Is there a book, or manual....

[mlgbug]

that can guide me into being a better Christian mother and wife? Ive made MANY mistakes and chose many wrong paths in life. whe ni saw the first + sign when i was 21 thigns turned around for me. i wanted to be the best mother i could, now i strive to be the best wife. God has been entering my life faster and faster and now id like to live as a better Christian mother and wife.....

do i sound crazy for wishing there was something like this out there?

[*********]

The Bible is a good place to start. :001_smile:

 

And I highly recommend 'The Excellent Wife'. by Martha Peace. Very good, honest, challenging book on being a Christian wife.

 

On the other end, I would NOT recommend 'Created To Be His Helpmeet' by Debi Pearl. Others here do like it; I did not. IMO, she goes too far. Like, I got the impression from the book that she dislikes women in general. YMMV, of course.

[Impish]

I've been struggling with this too :001_smile: In fact, I had a thread just a week or so ago about my marital problems and struggling to be the Christian wife God wants me to be. Know that you aren't alone in this! Five Love Languages was a wonderful tool for me, and I'm currently doing The Love Dare.

[Brindee]

No, you're NOT crazy, and yes, there ARE books out there:

 

"The Power of a Praying Wife", "The Power of a Praying Parent" and "the Power of Praying Together". All of those are by Stormie Omartian. GREAT books!

 

"Teaching Your Children Values" has hundreds of ideas for close family relationships. By Linda and Richard Eyre.

 

"Respect in the Family" Helping your children live with purpose and integrity. By Marilyn Wolcott.

 

"The Prayer That Changes Everything", the hidden power of praising God. Another book by Stormie Omartian.

 

"How to Help Your Child Really Love Jesus", by Donna J. Habenicht.

 

"Living With God's Kids" by Kay Kuzma.

 

"Leaving the Light On" by Gary Smalley & John Trent. I love this book, it's got so many ideas on building memories that will draw your kids home. They'll have great memories, and once they head out on their own, they'll know the light is always on for them!

 

 

Those are a few that I've read and enjoyed!

[Denisemomof4]

I agree. The Excellent Wive was life changing for me. It taught me some new stuff and, more importantly, affirmed how IMPORTANT what I already new really was. It may be new information for you, especially if you're younger and/or didn't have a good role model.

 

I stick to principles I learned in that study to this day, and I think I did the study 10+ years ago. It was AWESOME. I also prayed through The Power of a Praying Wife, and the Power of a Praying Mother.

 

If you always remember God first, hubby second, and kids third, and live a life that reflects that, you can't go wrong. I am fortunate in that I also have a husband who adores and loves God first, me second, and kids third. Not everyone does, but I'm SO THANKFUL that I do.

 

It sounds to me like God is convicting you. I remember those days WELL. When I started on my journey to becoming a better/more godly wife, I really was hesitant. I *hated* the word submit. But, with all I've done I can tell you that I have, by far, greater joy, greater peace, and a happy, fulfilled marriage, family and life.

 

Blessings to you,

Edited July 21, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[NancyNellen]

Some of my favorite studies:

 

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God by Lisa Tatlock and Pat Ennis

God's Priceless Woman by Wanda Sanseri

 

Also, just a personal, line-by-line study of Proverbs 31 will be of great benefit.

[mlgbug]

really kids third??? I would say im mixed up then, for me its God, Kids and then Hubby

[mlgbug]

has anyone made that turnaround, and became the wife they should be?

[Impish]

Really, kids third.

 

There's reason for this. For one, it sets example to your children as to a stable, healthy marriage. One of the biggest reasons for unhappiness in a marriage is that children come btwn the spouses. Many men complain that their wife is all mother, and no wife. By the time that children are fully tended to, there's nothing left for the husband. By putting husband first, you're letting him know that your marriage is a #1 priority. Its not that children wait, they don't! But it is the way to ensure that by the time the children are grown and leave home, you and your spouse aren't strangers to one another, who've only stayed together for the children. When husband and wife honour each other as a #1 priority (after God) it blesses the children most of all!

 

I heard a quote, many years ago. "The best thing a man can do for his children is to love and respect their mother." I believe that's absolutely true.

 

Nobody says that a child goes untended to. Absolutely not! But, in my home anyways, my husband's preferences, wishes, desires carry more weight than the childrens. ie: dh wants lasagne, kids want McDonalds. We're having lasagne, lol! At the same time, if dh wants some adult time, and there's a crying baby, adult time waits, and either of us goes to the baby.

[Brindee]

really kids third??? I would say im mixed up then, for me its God, Kids and then Hubby

She's right, God first, spouse second, kids third. When kids see that their parents have a Godly relationship, and put each other as top priority after God, it gives them a peace/contentment they don't have otherwise! God gave woman to man to be a family first. The two of them and God made a family. The Husband should give 100% to his wife, and the wife should give 100% to the husband! There should be no 50-50; "I did this for you, now you should do this for me!" God was our example---He gave us His all!

 

When you are in a Godly family the kids learn to reverence God, appreciate a loving marital relationship, and learn respect for themselves and others. Just as we should put God first others second and ourselves third, that is how our family relationship should go (God, spouse, kids)!

 

Although I didn't agree with everything, the Ezzos, in "Growing Kids God's Way", really brought this relationship out and why it was so important! The dad shouldn't come home and grab his kids and spend time with them without more than a peck for his wife. The kids need to see the strong relationship and commitment in their parents! The husband should come home from work, peck the kids, then have "couch time" with his wife, so the kids can see that she is important to him!

 

My dh and I have a great relationship like that! I feel as Denise does, VERY blessed to have a husband that puts God first, me second and the kids third. It's a beautiful relationship! (We had our 21st Anniversary in March, and plan on tripling that or more, if possible!!! :001_wub::001_wub:)

 

DH and I also speak kindly and encouragingly of each other in front of the kids: "Honey, you are beautiful!" "Your dad does so well at that! I'm so proud o f him!" "Mom wowrked hard to prepare this, not all kids have mom's who love their families so much!" "Look how cute that guy over there is (pointing to my dh), I'm so glad I'm married to him!" We also hold hands and /or put our arms around each other in front of them. We talk about the different things that make our marriage so strong, which helps them understand how to build a strong marriage when they're on their own. We emphasize always the importance of letting God lead in the decision of a spouse, and letting Him lead in the marriage. So our children are growing up with the NORM of a good marital relationship, so hopefully they're much more likely to make a good choice for a spouse and know how to work with each other to have a good and Godly marriage!

Edited July 21, 2009 by Brindee

[mlgbug]

okay now it makes sense. yeah i can see how in the begining i put kids before him, sometimes i still struggle and i see the reprocusions

[Denisemomof4]

Really, kids third.

 

There's reason for this. For one, it sets example to your children as to a stable, healthy marriage. One of the biggest reasons for unhappiness in a marriage is that children come btwn the spouses. Many men complain that their wife is all mother, and no wife. By the time that children are fully tended to, there's nothing left for the husband. By putting husband first, you're letting him know that your marriage is a #1 priority. Its not that children wait, they don't! But it is the way to ensure that by the time the children are grown and leave home, you and your spouse aren't strangers to one another, who've only stayed together for the children. When husband and wife honour each other as a #1 priority (after God) it blesses the children most of all!

 

I heard a quote, many years ago. "The best thing a man can do for his children is to love and respect their mother." I believe that's absolutely true.

 

Nobody says that a child goes untended to. Absolutely not! But, in my home anyways, my husband's preferences, wishes, desires carry more weight than the childrens. ie: dh wants lasagne, kids want McDonalds. We're having lasagne, lol! At the same time, if dh wants some adult time, and there's a crying baby, adult time waits, and either of us goes to the baby.

 

WELL SAID! Perfect!

 

I'm so glad I didn't have to come up with those words. I'm too tired. :D

[Denisemomof4]

She's right, God first, spouse second, kids third. When kids see that their parents have a Godly relationship, and put each other as top priority after God, it gives them a peace/contentment they don't have otherwise! God gave woman to man to be a family first. The two of them and God made a family. The Husband should give 100% to his wife, and the wife should give 100% to the husband! There should be no 50-50; "I did this for you, now you should do this for me!" God was our example---He gave us His all!

 

When you are in a Godly family the kids learn to reverence God, appreciate a loving marital relationship, and learn respect for themselves and others. Just as we should put God first others second and ourselves third, that is how our family relationship should go (God, spouse, kids)!

 

Although I didn't agree with everything, the Ezzos, in "Growing Kids God's Way", really brought this relationship out and why it was so important! The dad shouldn't come home and grab his kids and spend time with them without more than a peck for his wife. The kids need to see the strong relationship and commitment in their parents! The husband should come home from work, peck the kids, then have "couch time" with his wife, so the kids can see that she is important to him!

 

My dh and I have a great relationship like that! I feel as Denise does, VERY blessed to have a husband that puts God first, me second and the kids third. It's a beautiful relationship! (We had our 21st Anniversary in March, and plan on tripling that or more, if possible!!! :001_wub::001_wub:)

 

DH and I also speak kindly and encouragingly of each other in front of the kids: "Honey, you are beautiful!" "Your dad does so well at that! I'm so proud o f him!" "Mom wowrked hard to prepare this, not all kids have mom's who love their families so much!" "Look how cute that guy over there is (pointing to my dh), I'm so glad I'm married to him!" We also hold hands and /or put our arms around each other in front of them. We talk about the different things that make our marriage so strong, which helps them understand how to build a strong marriage when they're on their own. We emphasize always the importance of letting God lead in the decision of a spouse, and letting Him lead in the marriage. So our children are growing up with the NORM of a good marital relationship, so hopefully they're much more likely to make a good choice for a spouse and know how to work with each other to have a good and Godly marriage!

 

AWESOME!!! WONDERFUL!!! MARVELOUS!!!

 

And, kids feel SO secure in "their being" when they are in a family where their parent's marriage is like this. It truly is the greatest gift you can give your kids.

 

My sister and her husband model the exact opposite of this. It's really sad to see how their family lives.

[Christy B]

Hm . . . while I understand the line of thought behind the "husband before kids" approach I would like to add a thought, or a question, or another perspective to the idea.

 

Certainly, in a stable, healthy, Christian marriage, there are all kinds of excellent reasons to put husband first, for all of the reasons the previous posters mentioned.

 

HOWEVER.

 

Not every marriage is stable, healthy, or Christian. Some marriages are mostly stable, healthy, and Christian except for brief periods where maybe they aren't. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm not saying I *disagree* with the priority of husband/spouse (especially in common sense things, like the lasagne vs McDonalds dinner choice -- certainly, that's a perfectly fine area in which to defer to the preferences of a spouse). But, I do think it's important to keep in mind that we bear a responsibility for children that we do not bear for other adults. As parents, we do have an obligation to meet the needs of our children; especially those needs that they can not meet themselves.

 

Let me try to give a specific example so you can follow my rabbit trail. My dh is an excellent Christian spouse. An excellent Christian spouse who really, really struggles with Christian fellowship. Thus, he did not want to stay after church to chat, participate in church picnics, accept or extend invitations for fellowship . . . you get the idea. We've managed to work in fellowship with other moms and kids, but mostly the children and I deferred to his preferences. Recently, that has come back to haunt us as my dd has entered her teenage years and is now somewhat alienated from her friends at church. So, even though my dh would prefer that we all come home straight after church, I have started staying at church with the girls for picnics, etc. (It's not causing a problem between dh and I, other than I am sad for him for missing out on fellowship, and I am tired of feeling like a single mom at every. stinking. church. function. But I digress . . . )

 

Another example: my dh wants me to homeschool . . . but sometimes he is not happy that I have less time and energy to devote to his interests because I homeschool. Well, sometimes I say "tough". He can't have it both ways, kwim? And I refuse to take shortcuts that will have long-term negative effects on my girls' education, in order to satisfy his short-term desire to have me drop everything and jaunt off with him on a business trip. Now, if he had genuine and compelling reasons to not homeschool, and if that freed me up to go with him on more business trips, that would be a different conversation.

 

Anyway, my point being: I think, in some cases, we need to evaluate the possibility that children, and their needs, sometimes take priority over a spouse, and their "wants". It's a tough call as a wife and mother.

[athena1277]

Here's a great one on parenting that I recently read.

 

Your Mama Don't Dance by Glenn Colley and Cindy Colley

 

They are Christian homeschool parents and are not afraid to tell you the hard-to-hear stuff to help you do better. They've written on marriage also, but I don't remember the titles.

[MOM24WONDERS]

Really, for being a wife and mother - read Titus 2. It's the best place to start. You've been given excellent recommendations for books - The Excellent Wife is AWESOME. I love Clay Trumbull's Hints on Child Training for parenting. There are so many great books that you could read, but the Bible really is the best place to start.

 

Lies Women Believe really helped me to see that a lot of things in life that I thought were true, weren't....and drastic changes needed to be made!

 

I do like Created to be His Helpmeet to an extent. There is not a ton that I disagree with, but there is some that I question her on. I think she has some great ideas and if you can spit out the bones, it's an excellent book.

 

Also, google a bible study called "The Seven Basic Needs of a Husband" - I did this YEARS ago and it changed my life. (Just a warning, I've never googled it - although I know it's free on the web - so you might get some unsavory things, I'm not sure!).

[OHGrandma]

I'd also like to point out, if your children are not your husband's children, putting the husband before the children can really hurt your children.

[Kidlit]

I was really inspired by the book A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming. I reviewed it here on my blog. HTH!:001_smile:

[Impish]

I'd also like to point out, if your children are not your husband's children, putting the husband before the children can really hurt your children.

We're a blended family...Diva is not genetically my husband's. That being said, he's as much her Daddy as to the Littles, who he is genetically related to. The idea that a man would resent a child, or that a child would be treated as lesser because of genetics is abhorrent to me.

 

That being said, I *can* see where this is true. To treat a husband as 2nd place when there is already a firm parent-child relationship previously established can indeed promote difficult feelings and children believing that Mom is their personal territory.

[mom26]

that can guide me into being a better Christian mother and wife? Ive made MANY mistakes and chose many wrong paths in life. whe ni saw the first + sign when i was 21 thigns turned around for me. i wanted to be the best mother i could, now i strive to be the best wife. God has been entering my life faster and faster and now id like to live as a better Christian mother and wife.....

do i sound crazy for wishing there was something like this out there?

 

I think God is honored and delights in helping us to change when we are desiring to grow in godliness. The fact that you are desiring to change is evidence of His work in your life...be encouraged;)

 

I read a wonderful book a few weeks ago

Homeschool Supermom, NOT!

It is by Susan Kemmerer and is the most convicting, inspiring, and grace filled book I have ever read regarding our roles as homeschool moms and wives

you can purchase it at http://shpublishing.com/oscommerce/catalog/product_info.php/manufacturers_id/10/products_id/759

I know the Lord will meet you as you seek His face!

Blessings,

Kathi

Edited July 24, 2009 by mom26

[mlgbug]

I think God is honored and delights in helping us to change when we are desiring to grow in godliness. The fact that you are desiring to change is evidence of His work in your life...be encouraged;)

 

I read a wonderful book a few weeks ago

Homeschool Supermom, NOT!

It is by Susan Kemmerer and is the most convicting, inspiring, and grace filled book I have ever read regarding our roles as homeschool moms and wives

you can purchase it at http://shpublishing.com/oscommerce/catalog/product_info.php/manufacturers_id/10/products_id/759

I know the Lord will meet you as you seek His face!

Blessings,

Kathi

 

 

your words are so kind. thank you

 

ill have to look into that book when i have some money. thank you.

 

another wonderful memeber here is sending me the praying wife. i look foward to reading all these books when i can get a hold of them. you are all so wonderful:grouphug:

[cin]

Love & Respect, by Eggerich (sp?) is really good, The Respect Dare, by Nina Rosener is superb, and For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhan. Shaunti Feldhan has also written a few others, including For Parents Only. Her books are based on statistics. She surveys a gazillion people and then compiles the data so the appropriate people can better understand them.

[Michelle My Bell]

Another excellent book is Feminine Appeal