature.

 

It was a process.

 

And for me, it is STILL a process, a work-in-progress. I still sometimes find myself being negative. But the person I'm usually most critical of is myself. I'm still working on that too. :)

[KidsHappen]

Personally, I find that if I have time to be critical of others that means I have too much time on my hands. Find other ways to occupy your mind.

[chanda7]

Thank you all for your insightful replies! I think they will help steer me in the right direction in making progress in this area of my life.

[Impish]

Honestly, it depends :o I'm pretty good (or at least on my way to being there)about not being critical of others over petty stuff.

 

 

Its bigger stuff. There are some ppl that set off my bells, so to speak, that I keep a close, critical eye on. Its not about the 'joy' of harshness, but of not trusting someone and needing to keep a wary watch.

 

 

I also have a hard time, and am working hard on it, of forgiveness. There are simply a few people in my life that I'd rather be on full scale alert with, and have lived this way for years, its hard to change.

 

Life is a work in progress.