For those with teens: Asynchronous Social/Emotional vs. Intellectual Development

[amtmcm]

When do they catch up?

 

I have friends with 12-13 year old girls who say they still occasionally play with dolls, and it's an awkward age when they're struggling to let go of their childhood. But it almost seems magnified by DD12 being so advanced in other areas. One minute we're discussing world events or scientific discoveries and the next minute her behavior is so immature.

 

I assume this will even out at some point? Any advise or words of wisdom? Maybe I should be glad she's not acting like a teenager yet? :)

[JennW in SoCal]

LOL --- be very glad she is NOT acting like a teen ager. You'll have more of that than you can stand soon enough! You are on the starting edge of the puberty years, and have some potentially rough times ahead.

 

I think one of the joys of homeschooling is allowing our young teens to still play as they did as children, especially if they still enjoy playing with younger siblings. In a traditional middle school that behavior would be quickly squashed due to peer pressure. She is still young, cherish the gift that you are giving her to allow her to be young and yet intellectually mature. There will be days when she wants to cuddle like a little kid and days when she can't stand being seen in public with you. Keep your sense of humor and know that like the "terrible twos", it doesn't last forever.

 

Just based on my experience and through watching other kids through this age, I think they really start becoming young adults around 15. Their emotional maturity starts to kick in, the various stages of puberty within a peer group finally even out, and they have longer periods of being interesting young adults with whom you enjoy spending time. I find this especially true with homeschoolers and other kids who are accustomed to chatting and "hanging out" with adults. They don't seem to have that mind set that they MUST act like too-cool-teens at all times.

[HSHS]

My DD was in school at your DD's age and 'playing' was seen as childish to her then. She threw her dolls out because her friends thought they was babyish and I think she regretted it later. I think maturity in girls hits between 13 and 15 though. (:

[TravelingChris]

My 12 3/4 yo likes hanging around with younger kids. One is also gifted like her. She doesn't like hanging around that much with that one's older sister who is only a month older than her since she hangs around with older girls. Their conversations run to cute boys and make-up.

 

My 16 yo is now deciding she needs to learn about make-up but only because she is becoming aware of social conventions and looking down the road to balls and other events where make-up is usually worn. She is an imminently practical child.

[kpupg]

My 12 3/4 yo likes hanging around with younger kids. One is also gifted like her. She doesn't like hanging around that much with that one's older sister who is only a month older than her since she hangs around with older girls. Their conversations run to cute boys and make-up.

 

My dd12 is like this. She hangs out with a group of mostly younger girls, and she is sort of a leader to them. She does have one older friend, and I think the attraction there is because they share an interest in movie-making, otherwise I don't think they'd have the time of day for one another.

 

DD just recently gave away her dolls and suchlike, but she's not nearly a teen-ish kid yet. Yay! Oh, she does love fingernail polish and comes up with some amazing nail art, but she's not allowed to use makeup yet and she seems OK with that.

 

Karen

[Nan in Mass]

Mine liked younger children and younger games well after they supposedly had outgrown them, I think for a variety of reasons. They were self-aware enough not to give in to peer pressure and stop doing something they were still enjoying. They were creative and imaginative enough to find ways of making the toys still interesting (talk to any engineer about legos LOL). And they were adult enough to realize that their peers from about 12 to 15 were acting very, very irrationally whereas the younger children were still "sane" and fun to be around. When they were younger, they liked the younger children because they weren't as upsetting emotionally. They were less likely to enthusiastically discuss upsetting movies or play upsetting games. My youngest deliberately paired himself up with the slow child in his scout troop whenever possible because he said he was the only one who wasn't trying to be bad, and that he was saner than the rest of the "really, really stupid smarter kids". Usually when mine acted childishly (as in couldn't manage to be adult about something - selfishly or impatiently or whatever), it was because they were being extra adult about something else and (naturally) only had but so much energy. They are still children, in many ways. Maybe something like that is going on? Mine are just brightish, not profoundly gifted, though, so this might not apply to your situation.

-Nan

[babysparkler]

My 9 year old still loves to watch Sesame Street or play trains with his younger siblings :lol:. I love his innocence and consider it a treasure in today's world.

[asta]

They catch up in all 3 areas?

:lol:

 

Seriously.... um... 30?

(at least for boys...)

 

 

a

[Storm Bay]

They catch up in all 3 areas?

:lol:

 

Seriously.... um... 30?

(at least for boys...)

 

 

a

 

 

Some never catch up, because all of those involve different types of intelligence. Not all academically gifted dc are going to be gifted in other areas. Some will always be socially awkward. Doesnt mean that they're not going to be happy, though.

 

My 14 yo still likes to read books from the Children's room and I had to buy her women's snow pants so that she can go outside and play in the snow this winter (we don't ski or snowboard.) But she's not drinking alcohol, doing drugs, dating, having s*x, so I'm quite happy if she's young that way even if she's intellectually far ahead. Not that all dc who are emitionally & socially & intellectually equal are doing all of those things, but a surprising number are, even some homeshcoolers.

[katilac]

Dolls at 13? meh, when dh and I got married and moved to another state, he put air holes in the box we packed my massive collection of stuffed animals in! :lol:

 

I think it has lots to do with personality. My oldest dd never did care for dolls and such, but I can easily see her little sister still playing with them at 12/13.

[amtmcm]

In a traditional middle school that behavior would be quickly squashed due to peer pressure.

 

I think this hit the nail on the head. DD12 is still friends with a few of the kids she went to school with prior to homeschooling and she is fitting in less and less with them. I was feeling a little worried about this. Fortunately she has made some wonderful homeschooling friends and is happier than ever with these friendships. Maybe it's time to let the "school" friendships fade out since it seems to make her feel badly when she doesn't fit in.

 

Thanks for all of your replies! Everyone has helped to remind me to let her be a child and be glad she is NOT 12 going on 22.

[Starr]

We find that Homeschooling doesn't stop developmental growth but does allow a child to "play" longer.

[Seraphina71]

I was considered a gifted child and I guess I'd probably still score well on an IQ test. I'm nearly 38 with 2 children and I'm still wondering when I'm going to feel like a real grown-up. It doesn't seem like an uncommon phenomenon.

[Nan in Mass]

LOL I am definately, definately not grownup. It is a mixed blessing.

[ValkyrieMom]

Girls that played with dolls at 12/13 were the highest paid babysitters in my area. One girl was in high demand because she could just sit with kids and play for hours, be in their world. There is a whole psychology behind dolls. Those who don't lose that skill can really benefit later.

 

Now, if she still slept with a blanky, I'd be concerned...;)

[Catherine]

One of mine has always been such a "little professor" and has seemed like a miniature adult since forever, although he loves to have fun, he's never seemed young. One is the exact opposite though-still spends lots of time with legos, at turning 13, and his best friend is his 8yo brother. It is definitely one of the benefits of homeschooling, that they have time to play and indulge their creativity. I think school tends to push that playfulness out of some children.

[Storm Bay]

Girls that played with dolls at 12/13 were the highest paid babysitters in my area. One girl was in high demand because she could just sit with kids and play for hours, be in their world. There is a whole psychology behind dolls. Those who don't lose that skill can really benefit later.

 

Now, if she still slept with a blanky, I'd be concerned...;)

 

 

Interesting. I went back to playing with dolls for a while when I was 12 and in love ;) with Donny Osmond. I was an in-demand babysitter, but I also had a brother born when I was 12, which meant people assumed I knew what I was doing.

 

I did play with kids when they were awake. My mother told me to watch the kids, and it was a lot less boring to play with them or read to them than to just sit and watch. Of course, if they were sleeping, I watched TV (no phone calls; my mother told me that was a no-no.) Lest you think I was a model teen who always listened to my mother, I wasn't, just a trustworthy babysitter.

[Catwoman]

We find that Homeschooling doesn't stop developmental growth but does allow a child to "play" longer.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Cat