Need advice from those whom have adopted.

[schsmom]

So after many regrets that my dh had a vs after our 3rd child we are feeling the want for a larger family. We are looking into adoption and I want to be informed before we make any final plunges. So advice from those who either are or have adopted would be great. Domestic or international? Did you use a christian agency? Were the costs feasible? Thanks in advance :)

[RebeccaS]

dh and I adopted domestically, through the foster care system. We are licensed foster to adopt parents. We wanted to keep the birth order, so that meant taking in kids under our kids' ages (Youngest was 3 at the time.) and since the plan is almost always reunification for children 5 and under, we have to foster and then if we can, adopt, if the case plan is not met and the parent(s) lose custody of their child(ren). It is risky-it's not hard to get attached and then have to send the child home, but we were/are willing to take the risk. We adopted our son just this summer and Lord willing, we'll adopt another child in the future.

 

Most, if not all, of our costs were reimbursed/paid by the state. It took us about a year to get our license (though it can go quicker, we just couldn't get all the requirements done as quickly as we would have liked). We take continuing education classes to maintain our foster license and we are given a stipend of $10/hr per person. This is wonderful for us since we now have to find a sitter for 5 children.

 

The adoption itself was covered by the state and did not require any money from us.

 

If you feel led to pursue adoption from foster care, there is a great need here as well as in other states, I'm sure.

[schsmom]

We did call and get info from the local state office. They sent me the info and stated we would have to attend a 14 hour orientation before we could be considered. I know they need to be cautious but it seems like that is a lot before they even tell you if you qualify. That is the other "scary issue" it seems stupid but did you feel like your current family was under a microscope before you could adopt through the state? Maybe I'm just being paranoid for no reason. I was also told I could not HS without special approval if we fostered??

I know there is a need for older kids but what about the younger ones? My youngest is 3 and I would also want one younger than him. Are there many opportunities for younger children? I had friends that adopted through Bethany and were extremely pleased. Just weighing the options right now. Thanks for your input.

[East Coast Sue]

I sent you a pm.

 

Susan

[MotherMayI]

I too adopted from the state foster system. We did go through a private christian agency for our licensing and adoption. This just gave us more social workers in the mix (one from state, one from licensing agency, and one from adoption agency), but we all became really close and it was a wonderful experience. I got over feeling like I was under a microscope. My husband and I worried about being "good" enough- would the state want us...after attending our states 30 hour training...we had no more fears in that regard. Our license took nearly a year including the adoption homestudy. If we had done our homestudy and worked on our license concurrently we would have been licensed sooner. Our case is not the norm, but on the very day I received an email letting me know that our license had been approved- (in fact 15 minutes later) I got *the* call. That very day I brought home our 1 day old foster/adopt daughter. 4 months later she was legally free, and at 8 months old we adopted her. She is the light of all our lives, and I highly recommend foster/adopt adoptions. As Rebecca said, it is risky, but you don't have to take the first child offered. Think, pray, pray some more when you get a call about a potential placement. One reason we went through the private agencies was to give us a cushion with the state- and give us experienced support to advise us in our decisions. Our costs were all covered in the end- and we qualified for the adoption tax credit too. We were open to a child under age 3. The fact that I was a stay-at-home mom made a huge impact on our placement. As far as homeschooling goes- in our state if our child was school age, we could not homeschool that child- but we knew we wanted a younger child. Once adopted, you are free to school as you wish. There are so many positive things about foster/adopt...our daughters medical needs will be covered by the state until she is 18. She is on our insurance, but any overage is covered.

 

Best wishes! A "paper pregnancy" can be a scary thing, but there is no guarantee in biological parenting either. Best wishes on your journey.

Edited August 12, 2009 by MotherMayI

[cin]

I have 2 girls adopted internationally. It is about 20k per child, 11 of which is returned at tax time. Yes, you are under scrutiny, but in our case, we had nothing to hide, so it didn't really matter. Unless you count that lunch money I found when I was 9 and didn't turn in :001_huh:

 

It has been worth every pennny. and I would do it again in a heartbeat. But I will also warn you, just because you get an infant, doens't mean there can't be problems. Our oldest was adopted at 11 mos, and we are now dealing with some attachment issues. Not severe, but they are there. And I think she has some leanings towards depression. They may go hand in hand, I'm not sure. despite that, I would do it again in a heartbeat! Things can happen with birthchidren just as easy.

 

We did not go through a Christian agency, just a local one. And many of the rules have changed since we adopted 7 & 4 years ago. But if you have specific questions, please feel free to email me!

[Rainbows]

We adopted our DD from China. We used CCAI and have nothing but wonderful things to say about them and the adoption.

 

I would love to adopt again but DH hasn't been on board

 

Good luck! Its a wonderful way to grow your family :)

[Beth in SW WA]

We adopted 2 baby girls from China. Our lives have never been the same. Worth all the time, energy and $$.

[schsmom]

Thank you all so much for the input. It has been a lot of pondering which way to go. We are excited for our journey so far for foster/adopt most people say a year. I guess if we plan for it that way and it takes longer fine.

As far as the microscope thing- we have nothing to hide but I'm very protective of my family and fear of the unknown always makes me nervous. I am so glad to hear it has worked out for so many. Very encouraging indeed.

[CalicoKat]

dh and I adopted domestically, through the foster care system. We are licensed foster to adopt parents. We wanted to keep the birth order, so that meant taking in kids under our kids' ages (Youngest was 3 at the time.) and since the plan is almost always reunification for children 5 and under, we have to foster and then if we can, adopt, if the case plan is not met and the parent(s) lose custody of their child(ren). It is risky-it's not hard to get attached and then have to send the child home, but we were/are willing to take the risk. We adopted our son just this summer and Lord willing, we'll adopt another child in the future.

 

Most, if not all, of our costs were reimbursed/paid by the state. It took us about a year to get our license (though it can go quicker, we just couldn't get all the requirements done as quickly as we would have liked). We take continuing education classes to maintain our foster license and we are given a stipend of $10/hr per person. This is wonderful for us since we now have to find a sitter for 5 children.

 

The adoption itself was covered by the state and did not require any money from us.

 

If you feel led to pursue adoption from foster care, there is a great need here as well as in other states, I'm sure.

This is how our 4th and 5th child arrived. Keep in mind that if your birth mom has another child and their previous child was placed in your home ,foster or adopt, you will have first right of refusal on any other children she has that need to come into care.

 

We only accept placements that are younger than our youngest too. We fostered our son 3 years before finalizing his adoption. And our daughter we fostered 2 years before adoption. Through out the fostering experience they did have weekly supervised visitation scheduled. It happened rarely, but it was difficult for me to have to send them. At the last visit our son vomited he was so upset.

 

Keep in mind that if you do decide to foster that kids coming into care as infants usually it's because of exposure to an illegal substance or neglect. #4 arrived at 4 months, :) He's a very lovable, normal child. #5 She was released from the hospital to us at 7 days old. We have been her only famliy and she's now 2. Adorable, loveable, sweetie.

 

We also have 3 other children. We did private infant adoptions initially because our hearts couldn't bear the idea of anyone leaving after we'd bonded. Each of them were days old when they arrived home. Two daughters and one son. Private adoption costs cleared out our savings initially. But we did enjoy the additional tax returns and tax adoption credits/benefits that more than returned those monies to us over time.

 

Emotionally adoption will stretch you to the max. The waiting seems endless. The placement exhilerating. The realization that this little person, the judge, the casa, the birthmom, the birth grandparent, etc......the sense of accountability and wanting to not let anyone down is huge.

 

But what a blessing to your family if you should get a placement.

[blessed3x]

Thank you for starting this thread! Our family is going through the application process with a local Christian agency to do the Foster-to-Adopt in our state. I enjoyed reading the positives that were pointed out. Please keep us in your prayers as we go forward!

[Ferdie]

Thank you all so much for the input. It has been a lot of pondering which way to go. We are excited for our journey so far for foster/adopt most people say a year. I guess if we plan for it that way and it takes longer fine.

As far as the microscope thing- we have nothing to hide but I'm very protective of my family and fear of the unknown always makes me nervous. I am so glad to hear it has worked out for so many. Very encouraging indeed.

 

We adopted three children through the foster system. We were in a special fost-adopt program where they try to place children who they think will go up for adoption with parents wanting to adopt. In our case they were 100% correct as all three of ours ended up being adopted by us. They came to us very young 6 mo, 1 and 2 years old. I think you are smart to adopt a child younger than your youngest.

 

I really never felt like we were under a microscope, but I did feel like we had to constantly explain ourselves. There was such a high turn over of social workers in our county that each of my children had several over a 2 year period. We also had visits each 6 months from their attorney, and we were audited once. We had a lot of visitors in our home during the process. Mostly, everyone was very respectful and appreciative of our efforts.

 

We were on a waiting list for one year for each of our children. After the child was place with us it took about 18 to 24 months to get into the adoption process and 6 more months for the adoption to be final.

 

We were reimbursed all of our costs and were paid about $450 per month, (tax free because it is reimbursement) per child while they were in foster care. After the adoption process we still receive $500 per month per child until age 18, (called Aid to Adoptive Parents which is also tax free).

 

Good luck and please keep us updated.