DC too old to be "babysat", not ready to stay home alone at night!

[Wendi]

My dh and I rarely go out on dates. We probably go out alone together twice a year. We'd love to go out more, but the problem is that our ds isn't ready to stay home alone, and he's too old for us to hire a babysitter. He's almost 13, but immature in some ways, and because of anxiety, it will be a long time before he's ready to be left alone in the evening. We don't have any family here. We have a few friends I'm comfortable leaving him with for the evening, but I always feel awkward asking! So we don't go out.

 

Monday was our anniversary, and as usual, we didn't go out. This is getting old. :glare: Anyone else in our shoes?

 

Wendi

[*********]

My dh and I rarely go out on dates. We probably go out alone together twice a year. We'd love to go out more, but the problem is that our ds isn't ready to stay home alone, and he's too old for us to hire a babysitter. He's almost 13, but immature in some ways, and because of anxiety, it will be a long time before he's ready to be left alone in the evening. We don't have any family here. We have a few friends I'm comfortable leaving him with for the evening, but I always feel awkward asking! So we don't go out.

 

Monday was our anniversary, and as usual, we didn't go out. This is getting old. :glare: Anyone else in our shoes?

 

Wendi

 

Well Wendi, I'm not exactly in your shoes, but I can comisserate. :001_smile: We have no one we feel comfortable leaving our dc with. We used to be able to leave them with mil, but she's been diagnosed with COPD, is now on oxygen 24/7, and frequently has low energy. Our anniversary is in a few weeks. What I think we'll do is leave my two boys, ages 3 and 6, at my mother and father in-law's house, along with my 15 year old stepdaughter and 12 year old stepson, so we can go out to dinner.

 

I have hang-ups asking my stepdaughter to babysit. Not that she couldn't, since she's a very mature, responsible, great girl. It's just my own hang-ups from my childhood. My sister was born when I was 12, and from age 13 on, if I wasn't in school, she was my responsibility. My parents onwed their own business, and so raising my little sister was my part-time job. I just felt it was too much pressure on me, and I can't bring myself to do that to my stepdaughter.

 

Anyway, I figure if stepdaughter is at my in-law's house with her three brothers, she can tend to them, but there's adults around to help if there was an emergency. That way, I'll be able to relax and enjoy our yearly dinner out without kids. :D

 

Um, maybe that's more info on my life than you wanted. :D But my point is, get creative. DON'T feel bad about asking a good friend, who you trust, to watch your son for a few hours so you and your dh can go to dinner. I bet, if it really is a good friend, that she'd understand and be happy to do it. :)

[Starr]

You should ask your friends or find a fun, responsible, older teen and have them over to "be company" for your son. It's not fun to stay alone. When my dd started babysitting she still didn't like to be home alone, at our house, at night.

[gamommy]

In this particular case I'd suggest maybe trying to arrange a play date or sleepover for your son with one of his friends. You could offer to have the other child over to your house, in exchange. You could also schedule some alone time with your husband during one of your sons activities, a sports practice, youth group event, or other.

 

That's how we handled things when we moved a great distance away from family and friends.

[OHGrandma]

Some YMCA's have special parties on Friday or Saturday evenings. They have swimming, games, sports, etc. They are designed especially for that in-between age group, too old to be babysat, too young to babysit.

[Hillary in KS]

We had out dates somewhere nearby in the afternoon. I was not comfortable leaving our 13 yo ds alone at night, but an hour or so in the afternoon was fine.

 

Maybe try something like that?

[katilac]

Why is 12 too old for a babysitter? I don't think 12, 13, or even older is too old for a sitter, particularly for a kid who would be alone.

 

You don't have to word it that way if he's sensitive, simply say "We're going to out Friday evening, so I figured Miss Lucy could come over and keep you company. You can pick a movie to rent."

 

Really, I wouldn't bang my head against the wall about this. I'd simply make arrangements for a sitter in a very matter-of-fact way. If he protests, well, kids protest about a lot of things, right? Sorry, we're going out, and you're staying home with Miss Lucy.

 

I personally wouldn't like the visiting friends idea, just because I'm the type that doesn't like to rely on such arrangements (and I don't like kids visiting in the evening at my house). I'd prefer to just hire a sitter.

[BamaTanya]

I am determined that we WILL celebrate our anniversaries ALONE together, lol. So we go out for lunch and bring treats and movies back for the kids to enjoy in the den. ;)

 

OR we wait until late (bedtime) and dh orders "to go" from a nice restaurant so we can enjoy dinner and a movie in our bedroom.

 

You can make it work!

[Plucky]

We had out dates somewhere nearby in the afternoon. I was not comfortable leaving our 13 yo ds alone at night, but an hour or so in the afternoon was fine.

 

Maybe try something like that?

 

I have kids old enough to leave home and babysit the others and I still like afternoon dates. Lunch dates are more affordable, too.

[Dirtroad]

My kids are a little younger but I think too old for a baby sitter. If we dont' have a way to connect to the grandparents (live in different towns).... we usually ask a FRIEND from homeschooling or church to help us out. If our kids play together & know each other.... it can work out well for kids. I also offer to help them in the same manner.

[Moni]

and he's too old for us to hire a babysitter

Hire a babysitter anyway and go out.:lol:

Or take him to a babysitter.

 

You can change the word to "chaparone" or some other more-mature and high-falutin term.

 

Of course you might want to consider hiring an adult.

Two teen boys with short attention spans, low wisdom, and a lot curiosity don't necessarily make for the safest situation alone at home.

Teen boy and teen girl sitter, probably not a first choice either

 

But hire an adult chaparone by all means and go out. :lol:

 

:seeya:

[In The Great White North]

Hire a babysitter anyway and go out.:lol:

Or take him to a babysitter.

 

You can change the word to "chaparone" or some other more-mature and high-falutin term.

 

Of course you might want to consider hiring an adult.

Two teen boys with short attention spans, low wisdom, and a lot curiosity don't necessarily make for the safest situation alone at home.

Teen boy and teen girl sitter, probably not a first choice either

 

But hire an adult chaparone by all means and go out. :lol:

 

:iagree:

 

Or you could go years without going out at night!

 

We just got an older baby-sitter. (At least 5 years age difference is good.) Ds actually was baby-sitting for younger boys occasionally and we would still get a baby-sitter because it is different with younger sisters around than baby-sitting the boys across the street. This went on when he was 12 - 15 years old. He would usually disappear upstairs and let the baby-sitter play with his sisters.

 

Now, we can finally leave all three home alone for an evening.

[AndyJoy]

Do you go to church or know people through a co-op? Is there an older teen or college age guy who he admires? When I was 16-18 I used to "hang out" with several 12-14 year old girls who weren't ready to be home alone at night. The parents would rent us a movie and order pizza, and we'd have a great time. I was sensitive to their feelings and didn't call it babysitting. I was paid, of course, but the parents did it out of he presence of the teen. If you could find someone to do this, they could watch a movie or play video games or something and the time would fly by for him.

[Moni]

Did you go out?

 

I hope you had fun! :lol:

 

:seeya: