Caribbean Queen Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Kids need to be around other kids, right? I try to give my kids a chance to socialize with other children. Here are my problems with the social things we have tried: Sunday school - Lethargic, aloof children. Absent or late and unprepared teachers. Cousin's house - Cousins watch TV 95% of the time we are visiting. Since I limit the content and amount of screen time my children get, we sit on the porch by ourselves. Homeschool Group - "Those kids are rude!" my children reported. :tongue_smilie: Locations and times for meeting were a pain for me. Church children's club (similar to Boy Scouts)- $300 for uniforms which will be worn 8 hours total. I didn't know that before I told my kids we could join. We can't afford that. Where is the crying smilie? The only time my children get quality social interaction with other kids is when we go to the park. They play with the other kids who happen to be there and have a great time. Why am I having such a hard time finding worthwhile social outlets? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmacnchs Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 4H (cheap!) county/city sports (fairly cheap) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabrett Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 It sounds like you need "play dates" instead of classroom type activities. Anyway to set up play dates at the park? That way there is no TV, kids want to be there and you are not depending on an adult to present a lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Socialization does not have to happen with people in your narrow peer group. We socialize every time we go out our front door. We socialize - even briefly with our neighbors - when we talk to people when walking the dog, when the kids run around playing together, and when the mailman comes (the kids love to run out and get the mail personally from him). We socialize at the grocery store (we chat with strangers!) We socialize with people of all ages at church. Some of my kid's best friends are some wonderful young-marrieds. And I'm very glad to have their very good influence on my kids. We do socialize with the kids in our Sunday school but their influence isn't as good on the kids. But since I teach, I try to be a good influence myself.:D We socialize with the elderly at our assisted living ministry on Wed. nights. And we do socialize in our home too - with our own family and with visitors who come to our home. Oh - and I do playdates. What works best for us is once or twice a month. My kids do not need more than that. And they've developed good friendships that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 The only time my children get quality social interaction with other kids is when we go to the park. They play with the other kids who happen to be there and have a great time. Why am I having such a hard time finding worthwhile social outlets? I think this is more than fine for the age of your kids; there's nothing wrong with randomly playing with other kids in the park! I wouldn't worry about anything else. The great thing about having kids in the same age range is built-in playmates! Even at 9 & 11, my dds still play with each other far more than anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moni Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Kids need to be around other kids, right?? Well, umm, I don't know...which kids...? That's what I was thinking.....then I read the rest of your post and realized, you are probably wondering the same thing. :lol: :seeya: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calandalsmom Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Kids do need to be around other kids. And they need to learn to be comfortable in all sorts of situations. Scouts has been wonderful for us. Sunday school has also been a good experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KellyJ Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Kids need to be around other kids, right? hmmmm...this is worth chewing on for a while, isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 The only time my children get quality social interaction with other kids is when we go to the park. They play with the other kids who happen to be there and have a great time. I think this sort of interaction is highly underrated. When kids have to constantly go through introducing themselves, learning about new people, and initiating their own activities, they learn a lot that will carry over into complex situations they will encounter as adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caribbean Queen Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 Thanks for the responses. When I do things for social reasons and come home thinking, "What in the world? That wasn't worth leaving the house for!" I wonder why the whole world seems to think the same activities are the best things ever and if kids don't do them they'll be weirdos. I'm glad other people "get" that those particular things I tried were not what we need. Since my children like the children's club and I already told them they could do it (where is the kicking myslef smilie?) we will try to scrape up the money to let them continue. I'll take them to the park and if I run into a nice girl who would like to have an occasional play date with my daughter we can do that. I will not worry about impressing anybody with my children's social calendar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Since my children like the children's club and I already told them they could do it (where is the kicking myslef smilie?) we will try to scrape up the money to let them continue. I'll take them to the park and if I run into a nice girl who would like to have an occasional play date with my daughter we can do that. I will not worry about impressing anybody with my children's social calendar. This seems like a good idea. I was actually just thinking about my own socialization growing up. We moved a lot, and I was never able to form long-lasting relationships with anyone. I really wish an adult in my life had made more of an effort to help me make friends, and obviously that I had had a chance to get comfortable with others beyond the introductory stage. I really struggle with these things to this day. In my personal experience, it is much, much harder to learn these skills later in life. I can't say how much of that will apply to your situation, so take what you will. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Socialization is overrated. That being said, my daughter is 5 and is painfully shy. You know, the kind of shy where you totally ignore what the other person is saying and look away from them as though they do not exist. I do try to push socialization with her because I want her to adjust to new situations. We do Sunday School, AWANA clubs on Wednesday nights at church, soccer each season (which is twice a year), and now we do homeschool group on Wednesdays. However, she attends all of these things and does not utter one. single. word. It's not working LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I know it's easier said than done, but can you try not to worry about what you're expected to do and instead do what you know will work best for your children? I say that because my eldest has major issues with socialising, and I've found there is really little point in taking him to activities that don't suit him. It's far more productive to give him opportunities to interact at the level he can already manage or just slightly out of his comfort zone, so he's always stretching it. I say whatever works for your children and you, do that. If playing with random kids at the playground seems to work better than attending the church group, just do it. But also try various things at least a couple of times before you discount them. You can't force your child to socialise. You can only encourage them and give them safe opportunities to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 That being said, my daughter is 5 and is painfully shy. You know, the kind of shy where you totally ignore what the other person is saying and look away from them as though they do not exist. I do try to push socialization with her because I want her to adjust to new situations. We do Sunday School, AWANA clubs on Wednesday nights at church, soccer each season (which is twice a year), and now we do homeschool group on Wednesdays. However, she attends all of these things and does not utter one. single. word. It's not working LOL. You didn't ask for advice, but how often do you set up one-on-one situations, like just having one child over? I know I am MUCH more comfortable with just one person than I am in a group. But good for you for keeping her "out there!" You know, my niece was actually this way at church. I figured she would become more comfortable with time, but after 3-4 years at the same church, she still avoided eye contactand wouldn't respond if someone spoke to her. I finally had a talk with her, and told her she at least had to respond if someone spoke to her. She's still not super friendly, but she doesn't need me there every single time to remind her to respond anymore! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caribbean Queen Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 (edited) I want my children to socialize with other kids (and adults), but I have learned that just being near children does not always turn into a great time for socializing. Sitting on the porch while our cousins watch TV is one example of the socializing not panning out as I had hoped. My children have great social skills. I haven't known many homeschoolers in real life so I regular examine my children to see if the "weird unsocialized homeschooler" bug has caught them, and I am happy to say, my children are cool. (edited to add: I am being silly about the weird, unsocialized homeschooler bug. Really, homeschooling has been the best way for my children to be socialized. No problems there.) My sons don't seem to need their peers much. My daughter seems to want more playing with friends. She wants to see her friend "Sue" that moved away and have "Lea" come over again. I want to get her into a few play dates. I am going to keep going with the activities that give my children a real chances to socialize and have fun. I am not going to bother with the activities that are not worth our time. If that means we aren't doing as many activities as some others, so be it. There is no award for the homeschooler who is in the most classes and clubs, ya know? If I stuck with the activities that are not reallyu doing anything for us, I would just be doing them for show, and no one but Grandma really cares how many activities we are in anyway. Edited September 22, 2009 by Caribbean Queen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 My kids are closer in age than yours but they are each other's primary playmate and I like it that way. They go to Brownies, outside science classes, etc and I believe that is enough. We spend time with their cousins and while they spend more time on video games etc when with their cousins than I allow, it is only occasionally so I don't fret about it. Personally, I do not do play dates. We have some close friends with kids and between the activities and our family/friends, I think they get more than enough social interaction. I wouldn't stress out about it too much. I do think more emphasis is put on the socialization aspect of things than is necessary particularly when you kids are little. I think it sounds like what they have with the park etc is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monk17 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 One thing we did was start a math club and had 2-10 children every Monday morning for a couple of hours, with parents. It's worked great for the last 5 years. Some years the mix is a little more mathey and some years we were more concerned with the snacks and lunch that we brought. We got some math games played and had plenty of time for socializing. It wasn't always perfect but it provided some interaction and the parents an opportunity to have some grown up talk. I also second the idea of 4-H and park days. We do music lessons and chorus which provide another avenue. The violin opens up fiddling jams, group lessons, youth orchestra etc. We tried sports but it didn't work out for my daughter. Despite having a Mom that went to college on a tennis scholarship and is a two handicap she has no interest. She came home from soccer and said," they should put more balls out there, everybody fights over that one ball". Anyway we knew soccer wasn't it. But give sports a try. Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 However, she attends all of these things and does not utter one. single. word. It's not working LOL. Could I just point out that her deciding not to say anything does not mean it is "not working". Just because she isn't visibly interacting, doesn't mean she's not getting anything out of it. My son was like that for years. He would not speak, he would no look at anyone, he would not participate in any activity. But he still observed and learned. At age 6, he is finally starting to try out things like answering when he is spoken to. Although he has developmental issues, and your child doesn't, I take it? Is she not interacting because she doesn't enjoy the activities? Or because she doesn't know how to interact appropriately? If she is happy to go but doesn't want to talk to other children, maybe you could still take her and she might start talking more when she is ready? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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