Tell me about your children - 2nd try on this poll

[BamaTanya]

I'd like to have some general idea about your experience with parenthood. I know this will not be indicative of the general population because this is a homeschooling board. I suspect our experiences, parenting commitment, etc. could mean that we are a little to one or other side of the mean. If you wonder why I’m asking, I’m preparing for teaching a teacher education course this fall. My students are undergraduates who are mostly education or nursing majors. Most are unmarried and without children at this stage in their lives.

 

Here goes:

 

Tell me about your experience with parenthood. If you have multiple children, choose your answer based on your experiences with any special needs child/children you have.

 

1) My children are normal and would be able to participate in most activities appropriate to childhood and family life.

 

2) I have a child/children with special needs that has, in the past, limited participation, but we have found accommodations that enable participation now.

 

3) We have a child/children with special needs that sometimes limits normal participation in common activities.

 

4) We have a child/children for which participation in some typical activities has been impossible or extremely limited.

 

5) other choice -- please explain.

Edited August 7, 2009 by BamaTanya

[Tap]

I would have to say 1 and 3 because our adopted '3' has issues were likely caused by her mother's drug use.

 

We have 2 bio-kids that are not special needs in any recognizable way.

 

DD2 is adopted and she has sensory issues. But we knew that she would have some issues before we adopted her due to her mom's drug use, so it isn't a random event in our bio-family.

 

 

I am curious as to what you are trying to show the data proves or disproves?

[BamaTanya]

amazed by the number of moms I met who have special needs children. Of course, people are magnets of sorts, and we seem to be drawn into conversations with people with whom we have something in common, right? So . . . I think I meet more parents with special needs children than other people would meet. KWIM?

 

One mother has a dd with severe cp. Her education will be homebound (with the ps) this year because previous exposures to the classroom have left the dd sick with infections that required months-long hospital stays.

 

Another mom had a baby dd with intestinal difficulties and screaming in pain so that the mother had to quit work after the dd was kept from the daycare. Yes, really.

 

My own ds with Asperger Syndrome has been pulled out of 4 different schools because of his inappropriate behaviors. Yes, I know spec ed law. Let's just say I'm glad we had the option of bringing him home. If we'd had to fight the ps, I'm afraid our ds would have been even more short-changed.

 

My cousins and friends have dc who are excelling in school and playing sports and winning trophies and having slumber parties and going on fun vacations . . .

 

Of course, if I'd only had my first dd, that kind of active life might have been mine, too. As it is, our church, my work, ds's school, and even just having friends with whom we can hang out have all been changed with our special needs dss. I think some people have been uncomfortable having our dss play with their dc -- or -- it could be -- we've been so uncomfortable having to hover that we couldn't enjoy hanging out as a family.

 

Everyone makes changes when they become a parent. Often changes they didn't anticipate. However, I'm curious about how many parents have had to change their life plans because of their dc's exceptionalities.

[Joy at Home]

One of our five daughters is profoundly disabled, though we take extreme efforts to do everything as a family, with accommodations. Sometimes that includes bringing along her home health aide, allowing her to take lots of breaks from structured activities and wander around, etc.

 

The one exception this year was that we went to Great Wolf Lodge for two days without her. It was such a difficult decision, but in the end realized that bringing her along would have been so difficult for her, and really hard for the rest of us. She sleeps in a special enclosed bed, and just could not sleep at all without that. We had a family member stay home with her, and although we were racked with guilt initially, it really was a much needed break for us. I still feel guilty saying that, but it's the truth.

 

Blessings,

Lisa

[BamaTanya]

I don't know if the awareness is greater. Or if there are more out there. Or if those with issues are being integrated more.

 

I often wonder about this. It seems half the students in our district have a special ed plan of one sort or another. That seems really high to me. Either they are classifying every single thing as a "need" or there are a lot of needy people out there.

 

I wonder the same thing. Dh recently read an article that mentioned that mothers with dc on the autism spectrum were much more likely to have to quit work than most other parents with special needs dc.

 

I didn't have to quit my job, but ds's school situation sure did influence the decision. I always wanted to stay home with my dc when they were young, but I assumed I'd go back to something when they were older. And I assumed that church/sports/vacations/etc. were just a given for family life. I didn't know (and I was a teacher!) that some dc have needs that affect everything in their parents' lives every year, even as they grow . . .

[dangermom]

I voted #3.

 

I have two kids and one has serious food allergies, which does sometimes limit her participation. Happily, we have had very good luck with leaders and people willing to make accommodations and tweak things so that she can participate as much as everyone else.

 

(For example, we did a summer-long cooking class with friends, and I just sent a list of things to avoid. Everyone was very helpful and willing to discuss ingredients, etc. with me.)

[Tap]

.

Edited August 7, 2009 by Tap, tap, tap

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'm not sure how to answer. We have no special needs, so are able to participate in any activity, but have chosen to limit outside activities. What we have done has changed throughout the years, based on the needs and interests of our children, and our available time.

[Mommyof4ks]

I don't know exactly what special needs you are talking about, however I have a cancer kiddo that is not able to participate in some activities due to the germ risk. We don't expect anyone to make any special accommodations for him, however some people are willing to in order for him to participate. We tend to look for things that he can do rather than dwell on the things he cannot. His issues are not long term though, only about 3.3 years of treatment and less than a year to get his system built back up.

[Aggie]

Everyone makes changes when they become a parent. Often changes they didn't anticipate. However, I'm curious about how many parents have had to change their life plans because of their dc's exceptionalities.

 

 

I voted incorrectly, I think.

 

Tap...you bring up some excellent points!

 

Our ds has some food allergies, though not life threatening, and breathing issues...not quite asthma, but almost.

 

So, when we go somewhere, I make sure to bring food he can eat. And if he's going to be very active or be around possible triggers, I make sure he has his inhaler and preventive med. But we haven't had to limit activities.

 

It hasn't been a *huge* issue, but after having 2 girls with no problems, it took me a while to get organized for ds. :) I can see how having a severe disability or allergy could alter a family's life style.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I have a son with vision issues. He can participate in some sports, and enjoys being a part of them, but other typical activities are not an option. Anything with a fast moving ball, particularly if it is a hard ball, like baseball is out. Some sports we have just had to direct him away from. I wouldn't dream of asking for accomodations, because that would change the nature of the game.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think at different times I could have picked all 5 options. LOL

 

My son's special needs, at certain times, were quite limiting. At other times, they were partially so, but we could often tweak things. However, now, most people can't even tell there was/is anything different.

[hsmamainva]

We've learned to adapt our lifestyle to accommodate our youngest daughter, who has a fairly severe form of autism.

 

We can't go out to most restaurants because she doesn't like crowds at all, but we've found that she loves Denny's! But we have to get there early. So we go there a few times a year.

 

We can't take her to movies, so we wait for the DVD to come out.

 

She likes to go shopping (grocery store, Wal-Mart, etc.) but she doesn't like shopping malls -- I guess they're too overwhelming. So if one of our kids needs something at the mall, either I'll go or my husband will and the other one will stay home with our youngest.

 

Vacations have been fairly easy to accommodate. We always rent a condo because we violate fire codes in hotels, seeing as how there are 6 of us! We always get one with an indoor pool because our youngest loves to swim. Our two boys love seafood, but our oldest is allergic, so we always go out to a nice seafood restaurant and leave our 18yo with our youngest. (Then I take my oldest out shopping at those souvenir / T-shirt shops and she has a ball!). My youngest can't tolerate museums or aquariums, so we'll divide and conquer (I'll take the other three or my husband will...the remaining parent takes our youngest downstairs to the pool).

 

We've made numerous friendships with other parents of special needs children, so THEY are our friends. And they understand what it's like and where we're coming from. I can't say that we've lost friends because of our youngest daughter, because we moved to another state right around the time she was diagnosed...we just happened to have made friends with the folks we have the most in common with.

[Ali in OR]

My oldest is severely disabled--wheelchair, non-verbal, mostly blind, seizures. I think we have a good lifestyle and I think she enjoys her life, but there are definitely things we can't do or would be too difficult to do. We don't ski or hike on rugged trails. We don't shop in tiny cramped places that can't accomodate a wheelchair. Dh and I haven't had a date in years because we don't have help, though we may get a respite care provider soon.

 

There are many things that we can do. Dd can have behavior issues, but is usually just fine in restaurants. We're going to a baseball game tonight. Her little sisters do various activities and we all go to them as a family. Our church loves dd and no one seems to mind her humming during the service.

 

Life is still good, but different than what I expected. We visited the university that dh and I graduated from and we were discussing our lives back then, reliving memories. As we were getting ready to hit the road we changed dd's diaper in the parking lot and it just hit me that I never expected to be changing my 12 year old's diaper. I don't expect that I'll ever be able to work again.

 

Life is still good, but different.

[momof6boys2girls]

I am thankful to say that we have 8 and all of them can participate in all activities.

married 13yrs

15ds Sonlight, Apologia, Henle, Life of Fred

13DS Sonlight, Life of Fred, Apologia

11DS Sonlight, Life of Fred, Apologia

10DD Sonlight

4DS mischief

3DS running

2DS struggling to be happy

7moDD happy and crawling

[swellmomma]

Of my 2 special needs kids, 1 participates in everything no problem. The other needs some accomodations but nothing major (mostly things like frequent breaks, reminders of focus/behaviour that other kids just "get"). My 3rd I am not sure yet how things will pan out. He is not classified specifically as special needs like the older 2 but he has bowel issues (encopresis) and it has limited his participation in things due to fecal oozing/smell. I am hoping as we work through retraining his bowels and he matures that will no longer hold him back.

[phathui5]

Our children are all typical.